things that kill relationships
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by lnana04 on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 and has 13 replies.
1. Expectations.
If I am into someone I move forward mentally/emotionally and expect waaay too much, and I work in various ways to get what I expect. I can now see how this can prevent a natural progression, and block the desire of someone "wanting" to give, instead of feeling the have to(which can lead to resentment due to obligation).
Soooo, from this day forward, ill try to learn to enter into relationships, of all kind, with no expectations. Hopefully once im "there" the universe will send me a like-minded individual, and we can grow letting things progress at a natural pace, "wanting" to give love, honesty, respect, loyalty and not expecting it to be given.
Noww...does this sound crazy? Is it possible to have a successful relationship not expecting anything from it?
Feel free to add on btw, listing things that have killed your relationships, or just relationships in general..
If I am into someone I move forward mentally/emotionally and expect waaay too much, and I work in various ways to get what I expect. I can now see how this can prevent a natural progression, and block the desire of someone "wanting" to give, instead of feeling the have to(which can lead to resentment due to obligation).
Soooo, from this day forward, ill try to learn to enter into relationships, of all kind, with no expectations. Hopefully once im "there" the universe will send me a like-minded individual, and we can grow letting things progress at a natural pace, "wanting" to give love, honesty, respect, loyalty and not expecting it to be given.
Noww...does this sound crazy? Is it possible to have a successful relationship not expecting anything from it?
Feel free to add on btw, listing things that have killed your relationships, or just relationships in general..
Double standards
Hypocrisy
Not being careful with my heart
Posted by lnana04
Is it possible to have a successful relationship not expecting anything from it?
(I say this not to you personally, lnana) How can you expect your partner to reveal him/her truest self or to be the best s/he can be in the face of your articially contrived expectations? Can any real relationship reasonably be expected to grow and flourish under the weight of the expectations with which they are so frequently burdened? Is it any wonder that so many relationships, conceived under these frequently subconscious delusions, fail so spectacularly...and consistently? When you have already decided what you want, I wonder, is it possible to yet recognise what you need?
Outside pressure. Specifically friends and relatives who "know best". Being told, over and over again, that he/she is not good for you. Or not a good match. Or whatever. Especially by a strong-willed, controlling parent (usually the mother). Especially if you still live with her and have to bear her constant nagging on the subject...
Money issues.
Out-of-check egos.
Major insecurities within oneself or within the relationship.
Immature mind-games...
Money issues.
Out-of-check egos.
Major insecurities within oneself or within the relationship.
Immature mind-games...
Ms. Elusive, I do sincerely apologise for my intrusion. I certainly hope my unannounced dropping-in did not inconvenience you 
*bows primly*
You are exceptionally kind not to instruct me to vacate your premises forthwith. In deference to your generosity, I shall endeavour to make myself rather less obtrusive
You are exceptionally kind not to instruct me to vacate your premises forthwith. In deference to your generosity, I shall endeavour to make myself rather less obtrusive
Saying the L-Word too soon!
It's a point of no return. Once its said its out there, you can't take it back. It either cements a relationship or kills it. If the other person doesn't feel the same, the relationship changes and then awkwardness sets in and the relationship dwindles. Added pressure, obligations, expectations, oh my!
I have friends that are saying I love you just a few weeks into the relationship. I don't understand how that's possible. I think they get infatuation mixed up with love.
It's a point of no return. Once its said its out there, you can't take it back. It either cements a relationship or kills it. If the other person doesn't feel the same, the relationship changes and then awkwardness sets in and the relationship dwindles. Added pressure, obligations, expectations, oh my!
I have friends that are saying I love you just a few weeks into the relationship. I don't understand how that's possible. I think they get infatuation mixed up with love.
Posted by StoicGoatPosted by lnana04
Is it possible to have a successful relationship not expecting anything from it?
(I say this not to you personally, lnana) How can you expect your partner to reveal him/her truest self or to be the best s/he can be in the face of your articially contrived expectations? Can any real relationship reasonably be expected to grow and flourish under the weight of the expectations with which they are so frequently burdened? Is it any wonder that so many relationships, conceived under these frequently subconscious delusions, fail so spectacularly...and consistently? When you have already decided what you want, I wonder, is it possible to yet recognise what you need?click to expand
Perhaps it's not the expectations, but the behavior. It's not unreasonable to have some level of expectation for respect, reciprocation, etc if you are giving those things beforehand. One has to walk a fine line between what is expected and what you actually deserve. It is simply about reciprocation and compromise. Some people take an adversarial approach to relationships and thus look to gain the "upper hand" through direct means or manipulation. In order to truly have a successful relationship, one must conquer themselves first.
The puzzling part is the notion that one complains with the knowledge that they themselves are not perfect. They don't consider their actions in the relationship and maybe their partner has accepted them for who they are. For example...toilet seats. Not to get on women but look at it from this perspective. If your going to complain about your mate not leaving it down for you, it's fair for him to point out the fact that he has to always raise it up for him to use it. Again, consideration. When one complains, they are placing their needs or perceived wants ahead of the other person. While no one wants or should be mistreated, consideration is greatly undervalued in relationships.
Ninja, the only things your Cap friend and I have in common are our suns.
Posted by M
Reciprocity is a turn off for some, or maybe it was just a challenge to see if we'd end up caring
*shrug*
I dont understand that. Never did, but its usually how the story goes.
I think its because we're hard to read. Then when we let our shields down and lay it all out on the table, it is a little too intense for some people to handle.
Hence, the need for the shields.
Hence, the need for the shields.
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