Two and a half months later, he calls...

So I got the call I knew in my gut would come. My cap called today around 4:30 but I wasn't home. My brother picked up and learned it was him. He called on private.

I checked the calls received and it was definitely him since he is the ONLY one who calls or has called my house on private. I don't plan on calling back because I feel like he deserves a taste of what he made me feel like when he got lazy with the phone calls and wanted me to do the chasing. Now I feel like the tables have turned.

Funny thing that I've learned is how accurate my horoscopes have been these past two weeks. It was shocking how accurate they are becoming/have become, especially with all of the movements of the planets within Aquarius and Capricorn, both in my chart.

I need advice as to where I go from here because I feel like it's a new beginning with this guy. I don't know why he called. It must have been important for him to call out of the blue. I wish I was upset with him, but he hasn't really given me a reason to be.

I'd not get too excited... Just going from my experience. You had asked awhile back what "the end result" was. It would happen like that-- reappear after 2-3 months, I'd think it meant something, we'd exchange emails/calls for a few weeks, doing "the dance", and then'd I'd get frustrated bc. I'd still be chasing basically. I really hope you get a new beginning and a different result but just be cautious.

Hi Aquasun,

This has happended to me many times with my cap - he ignored me for 3 months then he came back as though nothing happened!

The trouble is when they go they go completley but when they do return they make you feel so special......

I know what ya mean Starfish, it is just very difficult as when he returns he is so loving etc, I am however getting stronger each time it happens and less tolarant to it.


Someone once said to me " a man is never to busy to get what he wants" so I keep thinking that and don't contact him and spend time with my friends etc instead of chasing him like a fool :-)

StarFish-
"Fall for that if you like, there is no way he could disappear for 2-3 months and return to me like all is peaches and cream."

I so agree with you....my ex cap left for 6 months and came back professing his love for me and at the same time told me he was getting married and wanted to sleep with me all in one breath. I turned him down sent him to his wife to be and have not seen or heard from him since.

Later down the road I was told he did get marry. So he was telling the truth.

This is the first time this has happened (disappeared, although I know for a fact he spends his time home all day. I can see his house from my window. So he hid himself well in his 'cave')

If I look at the big picture, he's done most of the chasing. If I did call or text, it would be every two weeks or so. I was tough on him before about his intentions with me. Interrogating him every chance I had with him. Trust me, his sweet talk proves no match for me.

I had my walls up with him when we were first getting to know eachother, but now, they've gone higher. Even if I had no knowledge of this being a Caps behavior or how astrology plays into this, I would still tolerate him much less now than I did before.
If he came back, he better have decided to commit or please exit and never look back.

I'm tough but I think he proved to me that I should have stayed the tough girl when I met him and not let him get to me the way he did (just slightly, though). I'm not at all worried because I rarely ever get carried away with love/infatuation/crush. But I'm slowly starting to see red...

As a matter of fact, this is actually becoming funny and entertaining to me. I guess deep down, I was waiting for that call so I can finally feel like, "Yup, he still wants me" and now it's MUCH easier to move on. Knowing that he came back and I won't be there is SO much more gratifying. Karma does have a way of coming back. I hope he kept true to his word of all the (what I called B.S. to his face) promises and future plans he said we would share.

I'm just waiting for when he tracks me down, which I know in my gut will happen and he gives me the green light to really lay it down on him no holds barred. Once he gives me the "you're playing games with me" speech, IT'S ON!!! lol

Ditto that, Starfish. Tough talk/ultimatums rarely works with these guys... See some of Bullerina's old threads... I also know from my own experience.

MsPisces, we will both be right.

Beginning, followed through with what he asked of me (calling, spending time together, so on...) Told ME I was playing games when it was obviously him.

Now, he probably, MAYBE wants commitment and now I'm (no knowledge of it until you said I'm going to do this) going to play games.

It's frustrating. In the scheme of it all, he was right not to rush anything. But now it's like, "Seriously, where is this going. I was just getting over you."

I'll admit, I'll answer his next phone call because I'm honestly curious as to why he called. I don't really care to see him but I'm DYING to hear what he has to say. But after that, I can't be available to this guy. I'm going to disappear off the face of the earth.

Starfish, I'll only give him the tough talk if I get a feel that the cycle will be repeated.

Should I not try to control it, let him decide when, and just let it be?

I don't know if this is true but....I met a Cappy over the weekend at a club and when he told me his sign I was like you people have issues of depression and aloofness, then he said "It must be the early Capricorns" he was so sure that he was not like that but yet knew what I was talking about....well we danced and he brought me a drink....and everytime I ran into him we smiled and laughed...he gave me his card but I told him I will not be calling him until I remember where I knew him from...when he left he found me and gave me a kiss and said bye....go figure...he has been on my mind but my heart is with my Gem Man.

It just made me wonder about that....are the Caps born later in the month of January really that different than the ones born in late december early january.

When I really think about it, only you/I know the story and history with our caps. I will take what you women say into consideration but the end result can't ALWAYS be the same with every cap. At least, I hope not.

I keep sounding as if there is some hope. What the hell?!?!

Ok, you're right Starfish. Maybe a talk will only backfire.

I heard another Cap (female) talk about a situation with a Virgo guy and he was planning on giving her a talk and she cut him off or something like that. OK, I'll hold back IF what will tell me sounds sincere and truthful. And he's come to the point to commit.

Mines a January cap. Jan 13.

I can't discriminate because I've read of other peoples situations and all I thought was, "Thank God my situation wasn't/isn't that bad." And I still think it's true. Some women have had it worse.

"Seriously, I think there are a lot of bitter women on this board who instead of taking accountability for their own actions, they rather blame an entire sign and then go so far as to discourage other women into believing their Cap will do the same."

AMEN

I make take SOME advice. Rarely though.But I don't come here as often as DearDiary does. lol.

But MsPisces has valid point. I hate taking advice from women. I think I now know why I have so many male friends...Women have a little more deception in them...

Men don't gossip and discriminate as much as women do, that's for sure.

Yea women will give you advice based on what happen to them and there bad relationships versus what is morally right.

Scorpionlady, I might believe the late Dec., early Jan. Caps are more, 'negative', for the lack of a better word. I have met MANY caps who were born after Jan 10 who seemed more upbeat, less confrontational, a little more sincere, etc.

I have known and heard of early Jan. Caps and they were just DEVILS.lol. j/k. But they were pretty bad.

Hey now, I'm Jan. 5th! The 3rd decan Caps are the devils! They're ruled by Mercury, the mind, and are the manipulative ones. The 2nd decans (me) are Venus and are more loving. 😉

I always follow my gut and it's telling me to call and see what was up because I keep getting that feeling like he's waiting for my call back, but...

Wait, Capgirl, break down the decans.

OH!!!! Wait, one of my great cousins is a Jan 5th cap and she 's great. Ok, never mind what I said before.

Yea women will give you advice based on what happen to them and there bad relationships versus what is morally right.

Most of my friends are guys and they do the same. I think it's a natural human tendency to project your own previous experience when giving advice. It's an unfortunate thing but we're all guilty of it at one point or another.

---
So, in one post, we're talking about making an error in generalizing a cap but in another, we're back to talking about how caps born in different time frames of December/January should be lumped together because they're born within 5 days of one another?

I do think that people tend to act according to their astrological sign; however, we do understand that there are a multitude of 'real' factors that shape one's personality. At the end of the day, we're posting on some astrological site so people are going to also give their own advice based on their experiences with geminis, leos, virgos, etc.

Aquasun, you'll figure out what you need to do as the time approaches for him to call again. Maybe you'll reach out? I think it's understandable that you feel some edge due to him finally calling you. No one likes to be at the short end of the stick. Crazy that you can see his house!

Just do as you will... You're 18, and have plenty of time to have fun and make mistakes and to just go with the flow of casual dating or whatnot.

"Scorpionlady, I might believe the late Dec., early Jan. Caps are more, 'negative', for the lack of a better word. I have met MANY caps who were born after Jan 10 who seemed more upbeat, less confrontational, a little more sincere, etc."

wow!! really the Cappy that I dated b-day was Jan 7, totally a basket case....sweet loving and really good to me for a year and half....then he went distant on me....and I could not stand by and wait I was prepared for it from being on these boards so when it happened...I called him about a week later and told him I was walking away because I am not emotionally stable to deal with it....Know today I can handle them because I now know.....but most likely if I dated another Cap man he would leave because I would not have any cut cards about him and his personality....

You're right, LWCAA. Based on what he's told with his past relationships, and how open he was, I always believed this guy meant no harm.

I think and I know I making something big out of nothing.*sighs*

That's the problem, making mistakes, Capgirl. I like to feel like I'm supposed to be the alpha type in all my relationships, specifically dating.

Seriously, I think there are a lot of bitter women on this board who instead of taking accountability for their own actions, they rather blame an entire sign and then go so far as to discourage other women into believing their Cap will do the same.

Understood. More often than not, there is a general trend in this specific board (as I'm sure there are on other boards) that the very person that comes in here stressing about their relationship and seeking encouraging advice comes back months later and says something to the effect of "He texted me and clearly doesn't want anything to do with me" and then we see the person post on another board complaining about another guy of such and such sign asking for advice and going through the same cycle. I think that judging by a person's post, you get a feel for what type of energy they're bringing into their respective relationship and you make an assessment on how a person of such and such sign would respond to that type of energy. Say a guy is a Virgo and the girl posting about him seems rather hysterical...well, not knowing anything of the guy aside from his sign, it's natural to think that perhaps a typical virgo wouldn't be into the histrionics of this female and advise accordingly. Of course we can all be wrong at times as we don't know the two people involved. Any advice on this board and any other message board is going to be derived from a set of assumptions.

I hear ya- you're trying to maintain some control over the situation? What will be will be... A return call to him will not likely make or break this.

Yeah, we come to the boards venting and giving advice that sometimes seems illogical and it does more harm than good.

And it makes us act in ways that contradict ourselves. This sucks...

Well AquaSun

What sucks is why are you tripping over this guy.... like CapGirl said you are 18 young...still wet behind the ear sweetie don't sweat the small stuff....call him if you must but be prepared for what may happen and if the worst or a good thing happen...don't go getting into a relationship...you still need to grow up and you don't want to grow up faster than life itself.....

Sidenote: Hey Scorpionlady, I go to school in DC!

Back to the topic: AquaSun, I feel like this is a situation where you need to do what will leave you content at the end. I posted on here for the first time in early January on whether or not I should send my Cap, who had disappeared, a birthday email. I was expecting simple yes or no, and got responses from "kick his azz to the curb" to "you can do better than that guy!" But NO one knew me. I could've been a total a*hole and everyone's like "you can do better!"

At the end of the day, I did what I felt was right and sent the message because I know him and he knows me and that's the end of it. I think this site serves more as a venting place because sometimes it takes you writing out your problems to realize the answer. And it's kind of unfair (at least I think so) to get advice that would have you doing things you normally wouldn't do. It's almost like becoming another person and being deceitful. A lot of people are like 'what should I do, what should I do?' Just be you. He disappeared, he's back. If you want to talk to him, talk. Because if you don't you're just going to beat yourself up about it and drive yourself mad. If you don't want to talk to him, don't. Close the book and sit it on the shelf, or burn it. Whichever one works for you. Just do what feels right for you.

I decided not to contact him and wait to see if he contacts me once more. If I never hear from him again, then I'll no it was meant to be and it will open my eyes as to the person that he truly is.

I know I'm still young but I know myself and I know that most guys never have me looking twice at them. I found someone that I clicked with from the moment we first spoke and when I learned his birthday, I realized, "Oh!!! No wonder we get along so well!!!" The closet people in my life are caps (posted about it). Coincidentally, he shares disturbing similarities to my former best friend (Jan.14 cap).

I honestly hold nothing against this guy because he told me initially I would probably be waiting a few months before anything happens. He's been straight with me since Day 1. But the being unavailable thing is something I feel I have to do to show him that not he can't abuse the privilege of always having me there.

I doubt that there are 12 different kinds of people out there. So I'm not sweating it so much as it may seem to everyone else.

*wasn't meant to be

Good Attitude AquaSun know all you have to do is just stick to your convictions


GEMuine-

"Sidenote: Hey Scorpionlady, I go to school in DC!"

Where in DC....I am at Howard University

And yes people do vent here, laugh, cry and have verbal arguments.....but when the day is over and we all go home the fact still remains...someone is still sad hurt and missing there Cap Man. I say take what you can use from the comments on these boards and leave the rest.

You mean the guy who then dated the older girl, VirgoKitten—

If I were you, and decided on taking him back, I would probably do it ONLY if we had a talk and he agreed to make changes if he was at fault. Just saying. But I don't know your situation.

You should really dig deep as to reasons why he wants you back.

You know what I came to realize? I'm dwelling on it a little because I miss the friendship aspect of the relationship, not so much the romantic, sentimental part, although that was a plus. So if it doesn't work out, I probably wouldn't be bothered so much by it (which also has to do with the whole 'time healing' part) Just slightly though, thinking of what could have been.

That's one of the things I admire most about cappy's. Their ability to be great friends. When I say or tell someone close that I miss him, I really mean I miss him as the friend. He was so good to me after getting to know eachother. As time passed, he was less callous and offensive. One of the handful of people I've ever enjoyed the company of. I do miss him though...

AquaSun, I know exactly what you mean. Most of all, I miss my Cap's conversation. He cracks me up. And in the midst of my laughing, he always manages to expose me to some radical thought he has (although they're generalized to be traditionalists). I miss being able to ask him random questions and listen to his quirky responses.

Scorpionlady, I'm at Howard University too!!! I'm in the College of Engineering, Architecture, and Computer Science. It's a small world!

So true GEMuine, he made me think in ways I thought I couldn't and I kept thinking, "Why can't more guys be like you?!?" Seriously, we would talk for HOURS about family, values, our future ideals,favorite food, what we look for in friends/partner, EVERYTHING.

He taught me patience. REALLY. I had no idea I had it in me. I value him so much more because of it.

I would give up the committed relationship that would probably only last a few years for a friendship that would last up until old age with this guy.

Yeah, same here AquaSun. God, if I didn't learn how to be patient with this guy. To be patient and unassuming. The first big lesson he taught me when I was 13 was not to assume. I had written my first 'love letter' to him and told him how I assumed he didn't like me and he told me to never assume, and to this day he's always telling me not to assume. (I think it's amazing how he was such a wise KID.) The patience was something he taught me without explicitly saying it. But I thought it was a virtue I would never inherit lol.

Caps are truly one of a kind to me. That's what sucks. Every guy I meet is such a disappointment. I'm like doomed to be single lol.

"Scorpionlady, I'm at Howard University too!!! I'm in the College of Engineering, Architecture, and Computer Science. It's a small world!"

Yea I am at the Cancer Center next behind the hospital and next to the Towers Buiding. Yea it is a small world.

"To be patient and unassuming"

OH GOD!! My cap mentioned the whole 'assuming things' in a phone conversation once, and I do assume a lot based on judgment.

That was the conversation where I had asked him that he's probably not looking for a girlfriend and his exact words were, "Stop assuming things"

P.S. YOU MET THIS GUY WHEN YOU WERE THIRTEEN?!?!?

He came to my junior high school for 8th grade lol. The day he walked in the class I fell in love lmao. Its ridiculous that I've had these feelings for 7 years. We 'dated' in 8th grade, then had a rough transition to different high schools where someone lied to us both and had us afraid to speak to each other. All through high school we didn't talk, we saw each other once at a hotel party and still were too afraid to speak because I thought he disliked me and he thought the same. It wasn't until freshman year of college that I got the guts to IM him (I had gotten his s/n off of Facebook) and we cleared up the lies and were SO angry that we had missed 4 years over a liar (my ex-best friend).

Now, we're not talking. He has 'disappeared' although I see his away messages on AIM and I always know what he's doing and what city he's in (he travels a lot for away games, athlete). Haven't had a real convo since Dec 23. Last message I sent was a bday one on Jan. 8th. I'm just living my life now, trying to get over him so if he comes back I'll be able to think logically and not with my emotions.

Oh yeah, when we finally cleared everything we both confessed to still being ridiculously attracted to one another and I was told that there was 'something about me' that he wanted to explore. We've been flirting since summer 06, had our first kiss (yes, FIRST kiss) in summer 07... Now, he's focused on basketball. His team will most likely be a No. 1 seed in the NCAA tourney, so I know he doesn't talk to me because he needs to focus. I understand it, but I don't know if I can live with it lol.