Well, you were right, and I'm a hopeless idiot

Hi all.
I posted a few weeks ago asking for advice on a Cap man/boy I was seeing. I don't think I gave his or my chart info though, so here it is, then I'll explain.

planet etc. position house position relation orb
Sun 7 Cap 42 1st cusp 14 Ari 43 Conjunction 7 Deg 00 Min
Moon 26 Cap 09 2nd cusp 20 Tau 27 Opposition 5 Deg 00 Min
Mercury 4 Cap 44 3rd cusp 16 Gem 17 Square 5 Deg 00 Min
Venus 23 Sco 03 4th cusp 8 Can 50 Trine 5 Deg 00 Min
Mars 14 Sco 41 5th cusp 2 Leo 42 Sextile 4 Deg 00 Min
Jupiter 27 Sco 10 6th cusp 2 Vir 54 Quincunx 3 Deg 00 Min
Saturn 16 Tau 01 7th cusp 14 Lib 43 Conjunct Asc 3 Deg 00 Min Above, 5 Deg 00 Min Below
Uranus 13 Lib 23 8th cusp 20 Sco 27
Neptune 1 Sag 55 9th cusp 16 Sag 17
Pluto 29Vir 42 10th cusp 8 Cap 50
N. Node 24 Aqu 27 11th cusp 2 Aqu 42
Ascendant 14 Ari 43 12th cusp 2 Pis 54
MC 8 Cap 50
Vertex 6 Lib 23


Here's mine:



planet etc. position house position relation orb
Sun 9 Gem 02 1st cusp 4 Can 20 Conjunction 7 Deg 00 Min
Moon 16 Tau 37 2nd cusp 25 Can 45 Opposition 5 Deg 00 Min
Mercury 21 Gem 08 3rd cusp 18 Leo 47 Square 5 Deg 00 Min
Venus 22 Gem 24 4th cusp 16 Vir 36 Trine 5 Deg 00 Min
Mars 15 Pis 40 5th cusp 21 Lib 10 Sextile 4 Deg 00 Min
Jupiter 12 Aqu 08 6th cusp 29 Sco 25 Quincunx 3 Deg 00 Min
Saturn 22 Gem 04 7th cusp 4 Cap 20 Conjunct Asc 3 Deg 00 Min Above, 5 Deg 00 Min Below
Uranus 19 Lib 15 8th cusp 25 Cap 45
Neptune 5 Sag 59 9th cusp 18 Aqu 47
Pluto 1Lib 43 10th cusp 16 Pis 36
N. Node 7 Cap 54 11th cusp 21 Ari 10
Ascendant 4 Can 20 12th cusp 29 Tau 25
MC 16 Pis 36
Vertex 21 Sco 18

Anyway, you'll have to read my original post to fully understand,but after almost 3 months of pretending I don't exist, My former Cap man/boy texted me to ask me to dinner. I agreed, and we met up that same night. Before we went into the restaraunt,he apologized and said he behaved like a big jerk. I accepted and we had a very nice dinner together. Then he walked me to my car and before we parted ways, I gave him a gift and a letter I wrote to him over a few weeks. Along with the letter, I included some old letters that he wrote to me many years ago. I told him not to freak out, that it was all good but that I wrote it from the heart, and that I just wanted him to know. He smiled and I gave him a big hug which he returned and I kissed him on the cheek. I took my hand and caressed his other cheek as I looked him in the eye and

smiled. He leaned in like he wanted to kiss me, but I broke the hug and got into my car. We chatted for a few minutes more and I said "don't be a stranger" to which he replied that this was pretty typical of him to disappear for awhile. I then jokingly said "don't make me come up here!!" To which he replied "but I like it when you come up here". I said something like "okay". We said goodbye and he closed my car door, the end. I texted him later that night thanking him for dinner and he said "you're welcome, and goodnight". I texted him a couple of days later and his demeanor completely changed. I said I hope the gift didn't freak him out. He said it did because I bought it before we had a date. However, he sure didn't mind describing what he wanted the gift to contain and flirting with me about it BEFORE we had that first date. I then apologized saying I thought he was serious about the gift(of an adult nature)and I wouldn't do anything like that again. I told him that I thought I had made myself very clear in the letter about how I felt about the past and present, but that I wasn't a mind reader and I wished that he would talk to me. He replied very coldly saying that he didn't read my letter, that he had no romantic interest in me and that nothing I could have written would have changed his mind.I was shocked and hurt, so I asked if he was ever interested or if it was all just mind games. He said he was at first, but then because I said that "I'd never take another man's name again" and that we talked about sex toys on a first date was "kind of a turn off". I asked him why he kept acting interested for weeks after that first date if he wasn't interested. He couldn't give me an answer and just continued to be insulting and cruel. Basically, I think I might have gotten a little too close and scared him so he has pushed me away. I just wish he had been more honest with me instead of acting interested if he wasn't. Very disrespectful! Lesson learned.

He sounds like a weirdo.

He probably thought about it and decided you weren't what he wanted. I'm sorry.

In my opinion, Gem and Cap are not a good fit. I was married to a Gem and we had very different ways of looking at things. It was difficult for us to see eye to eye on a number of issues. I think I was too conservative/pratical for him and he was too sporadic/frivilous for me. Needless to say, we did not work out. And we gave it an good ole country try for 18 years. We are both much happier now since we parted.

I don't see anything you did wrong necessarily, though.

You gave a gift and a letter pouring out your heart, feelings, and emotions to a man who ignored you for three months—

That is REWARDING his behavior and teaching him that his thoughtless actions towards you are acceptable. Did you forget your value?

And NO, you're not an idiot. Just someone who lost sight of your "SELF" in fear that you would'nt get a man who doesnt deserve you.

We are all blinded by love. THe goal for me is to wear sun glasses so at least the glare doesnt totally strip me of my self respect and dignity. Learn from this and dont make someone a priority who has only made YOU an option.

Posted by moodyone31
coldly saying that he didn't read my letter.. no romantic interest .. nothing would have changed his mind... so I asked if he was ever interested .. He said he was at first, but ..I said that "I'd never take another man's name again" .. talked about sex toys on a first date was "kind of a turn off". I asked him why he kept acting interested for weeks after that first date .. He just continued to be insulting and cruel.

Basically, I think I might have gotten a little too close and scared him so he has pushed me away. I just wish he had been more honest with me instead of acting interested if he wasn't.

Very disrespectful! Lesson learned."

Here's the nuts and bolts.. the rest is just fluff.

What I get from this: He WAS interested at one point, and willing to get to know you better and see where it went. Then some things happened or were said.. things he needed to reevaluate, decide if it meshed with what he wanted in a woman longterm. Unfortunately, it didn't mesh... not for a relationship, anyway. I don't get that he "acted interested" in a relationship for weeks afterwards.. that may be what you felt/saw.. but it's more likely that he still found you attractive enough for something CASUAL or SEXUAL (first date sex toy talk was a "turn off" for a relationship, but not a turn off for sex -- there IS a difference!).. and I also don't think he "got too close and got scared".. no, not at all.. he was interested in something from you, just not anything serious or lasting.

Basically, he WAS honest.. just not as forthcoming as you'd have liked. He WAS interested, just not in what YOU wanted.. and men usually don't say outright, "Hey, I can't see us going anywhere, and I don't want any sort of relationship or commitment with you. You're just not it for me, so I'll keep looking. But I find you attractive enough to maybe sleep with you. What do you say to being fuck-buddies until I meet the girl I'd rather be with? That cool?"

"Very disrespectful" indeed.. you got that part right! But alas, it's NOT the man's job to guard your feelings/emotions, or to be careful with your heart. It's YOUR job to suss out a man's true intentions and to accept or reject what he does/proposes.

NOW he's being MUCH more honest (and forthcoming!).. he's laying it all out. He's being very clear AND his actions match, and even though it HURTS.. HEED IT.

And, yes.. please do not pour out your heart to a man who ignored you for 3 months. It'll make YOU feel like shit, and all HE gets from it is desperation and that you must LIKE being treated badly. Yuck!