When a friend drunk confesses a crush on you...

I'm a good person, what did I do to get into situations like this?

So they confessed they liked me while drunk and as the night went on, between a mixture of self-hatred on their part and wanting to know my kinks, I basically told them I only liked them as a friend. Then they tried to ply it off as "joking" but still clearly was hurt.

I do not have a clue on what to do in these situations. Help? Is there anyway, I can handle these kind of things better in the future?

You did the right thing with being clear about only liking them as a friend. I think you handled it well. 🙂 Maybe next time you can say it more quickly (I don't know how long it took) but otherwise, awesome. You can't prevent them from being hurt with the truth. Being kind about it is best, but the truth must be told straight out like that, just plainly.

Posted by CopperDove
You did the right thing with being clear about only liking them as a friend. I think you handled it well. 🙂 Maybe next time you can say it more quickly (I don't know how long it took) but otherwise, awesome. You can't prevent them from being hurt with the truth. Being kind about it is best, but the truth must be told straight out like that, just plainly.

Thanks for the advice. I can see how more emotionally-swayed types can end up in relationships because they don't want the other person to be hurting from rejection. Grief it is not a fun thing to deal with.

Posted by SirHorns

Posted by CopperDove
You did the right thing with being clear about only liking them as a friend. I think you handled it well. 🙂 Maybe next time you can say it more quickly (I don't know how long it took) but otherwise, awesome. You can't prevent them from being hurt with the truth. Being kind about it is best, but the truth must be told straight out like that, just plainly.

Thanks for the advice. I can see how more emotionally-swayed types can end up in relationships because they don't want the other person to be hurting from rejection. Grief it is not a fun thing to deal with.

click to expand

You're welcome! So true. And when people do that they hurt the person even more later on when they have to break it off with them than if they had told them the truth to start with - the person is usually even more emotionally into them by then so the rejection hits much harder..

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by SirHorns

Posted by CopperDove
You did the right thing with being clear about only liking them as a friend. I think you handled it well. 🙂 Maybe next time you can say it more quickly (I don't know how long it took) but otherwise, awesome. You can't prevent them from being hurt with the truth. Being kind about it is best, but the truth must be told straight out like that, just plainly.

Thanks for the advice. I can see how more emotionally-swayed types can end up in relationships because they don't want the other person to be hurting from rejection. Grief it is not a fun thing to deal with.

You're welcome! So true. And when people do that they hurt the person even more later on when they have to break it off with them than if they had told them the truth to start with - the person is usually even more emotionally into them by then so the rejection hits much harder..

click to expand

Indeed. Always have that in mind when dealing with stuff like this. It honestly seems to be one of the best options to let them know how things are as soon as possible then play coy or leave things ambiguous. Since then that leaves room for them to deepen feels you can't return them.

Posted by SirHorns

Posted by CopperDove

Posted by SirHorns

Posted by CopperDove
You did the right thing with being clear about only liking them as a friend. I think you handled it well. 🙂 Maybe next time you can say it more quickly (I don't know how long it took) but otherwise, awesome. You can't prevent them from being hurt with the truth. Being kind about it is best, but the truth must be told straight out like that, just plainly.

Thanks for the advice. I can see how more emotionally-swayed types can end up in relationships because they don't want the other person to be hurting from rejection. Grief it is not a fun thing to deal with.

You're welcome! So true. And when people do that they hurt the person even more later on when they have to break it off with them than if they had told them the truth to start with - the person is usually even more emotionally into them by then so the rejection hits much harder..

Indeed. Always have that in mind when dealing with stuff like this. It honestly seems to be one of the best options to let them know how things are as soon as possible then play coy or leave things ambiguous. Since then that leaves room for them to deepen feels you can't return them.

click to expand

Totally - it can just make them hopeful if it isn't stated clearly.

I feel for you because I've been in your position a few times. I always felt bad that the person was hurt but I knew it was the right thing to tell them straight with a kind but firm tone.

Ugh that is so uncomfortable. I agree you did right by telling the truth I would rather know, no matter how embarrassed, but this is also why I won't truly voice interest until the other person does. I could be about to die from lack of knowing and I will never ask. How long have you known this person? Could they have ever mistaken anything you have done for interest? I am not playing the blame game I am only wondering if maybe you had some interest and then lost interest and put her in the friend zone?

I think the only way to get better in this situation is to pick up on the direction of people's intentions more quickly and beat them to the punch. So you take care of it before they have a confession spill out of them. That's tough though. Depending on how left field the confession is going to be.

You handled it as well as you could have sir

You totally did the right thing. Honesty and directness is the best policy. Yes, it hurts, but in the long run, you can never go wrong with clarity. Moreover, don't hesitate to repeat yourself if circumstances warrant it.

As far as the future goes, you can never really forsee what people will say or do. All you can do is stay true to yourself and your convictions while remaining honest yet sympathetic to the feelings of others.

Posted by SirHorns
I'm a good person, what did I do to get into situations like this?

So they confessed they liked me while drunk and as the night went on, between a mixture of self-hatred on their part and wanting to know my kinks, I basically told them I only liked them as a friend. Then they tried to ply it off as "joking" but still clearly was hurt.

I do not have a clue on what to do in these situations. Help? Is there anyway, I can handle these kind of things better in the future?

I don't take anyone seriously when they are drunk but you handled it diplomatically - don't feel bad, chances are they won't remember much when they sober up - just keep that in mind next time ... just smile and say "we will talk about this when you are sober" - everybody likes everybody when they are drunk!