any advice about controlling gemini's??

i have a gemini father who has some control issues. a few of the issues are:

- he over-rides me as a mother to my children.

- he lies all the time. even tho he knows that he can be caught up in it, he will still lie.

- he can't ever accept the fact that he's wrong in everything. like it can be proven but he will still say he's not wrong. he can't ever accept a difference of opinions.

- he's very condisending in his tone with everyone. he's one of those who THINKS he's smarter than the world. lol.

- when it comes to money, he seems to think that he can lay claim to it somehow. even if it's not his money.

everyone around him agrees that he has to have all the control of everyone and everything. does anyone have advice?? OTHER than leave the situation!! i already know i have to do that! i want to know what to do in the mean time!?!?

my boyfriend is gem and hes the same way...it makes me sick sometimes...he can be soooo stubborn but I had to learn to either deal with it or leave....i guess this is different with it being your father...thats a toughy

misslissa I'm experiencing one of the biggest problems in my life and especially this period I'm doing some thinking/changes in my life and one of them regards my gemini father. To cut to the chase he's all that you said and more and I used to like him and wanted to be with him and discuss/learn. And he seemed so good at it until he treated my ex really badly and I started to see the real two-face gemini. I know it's not all about zodiac, there's personality too.

I tried to be tough with him so he will show some respect (I'm indepedent now with my own income and place to live) but his ego/independence/lying shocked me. Who said aqua and gem supposed to match ? He's the only person, apart from a couple of scorpios friends that I broke up and disliked afterwards (i don't get along with scoprios at all), that I start to dislike but again he's my father and I struggle inside.

Hi,

I just recently joined this board cause I just broke up last week after a serious 3 yr ltr with a gem well set in his way. I agree with all these comments and then some.

Since it's your dad, breaking up is not an option. Be strong and believe in yourself most of all. That is the best way to to deal with life's cruelties. Each time he cuts loose in an unkind way, just shut him down and tell him you don't deserve to be treated that way. Try to change the subject to something he likes to talk about or something positive.

I think if you sound strong and stern, their instinct is to hit back hard. But if you can develop a smarter approach...As women from all ages have learned, let them think they are controlling you, but sweet talk to their ego when they are good, and keep your tone as calm as possible when they are bad.

You are looking for answers, so I'm only trying to give you ideas to try. If this is not possible for you, and believe me I understand, then lay the boundaries down, tell him what the rules are if he wants to stay involved, but don't be surprised if he will resort to any tactic to hurt you again, only this time harder.

I feel badly for your situation, I used to think they got a little nicer as they age, but I no longer feel that way. They are only nice when they want something from you, or worse, when they are reeling you in for the big slam hurt.

Geesh, this sounds so cynical. I never in my life talked this way about anyone, but as I said, the wounds are deep and still quite raw.

Best of Luck,

Summer

Tas,
yea it was almost the same way for me. he just didn't do anything when it came to my bf's. but yea, i thought he was a good guy at first too. i started to learn from him and it took me 15 years to see how full of crap he really is. half the time he doesn't even know what he's talking about. but pretends like he does. he has given me soooo much bad info, that it really affected my life, cuz i trusted and believed what he said was the truth. he even did this to my sis and i stood up for him cuz i thought he was telling me the truth about it. now, i realize i should have learned from her situation.

Summer Night,
he's one of those who don't learn or will NOT change. he has no compassion for anyone or anything. i have tried to be subtle. it doesn't work. i've tried being forward and that just goes horribly wrong. changing the subject is never an option. i'll be there for 6 hours getting a lecture on how i should never change the subject on him. not to mention, he's very delusional. he will start to assume things that are way in outer space. the minute i tell him i don't deserve this kind of treatment, is the minute he starts in for hours about how i do deserve it. i have, also, tried the "let him think he's controlling me". that didn't work so well either. he does really weird things behind my back. like rearranging my things while i'm sleeping or changing settings in my computer. like i said, weird things. one night i had to stand there for 4 hours, listening to him tell me how i can't say anything to him, after he said something really hurtful to me and he knew it was. then had the nerve to tell me that he did nothing wrong. so, it's easier said than done. sometimes, i swear he thinks i'm 5 yo.

thank you all, for your advice tho. i do appreciate them GREATLY!! 🙂

i think it's starting to look like a "damned if i do - damned if i don't" situation and i need to get away ASAP!

I dunno Lissa I'm a guy that can be nice and open to anyone until I'm hurt really bad by someone then I don't hate but completely erase/ignore s/he ever existed. Obviously with dad that's not possible but there's obviously a friction in our relationship however he seems to try to keep in touch for some reason. He's like yday he called to speak but I shouted said I don't want to just gimme mom on the phone, I spoke to mom and today he texted me like nothing wrong happened yday. I dunno if both our behaviour is typical zodiac but this is so important for me beyond zodiac because his behaviour contributed a lot in me breaking up with my ex and now he's thinking why am I not talking to him. Crazy. The last around a year I almost always speak to mom and sis but not him, I really don't think of him most of the time and he doesn't seem to care, talking about big ego and double face gem.

GeminiSister,
yea, i think your right. i try my best to do that. it works for the most part. when i do that tho, he gets weird on me. he'll start stealing my soda. or he'll change settings on my computer. or he will rearrange my things when i'm gone. it's really childish behavior. i try to ignore all that too, but sometimes, enough is enough. lol.

Geminisister I agree with lissa. It's like when you ignore him he comes back to irritate you more and many times in a sneaky way. Like he knows I want my privacy in my room and we had fights about him entering all the time without knocking. Now he just stays outside to listen and opens the door just a little, when I notice him he finds excuses like he wants to make sure lights are off so not to waste energy !! I mean Im supposed to be aloof and stubborn aqua but he has no consideration of others.

any advice about controlling gemini's??



DOnt try

I wish that they would have a desire to try to control themselves, though, if it's recognized that this might have the potential to be a problem in life.

Posted by Perfect Gem Angel
any advice about controlling gemini's??



DOnt try

sorry, lol i think i did word that wrong. it's a bad habbit i have. i don't want to control a gem man. i want to get some advice about one who is very controlling and trying to control every aspect of my life. i, being a gem also, don't understand this control issue he has.

Posted by P-Angel
I wish that they would have a desire to try to control themselves, though, if it's recognized that this might have the potential to be a problem in life.

even tho, he's been accused of these actions, over and over again, (throughout his ENTIRE life) he still fails to realize that. he has very little control over himself. which is one of the reason why i think he tries to control everyone else around him.

Posted by misslissa

Posted by P-Angel
I wish that they would have a desire to try to control themselves, though, if it's recognized that this might have the potential to be a problem in life.

even tho, he's been accused of these actions, over and over again, (throughout his ENTIRE life) he still fails to realize that. he has very little control over himself. which is one of the reason why i think he tries to control everyone else around him.

click to expand

Sorry I didnt respond earlier Misslissa, I have been in a bit of crisis.
I too am perceived as you perceive him. I dont try to control anyone, I think alot of times, my own self control and control of my world is so "intimidating" for lack of a better expression, the strength within myself that I dont even mostly recognize, is part of that perception of others. I apologize often for this "control" issue. It certainly is not intentional. My kids often see me this way as well, doesnt matter how much room i feel i give them, they still feel it no matter the silence or distance. IDK I hope I helped someway.

no worries, Perfect Gem Angel. i'm sorry to hear that you have been in a bit of crisis. i hope it gets better soon! 🙂

i see what your saying. but with him it is intentional. he will even say so and gloat about it. the other day he says to me, "i have to get the control back in this house!" i looked at him and asked, "what control? we follow the rules to a T and we don't disrespect you or anyone else here." he literally told me, "becuz you and your kids are not doing what i want you to do FOR ME!" and smiled about it!

granted, i am his daughter, but i'm not 8 years old anymore. we do everything for him and when it's our turn to go do something for ourselves, he sabotages it and gives us MORE to do. that's only the tip of the iceberg. money is another issue. he will tell us to do something or get out. fine, i can do that. but when i go to look for some other place, he will raise my rent here so i can't leave or save any money for a new place. i already pay $ 500/mo to him. which i believe is more than he should be asking from his own daughter. i never charged him rent when he needed a place to stay.

i do understand the unintentional part. my kids also get on me about this too. i think all kids get on their parents for this. but what do you do when it IS intentional?

Posted by misslissa
no worries, Perfect Gem Angel. i'm sorry to hear that you have been in a bit of crisis. i hope it gets better soon! 🙂

i see what your saying. but with him it is intentional. he will even say so and gloat about it. the other day he says to me, "i have to get the control back in this house!" i looked at him and asked, "what control? we follow the rules to a T and we don't disrespect you or anyone else here." he literally told me, "becuz you and your kids are not doing what i want you to do FOR ME!" and smiled about it!

granted, i am his daughter, but i'm not 8 years old anymore. we do everything for him and when it's our turn to go do something for ourselves, he sabotages it and gives us MORE to do. that's only the tip of the iceberg. money is another issue. he will tell us to do something or get out. fine, i can do that. but when i go to look for some other place, he will raise my rent here so i can't leave or save any money for a new place. i already pay $ 500/mo to him. which i believe is more than he should be asking from his own daughter. i never charged him rent when he needed a place to stay.

i do understand the unintentional part. my kids also get on me about this too. i think all kids get on their parents for this. but what do you do when it IS intentional?

Misslissa,

I got you.....controlling parents. I got them, they did the same crap to me, and boy it hurts and is frustrating. You need your own space, he wants you there for selfish reasons IMO, I myself would love my daughter to be home w/me for selfish reasons, then i have "real" love and "genuine" in the house, home. I am alone and live w/family who is not blood related. So i have been on most sides of the coin. As for what he is doing, if you can see it, it will happen, as well as if you want something bad enough, you can make it happen. You could say "lets create the possibility that you and I lay out some new boundaries" he must respect that, yes it is his home, recognize that w/out issue and give him that once again face to face and verbally, but also state "the possibility that me and the kids get our own place an you help us plan to make that happen" "not financially dad, but the 'plan' that we all work towards for all our benefit" You need to be a mom and feel that stand alone, it will make you grow, believe me, its amazing what you do when its you and the kids,

"Sometimes distance is the best answer."

thank you, CombatingMyGeminiSister. i do realize this is something i must do. but there are some other things i have to get in order, before this can happen.

"I got you.....controlling parents. I got them, they did the same crap to me, and boy it hurts and is frustrating. You need your own space, he wants you there for selfish reasons IMO, I myself would love my daughter to be home w/me for selfish reasons, then i have "real" love and "genuine" in the house, home. I am alone and live w/family who is not blood related. So i have been on most sides of the coin. As for what he is doing, if you can see it, it will happen, as well as if you want something bad enough, you can make it happen. You could say "lets create the possibility that you and I lay out some new boundaries" he must respect that, yes it is his home, recognize that w/out issue and give him that once again face to face and verbally, but also state "the possibility that me and the kids get our own place an you help us plan to make that happen" "not financially dad, but the 'plan' that we all work towards for all our benefit" You need to be a mom and feel that stand alone, it will make you grow, believe me, its amazing what you do when its you and the kids,"

thank you, Perfect Gem Angel. i more than understand what you have said here. it has helped in a big way! i will apply it and we will see where it will go from there. 🙂

thank you all, for the great advice!

i have a controlling boyfriend and brother who are both gems. so i can definitely relate..i totally ignore them LOL....and one thing about living with parents you have to abide by their rules as long as you are living under their roof....sign has nothing to do with it.....your dad is only showing you tough love....you will appreciate it in the long run....believe me

and paying 500 per month...you can have your own place and own peace of mine for that amount

"and paying 500 per month...you can have your own place and own peace of mine for that amount"

EXACTLY!! but raising rent up to $ 1000/mo, just so you don't lose your free laborers, is rediculous!

Posted by misslissa
no worries, Perfect Gem Angel. i'm sorry to hear that you have been in a bit of crisis. i hope it gets better soon! 🙂

i see what your saying. but with him it is intentional. he will even say so and gloat about it. the other day he says to me, "i have to get the control back in this house!" i looked at him and asked, "what control? we follow the rules to a T and we don't disrespect you or anyone else here." he literally told me, "becuz you and your kids are not doing what i want you to do FOR ME!" and smiled about it!

granted, i am his daughter, but i'm not 8 years old anymore. we do everything for him and when it's our turn to go do something for ourselves, he sabotages it and gives us MORE to do. that's only the tip of the iceberg. money is another issue. he will tell us to do something or get out. fine, i can do that. but when i go to look for some other place, he will raise my rent here so i can't leave or save any money for a new place. i already pay $ 500/mo to him. which i believe is more than he should be asking from his own daughter. i never charged him rent when he needed a place to stay.

i do understand the unintentional part. my kids also get on me about this too. i think all kids get on their parents for this. but what do you do when it IS intentional?

Scary thing is you just discribed my mother. She's an Aries not a Gemini but that's another issue altogether. Unfortunately you have to weather the storm as best you can until you manage to move out. Your father will always have leverage on your life. It sucks but its true.

Gemini's are free spirited when it comes to themselvs but are absolutely domineering when it comes to everything else. With the free spirit approach to life comes the attitude of "My way or the highway" because free spirits think in terms of I. It's all about what I want, what works for me, what makes me feel good. My freedom is my world and no one else will change it. You see what I am getting at? Your father is behaving like a typical free spirited Gemini. You just don't benifit from it, that's the problem.

Posted by eric11


Gemini's are free spirited when it comes to themselvs but are absolutely domineering when it comes to everything else. With the free spirit approach to life comes the attitude of "My way or the highway" because free spirits think in terms of I. It's all about what I want, what works for me, what makes me feel good. My freedom is my world and no one else will change it. You see what I am getting at? Your father is behaving like a typical free spirited Gemini. You just don't benifit from it, that's the problem.

i do see what you're getting at. that's what confuses me. i'm a gem also. i was raised by a leo and the "my way or the highway" was drilled out of me. so, i am a free spirit, but not at the cost of others. choosing to "go with the flow" also makes me a different kind of free spirit. i don't know if that makes ANY kind of sense, but it does to me lol.

Posted by eric11

Gemini's are free spirited when it comes to themselvs but are absolutely domineering when it comes to everything else. With the free spirit approach to life comes the attitude of "My way or the highway" because free spirits think in terms of I. It's all about what I want, what works for me, what makes me feel good. My freedom is my world and no one else will change it. You see what I am getting at? Your father is behaving like a typical free spirited Gemini. You just don't benifit from it, that's the problem.







Wow Eric .... this just sent a light off in my head .. thank you.

Good Luck w/this lady, and by the way, again, I my dad is the "my way or the highway" kind of parent he is a scorp nov 13 and I have that in me, but, I dont like it. I have learned w/age to change it and recognize it better. I didnt know, I hate it! I rebel it! DEEPLY!

LOL

yea, my father is the same way. starts off all sweet and nice and then when you least expect it, he digs his claws in. what really confuses me is, at his age, he hasn't matured. i know we all have our own development stages, but he's 57 for pete's sake! lol.

thanks for sharing your experience and for the good luck, FLeo Loves MPisces. 🙂
i think i need all the good luck i can get. lol!

Misslissa,

I have more to share w/you, I wish I could right now, I will try this weekend to do so. I just lost my Dad. The more you talk about yours, the more I can relate to mine and bad habits I use to have..........may still w/some unaware, cause its not intentional, but where r u now w/all of this?

i am so sorry Perfect Gem Angel. my huggs, thoughts and prayers are with you.

lately, he's had another victim to control. a friend of his from w.va. came to visit him. it's just been a big, raging, jealous mess. it all started out over a computer my father thinks is still his, after giving it away for charity, then to my father sabotaging a printer his friend bought and ending in the two of them not talking for days.

he did try to pick a fight with me over some issue with my youngest daughter (it had nothing to do with him, but somehow made it about him.) and it ended in him trying to kick me out, again. all cuz he thought i wasn't seeing his point, but that was far from the truth. he did this in front of his friend. so that caused some trouble between him and his friend too. his friend kept asking me, "how can a man treat his daughter the way he does and still be able to live with himself?"

but he's still "ruling" my kids and having no concern for what he's heard me tell them already. still trying to control their every move. now that his friend has gone back home, he's back to trying to control me and trying to mess with my bf's head. he likes to start fights between my bf and i cuz he no longer has me at his will. a few days before his friend came up to see him, he had the nerve to tell me that i came in between him and my bf. i was so floored by that comment. it actually hurt alot to hear him say it. i know he only said it cuz he knew it would hurt me.

now he's doing the "holier-than-thou" attitude. acting like we are beneath him. we have been finding out that he's been telling others lies about me. went into the local diner and left there just totally beside myself. i didn't say anything to him cuz i didn't wanna start a fight.

wow, forgive him, for he knows not what he does.............wow! I am so sorry.
Communication is still the key here, talks on a level that he does not initiate, but you can handle. Not while the heat is in the air, or he is in these moods, but when he is open and chilling. I am so sorry that you are going through this. So much he has to learn, so much he can not take back, regret for his actions will eat him up when you are gone. I assure you. You may not see it, for pride is a killer, but it will be inside him, if he is a true GEM>

thank you PGA. i more than understand what you're saying. i think this is what i needed to hear cuz your words really hit home. i appreciate this much more than i can express. thank you again.

thank you to all of you who have given their ideas and advice. it is also greatly appreciated.

🙂

UPDATE:

we moved out!!!

it just became more of a mess. he was wanting to argue with me and i was not wanting to argue anymore. it created more serious blow-ups on his part and i was starting to really fear the worst.

so, we left!!

things are MUCH better now! 🙂

we have a beautiful home full of happiness, love and loved ones. 😄

Posted by misslissa
i have a gemini father who has some control issues. a few of the issues are:

- he over-rides me as a mother to my children.

- he lies all the time. even tho he knows that he can be caught up in it, he will still lie.

- he can't ever accept the fact that he's wrong in everything. like it can be proven but he will still say he's not wrong. he can't ever accept a difference of opinions.

- he's very condisending in his tone with everyone. he's one of those who THINKS he's smarter than the world. lol.

- when it comes to money, he seems to think that he can lay claim to it somehow. even if it's not his money.

everyone around him agrees that he has to have all the control of everyone and everything. does anyone have advice?? OTHER than leave the situation!! i already know i have to do that! i want to know what to do in the mean time!?!?

I am sorry to hear you are going though a tough time. Hope it all works out.

Posted by misslissa
UPDATE:

we moved out!!!

it just became more of a mess. he was wanting to argue with me and i was not wanting to argue anymore. it created more serious blow-ups on his part and i was starting to really fear the worst.

so, we left!!

things are MUCH better now! 🙂

we have a beautiful home full of happiness, love and loved ones. 😄

I am sorry he could not be unselfish enough to love you in what I consider UNCONDITIONAL LOVE>
BUT
PARTAY ON FRIEND THE HELL HAS FROZEN! LOL
I am so glad to hear you are happy and have a safe home full of love for you and your kids, your own space is always a BETTER deal, I KNOW, I AM HOME W?MOM NOW>........HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEONE SAVE ME>>>>>>>> LMFAO then EXPLODE then LMFAO then EXPLODE

Posted by Perfect Gem Angel

Posted by misslissa
UPDATE:

we moved out!!!

it just became more of a mess. he was wanting to argue with me and i was not wanting to argue anymore. it created more serious blow-ups on his part and i was starting to really fear the worst.

so, we left!!

things are MUCH better now! 🙂

we have a beautiful home full of happiness, love and loved ones. 😄

I am sorry he could not be unselfish enough to love you in what I consider UNCONDITIONAL LOVE>
BUT
PARTAY ON FRIEND THE HELL HAS FROZEN! LOL
I am so glad to hear you are happy and have a safe home full of love for you and your kids, your own space is always a BETTER deal, I KNOW, I AM HOME W?MOM NOW>........HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEONE SAVE ME>>>>>>>> LMFAO then EXPLODE then LMFAO then EXPLODE

click to expand

i'm sorry he couldn't, either. hopefully, he will see it someday.

but, i sleep a whole lot better now, the stress has been cut down to almost nothing, i no longer feel tense all the time, my kids have smiles on their precious faces and i've lost weight since i've moved. we are actually able to have fun, as a family, without someone looming over us. my kids have come together to help out with anything they can. i'm deffinately seeing a change in them! and my man, he is the happiest man on this earth!! i love seeing all of their smiles more often! 😄

i'm so sorry you have to handle all of that. it's not something i would wish for anyone to have to do. hang in there. it will all get better for you too.