Do Geminis know they do this?
This topic was created in the Gemini forum by Stephanie727 on Monday, October 14, 2013 and has 6 replies.
Up until 3 weeks ago I was seeing a Gemini man. He ended things with me, but recently he's gotten back in touch with me and we've chatted on and off the past couple of days. I've noticed from the beginning, when we first met, that any time I initiated chatting with him he seemed less into the conversation than he was when he would initiate it. The same goes with getting together. If I wanted to see him he'd have tons of excuses or couldn't commit to so much as a day ahead of time, but if I laid back and let him initiate he'd want to see me all the time. So I found myself deliberately not contacting him or asking to get together, because that seemed to be what he was most receptive to, but on a couple of occasions he'd complain that he felt if it wasn't for him contacting me or initiating getting together that we'd never talk or see eachother! In the instances where he's said this to me I took it as him wanting me to make an effort as well and when I did he ended up pulling away just like he did before. While we were dating I felt really confused by his behavior and couldn't figure out how to interact with him without it being a problem. I see this complaint a lot on the Gemini message boards, so I assume this issue isn't isolated to my Gemini, but my question is: Are Geminis aware they do this? Is he aware that he's more receptive when I'm distant and aloof than he is when I initiate? If he is aware why would he be upset by it when, obviously, that's what works for him?
This was my experience too
It's almost like an "out of sight, out of mind," thing. When they're not talking to you/aren't around you, they are busy doing other interesting things; this doesn't mean that they are upset with you or mad at you though.
It's almost like they wanna deal with you only when they want to. But then again, they want you around all the time b/c it's important for them to know that you're there
Maybe they just want you "there" but not necessarily stimulating anything mentally or physically. My ex Gem told me this. If he was in the mood for some intellectual stimulation, he'd come to me & it would be on his terms. But if I initiated it, he didn't seem as into it, either b/c he didn't feel like it or b/c something else was stimulating him
So after awhile, I learned that they're ok if you're there at their house, but not necessarily expecting them to stimulate you in some way. So I'd go to his house & just do my own thing, w/o expecting him to constantly conversate with me or pay me 100% attention. That seemed to really work.
Have you heard of the 5 love languages???! If so, you're screwed if your love language is verbal affirmation or physical touch b/c a Gem doesn't need all that talking, cuddling, & spending his every moment with you in order for him to feel connected to you. If they don't feel they need it, they won't naturally give those things to you.
Kind of selfish & 1-sided but it is what it is. Every sign has their hang-ups
It's almost like an "out of sight, out of mind," thing. When they're not talking to you/aren't around you, they are busy doing other interesting things; this doesn't mean that they are upset with you or mad at you though.
It's almost like they wanna deal with you only when they want to. But then again, they want you around all the time b/c it's important for them to know that you're there
Maybe they just want you "there" but not necessarily stimulating anything mentally or physically. My ex Gem told me this. If he was in the mood for some intellectual stimulation, he'd come to me & it would be on his terms. But if I initiated it, he didn't seem as into it, either b/c he didn't feel like it or b/c something else was stimulating him
So after awhile, I learned that they're ok if you're there at their house, but not necessarily expecting them to stimulate you in some way. So I'd go to his house & just do my own thing, w/o expecting him to constantly conversate with me or pay me 100% attention. That seemed to really work.
Have you heard of the 5 love languages???! If so, you're screwed if your love language is verbal affirmation or physical touch b/c a Gem doesn't need all that talking, cuddling, & spending his every moment with you in order for him to feel connected to you. If they don't feel they need it, they won't naturally give those things to you.
Kind of selfish & 1-sided but it is what it is. Every sign has their hang-ups
@Jenn: Understandable. Those are my main love languages too so my ex Gem & I mainly disconnected b/c our main love languages were different.
It was easy for me to always question his level of interest b/c he didn't value words of affirmation as much as I did. And b/c of that, I can relate to the poster in that I stopped trying b/c I didn't wanna be the fool doing all the work.
But unfortunately, he mistook my disconnecting as me not matching his love language of quality time so we kind of canceled each other out
The relationship didn't end over anything crazy. We were so much alike, but in the areas that we were different, we were just TOO different, if you know what I mean
It was easy for me to always question his level of interest b/c he didn't value words of affirmation as much as I did. And b/c of that, I can relate to the poster in that I stopped trying b/c I didn't wanna be the fool doing all the work.
But unfortunately, he mistook my disconnecting as me not matching his love language of quality time so we kind of canceled each other out
The relationship didn't end over anything crazy. We were so much alike, but in the areas that we were different, we were just TOO different, if you know what I mean
Yes, I know I do this. I want what I want when I want it, and I don't want it when I don't.
Have you ever tried to pick up your cat when he doesn't feel like being held? You'll either get the "both-paws-on-your-chest push off", or you'll end up scratched and bleeding. Have you ever tried to ignore you cat when he wants your attention? He'll either be all over you, or you'll end up with a paw to the face. It's kind of like that. Your cat still likes you either way- his behavior has nothing to do with anything other than his mood at the moment.
Have you ever tried to pick up your cat when he doesn't feel like being held? You'll either get the "both-paws-on-your-chest push off", or you'll end up scratched and bleeding. Have you ever tried to ignore you cat when he wants your attention? He'll either be all over you, or you'll end up with a paw to the face. It's kind of like that. Your cat still likes you either way- his behavior has nothing to do with anything other than his mood at the moment.
guys are emotional babies. they also like to be in control. they prefer to chase, but if you aren't always there for them, they withdraw and analyze. then when you think it's long overdue, you contact them and they act aloof. it's because you are taking away his role....to chase and be the alpha.
men are just as moody as women. they just don't always wear it own their sleeves as we women often do. women need validation through communication.
men value actions. so when you want him to open up and communicate with you, sometimes they get commitment phobia and go into their cave.
honestly, i don't think it's just because he's a gem. yes we gems can analyze and feel deep emotions inside. often to the point that they build up and we need a release. he might be feeling some of this. in the end, it's all part of the male female game.
if you really want solid answer about his behavior, get the book by Dr. John Grey, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Once you read that it will open up your eyes completely. It all goes back to DNA and roles. And like I said, guys are emotional babies. You have to understand that first and know how to open them up. Talking to them ad nauseam won't do it. That just shuts them down and off.
men are just as moody as women. they just don't always wear it own their sleeves as we women often do. women need validation through communication.
men value actions. so when you want him to open up and communicate with you, sometimes they get commitment phobia and go into their cave.
honestly, i don't think it's just because he's a gem. yes we gems can analyze and feel deep emotions inside. often to the point that they build up and we need a release. he might be feeling some of this. in the end, it's all part of the male female game.
if you really want solid answer about his behavior, get the book by Dr. John Grey, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Once you read that it will open up your eyes completely. It all goes back to DNA and roles. And like I said, guys are emotional babies. You have to understand that first and know how to open them up. Talking to them ad nauseam won't do it. That just shuts them down and off.
@Sunnyvirgo83: I don't know if he's waiting for me to make contact or what he's thinking really...he's so confusing and I'm usually great at reading people, but I can't read him! lol He did accuse me of not caring when we were seeing eachother, but once again, he's not receptive to me when I do make an effort or he misinterprets it as something else. Arghh!! It's like trying to hit a moving target. I'm fine with having a guy court me, but once we are regularly seeing eachother I'm used to both people being able to initiate. *shrug*
@Krysrenne7: I don't necessarily need verbal affirmations. Personally, I'm terrible with that kind of stuff. I'm more physically affectionate, like cuddling and seeing the person I'm with often. He's good with all of that, except for the seeing eachother part, which is tough for me to not get when I'm with someone. I don't typically handle distance well.
@Geminicandle: He does hate to be ignored, but often it's been the best tool I've got dealing with him. I find it difficult keeping that up though.
@Whimsy: I get all of that, but I think every relationship has it's give and take and shouldn't be all on one person's terms.
@Gemini64: I'm all for him being the man...I know I don't want that role!! Actually I prefer the guy to be the man and lead, to some extent. I've had some role reversal relationships in the past and I'm not a fan. I guess I would initiate less if I knew he'd always do so, maybe that's part of my problem, worrying that if I don't he won't.
@Krysrenne7: I don't necessarily need verbal affirmations. Personally, I'm terrible with that kind of stuff. I'm more physically affectionate, like cuddling and seeing the person I'm with often. He's good with all of that, except for the seeing eachother part, which is tough for me to not get when I'm with someone. I don't typically handle distance well.
@Geminicandle: He does hate to be ignored, but often it's been the best tool I've got dealing with him. I find it difficult keeping that up though.
@Whimsy: I get all of that, but I think every relationship has it's give and take and shouldn't be all on one person's terms.
@Gemini64: I'm all for him being the man...I know I don't want that role!! Actually I prefer the guy to be the man and lead, to some extent. I've had some role reversal relationships in the past and I'm not a fan. I guess I would initiate less if I knew he'd always do so, maybe that's part of my problem, worrying that if I don't he won't.
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