why is he being distant ?

so..
This is about a friend of mine..known him for years now..hes liked me ever since we met six years ago, I dont think he's ever thought of me as just a friend..but we have remained that way. He's always flirting with me, always telling me he misses me and is depressed when I'm not around him or when he doesnt speak to me, always talking about how he's never felt the same way about any one before me, always talking about how he wants to be with me..and most importantly how he can see himself with me in his future in terms of marriage..

Here's the situation though :
The last time he called me was in march (six months ago), that last week he called me almost every other day. After that last conversation i left it two weeks before calling him.. when I did i could not get through his phone line was totally disconnected or dead..and it still is now (hes had this phone line for four years now). Thinking this was temporary I left him a facebook message saying " hi how are you? whats up? is everything ok?".

Following this I did a little bit of investigating and asked my friend to call up his work and find out if hes there..when she did his work colleague said "hes no longer with us". It appeared he also left his job after two years.

Therefore iin march/april time it appeared his phone line was disconnected..and he also left his job..neither of which I had any clue about or could be explained.

He finally replied to my facebook message in June and he said " im so sorry about the lack of contact iv just had a really tough time lately ill call u soon i promise xxx"
Following this He left facebook..like completely deactivated it so i had no chance to ask questions or reply.

In august I replied to his "tough time" message and i said "its fine u do what you have to do and i am sorry to hear things are not going so well..i look frwrd to hearing from u "

He then facebooked me again..three weeks after my last message and simply sent me two smiley emoticons...in succession like and AND

Apart from the fact hes telling me hes had a bad time and tht he isnt at his old workplace anymore..and his number tht i had for years seems to be out of order I have no clue whats actually happened, as he hasnt been specific enough

AN UPDATE

NINE MONTHS LATER..AND HE CAME BACK IN TO CONTACT from a different number!!!

first thing he messaged was hi..want to meet me for dinner somewhere? apparently he asked my friend first if it would be ok..and she said to hi

AN UPDATE

NINE MONTHS LATER..AND HE CAME BACK IN TO CONTACT from a different number!!!

first thing he messaged was hi..want to meet me for dinner somewhere? apparently he asked my friend first if it would be ok..and she said to him " u did disappear for quite some time and anyone would be annoyed at that"...
I called him after that message..and the first things he said was he really missed me and he's sorry he acted that way and that he will make it up to me..

I admit though I definitely didn't agree to meeting him for at least two weeks following..so i didnt really make it easy on him AT ALL...and then when i did eventually say ok fine..he snapped at me after and said he didn't expect this from me and said he was sorry for coming back in to my life and basically threatened to exit again a couple of times but it got resolved..He also said he really really likes me and asked me why i dont let him come close to me and that i always manage to push him away :/ and tht all he wanted was to take me out...I know i shouldnt have acted the way I did but it was just a surprise him coming back in the first place...and secondly I didnt want to be agree to exactly what he wanted nine months after an enormous amount of confusion and frustration..

But anyway a couple of weeks after..he's now less persistent and isn't really calling me or bothering to reply to my texts properly..im assuming its because of the way i'v been acting?
And possibly because the day that we agreed to meet passed..and neither of us actually said anything about it...and maybe he was expcting me to? and didnt want to be pushed aside again..

What do I do now, in order to get him to be more responsive again?!!!!

Sooo... are you trying to keep this guy in the 'friend-zone'?
Cos after six years I'd be moving on too =/

Posted by wagtail
Sooo... are you trying to keep this guy in the 'friend-zone'?
Cos after six years I'd be moving on too =/

no its not necessarily that..we havn't been in contact constantly for six years..its been on and off..but it does appear he has liked me for a long long time..and yes the feelings mutual..but for me it hasnt been the right time before to get in to anything serious
and as u can see this from me letting you know how he disappeared for nine months and dropped of the face of the planet..

however now after him coming back nine months later..it appears what he wants is to go out with me or start dating? i dont know..but obviously iv been giving him a hard time for disappearing for that long...

and now hes just kind of stopped saying anything..

Posted by Impulsv
Yeah six years u have him waiting. He disappears n u know why because it's hard for him to love someone who doesn't he comes back n u play games. Tree trunk that u have no compassion for this guy either let him go or tell him u feel the same way. This has been a cruel emotional roller coaster for him as uve known he's always liked u. Nah it's ur turn to show him u want him. U do the work after six years that's the least u can do.

i kno it sounds really bad..but its not intentional..its everything mixed up in to one..1. im quite a shy person when it comes to this romantic stuff.. 2. im traditional and do expect the guy to pursue 3. i have a lot of pride.. all this combined leads to me acting this way and pushing him away in turn..

and im hopeless at this stuff.. i dont know what to say or how to act..in terms of emotions...
but i do care..it might not seem that way..

i kno its not but i cnt help it sometimes..it just comes naturally!
I think you are right...

I dont get why everyone thinks he has been waiting on me for six years though lol..
i dont think he has :s.. we just happened to remain friends or in contact for this long..doesnt mean hes been waiting on me..

dont u think he's been open minded and has waited to see if other women/girls come along??
because waiting for me makes it sound like he hasnt been interested in meeting or being with anyone else and that its always been me..although at times he has made it sound that way as if im the "one" for him or something..but i still dont think that

Posted by Impulsv
Don't minimize lol u wrote he says he misses u he's depressed when ur not around. Always taking about how he wants to be with ALWaYs talking about hes never felt about another as u.

lol im not trying to minimize!!
Afew people have said that guys do say those kind of things to girls all the time ..and half the time they may not even mean it lol

oh who knows..mybe he does mean it..

Posted by Impulsv
Either way u want him time to reciprocate. U wanna date he just recently asked u right then tell him ur ready. God people suffer because they want to!!! Lol

ye i think i make my life a whole lot more complex than it needs to be 😢
sigh..i suppose this time i have to bring up the meeting thing then 😢

Posted by Impulsv
Btw what's ur sign?

im a virgo lol..hes obviously a capricorn haha

Courtesy BJ is in order.

believe it or not there are some other skeptics out there who dont think the same as u lol..even though i hv mentioned the amount of time its been lol!

do u think its love then? hes never used that word though..

even when it came to him asking me about going out for dinner recently he said "i really LIKE you" lol
and he said i want to see if we have any chemistry between us..as if he doesnt already think that lol..so then i got confused :/

hmm so u think hes just given up trying to pursue me..

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by candy10

Posted by Impulsv
Either way u want him time to reciprocate. U wanna date he just recently asked u right then tell him ur ready. God people suffer because they want to!!! Lol

ye i think i make my life a whole lot more complex than it needs to be 😢
sigh..i suppose this time i have to bring up the meeting thing then 😢

Finally ur Andrew bring up the meeting🙂 u earth signs are so guarded. Takes a lifetime to break ur walls down.

click to expand

LOL i kno...i am guarded to the max..
i also have fears that once we start hanging out more..he will suddenly start to not seem me that way..i kno it sounds stupid..but thts also why im hesitant..

Capricorns may not always verbalize their love, but through their actions they show it. That's more meaningful than empty words or promises. And yeah, he's not going to put himself out there anymore than he already has. Six years of hanging around you just to get laid? No. He genuinely cares for you, the least you can do is be honest and explain your apprehension.

You know I responded with a quite different opinion on the other thread (the old one that got resurrected). Impulsiv also a completely different point of view.

I first said, no, no, no that he deserved to get a hard time, but realized the OP has been consistently rejecting this poor guy. He doesn't deserve a wide open acceptance either - he did disappear for so long without a word.

But, maybe I was harsh in what I said.

OP do you have any kind of feelings for him whatsoever? Do you want him? That's the question that needs to be answered. If you want him, reach out, tell him, be with him and stop playing so dang elusive!

If you don't want him, write it off and stop whining about him and stop stringing him along.

I remember your other threads. Again with the overanalyzing and not doing anything.

Posted by Impulsv
Yes! Boy he can't tell u love after rejecting him six years. He actions speak it. Look it it from his perspective u think he's going to make himself 100 percent vulnerable n use word love without even dating you waiting to see if ull reject again or ull go out to dinner.

i guess you're right 😄...

I actually decided to message him today about how we didn't meet up last week lik we were supposed to and how we should and he replied with.. "u kno i really want to see u..u might not believe me but i miss u quite a lot sometimes..and the reason we didnt meet up is because i thought u had cancelled on me"

Posted by mrdesperado
Capricorns may not always verbalize their love, but through their actions they show it. That's more meaningful than empty words or promises. And yeah, he's not going to put himself out there anymore than he already has. Six years of hanging around you just to get laid? No. He genuinely cares for you, the least you can do is be honest and explain your apprehension.

fair enough..ye today he messaged and said he does miss me a lot and tht it might not seem that way to me..and i said no it doesnt because now youre not calling or messagin me..and he replied with he doesnt enjoy texting and when he tries to call me im busy..

Posted by truecap
You know I responded with a quite different opinion on the other thread (the old one that got resurrected). Impulsiv also a completely different point of view.

I first said, no, no, no that he deserved to get a hard time, but realized the OP has been consistently rejecting this poor guy. He doesn't deserve a wide open acceptance either - he did disappear for so long without a word.

But, maybe I was harsh in what I said.

OP do you have any kind of feelings for him whatsoever? Do you want him? That's the question that needs to be answered. If you want him, reach out, tell him, be with him and stop playing so dang elusive!

If you don't want him, write it off and stop whining about him and stop stringing him along.

i pretty much did what u said here..and i messaged him about meeting again and he says of course he wants to see me and how he misses me a lot..

he told me he disappeared due to it being a really hard time for him..,but he didnt tell me why exactly..but he said he lost contact with everyone..and tht even now hes not in contact with all his friends..

Posted by champranger
While the sudden disappearance is strange and unwarranted, this poor guy still have not seen "the light at the end of the tunnel" ... I dun think he is gonna try anymore if OP does not do anything. 😢

i think you're right 😢.. it seems like its all down to me..and he even explained he doesnt call me because i dont pick up the phone enough..and before he would try all the time..now he just isnt bothering..

so i did messge him today about meeting up and he said course he does want to and tht we should arrge it properly in a few weeks time..

he also said how he misses me all the time