Tikki I need your intellect. Ex-capricorn move on!

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by LibraLove30 on Tuesday, August 13, 2013 and has 28 replies.
It's been two months now since our breakup with my cap. I've moved on and am already very happy with my life with all my new friends and roles.
I never talk to him nor stalk him, but he is still my friend in facebook and twitter.
I recently chatted him last night and caught up with some of our life. I shared to him my success, while he shared his failures.
I wished him the best and goodluck and didn't seem to be interested anymore.
Although deep inside, despite the bad situations and good people that entred my life, I still long and love him.
Right now I just moved on and is still waiting for him to come nack to me.
I gave him his space. I respected him and initiated the break up.
I gave him time.
What do I do now to get him back?
Should I keep moving on and not initating contact where he might fully move on?
Or initiate fixing things with him?
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If he's who you want, don't let him get away. Fuck rules, if that's the man you love, GET YOUR MAN.
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I will get him back someday. That's the reason why I posted this lol!
I need strategies and insights on how to get my goat back! smile
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I just read a lot of threads about caps that they usually always come back and the best strategy is to wait for them to initiate contact. I'm just afraid that I might push him further away if I constantly contact him. I was hoping that he would come after me after knowing that I moved on and happy with my life.
So you're saying I SHOULD show interest and contact? Would you caps like it if I do that? Put yourself in his situation haha. smile
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??Although deep inside, despite the bad situations and good people that entred my life, I still long and love him.
Right now I just moved on and is still waiting for him to come nack to me.
I gave him his space. I respected him and initiated the break up.
I gave him time. ??
Moving on doesnt necessarily mean being happy without the other person. It??s letting go of all the feelings, and fantasies of being with that person, accepting that things will never work out. It seems that you gave yourself time not him. That aside, if you left once in my mind you are likely to leave again. If he??s talking about his failures it means that he doesnt feel like he has to pretend that he is doing great with out you. Never trust our tone of voice, facial expressions or words, if you really want to see if he??s interested look into his eyes as he talks about YOU. It??ll be kinda hard to guide a conversation to you as the topic with out hinting that you??re still interested, but in my eyes its the only way. If you see sorrow when he talks about you it??s too soon. If you want to take the aggresive approach, remind him (in which ever way you chose) of why he fell in love with you. Just please make sure that you really love him and arent going to leave him again. We almost never go back to something that didnt work in the first place unless we ended it and have dealt with the reason of our departure ( I did, and well... it isnt pretty).

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I guess you're right. I still do love him and long for him. The feelings are still there.
I do have to correct something though, he left me. This is the third time he left me. Which is why I am having second thoughts in initating contact contact since he was always the one who would come back and initiate contact.
I didn't talk to him personally, I chatted him through Facebook haha. But I'll keep in mind staring in his eyes though. smile
Anymore tips anyone?
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Several things to consider, including what champranger said about examining the reasons he left. Depending on the reasons, it might or might not be worth a shot.
Here are just a few of the things I would consider:
First, is he seeing anyone? If not, I would say just tell him you miss him and ask him what the chances are you could reconcile. What have you got to lose? If he says no, then you're already going through the motions of moving on.
Second, are you willing to take the risk if you do get back together that he could leave again? Chances are likely that this is a pattern between you two that will never end.
Third, do you think he might still have feelings for you? If so, go for it. If not, then I wouldn't mention it and move on.
Fourth, does he know you still have feelings? If yes, then I would wait. If no, then I would take the chance.
Just consider all the angles and be sure you're ready to deal with all the possibilities and/or consequences.
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*** Beware awsome math follows.***
If he??s left 3 times.... that means he came back 2 =P. ( pointless comment..... or is it?)
Hard to give advise with out all the context.
??I gave him his space. I respected him and initiated the break up.??
Thats why I thought you broke up with him =P My bad.
2 months?
If he broke up with you it HAS to be him that initiates any form or romantic involvement. It??s not because its a mindgame, and you have to play hard to get and all that BS chicks usually tell you. It??s because what ever the reason was for leaving you 9 times out of 10 it was HIS problem, and if he hasnt fixed it and is able to appreciate you enough to stay through thick and thin, he hasnt matured enough and needs more of those Cosmic Induced Soul Shattering momments for him to be honest with himself.
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Posted by champranger
Posted by LibraLove30
I guess you're right. I still do love him and long for him. The feelings are still there.
I do have to correct something though, he left me. This is the third time he left me. Which is why I am having second thoughts in initating contact contact since he was always the one who would come back and initiate contact.
I didn't talk to him personally, I chatted him through Facebook haha. But I'll keep in mind staring in his eyes though. smile
Anymore tips anyone?


What were the reasons that he left you each time?
Sorry if it was mentioned before. Dunno all the details.
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We kept fighting with each other non-stop. A common problem among all relationships. Sad
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Posted by truecap
Several things to consider, including what champranger said about examining the reasons he left. Depending on the reasons, it might or might not be worth a shot.
Here are just a few of the things I would consider:
First, is he seeing anyone? If not, I would say just tell him you miss him and ask him what the chances are you could reconcile. What have you got to lose? If he says no, then you're already going through the motions of moving on.
Second, are you willing to take the risk if you do get back together that he could leave again? Chances are likely that this is a pattern between you two that will never end.
Third, do you think he might still have feelings for you? If so, go for it. If not, then I wouldn't mention it and move on.
Fourth, does he know you still have feelings? If yes, then I would wait. If no, then I would take the chance.
Just consider all the angles and be sure you're ready to deal with all the possibilities and/or consequences.


The reason was the constant fights we have. To answer your four points:
First, I don't think so. Last time we broke up, he immediately had someone since she knew about the break up and comforted him. He told me that she used her to fill that "empty spot" when we broke up. So right now, I'm not sure if he has a rebound. I'll follow your advice.
Second. Now this is a hard one. I hate it when he treats me like thrash, where he throws me whenever he feels like it. But I just thought that he had his reasons and Caps always need space, especially after fighting. If I really do love him, then my answer would be YES.
Third. Yes. Not to be overconfident or assuming, but the last time we spoke to each other through chat, he told me he will always be proud of me. The last time we broke up, he told me to find someone who is better than him and who would treat me right. I know my Cap, he doesn't settle with just anyone.
Fourth. No not yet. But I assume he still knows that I still do have feelings for him. He still believes that he is the person who LEFT the relationship. He believes that he left me. Usually the person who was left by the person would have the deepest feelings.
Excellent Advice TrueCap! Although should I talk to him about these angles personally or through chat?
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Posted by Lucriu
*** Beware awsome math follows.***
If he??s left 3 times.... that means he came back 2 =P. ( pointless comment..... or is it?)
Hard to give advise with out all the context.
??I gave him his space. I respected him and initiated the break up.??
Thats why I thought you broke up with him =P My bad.
2 months?
If he broke up with you it HAS to be him that initiates any form or romantic involvement. It??s not because its a mindgame, and you have to play hard to get and all that BS chicks usually tell you. It??s because what ever the reason was for leaving you 9 times out of 10 it was HIS problem, and if he hasnt fixed it and is able to appreciate you enough to stay through thick and thin, he hasnt matured enough and needs more of those Cosmic Induced Soul Shattering momments for him to be honest with himself.


I didn't get the math part... haha
Yeah I do believe that he should be the one to initiate contact, which is why I never contacted him and leave him be. Thank you though for your encouraging comments! I met another Cap recently, and I have to say that he is just as rude and cold as my cap... I'm starting to think that most caps are like this. O_O
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Posted by 88PisceScorp
Posted by LibraLove30

So you're saying I SHOULD show interest and contact? Would you caps like it if I do that? Put yourself in his situation haha. smile



Men don't respond to words, they respond to no contact.
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So I should keep waiting then?
I shouldn't contact him anymore and leave him be?
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Anyone want to help me with my thread? smile
Updates. I got locked out of my apartment, and I texted him informing him of my situation. He was very concerned andkept texting me non-stop till the next day on which I finally got in.
He didn't let me stay in his apartment though since his parents are there.
Daamn! How do I get him bacckk?????
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Posted by StillWater
One question: Do you think he respects you?
And I'm not talking about the "normal" kind of respect most ppl have but respect in Cap's eyes.
Respect to us is knowing someone can hold their own, is intelligent, genuine, ABLE (able to do things in life) and emotionally STABLE.
See if you start confusing his caring for you with him respecting you or wanting to be with you, you have a problem.
Respect for us always comes before wanting to be with someone. If you can answer that one question, I might be able to help you towards the next steps.
Best of luck.


I do believe he respects me. I am intelligent and educated in aspects of conversing on various topics and academic knowledge.
I am genuine on which I have a strong foundation of my being where I wouldn't allow external factors to affect or change me. I change myself if I believe that I need to be a better person.
I am ABLE. Ever since we broke up, I've achieved a lot and am already on my way to presidency in my organization.
Although I'll admit that one weakness I have is my emotional instability. I do believe however that I can control them now. I really am trying. I know people here who had been reading my threads may not have respect for me, but these people don't have a strong basis. Disregard judgements and subjective criticisms. The break up really changed me as a person. My emotional instability is caused by difficult events that happened in the past, but I will try to be stable.
And Yes, it never crossed my mind that he would want to be with me despite him showing his care. I'm intelligent enough to see through that.
I answered your question, I really do hope you can help.

I'll admit
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Posted by 88PisceScorp
Posted by LibraLove30
Anyone want to help me with my thread? smile
Updates. I got locked out of my apartment, and I texted him informing him of my situation. He was very concerned andkept texting me non-stop till the next day on which I finally got in.
He didn't let me stay in his apartment though since his parents are there.
Daamn! How do I get him bacckk?????


what an ass. If he really cared, he would at least have taken you to a safe place for you to rest.
you want this guy back???? stop all contact and if he cares he will make an effort to come to you, if not you would have moved on and pull yourself together. Start today and keep the no contact even if you feel the urge to do it, stop giving in to such a jerk.
He wasn't concerned, he just felt guilty for not being there for you.
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I had the same thought, but I don't want my pride to take over again. This was the reason why we broke up in the first place, which is why I do my best to shrug these thoughts.
I just try to UNDERSTAND him. His parents are strict, and it was too late for him to ask his parents if I could stay in his house.
But yeah, it crossed my mind countless times when we were together how he is a selfish jerk during situations he wouldn't be there for me when I needed someone. Although I just try to understand. Love is about loving the person for who they are right? smile
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Posted by 88PisceScorp

****Love is about loving the person for who they are right?*** yes but not when they are inconsiderate jerks. you just have to be wise in who you choose and who to give your love too.
The more you chase him and beg him, the more he pulls back and enjoys the show you put up, by calling him, texting and making him the center of your world. He loses respect.
If you had only texted him once last night and saw he wasn't helping you, you should have not texted him anymore, made him wonder what happened to you. Even if you stayed out at your place alone waiting till you got in. And cut him off, If he is not there for you in such a simple way, he will not be there for you in really hard times.
You don't need a man like him.



***not texting him and making him wonder what happened to me*****
Hmmm that sounds like a good move. Hahaha! But then again, that wouldn't make me mature enough to play games like that. =))
Thanks for trying to make me feel better! Although I made my decision already to think of strategies to get him back despite his personality.
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Posted by StillWater

Ok so if you think he respects you, I think the next step is to SHOW him you are emotionally stable. Look at your relationship from both yours and his perspective. Meaning think of a win-win situation where he is getting what he wants and what he thinks is an ideal relationship, and you are getting yours.

How would you define or show that you are emotionally stable in the first place? By ignoring and not contacting him? By showing you are happy without him? Mind elaborating more? smile

Now, if your ideals don't match then you know the answer is to move on.
Here is a step by step:
1) Figure out what you want out of this relationship or a partner
2) Does he meet that criteria?
3) Find out and TRULY UNDERSTAND what he looks for in a relationship or a partner? (Does he even want a relationship)
4) Do you genuinely think you meet that criteria?
5) If the answers are yes, have a heart to heart conversation with him, FOCUSING on HIM and his needs. Explain to him how you two would work well together etc.
6) Then approach every problem from a win-win perspective. How can you give him what he wants and at the same time get what you want.
Does that help?
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Yes it will definitely help me! Thank you for sharing this, it's psychological (or from 7 Habits of highly effective people) which is really good.
I'll try to follow these steps, although about the "heart to heart" conversation, wouldn't I seem needy or emotionally unstable if I focused on him that may push him away? I guess whenever that comes, I need to prepare for rejection.
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Posted by StillWater
and please remember LOVE IS A VERB.
It is not how you just feel. It is not what you say to your friends behind his back. It is not the tears you shed.
It is the actions you take to show your love for that person in the way they want to be shown.
Is love to them you calling more? Or is love to them giving them space to collect themselves? Is love to them silent support? Or is love to you helping them fight their battles by their side?
Love is a verb.


Excellent quote! This directly explains what had been causing the problems between me and my ex cap when we were together. Until now, I still have those kind of thoughts that isn't love at all. Which is why I try my best to shrug these thoughts off.
So you mean expressing love using his definitions right?
I really need to do a recon or make a full profile about him.. lol!
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Posted by StillWater
BTW...end your conversation with, "WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
SInce he is a cap trust me you will get your answer. If it is not clear enough, you could post it here for us to help you decipher.


Yeah I noticed they are very straight forward... I just hope he won't reject me? haha
Awww Thank you very much StillWater for your help! I'll update you when we have our heart to heart conversation. Give me perhaps in 2-3 weeks?
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Posted by StillWater
I don't mean to be mean...but I want you to open eyes and mind.
In my personal opinion the impression I get from your posts...I think you haven't really done any self reflection and are not emotionally stable.
To be emotionally stable is to not let outcomes (such as him rejecting you) affect the values and quality of your life. It doesn't mean that you will never be sad. It means you can experience sadness but at the same time live the same life, eg still go to work, still have fun with your friends, still keep promises, still do the activities you previously enjoyed etc. It means to always align your actions towards your goals. For example if someone rejected you, if you were emotionally unstable you might say something hurtful back or beg etc This goes against the goal of wanting someone who also wants you. But if you were emotionally stable you would understand that this person does not fit in your life, and although it is sad because you loved them, you also understand they have the right to pursue their own happiness, and you would say good bye amicably. You could still that person that you are deeply saddened by their decision as a way of self-expression but it doesn't mean you are trying to change their mind. To be emotionally stable is to respect other's decisions and emotions as well.


I admit I'm not really emotionally stable for a guy,due to personal experiences or personality. Although I really am trying to control these feelings. I have to say though that I DO live life, perform really well, go out with A LOT of friends. I think I already mentioned this? My emotional instability comes in when a person leaves me.. But I promise I'll try.
You're right. I'll let go when he rejects me during that heart to heart conversation after following those steps you presented. smile
Thank you very much!
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Updates!!!
I haven't been able to follow StillWater advices since I was busy with my exams. I received a text message from him telling me he missed me and still loved me. I had mixed feelings when I read that. A part of me wants us back, yet a part of me wants to try with other people. I didn't reciprocate the "love" part, but I did say I missed him too in a casual way.
What do I do? Sad
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Posted by champranger
Posted by LibraLove30
Updates!!!
I haven't been able to follow StillWater advices since I was busy with my exams. I received a text message from him telling me he missed me and still loved me. I had mixed feelings when I read that. A part of me wants us back, yet a part of me wants to try with other people. I didn't reciprocate the "love" part, but I did say I missed him too in a casual way.
What do I do? Sad


Why not have that talk with him, now that you may be a little less busy?
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I have final exams tomorrow. haha
Yeah, I guess I'll talk to him.
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Posted by StillWater
Isn't that the perfect opportunity for that heart to heart conversation?


O_O I'm so blind. Yeah it is a perfect opportunity. I'm just confused. I longed for him so much, then when I finally get to somehow move on, he texts me out of nowhere.
I'm also afraid of my decisions and what to say during that talk. haha
So I'll reply that we need to talk?
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Posted by StillWater
No... don't make it so serious. Just say missed you too and love to have couple minutes to chat.
nice and casual.


That would be so much easier if he didn't tell me he loved me. He texted me last night, telling me goodnight and that he still loved me. This complicate things.
I'll incite him for a chat though. smile
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Updates!!!
I replied "What do you mean?" to his "I love you" text message. He didn't reply. So I took initiative and told him that I love him too. He didn't reply for a week.
The following week, I texted him again that I still loved him. I just felt very emotional, in a good and spiritual way, that made me want to express my feeling. He replied, but instead of replying to my declaration of feelings, he simply asked how I was. Weird and kind of cowardly...
I took the initiative again by asking him if he meant what he said, when he texted me he loved me. He said Yes, that he wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it.
I then asked, "So What are we now?", He replied "I don't know... I'm still confused." That's when I took the chance to ask him out for a heart to heart conversation as StillWater suggested. He said yes, although he wasn't sure with his schedule.
He hasn't replied ever since. It's been 2 days.
Then I saw at his twitter account a love quote: "Love is nice when it's understood. Even nicer when it makes you feel good."
I can't decode the meaning, does he have another person he loves? I'm really breaking down now, and don't know what to do.
Why are Capricorns very harsh, players, and devils???
Tell people he love them, then dissapear? Then say that he's confused? Then a quote about being happy in love?? (I'm trying to be positive that it's me, and not someone else)
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Any Caps out there?
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Thanks Campranger! Maybe I'll just give him some more space and time then. smile
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I thought the lists from Stillwater were particularly good on this thread also. Thank you.
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