Confidence

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by Sssupes on Tuesday, July 19, 2016 and has 24 replies.
I have a young (25) Gemini girl that I supervise at work. She's VERY smart but has zero confidence in herself. I KNOW she knows what she's doing but she keeps asking for a second opinion or verification. She's scared to death of screwing up. I've had a few inspirational talks with her but it hasn't helped. I need help getting her to come around before I gotta cut her loose.

Help me out Gems!
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Posted by LeDominoes
I need help getting her to come around before I gotta cut her loose. ???

What?


Fire her

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Posted by LiveAndLove
Just tell her "you've got it, you don't need my help anymore. You've proved you can handle such and such tasks on your own" Probably say it in a better way than I did lol. If you force her to make the decisions on her own, she eventually will.


Tried that already. Not helping

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Posted by Foreverloveme
What does she have to do specifically?
We work pipeline. Lots of valve lineups

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Posted by Instantkarma
Give her some time.... She will know her worth. Don't try to hover around her or help her. It backfires. For me, I work great when I'm alone and don't have to bother about anyone else. If someone is around me or I need to work with someone, I don't do well. Let her be a madcap....

Its good you wanna help her.

I'm sure she appreciates it. :-)

Well, I tried cutting her off and tried to get her to make her own decisions. She's been soliciting help from other co workers. It's been 3 months now. The other guys have been on their own for 2 months and they all hired in together.

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If she screws up will the pipeline explode? I'd be nervous too.
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Posted by LeDominoes
Posted by kissmygrits
If she screws up will the pipeline explode? I'd be nervous too.
LOL!

I laugh because of how this is just a major topic here in Canada right now. The amount of morons that don't have a clue on this topic makes me so ... sensitive. I grew up with some of the brightest engineers behind the oilsands, most of which have over 30 years of experience today. And it's just hilarious the amount of ignorance on this topic in Canada.

The West funds this country and we're constantly on the short end of the stick.
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I am only aware of the activists fighting the pipeline.

Where I am we have mines. Those are being shut down.
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Posted by LeDominoes
Posted by kissmygrits
Posted by LeDominoes
Posted by kissmygrits
If she screws up will the pipeline explode? I'd be nervous too.
LOL!

I laugh because of how this is just a major topic here in Canada right now. The amount of morons that don't have a clue on this topic makes me so ... sensitive. I grew up with some of the brightest engineers behind the oilsands, most of which have over 30 years of experience today. And it's just hilarious the amount of ignorance on this topic in Canada.

The West funds this country and we're constantly on the short end of the stick.
I am only aware of the activists fighting the pipeline.

Where I am we have mines. Those are being shut down.
The activists are the most moronic people I can think of on this subject. Pipelines are engineered to be safe. There is absolutely nothing wrong with their design and are actually one of, if not THE BEST means of transportation of BP across the country. Not only that, the hundreds of lines already going through NA is insane; and they are completely obvious to this let alone how our dollar would jump up at least 10 cents (speculation) because of it. The amount of jobs that it would create is enormous as well. At least 4500 workers, plus the thousands to maintain them, all making wages that would put them in the upper middle class. Absolutely retarded to NOT support the pipeline.
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Ok that's your opinion. My seafood is ruined because of BP. My cousins had to move because they were being poisoned by fracking bastards.

I'd be ok with it if they didn't have careless retards straight out of a South Park episode ruining people's lives so they can make a couple of inflated bucks. If it's so great why do idiots still keep getting tapped to be in charge?


I get so pissed having to put fuel into my equipment to harvest. I'm working on an alternative. I'm tired of depending on dinosaur juice.



Muh pipeline. Muh oil. Muh retardation. Heehee!

I'm sure you and the other hard workers are cool. I'm just not on the energy fan wagon anymore. The guys running it are total twats.

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Posted by Impulsv
Posted by Sssupes
I have a young (25) Gemini girl that I supervise at work. She's VERY smart but has zero confidence in herself. I KNOW she knows what she's doing but she keeps asking for a second opinion or verification. She's scared to death of screwing up. I've had a few inspirational talks with her but it hasn't helped. I need help getting her to come around before I gotta cut her loose.

Help me out Gems!


Why do u need to cut her loose?

She sense the pressure n these thing come with time maybe years. Sometimes we forget how it is to be new

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Because she's already a month behind on her certification. I don't want to cut her loose. She's smart as hell, just seriously lacking the confidence. I need her to work alone. ive even tried giving her small (confidence builder) tasks, no luck there either.

I understand the stress she's under, one wrong valve and it will cost millions.

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Sounds like me in my younger years...

It'll take a lil talk and some time... Just let her know (again) that she's doing a great job and she doesn't need to ask anymore. Let her know that you'll let her know if there's a problem with her performance. She'll come around.

Good luck! smile
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Posted by Sssupes
I have a young (25) Gemini girl that I supervise at work. She's VERY smart but has zero confidence in herself. I KNOW she knows what she's doing but she keeps asking for a second opinion or verification. She's scared to death of screwing up. I've had a few inspirational talks with her but it hasn't helped. I need help getting her to come around before I gotta cut her loose.

Help me out Gems!


Sounds to me as if she's had a bad or several bad experiences in the work place prior and they undermined her confidence. I can relate to the bad experiences, however, I've always been confident in my capabilities.

Here's a suggestion that I've used in both coaching and in work. Instead of "telling" her that she's smart and can make a positive difference at her position, place her in a situation where she is an active participant in "teach teaching." This allows her to use her intelligence, but gives her some room to build up her confidence while working with others who may possess more assertive personalities. You can't take someone who has zero confidence and talk them up. They have to learn to DO it themselves. The best way to do this is have them team up with others who can compliment her and all will benefit in the long run.

In teaching and coaching, I found that those who weren't assertive and questioned themselves needed more than just words. Words don't mean anything. What counts is action. IE: If I tell you you're great and you're so smart, you can do anything, the only way you're going to believe that is IF you have actually done that. Action oriented solutions are the best way to build up someone's lack of confidence.

One way I did this was when I had students team teach other students and/or I'd have some of the kids I coached run the drills etc. When you put a tentative individual in an environment they can relate to and be successful, that inherently will build their inner confidence.

Although I have no idea what type of work you do or the tasks this young lady is required to do, I do think you can incorporate some of what I've shared with you; working as a team and building individual assertiveness is an objective of any company.

I would love to know what type of business you manage and what this young lady's job duties are.

FTR, I don't think this has anything to do with her being a Gemini. I'm one and have numerous friends who are too; none of them are lacking in confidence. Again, I believe this goes back to A) having bad experiences at prior jobs OR B) Having a former boss and/or father who was over demanding and possibly demeaning to her.
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Posted by gemini64
Posted by Sssupes
I have a young (25) Gemini girl that I supervise at work. She's VERY smart but has zero confidence in herself. I KNOW she knows what she's doing but she keeps asking for a second opinion or verification. She's scared to death of screwing up. I've had a few inspirational talks with her but it hasn't helped. I need help getting her to come around before I gotta cut her loose.

Help me out Gems!


Sounds to me as if she's had a bad or several bad experiences in the work place prior and they undermined her confidence. I can relate to the bad experiences, however, I've always been confident in my capabilities.

Here's a suggestion that I've used in both coaching and in work. Instead of "telling" her that she's smart and can make a positive difference at her position, place her in a situation where she is an active participant in "teach teaching." This allows her to use her intelligence, but gives her some room to build up her confidence while working with others who may possess more assertive personalities. You can't take someone who has zero confidence and talk them up. They have to learn to DO it themselves. The best way to do this is have them team up with others who can compliment her and all will benefit in the long run.

In teaching and coaching, I found that those who weren't assertive and questioned themselves needed more than just words. Words don't mean anything. What counts is action. IE: If I tell you you're great and you're so smart, you can do anything, the only way you're going to believe that is IF you have actually done that. Action oriented solutions are the best way to build up someone's lack of confidence.

One way I did this was when I had students team teach other students and/or I'd have some of the kids I coached run the drills etc. When you put a tentative individual in an environment they can relate to and be successful, that inherently will build their inner confidence.

Although I have no idea what type of work you do or the tasks this young lady is required to do, I do think you can incorporate some of what I've shared with you; working as a team and building individual assertiveness is an objective of any company.

I would love to know what type of business you manage and what this young lady's job duties are.

FTR, I don't think this has anything to do with her being a Gemini. I'm one and have numerous friends who are too; none of them are lacking in confidence. Again, I believe this goes back to A) having bad experiences at prior jobs OR B) Having a former boss and/or father who was over demanding and possibly demeaning to her.
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We work pipeline and do 90% of our work alone. The thing is that she won't take action unless someone comes and tells her that what she wants to do is right.
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We can't keep doing this. It's creating quite a riff in the workplace. Everyone is tired of it and they are tired of me not taking (discliplinary) action. They are correct in me not taking action, it's reflecting poorly upon me. I can't let it continue much longer.

The method of having her "teach" someone else just isn't possible. The demand is simply too high and I need her to do her job, ASAP
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Posted by Sssupes
I have a young (25) Gemini girl that I supervise at work. She's VERY smart but has zero confidence in herself. I KNOW she knows what she's doing but she keeps asking for a second opinion or verification. She's scared to death of screwing up. I've had a few inspirational talks with her but it hasn't helped. I need help getting her to come around before I gotta cut her loose.

Help me out Gems!


hey instead of giving up on her why not give her credit and appreciation for what she does and say wow you are good with this and you don't need no help and that you don't get why she asks others what she already knows. give her responsibility of something and say you trust her and know she does great work she will feel confident and motivated and above all trusted and will want to prove herself even more.

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The geninis I know are super hard workers! They pick up fast but they are super insecure. They deff need reassurance all the time. Poor girl tell her she's great at what she does and to not second guess herself because of the field you're in. She'll get the hint that she can't second guess herself there and hopefully she won't anymore (:
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Posted by MoonshineLeo
The geninis I know are super hard workers! They pick up fast but they are super insecure. They deff need reassurance all the time. Poor girl tell her she's great at what she does and to not second guess herself because of the field you're in. She'll get the hint that she can't second guess herself there and hopefully she won't anymore (:
I've done this at least 10 times!

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Posted by puhleeze
Posted by Sssupes
I have a young (25) Gemini girl that I supervise at work. She's VERY smart but has zero confidence in herself. I KNOW she knows what she's doing but she keeps asking for a second opinion or verification. She's scared to death of screwing up. I've had a few inspirational talks with her but it hasn't helped. I need help getting her to come around before I gotta cut her loose.

Help me out Gems!


hey instead of giving up on her why not give her credit and appreciation for what she does and say wow you are good with this and you don't need no help and that you don't get why she asks others what she already knows. give her responsibility of something and say you trust her and know she does great work she will feel confident and motivated and above all trusted and will want to prove herself even more.

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I stated that I've tried to give her pep talks and little confidence boosters

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Have you told her she will lose her job?

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Posted by Weeds
Have you told her she will lose her job?

Yep. As stated in her performance review

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Posted by Sssupes
Posted by Weeds
Have you told her she will lose her job?

Yep. As stated in her performance review

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Then there isn't anything left to do.

I imagine once she gets the boot the pressure is off on her and she can focus on something less intimidating.
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Some people just aren't cut out for certain roles/ positions.

In a manner of speaking you might be doing her a favor cutting her loose at this point.

Free her up to pursue something she can handle long term.

She's young.

I really hope she doesn't have any major financial responsibilities because I understand being an employee and in a position where you rely heavily on a job- any job to pay bills.

But if that's not the case it means she can pursue study, or find something that won't hold colleagues back while she figures out her place in the work force Cool
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Posted by Sssupes
We can't keep doing this. It's creating quite a riff in the workplace. Everyone is tired of it and they are tired of me not taking (discliplinary) action. They are correct in me not taking action, it's reflecting poorly upon me. I can't let it continue much longer.

The method of having her "teach" someone else just isn't possible. The demand is simply too high and I need her to do her job, ASAP


OK I now understand your dilemma. I can relate. I work in healthcare. During my career, I've had coworkers who were completely incompetent and should have been fired, but because they sucked up to the boss, they were kept. And yes, morale was gutted at times overall.

I think you have been more than fair with her. I've lost jobs because of being cut due to budgets and companies being bought out. NOT once did anyone give me a second chance as you have. I had to suck up my pride, start the entire process of applying and interviewing over again, and move on.

You sound like a very ethical guy. You are concerned about this young lady, but also about what's best for the entire group of workers with your company. That is a tough scenario.

You have reached a point of no return imho. Due to the type of work that is being done, and given the fact that you need a certain type of person to do this effectively, you have no other choice than to release this employee; as much as I hate to say this.

However, you make sure she understands that in no way it has to do with her intelligence or work ethic. It's all about not being as assertive as this position requires in this line of work. Then you do a classy thing and tell her you will give her a recommendation regarding her work ethic etc. And if called upon, you back up your word when she's in need of securing another position. If you know someone in another type of business where she might be successful, give her that info. ***Some companies prefer being contacted via phone or email regarding a former employee or in the form of a professional letter of recommendation in hand. You have to decide what is the best option.

If any of my former employers would have done this for me when I lost my job due to circumstances beyond my control, trust me, my life would have been a lot less stressful and more productive.

The WORST thing you do and the MOST unethical imho is just to tell her, "you're fired." If she's lacking in confidence now, how do you think she'll feel after hearing those words from her current boss?

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I had to let her go this morning. She started crying so I tried to give her a second chance. I asked her to do a pretty simple lineup and she was shaking like a leaf. I told her to relax and take a deep breath and trust her knowledge. She just couldn't without asking me if things were correct.
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Posted by Instantkarma
Posted by Sssupes
I had to let her go this morning. She started crying so I tried to give her a second chance. I asked her to do a pretty simple lineup and she was shaking like a leaf. I told her to relax and take a deep breath and trust her knowledge. She just couldn't without asking me if things were correct.


Its a part of your job to let go of someone who isn't at par with the rest.

I'm sure she will learn to trust herself. Don't think about it.

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That's like telling water not to be wet. Especially when you know someone is capable of doing the work.

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