Am I overreacting
This topic was created in the Gemini forum by livictori on Friday, May 27, 2016 and has 66 replies.
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My boyfriend has a female friend and under a Facebook post where others were making fun of her ass, he brought up her boobs. She then comments she would smother him with them
Before she commented, I text him and ask why bring up her boobs. He said he's grown. I said I was being serious. I'm not usually a jealous person but the collection of comments and the fact he sleeps at her house when he comes to town (our relationship is new and he has never been to my house. He lives in another state). They've been friends for over a decade.
My issue is actually not her but the way he is addressing my grievance. He says it's not worth discussing
Before she commented, I text him and ask why bring up her boobs. He said he's grown. I said I was being serious. I'm not usually a jealous person but the collection of comments and the fact he sleeps at her house when he comes to town (our relationship is new and he has never been to my house. He lives in another state). They've been friends for over a decade.
My issue is actually not her but the way he is addressing my grievance. He says it's not worth discussing
He's right. It's not worth discussing at all. Just get rid of him. I mean I could give a long reply but the simple fact is that if he is acting like this and you are in a NEW relationship it just doesn't seem like he has all that much respect for you or your feelings at all. Not a good sign at the beginning of a relationship.
Posted by livictori
He says it's not worth discussing
^If he said this when you brought it straight up, if you did in a calm manner where you were explaining your feelings ...then this is not ok and you're not overreacting.
If he said it in the middle of the discussion and you were being accusatory and over the top prior to him uttering that, then it's not dismisiveness of feelings as much as "I need to get away from this drama she's inflicting"
The first would make me reconsider the relationship, the second would make me give the benefit of the doubt until after I adjusted my behavior to express clearly that it hurts me...and if to me expressing that clearly I got another "It's not worth discussing" ..then the first scenario would apply.
I wouldn't be having it. I actually would have a problem with both if them (not just him), simply because he excuses her behavior and she seems to think that talking about smothering with her boobs a man that isn't hers (or isn't he?) is perfectly OK.
I know it's just talk, but words can lead lead to actions and it's not like he's only loosely connected to her. He sleeps at her house. Uhm, no.
I know it's just talk, but words can lead lead to actions and it's not like he's only loosely connected to her. He sleeps at her house. Uhm, no.
'... Â he sleeps at her house when he
comes to town (our relationship is
new and he has never been to my house.'
That he's never even set foot in your home--
ehh.. something isn't right here.
comes to town (our relationship is
new and he has never been to my house.'
That he's never even set foot in your home--
ehh.. something isn't right here.
He lives in another state and I have children he hasn't met. They've known each other for over 10 years.
I hate he was dismissive of me. There's a group trip planned in the fall they'll be there. I don't want this fuckshit a part of our relationship where we can't talk about things like adults.
Posted by littlegigabyte
They were probably just joking around, but I would say that he at least has some kind of physical attraction to her or else he would not bring her boobs up.
Think about the fact that you say they have known each other 10 years, and they are not together? So whatever is between them is probably nothing substantial.
I don't think it's that big of a deal, but if you don't trust him, then move on.
Completely disagree. He may not be thinking anything of it, but she may. And if a guy doesn't put a stop to it for the sake of a relationship, then it's not "nothing" to either of them.
What does him "being grown" have to do with anything?
Posted by littlegigabyte
Are you a water sign, Livictori?
Were you asking Geminis their opinions since you posted this in the Gemini forum? Because your feedback is coming mostly from Scorpios and Leo's.
I posted to geminis because I thought of this as a very "Kanye" thing to do. Say stuff and then regret how it effects others.
I was supposed to go visit him for a three day weekend and honestly I'm not going with this tension.
No and they've had ample time to.
I think him being within a girlfriend for 3 years makes him not remeber to put things into consideration
I think him being within a girlfriend for 3 years makes him not remeber to put things into consideration
Posted by littlegigabytePosted by LillyPetal
What does him "being grown" have to do with anything?
LMAO I read that and then looked it up, still confusedclick to expand
Yeah, I don't understand his response to her at all.
Unless he's saying that "I'm a grown man and I can do what I want, when I want, and no woman will control me." Or, "I'm a grown man and I can control how far something can go, so you need not worry."
But I don't sense reassurance in his response to the OP. Honestly, I think it was downright obnoxious. But OP may have given the "controlling, suffocating, not-fun, girlfriend" vibe in her wording.
@OP, perhaps he feels it's too soon to have to consider your feelings as though he is committed to you in an exclusive way? Maybe there are stages of commitment that some men go through when they are in a new relationship.
10 years is a long time to know someone, but I can't imagine a man allowing another woman to get in between him and his woman, provided he feels about her in that way.
I'm rambling.
I'm sensitive but not emotional. I've stopped after the last text because what's the point. I hate to argue but I hate being dismissed more. It was after she said she would rub them on him and he like the comment that I got pissed.
Posted by thinktoomuch
What was the nature of his comments about her boobs anyway?
When I dated a guy, he had a female friend, who called him limp dick and he called her something like limp vagina. Not much romance there. But perhaps a closeness, that I wished to have too ....
Him: The Supple effect is real. Now in the category: "I haven't seen my feet since puberty". The winner is Carla...
Everyone ignores his comment
His second comment:
I thought we were on Carla's airbags. She doesn't have to worry about car accidents, drowning, or airplane crashes
Her comment:
What the??? Stirling!! Hush before you get smothered by the airbags! 😠We are ONLY talking about Toshiko 's time zone that she carries with her. Don't act like you and Supple haven't had your own private conversations.
Posted by livictoriPosted by thinktoomuch
What was the nature of his comments about her boobs anyway?
When I dated a guy, he had a female friend, who called him limp dick and he called her something like limp vagina. Not much romance there. But perhaps a closeness, that I wished to have too ....
Him: The Supple effect is real. Now in the category: "I haven't seen my feet since puberty". The winner is Carla...
Everyone ignores his comment
His second comment:
I thought we were on Carla's airbags. She doesn't have to worry about car accidents, drowning, or airplane crashes
Her comment:
What the??? Stirling!! Hush before you get smothered by the airbags! 😠We are ONLY talking about Toshiko 's time zone that she carries with her. Don't act like you and Supple haven't had your own private conversations.click to expand
OK, in context if I knew both of them and saw how they interacted, this back and forth you posted wouldn't bother me enough to get snippy. Only if she was making comments about her boobs on him in a sexually suggestive way. I don't take what went on in that way.
Just talk to him about it...calmly.
Posted by ImpulsvPosted by sultrykittyPosted by livictoriPosted by thinktoomuch
What was the nature of his comments about her boobs anyway?
When I dated a guy, he had a female friend, who called him limp dick and he called her something like limp vagina. Not much romance there. But perhaps a closeness, that I wished to have too ....
Him: The Supple effect is real. Now in the category: "I haven't seen my feet since puberty". The winner is Carla...
Everyone ignores his comment
His second comment:
I thought we were on Carla's airbags. She doesn't have to worry about car accidents, drowning, or airplane crashes
Her comment:
What the??? Stirling!! Hush before you get smothered by the airbags! 😠We are ONLY talking about Toshiko 's time zone that she carries with her. Don't act like you and Supple haven't had your own private conversations.
OK, in context if I knew both of them and saw how they interacted, this back and forth you posted wouldn't bother me enough to get snippy. Only if she was making comments about her boobs on him in a sexually suggestive way. I don't take what went on in that way.
Just talk to him about it...calmly.
But she did with her statement of do t act like u haven't had private conversations with my boobs
Come on!!click to expand
I think that part is a matter of interpretation. It read to me like everyone in their circle talks smack about each others' body parts.
I think since we're all friends in the group, they're boundaries you don't cross with other people.
When other males in the group hit on me or offer to buy me drinks while we are at an event, I decline.
Don't embarrass me and don't have me looking crazy because you invite certain conversations.
When people try to bring up our relationship and he's not there, I either change the subject or keep it light.
When other males in the group hit on me or offer to buy me drinks while we are at an event, I decline.
Don't embarrass me and don't have me looking crazy because you invite certain conversations.
When people try to bring up our relationship and he's not there, I either change the subject or keep it light.
But I don't interpret that convo as anyone hitting on anyone else. She threatened to kill him with her tits. I actually think it's kind of funny. But you know how their other interactions are; subtleties that can be sensed and not seen or written.
Posted by thinktoomuchPosted by livictori
I think since we're all friends in the group, they're boundaries you don't cross with other people.
When other males in the group hit on me or offer to buy me drinks while we are at an event, I decline.
Don't embarrass me and don't have me looking crazy because you invite certain conversations.
When people try to bring up our relationship and he's not there, I either change the subject or keep it light.
Wat? What´s this all about?
I think this post sums up your problems...
Why is it not okay for you to talk about your relationship, when he is not there?
And other males byung you drinks shouldn´t actually really be a problem, if you´re all mutual friends. ??
If they hit on you, well sure, you tell them no, because you´re taken.
But your boyfriend making jokes about another girls boobs fr their size is not even close to hit on! It´s supposed to be funny!
And they have been friends for 10 years! You have been a couple for 3 months? How long have you known each other? ... I don´t know, seems like you´re just wrong for each other. When you start thinking like this about a guy, you´re supposedly really into perhaps even in love with, something is wrong. But it doesn´t always have to be, that either him or you are a bad person, maybe you´re just too different.
Anyways, talk to him about what are the boundaries: what are you "allowed" to do, what´s he "allowed" to do, why/why not and so on.... Just to see, where you´re all at, because right now, he thinks you´re being a drama queen, and you´re thinking he is an asshole. Shouldn´t be like that.click to expand
I think this sums us up perfectly. We are different and while I may think I'm being reasonable, he may think I'm being dramatic. This is honestly why I came here. Because we are very different and you're right. It doesn't have to work because you like someone. I still hate his answer to me and I'm sure he hate I asked the question
I have more of a problem with how he answered. He refused to have a discussion. He doesn't care to alleviate your stress or worries. And he used the excuse that he's a grown man? So what, is any issue you have with his behavior going to be met with the same response? If you care about your partner you should at least be willing to discuss matters as long as both people are calm. I'm not sure how he thinks leaving you alone without discussing it is going to help. And you know what, I bet he already discussed the whole thing with Carla. That was partly joking but could definitely be true. He doesn't respect you at this point and doesn't think your emotions regarding the situation are valid. Screw that.
Posted by Scenic
I have more of a problem with how he answered. He refused to have a discussion. He doesn't care to alleviate your stress or worries. And he used the excuse that he's a grown man? So what, is any issue you have with his behavior going to be met with the same response? If you care about your partner you should at least be willing to discuss matters as long as both people are calm. I'm not sure how he thinks leaving you alone without discussing it is going to help. And you know what, I bet he already discussed the whole thing with Carla. That was partly joking but could definitely be true. He doesn't respect you at this point and doesn't think your emotions regarding the situation are valid. Screw that.
This is true too. ^^^
You just need to talk (in person) about it. OP can't help how she feels about it, whether the exchange was innocent or not. If neither are willing to budge on principle, it won't get any better.
He sounds so tacky! >___<
Posted by livictoriPosted by thinktoomuch
What was the nature of his comments about her boobs anyway?
When I dated a guy, he had a female friend, who called him limp dick and he called her something like limp vagina. Not much romance there. But perhaps a closeness, that I wished to have too ....
Him: The Supple effect is real. Now in the category: "I haven't seen my feet since puberty". The winner is Carla...
Everyone ignores his comment
His second comment:
I thought we were on Carla's airbags. She doesn't have to worry about car accidents, drowning, or airplane crashes
Her comment:
What the??? Stirling!! Hush before you get smothered by the airbags! 😠We are ONLY talking about Toshiko 's time zone that she carries with her. Don't act like you and Supple haven't had your own private conversations.click to expand
Ew. That's so corny! Honestly, I think this all comes down to the amount of arsehole you're willing to understand and tolerate from him. We all have some amount of arsehole in us.
@thinktoomuch
This is a NEW relationship. And he's sleeping at some other girls' house. OP may not know their dynamic or even him well enough. This is something that should have been talked about either way. Or he should understand that it would be a topic he'd need to address.
He used the excuse that he's a grown man. Not that "I'm not discussing this with you right now" or anything else that specifically pointed at that he did not like how she approached it. He sounds like he doesn't like being questioned on his behavior, period. If not, he could have come around and talked to her about it later, maybe when she was in a better mood.
That excuse though... "I'm a grown man who doesn't need to answer to you"...that's what it sounds like to me. Which is blatantly rude.
Either way the issue should have been addressed at some point and it sounds like he is still not willing. Although, I don't know how much time has passed.
This is a NEW relationship. And he's sleeping at some other girls' house. OP may not know their dynamic or even him well enough. This is something that should have been talked about either way. Or he should understand that it would be a topic he'd need to address.
He used the excuse that he's a grown man. Not that "I'm not discussing this with you right now" or anything else that specifically pointed at that he did not like how she approached it. He sounds like he doesn't like being questioned on his behavior, period. If not, he could have come around and talked to her about it later, maybe when she was in a better mood.
That excuse though... "I'm a grown man who doesn't need to answer to you"...that's what it sounds like to me. Which is blatantly rude.
Either way the issue should have been addressed at some point and it sounds like he is still not willing. Although, I don't know how much time has passed.
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
While I want to think in not a jealous person, I do think I'm possessive to a certain extent. We didn't know each other more than two weeks before committing. We've been together 3 months. He's open and honest on every aspect but I thought bringing up her boobs when they weren't even being discussed crossed a line. We've never had a fight before and I actually texted because I thought it would be the least hysterical or confrontational way to communicate. I also didn't want to come off as emotional so I thought asking questions and putting it how I see it rather than telling how I felt would have given me a possible way of misunderstanding the interaction
BUT
When I brought it up, was dismissed, she escalated it and he liked her comment; I felt disrespected. The fact he isn't reaching out as usual may very well mean he's upset and offended.
BUT
When I brought it up, was dismissed, she escalated it and he liked her comment; I felt disrespected. The fact he isn't reaching out as usual may very well mean he's upset and offended.
Posted by thinktoomuchPosted by LillyPetal
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
How weird to think that
I thought it was quite disrespectful to call him cheasy and write "eeeew". Again: people are different.click to expand
I don't think it's a weird thought. I think that some women base their opinions off the opinions of the guys in an effort to appear "objective" or "open-minded."
I think his behavior is kind of grimy, though. But I have never been one to enjoy public, dirty jokes because I see them as tacky.
Posted by cheekyfaeriePosted by LillyPetal
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
Or maybe the ones that aren't are jumping to conclusions and being reactionary.click to expand
No, the posts exude a holier-than-thou air that many women adopt in order to "get in" with the guys, if even momentarily. It strikes me as a disengenuous mirroring of the men in order to gain some sort of validation. It's like playing the Devil's Advocate, only much less imaginative and interesting. But I am happy to disagree.
Posted by littlegigabytePosted by LillyPetalPosted by thinktoomuchPosted by LillyPetal
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
How weird to think that
I thought it was quite disrespectful to call him cheasy and write "eeeew". Again: people are different.
I don't think it's a weird thought. I think that some women base their opinions off the opinions of the guys in an effort to appear "objective" or "open-minded."
I think his behavior is kind of grimy, though. But I have never been one to enjoy public, dirty jokes because I see them as tacky.
I guess I just don't understand what you're saying. So are you saying that all the women who say they would be okay in this situation, are lying to make themselves appear open minded and objective? But that deep down they do actually have a big issue with it?
How can you draw conclusions on what ALL other women would or would not be okay with? That is absurd.click to expand
Very easily, actually. People jump to conclusions all of the time. You did so just now. But, yes, I definitely think the women who are pretending to be okay with this situation, in this thread, on this website, on this board, are being dishonest. But like I said, I am happy to disagree.
Posted by thinktoomuchPosted by LillyPetalPosted by thinktoomuchPosted by LillyPetal
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
How weird to think that
I thought it was quite disrespectful to call him cheasy and write "eeeew". Again: people are different.
I don't think it's a weird thought. I think that some women base their opinions off the opinions of the guys in an effort to appear "objective" or "open-minded."
I think his behavior is kind of grimy, though. But I have never been one to enjoy public, dirty jokes because I see them as tacky.
Would be REALLY weird, if you thought, what you think yourself, is weird. .....
I think this is a very backhanded insult to all of us, who actually just sees that as something funny, when you´re writing "base their opinions of the guys in an effort to appear "objective" or "open-minded"." I mean, maybe I am more masculine naturally in some ways I think, because writing that, seems to me to be just plain bitchy.
I enjoy dirty jokes a lot. Not because I want to fitt in, but because I can get rowdy with my dirty mind. We can not all be little angels like yourselfclick to expand
I rest my case.
Posted by cheekyfaeriePosted by LillyPetalPosted by cheekyfaeriePosted by LillyPetal
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
Or maybe the ones that aren't are jumping to conclusions and being reactionary.
No, the posts exude a holier-than-thou air that many women adopt in order to "get in" with the guys, if even momentarily. It strikes me as a disengenuous mirroring of the men in order to gain some sort of validation. It's like playing the Devil's Advocate, only much less imaginative and interesting. But I am happy to disagree.
That's a strange way of thinking and could just as easily be described as holier than thou. You're not simply saying you disagree with any woman who contradicts you, and letting it be. You're saying any woman who disagrees with you is being stupid. That's the definition of holier than thou.click to expand
I didn't call anyone stupid. And it's not any woman - the women on the site, on this board, on this thread, commenting on this topic, pretending they would be okay with it had they been in theOP's situation. I was being very specific about which women were being dishonest. But anyway, I'm not one to hijack someone else's topic, and I have exhausted my interest in further explaining my comment. So, we'll disagree, and life goes on.
Posted by littlegigabytePosted by cheekyfaeriePosted by LillyPetalPosted by cheekyfaeriePosted by LillyPetal
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
Or maybe the ones that aren't are jumping to conclusions and being reactionary.
No, the posts exude a holier-than-thou air that many women adopt in order to "get in" with the guys, if even momentarily. It strikes me as a disengenuous mirroring of the men in order to gain some sort of validation. It's like playing the Devil's Advocate, only much less imaginative and interesting. But I am happy to disagree.
That's a strange way of thinking and could just as easily be described as holier than thou. You're not simply saying you disagree with any woman who contradicts you, and letting it be. You're saying any woman who disagrees with you is being stupid. That's the definition of holier than thou.
Yea ! So I believe that according to her, we should all agree that the OP was not overreacting, in order to validate her thought that all women are cut from the same cloth, and have the same opinions and reactions in given situations, regardless of whether or not it was true.
Taking a step back and looking at this for what it is... it is nothing short of hilarious to come into another sign's thread and then accuse the people of lying when their opinion or reaction doesn't align with their own!click to expand
JFC.
This post showed up on the main page, just like any other thread.
Maybe I missed it, but OP didn't adress Geminis directly either in the thread title or in the OP.
Posted by littlegigabytePosted by sultrykittyPosted by littlegigabytePosted by cheekyfaeriePosted by LillyPetalPosted by cheekyfaeriePosted by LillyPetal
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
Or maybe the ones that aren't are jumping to conclusions and being reactionary.
No, the posts exude a holier-than-thou air that many women adopt in order to "get in" with the guys, if even momentarily. It strikes me as a disengenuous mirroring of the men in order to gain some sort of validation. It's like playing the Devil's Advocate, only much less imaginative and interesting. But I am happy to disagree.
That's a strange way of thinking and could just as easily be described as holier than thou. You're not simply saying you disagree with any woman who contradicts you, and letting it be. You're saying any woman who disagrees with you is being stupid. That's the definition of holier than thou.
Yea ! So I believe that according to her, we should all agree that the OP was not overreacting, in order to validate her thought that all women are cut from the same cloth, and have the same opinions and reactions in given situations, regardless of whether or not it was true.
Taking a step back and looking at this for what it is... it is nothing short of hilarious to come into another sign's thread and then accuse the people of lying when their opinion or reaction doesn't align with their own!
JFC.
This post showed up on the main page, just like any other thread.
Maybe I missed it, but OP didn't adress Geminis directly either in the thread title or in the OP.
Point is, I am not going to go into a thread on the Leo board and then start calling y'all liars for stating your opinion because that is lol worthy.click to expand
Don't think that happened here either, FWIW.
Meh. Panties have gotten way too wadded up. My AIR dominant self needs to jet out of this thread lest someone spontaneously combusts.
In fairness..
x Don't bring up hurt feelings over texts. You needed to convey it in voice and not in writing
x2 Especially if you're dating a mutable
x3 Especially if it's Virgo/Gemini. We think quick on our feet and then you don't get to hear the genuine reaction we'd have in our voice.
His reaction comes across as:
"Damn bro, am I being called out over a FB post?" - you can say it's dismissive to your feelings but if FB posts are that big of a deal..then how are you going to react if you guys are out and he glances at some chick's boobs? Every complaint over text is devoid of feeling.
That's the problem, it wasn't a talk.
Actually, nvm. You're too riled up about jumping to conclusions to care to find another way to bridge it, you're too into feeling disrespected to allow a benefit of the doubt here which should be afforded to a partner.
I'd simmer down, clear my mind and my feelings and call him.
"Hey babe"
"' 'sup?"
" ...I want to share something with you, if you'd hear me out? It won't take long"
"uhm, yeah, sure, go ahead"
" I feel communication went awry with the text messages..it hurt me to see you comment like that on her status, I know it's a FB post but I saw red because I care about you so it brought up possesiveness in me"
"She's my friend. I've known her 10 years. You know this."
"Yes but..I guess I am not privy to your guys' dynamic so from the outside looking in, it comes across as flirting. You and her might know it isn't flirting and it's just banter...but it would mean a lot to me if you take the way I feel about it into account"
....and then you will see if he cares about your feelings or not.
Not one drop of 'tude in your tone, be mellow and talk from the heart.
x Don't bring up hurt feelings over texts. You needed to convey it in voice and not in writing
x2 Especially if you're dating a mutable
x3 Especially if it's Virgo/Gemini. We think quick on our feet and then you don't get to hear the genuine reaction we'd have in our voice.
His reaction comes across as:
"Damn bro, am I being called out over a FB post?" - you can say it's dismissive to your feelings but if FB posts are that big of a deal..then how are you going to react if you guys are out and he glances at some chick's boobs? Every complaint over text is devoid of feeling.
Posted by livictori
I don't want this fuckshit a part of our relationship where we can't talk about things like adults.
That's the problem, it wasn't a talk.
Actually, nvm. You're too riled up about jumping to conclusions to care to find another way to bridge it, you're too into feeling disrespected to allow a benefit of the doubt here which should be afforded to a partner.
I'd simmer down, clear my mind and my feelings and call him.
"Hey babe"
"' 'sup?"
" ...I want to share something with you, if you'd hear me out? It won't take long"
"uhm, yeah, sure, go ahead"
" I feel communication went awry with the text messages..it hurt me to see you comment like that on her status, I know it's a FB post but I saw red because I care about you so it brought up possesiveness in me"
"She's my friend. I've known her 10 years. You know this."
"Yes but..I guess I am not privy to your guys' dynamic so from the outside looking in, it comes across as flirting. You and her might know it isn't flirting and it's just banter...but it would mean a lot to me if you take the way I feel about it into account"
....and then you will see if he cares about your feelings or not.
Not one drop of 'tude in your tone, be mellow and talk from the heart.
Posted by littlegigabyte
Leo sun/Cap moon air dominant?click to expand
Yep, 3 planet Libra Stellium in the 7th house (ruled by Libra), 4 planet stellium in 7th house, Aqua rising, and progressed Libra sun.
Posted by starwarsPosted by LillyPetal
I think all the women on this thread pretending like they would be okay with this situation are being hypocrites.
i wasnt okay with it until she posted their bf posts and looking at their interaction and considering the fact that theyve been friends for 10 years i see it as no biggie. id be okay with that. however, i understand that some people wouldnt. but thats not the point, she thinks hes rude in the way he reacted and that is true, but what she isnt considering is the way she approached this, talking to him as if he was 5. we're here to explain the "action" not to take sides.click to expand
"Why bring up her boobs" was a fair opener
That could have been explained.
What I didn't say was are you having sex with her or some accusatory statement. What I asked was factual and again he could have said, that's how we play. Our relationship is new enough to respond simply
What I didn't say was are you having sex with her or some accusatory statement. What I asked was factual and again he could have said, that's how we play. Our relationship is new enough to respond simply
Posted by LillyPetal
I don't think it's a weird thought. I think that some women base their opinions off the opinions of the guys in an effort to appear "objective" or "open-minded."
I think his behavior is kind of grimy, though. But I have never been one to enjoy public, dirty jokes because I see them as tacky.
... in order to ingratiate themselves, and gain acceptance, etc.
Good eye, Lilly.
Posted by Scenic
I have more of a problem with how he answered. He refused to have a discussion. He doesn't care to alleviate your stress or worries. And he used the excuse that he's a grown man? So what, is any issue you have with his behavior going to be met with the same response? If you care about your partner you should at least be willing to discuss matters as long as both people are calm. I'm not sure how he thinks leaving you alone without discussing it is going to help.
And you know what, I bet he already discussed the whole thing with Carla.
That was partly joking but could definitely be true. He doesn't respect you at this point and doesn't think your emotions regarding the situation are valid. Screw that.
This deserves more than one point... alas, that is all I have to give.
He did get awfully defensive when she started to get between him and Carla.
In fact... he shut it down.
Strange, when he 's usually so easy-going and open.
OP you KNOW....it's clear from your comments after your original post so there wasn't really any point to this thread other than to validate you reaction and hurt feelings.
He has a level of comfort with his friend of 10 years...YOU could have waited to be calm and approached it by starting with ....babe....
A possible misstep on his part and then you being confrontational about it, that ish can get out of hand real quick. With most gems nuh huh, you'll be left talking to yourself.
The seeds of resentment are being planted for the gem and he probably won't tell you......
He has a level of comfort with his friend of 10 years...YOU could have waited to be calm and approached it by starting with ....babe....
A possible misstep on his part and then you being confrontational about it, that ish can get out of hand real quick. With most gems nuh huh, you'll be left talking to yourself.
The seeds of resentment are being planted for the gem and he probably won't tell you......
Posted by gemeliorist
OP you KNOW....it's clear from your comments after your original post so there wasn't really any point to this thread other than to validate you reaction and hurt feelings.
He has a level of comfort with his friend of 10 years...YOU could have waited to be calm and approached it by starting with ....babe....
A possible misstep on his part and then you being confrontational about it, that ish can get out of hand real quick. With most gems nuh huh, you'll be left talking to yourself.
The seeds of resentment are being planted for the gem and he probably won't tell you......
That's the funny thing about asking questions. You want knowledge maybe affirmation but you give the person a chance. That's was the point of how I started my text to him and my post here. Is there room for more understanding on something I seeing. Him shutting that down so abruptly was my fault for texting but his reaction was shit.
He's texting as if nothing is wrong and I'm letting it go until I see him. The conversation deserves more complexion than texting
Posted by livictori
That could have been explained.
What I didn't say was are you having sex with her or some accusatory statement. What I asked was factual and again he could have said, that's how we play. Our relationship is new enough to respond simply
Just because you didn't say it does not mean it wasn't obvious to him. Argument avoided. Bring it up later in a calm way face to face and you'll probably see things differently by his body language.
Posted by livictoriPosted by gemeliorist
OP you KNOW....it's clear from your comments after your original post so there wasn't really any point to this thread other than to validate you reaction and hurt feelings.
He has a level of comfort with his friend of 10 years...YOU could have waited to be calm and approached it by starting with ....babe....
A possible misstep on his part and then you being confrontational about it, that ish can get out of hand real quick. With most gems nuh huh, you'll be left talking to yourself.
The seeds of resentment are being planted for the gem and he probably won't tell you......
That's the funny thing about asking questions. You want knowledge maybe affirmation but you give the person a chance. That's was the point of how I started my text to him and my post here. Is there room for more understanding on something I seeing. Him shutting that down so abruptly was my fault for texting but his reaction was shit.
He's texting as if nothing is wrong and I'm letting it go until I see him. The conversation deserves more complexion than textingclick to expand
Yeah, I was going to say that he'll probably come around as if nothing happened. LOL, give him some honey, the really sweet kind and he'll probably find a way to make it up to you.
Posted by livictoriPosted by gemeliorist
OP you KNOW....it's clear from your comments after your original post so there wasn't really any point to this thread other than to validate you reaction and hurt feelings.
He has a level of comfort with his friend of 10 years...YOU could have waited to be calm and approached it by starting with ....babe....
A possible misstep on his part and then you being confrontational about it, that ish can get out of hand real quick. With most gems nuh huh, you'll be left talking to yourself.
The seeds of resentment are being planted for the gem and he probably won't tell you......
That's the funny thing about asking questions. You want knowledge maybe affirmation but you give the person a chance. That's was the point of how I started my text to him and my post here. Is there room for more understanding on something I seeing. Him shutting that down so abruptly was my fault for texting but his reaction was shit.
He's texting as if nothing is wrong and I'm letting it go until I see him. The conversation deserves more complexion than textingclick to expand
His reaction wasn't the greatest to your reaction, so it solved nothing. Not a lot of understanding for the other from either of you imo.
Context and intentions are really important... so I hope you guys can get past this.
Posted by gemelioristPosted by livictoriPosted by gemeliorist
OP you KNOW....it's clear from your comments after your original post so there wasn't really any point to this thread other than to validate you reaction and hurt feelings.
He has a level of comfort with his friend of 10 years...YOU could have waited to be calm and approached it by starting with ....babe....
A possible misstep on his part and then you being confrontational about it, that ish can get out of hand real quick. With most gems nuh huh, you'll be left talking to yourself.
The seeds of resentment are being planted for the gem and he probably won't tell you......
That's the funny thing about asking questions. You want knowledge maybe affirmation but you give the person a chance. That's was the point of how I started my text to him and my post here. Is there room for more understanding on something I seeing. Him shutting that down so abruptly was my fault for texting but his reaction was shit.
He's texting as if nothing is wrong and I'm letting it go until I see him. The conversation deserves more complexion than texting
His reaction wasn't the greatest to your reaction, so it solved nothing. Not a lot of understanding for the other from either of you imo.
Context and intentions are really important... so I hope you guys can get past this.click to expand
My next thread: Are all Taurus Ascendant folks
well-spoken, written, and otherwise appealing?
I agree with very little of what you wrote, but you
were so gracious about it, idgaf.
Taurus asc ftw
Posted by MontgomeryPosted by LillyPetal
I don't think it's a weird thought. I think that some women base their opinions off the opinions of the guys in an effort to appear "objective" or "open-minded."
I think his behavior is kind of grimy, though. But I have never been one to enjoy public, dirty jokes because I see them as tacky.
... in order to ingratiate themselves, and gain acceptance, etc.
Good eye, Lilly.
click to expand
Precisely
Cheers, Monty.
Posted by Shashkay
There is no overreaction here.
You have such an interesting and unique look, Shashkay. ☺ï¸ðŸ˜Š A mix of earthy and ethereal. ❤
Posted by Lust
OP, you are pisces right? I have been reading your post in the past too. I can feel a little bit about your personality, it's funny that character of people can shin through their writing. Pisces expectation is way too diferent then gemini. You will always feel like you need to defense yourself, simply because he will never can comprehend or validate your feeling. Not because he does not understand, he does, but simply he does not agree with your value. He wants to be accepted for what he is, period.
You, you want him to be more sensitive toward you, and have some kind of responsible (act properly dammit, you are not single!!) type of energy. You know you are right in this argument, and not backing down regardless what other people say.
My recommendation is to reassess the differences in value between you two. Thank goodness that you capture this in an early stage of your relationship. He is a sweet guy, kind hearted, never jugdemental, easy going, and probabbly a damn sexy too, all this quality that made you fall in love at the first place and wanted to be his girlfriend.
But the light heartedness will back fire, because he always be light, period. Can you carry on with this light energy (air anergy) for many months and years to come??
I live this up to you to answer this question, cause I don't care what your answer is. Hope, I can help you to open your mine a bit. Move on if you are not satisfy.
I see him try to understand so much. I always express gratitude but I would think it's exhausting if I wee him. He noted how different we were before I did but I'm now starting to see it. He really a lot of good qualities. Like on paper he's perfect. He confides in me, tells me his goals and dreams, respects my professional and business advice and is supportive. There's so much romantic and sexual attraction too. He plans awesome dates and outings. When I go to visit, he opens up his life to me. We cook together and do couple things. We honestly could be a meme BUT I find my emotional nature standing out. I feel irrational and sometimes like I want to defend my emotional nature. At the same timr, he's more expressive than I thought. I just don't want him to be different or strained
I'm a Pisces sun, Leo moon and libra rising
He's a Gemini sun, Taurus moon and Leo rising
He's a Gemini sun, Taurus moon and Leo rising
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