Do the Emotional Depths of Water Signs Bother Us?

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by geminibunny on Friday, September 27, 2013 and has 60 replies.
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I have very little water in my chart. For some reason I cannot deal with Pisces or Scorp men but I am drawn to Cancer. I keep hearing that water signs and their emotions are too much for us as an Air sign to handle at times. I'm willing to take a swim in it to see how it goes. I might drown....since I don't know how to swim. =/
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Hmmmm. Great topic. I'm a Pisces and I'm currently involved with a Gem and she has said I was too sensitive sometimes. I may have ruined things with us because of what happen last afternoon. She actually cried on the phone( first time I ever heard her cry) because I left her at this bar we were at because I got upset. Honestly, it sounded like a fake cry but I didn't dare tell her that because it could have been genuine. She has a cancer moon, and her venus and mars are both taurus.
Must admit I hate being a Pisces sometimes because of the depth of the emotions and battles of insecurity and self doubt. It's so funny how the woman we love can tell us they love us, show us they love us and one thing can happen and we doubt everything and wonder if they ever really loved us.
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I'm aquarius with A LOT of water (only scorpio), but I still choke on that water. Funny, I can deal with a person if they have water elsewhere & not on the sun...water sun sign is hard for me to deal with.
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PS, I find them whiny, you have to watch what you say (I'm not good at that), the time you give is never enough (they act like being in a relationship = adoption. Umm nope it doesnt. Give me space), etc.
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Posted by WaterCup
I'm aquarius with A LOT of water (only scorpio), but I still choke on that water. Funny, I can deal with a person if they have water elsewhere & not on the sun...water sun sign is hard for me to deal with.


Watercup, you know you love you some water signs. I don't think any other sign will love you as deeply or know you inside and out like water signs, especially Pisces. My ex wife is Aquarius and that's what she said about me. It's funny, the first weekend we spent together, she told me that I had did more for her in those 3 days than her ex husband ever did. I didn't believe her but she might have been honest. She also said that no one knew her like I did. I knew her like the back of my hand. The ironic thing is neither one of us was into astrology at all. It's amazing when I look back on the marriage now with the knowledge I have about astrology.
I do admit she is the one that filed for divorce. I did kind of back her in a corner though.
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Hey @3dimes2nickels1penny0sense leaving a woman because you were upset at any public place is just not nice. I hope you apologized big time for that.
I feel like with my Cancer I have to reassure him over and over again how much I care for him. I don't mind doing that. I am all for reassurance. I care so much about him I don't mind telling him every day if I must. But I don't think he believes me completely or just isn't hearing me right and is very skeptical a person in general.
I would text him sweet messages all the time and my messages would get ignored. But we spoke about this the last time and he apologized. He said he was glad I tell him these things and he doesn't see it in a negative light since I made a joke about it being a mental issue of mine.
He's told me that talking about his emotions for someone he has feelings for makes him feel weak. But he also told me that he'll always be there for me when I need to talk things out and help me in anyway he can.
I understand he is insecure and has low confidence to some degree. For a Gemini, I am surprised I can be so sensitive and patient. He's tested my patience and resolve so many times and I guess I'm practicing all the time to get better. He's not ever going to stop testing me, I feel like. But that's ok. I'm in it for the long run so I'll do whatever it takes to show him that he is so worth it.
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Posted by WaterCup
PS, I find them whiny, you have to watch what you say (I'm not good at that), the time you give is never enough (they act like being in a relationship = adoption. Umm nope it doesnt. Give me space), etc.


That is so funny....adoption...LMAO
I don't mind the whole adoption thing except he runs and hides from me so that means I'm playing hide and seek all the time. I just don't like hide and seek very much. He gives me sooooo much space. I wish he'd give me less space and more attention. LOL.
But I know what you mean. I have to treat his emotions and his ego as fragile or else....he'd be gone again so quick. Yikes. I always miss him so much when he's quiet and needing space.
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Posted by 3dimes2nickels1penny0sense
Posted by WaterCup
I'm aquarius with A LOT of water (only scorpio), but I still choke on that water. Funny, I can deal with a person if they have water elsewhere & not on the sun...water sun sign is hard for me to deal with.


Watercup, you know you love you some water signs. I don't think any other sign will love you as deeply or know you inside and out like water signs, especially Pisces. My ex wife is Aquarius and that's what she said about me. It's funny, the first weekend we spent together, she told me that I had did more for her in those 3 days than her ex husband ever did. I didn't believe her but she might have been honest. She also said that no one knew her like I did. I knew her like the back of my hand. The ironic thing is neither one of us was into astrology at all. It's amazing when I look back on the marriage now with the knowledge I have about astrology.
I do admit she is the one that filed for divorce. I did kind of back her in a corner though.
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I'm sure you guys are great, but maybe I haven't found the right one yet. @29 I still can't swim, I'd drown, so no water for me at this stage lol.
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Posted by geminibunny
Hey @3dimes2nickels1penny0sense leaving a woman because you were upset at any public place is just not nice. I hope you apologized big time for that.
I feel like with my Cancer I have to reassure him over and over again how much I care for him. I don't mind doing that. I am all for reassurance. I care so much about him I don't mind telling him every day if I must. But I don't think he believes me completely or just isn't hearing me right and is very skeptical a person in general.
I would text him sweet messages all the time and my messages would get ignored. But we spoke about this the last time and he apologized. He said he was glad I tell him these things and he doesn't see it in a negative light since I made a joke about it being a mental issue of mine.
He's told me that talking about his emotions for someone he has feelings for makes him feel weak. But he also told me that he'll always be there for me when I need to talk things out and help me in anyway he can.
I understand he is insecure and has low confidence to some degree. For a Gemini, I am surprised I can be so sensitive and patient. He's tested my patience and resolve so many times and I guess I'm practicing all the time to get better. He's not ever going to stop testing me, I feel like. But that's ok. I'm in it for the long run so I'll do whatever it takes to show him that he is so worth it.


See, our problem sometimes as air signs is that, we do all this talking over nothing but when the talking is REALLY needed..we don't talk. My point is, talk to him. Tell him how his behaviour is making you feel & if he doesn't change it then maybe he is not the right one for your. I notice that we (air) keep things in & only talk when we are fed up & ready to leave. I've done it many times, so maybe it's just me..I don't know. Just talk to the man!
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& say it like you mean it, don't joke around (we do that a lot, I know lol). Nobody is going to take you serious if you say an important issue with a smile or with jokes included. Be firm. You are not in a relationship by yourself here. Being with him taught you patience, etc..so he must also learn new things as well ie. talking about his feelings. He must meet you halfway for your relationship to work, otherwise you'll just say 'fuck this'. Air changes lol, you may think you are in it for the long haul right now, but I know that can quickly change without notice.
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@watercup. Oh geesh. No wonder, you still a baby. You haven't even reached your sexual peak yet. As you 'evolve' you start to slowly see things differently and do things you never thought you would do.
@Gembunny. I can relate to what you are saying. I don't know your age but my gem is 34 and I'm sure she feels the same way you do. What she doesn't realize is that we feed off of the vibes of the one we love. Honestly, when I was married to my ex wife I felt very secure in the marriage and I trusted her. Maybe I felt too secure. We only have to be constantly validated if you do things to make us question your loyalty. We are very very observant and our intuition is second to none so we notice the littlest things that you may not even be conscious about.
My Gem is a attractive and sexy woman with no kids. I notice when guys check her out. I don't care about the guys because that's what guys do. What I notice is how you REACT to it consciously and subconsciously. It's very hard to lie to someone that knows you so well and that is connected with your soul.
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Its so funny but my Gem frustrates me and I do the same to her but we love each other so much that we don't want to let go. I have a sag rising, gemini moon, venus in aries, mars in taurus. My chart is very airy.
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I told him it bothered me and he apologized. But he wouldn't change and does it blatantly over again. Like it didn't matter the first time. He'd continuously apologize for it every time I bring it up that it bothered me and he would say that he's glad I am getting it off my chest. But I guess it is so intrinsic in his personality that he just cannot stop pushing and pulling and being hot and cold. It's just in his nature. So I have to either accept it or leave it. So I take it because I am not ready to leave him. I think I've come to a point where I have to just accept it and take him as is. I felt so guilty the last time we spoke I brought up his behavior 3 whole times in the conversation that lasted only an hour. I felt like I was nagging him. I hate to nag. But I was doing it. Oh boy did I feel bad for nagging. I don't like it that I've become this girl who nags. I usually don't give a rats ass and just disappear on my own and move on. But this one is pulling me back in every single time.
I guess I could see it in a whole new light like it shouldn't bother me. Right? Like tonight I messaged him a really sweet message and he ignored it. And now I messaged him using another medium and once again, I am getting blatantly ignored. I'm probably just going to sleep and try not to let it bother me. He's probably just "busy" again.
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So what you are saying @3dimes is that she is making you feel insecure because of her reaction to other guys?
You see I am a very confident Gemini with a Leo moon so I am extremely comfortable with being the center of attention and he has told me that he loves my confidence. But I think he isn't very confident in himself. So when he hears me speak of my suitors he probably gets a little discouraged like what am I doing when I am out on the town with my friends or that I could leave him any time. He gets down on himself a lot. No matter how many sweet messages I send I probably am not getting through to him that he is the only one I want and the only one I would like to talk to at any given moment.
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Posted by WaterCup
& say it like you mean it, don't joke around (we do that a lot, I know lol). Nobody is going to take you serious if you say an important issue with a smile or with jokes included. Be firm. You are not in a relationship by yourself here. Being with him taught you patience, etc..so he must also learn new things as well ie. talking about his feelings. He must meet you halfway for your relationship to work, otherwise you'll just say 'fuck this'. Air changes lol, you may think you are in it for the long haul right now, but I know that can quickly change without notice.


It's funny so you say that because my ex wife use to tell me over and over how upset she was about me going out to clubs. She always said a married man isn't suppose to go out to clubs. I felt like as long as I was faithful and didn't get any numbers that it wasn't a big deal. She couldn't stand my friend I would go out with who was married also and she would say " he is going to be the reason I divorce you!" I just didn't believe it was that serious until the day she looked me in the eyes and said she had filed for divorce and that her mind was made up and there was nothing I could say or nothing I could do to stop it. I didn't think that was fair and didn't think it was worth getting divorced over but what do I know. Lol.
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See!!!! That's exactly what he is doing to me now. He hears my issue with his behavior and he does not actually take it to heart that I am serious. So he ignores me still. I just considered sending him another sweet message to say good night and sweet dreams and blah blah blah sweet kisses blah blah but guess what? I didn't. Hah. I could keep giving and giving and he'd still ignore me. Whatever reasons he has for ignoring me outweigh his fear of losing me since I've already shown that I am not anywhere near leaving for good.
Every time I ask him to get to the bottom of his behavior issues he would give me another little peak as to why he does this. I am not a clingy or needy Gemini. I could fly away so easily. My nature wants me to disappear for 3 months and just ignore everything. But UGH...my heart is telling me to stay and work this out patiently. I wonder how much more do I have to give and how much more am I willing to pour out of me until I am all dried up. For some reason I always come back with more to give and more reasons to love him when he comes back around.
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Posted by geminibunny
So what you are saying @3dimes is that she is making you feel insecure because of her reaction to other guys?
You see I am a very confident Gemini with a Leo moon so I am extremely comfortable with being the center of attention and he has told me that he loves my confidence. But I think he isn't very confident in himself. So when he hears me speak of my suitors he probably gets a little discouraged like what am I doing when I am out on the town with my friends or that I could leave him any time. He gets down on himself a lot. No matter how many sweet messages I send I probably am not getting through to him that he is the only one I want and the only one I would like to talk to at any given moment.



No it's not the men. I could honestly care less about them because I'm confident that they won't love her the way I do. My issue is how she feels inside. I mean technically we are not officially boyfriend and girlfriend but we act like it.( we were boyfriend and girlfriend but of course I broke up with her twice....that's a whole other story) We have not had sex and she has asked for sex several times. I honestly can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I see her as way more than just sex and so I don't wanna rush into sex because I want this to last. I will admit that my confidence is there but not where it could be. I actually look at that as a good thing because it humbles me and allows me to put my pride aside and love her the way she needs and deserves to be loved.
Honestly, I believe if my confidence was higher, I wouldn't care about her the way I do. A lot of people don't realize that everything comes at a price. What good is it to have an over confident man who doesn't need or even desire your approval or validation because he is so into himself? I have been that man before. So be careful what you pray for because you just might get it and it may not be all you thought it was and you start missing what you had.
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No I never find him weak. He himself said that it makes him feel weak when he talks about his feelings for me. But I never said that he is weak for having deep emotions. I want him to be more open about it.
I don't like alpha males who are overly confident. Never liked them before and probably never will. Just not my cup of tea.
I like him just the way he is and I appreciate him so much. The only issue I have is when he disappears as a result of having too much emotions. I am NOT confusing his love for weakness. I want nothing more than to just hold him close to me and let all of his wateriness take over me and let me jut float in it. I'm alright with that. I actually wish for it. But instead he goes and hides and it is frustrating but I love him so much more because of it.
Wow I actually learned something new tonight. Something that I must learn over and over again I suppose. Exactly what he's been trying to convey to me all this time is that he disappears because he feels so much and needs to detach from it just to feel balanced again. Ahhh...what a revelation. I'm still learning and putting things into practice. I'm not giving up no matter how hard it is for me to understand him.
I do admit. It takes a lot of work for an air and water sign to mix together well. It's taken me months to get this far. I used to go into panic mode when he does this but now I just let him be and not even look at the clock/calendar any more.
By me sending him such sweet messages it pushes him further away because he feels a need to detach from all of his emotions for me. But is it absolutely necessary for me to reassure him of my feelings for him all the time with sweet messages? I keep hearing that Cancers need a lot of reassurance of our love for them and that I need to be consistent. But being consistent and reassuring is just pushing him further away. I keep telling myself to let my Gemini nature take over and just say run so far away from this confusion. But I'm not going anywhere. I'm just drowning in it.
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Ok, I will say this and remember everyone is different and some people are more 'evolved' than others. From my experience with Cancers, what I have found is while they can be nuturing and giving, they can be also quite selfish. I sometimes envy this trait that they have that separates them from Pisces. If a Pisces is in love with you, it's almost impossible for him to be selfish with you, however what I have noticed is a Cancer CAN be in love and STILL be quite selfish. Lol. The reason why I kept going out when my wife asked me not to is because I was sacrificing so much for her and her kids and I felt she didn't appreciate it. I let her mom move in with us which I learned later actually was the beginning of the end.
I felt like a relationship is about reciprocity. A give and take. There were plenty of things I kept asking her to do that she never did. It would frustate me like crazy but I loved her so I put up with it. I foolishly thought that since I was putting up with 70% of stuff I didn't like, she could put up with 10% . Ha! That's how selfish she was. Honestly, if she tried to do the things I was asking which were important to me I would have gladly stopped going out but once I saw it was mostly me giving, giving, giving and her taking, taking, taking I held onto something I enjoyed doing that gave me some space. My time to heal. She couldn't see how I felt. I COULD SEE HOW SHE FELT but her selfishness made me not give it up.
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I think the problem here is people trying to change each other.
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@Impulsv. Thanks_???_
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Posted by geminibunny
No I never find him weak. He himself said that it makes him feel weak when he talks about his feelings for me. But I never said that he is weak for having deep emotions. I want him to be more open about it.
I don't like alpha males who are overly confident. Never liked them before and probably never will. Just not my cup of tea.
I like him just the way he is and I appreciate him so much. The only issue I have is when he disappears as a result of having too much emotions. I am NOT confusing his love for weakness. I want nothing more than to just hold him close to me and let all of his wateriness take over me and let me jut float in it. I'm alright with that. I actually wish for it. But instead he goes and hides and it is frustrating but I love him so much more because of it.
Wow I actually learned something new tonight. Something that I must learn over and over again I suppose. Exactly what he's been trying to convey to me all this time is that he disappears because he feels so much and needs to detach from it just to feel balanced again. Ahhh...what a revelation. I'm still learning and putting things into practice. I'm not giving up no matter how hard it is for me to understand him.
I do admit. It takes a lot of work for an air and water sign to mix together well. It's taken me months to get this far. I used to go into panic mode when he does this but now I just let him be and not even look at the clock/calendar any more.
By me sending him such sweet messages it pushes him further away because he feels a need to detach from all of his emotions for me. But is it absolutely necessary for me to reassure him of my feelings for him all the time with sweet messages? I keep hearing that Cancers need a lot of reassurance of our love for them and that I need to be consistent. But being consistent and reassuring is just pushing him further away. I keep telling myself to let my Gemini nature take over and just say run so far away from this confusion. But I'm not going anywhere. I'm just drowning in it.


Wow! That was beautiful. I hope my Gem feels like that about me. Lol as if my luck was ever that good Ha!
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@3dimes your ex wife was a cancer I take it?
Thank you all for joining in and answering. Im learning so much tonight and appreciating his emotional depths so much more now. I just want to float in it and be happy I have such and amazing person to care for.
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OMG, he sounds like a headache..I'd dump him. I hate being ignored so I'd never put up with it. Good luck, Gem.
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Posted by Aleese76
Posted by geminibunny
I have very little water in my chart. For some reason I cannot deal with Pisces or Scorp men but I am drawn to Cancer. I keep hearing that water signs and their emotions are too much for us as an Air sign to handle at times. I'm willing to take a swim in it to see how it goes. I might drown....since I don't know how to swim. =/




I was looking all over for this thread.....I was like, "where is it???" I know I love the Gem board, but I just couldn't remember where I saw it this morning...SMH @ myself...
On to the subject......I really don't do men water signs, I haven't had them all, but my experience with the ones I have dealt with was frustrating for me and I know I couldn't deal with them on an everyday basis......Here's the kicker.....I'm a Pisces, born right smack in the middle, Feb 28. Their emotions drive me crazy. I'm more attracted to Taurus, Capricorn, and Aries, Gemini, and Leo seem to flock to me. I like a man's man....
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It must be everything else in your chart that explains why you don't like Water men. I am a full blown gemini but I cannot deal with the other two air signs. I love them as friends but I cannot date Aqua or Libra. I do have my Venus in Taurus so I am drawn to Earth men but I know they would be the death (by boredom) of me so I stay away from them like the plague.
That leaves me with only Fire and Cancer to work with. I have very good gemini friends but I wouldn't know what it's like to date one. I have never liked to date my own kind. Might bug me just a little to have to deal with someone like myself. lol
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Posted by WaterCup
OMG, he sounds like a headache..I'd dump him. I hate being ignored so I'd never put up with it. Good luck, Gem.


I used to be the person who would run away as far as I can from this sort of behavior too. But man, after dealing with an abusive Cap I had to re-evaulate myself and now I can deal with the headache of being with a Cancer because he comes with so much goodness in him that I'm willing to stick it out. Thanks. I do need it. Gulp
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I understand Selfishness. I am Gemini afterall. So who am I to talk. lol
There is nothing wrong with being selfish. Some people need to learn how to be more selfish at times in order to not get stepped on. Being selfish is a good thing when it doesn't step on others toes. Of course we all have to learn good manners so that little girl just needs to be taught better manners.
Just because people are selfish doesn't mean we should stop caring for them or loving them. I just like to take that extra inch to understand people better. So selfishness as a trait does not bother me.
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Posted by NotYourAverageAquarius
I think the problem here is people trying to change each other.


the Wise man speaketh.
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That is right. I have learned to either accept or move on. There is no changing anyone for me. I don't like to change people. A lot of times people think that they can change others. But I learned that I can only change myself. I don't have the power to change anyone else and that is alright with me.
And yes @CC....they are my plague I tell ya...I don't even bother with finding out what moon or the rest of their planets. Hah. They scare me.
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Posted by geminibunny
@3dimes your ex wife was a cancer I take it?
Thank you all for joining in and answering. Im learning so much tonight and appreciating his emotional depths so much more now. I just want to float in it and be happy I have such and amazing person to care for.


Nah, my ex wife is an Aquarius. She was also selfish.
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Gemini the only thing is i want to warn you, my gemini coworker i believe is married to a Cancer or another side, I asked her if she would again, she said no, because she felt he was too risk averse and not a go getter in life.
fyi...if this works out for you, not sure what kind of personality this guy has, you might have to just do things to get things done outside of his fears...


this is true. I am extremely ambitious and I will probably have to take care of most things myself. I take many risks and am especially a go getter in all aspects of life. He has told me he is very passive in relationships but I don't know if this will translate into other areas of his life. I hope not.
I was with a Leo for a long time before this and he was very much a go getter as well. We both took many risks together. Always trying to outdo ourselves.
So glad I'm not the type to just sit on my ass and wait for someone else to take care of me. @CC..you are right tho...this might not work out since I do like ambition and follow through in life and relationships. We will have to see. So far he seems to be very independent and is very hardworking and diligent in reaching his goals.
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Posted by 3dimes2nickels1penny0sense
Posted by geminibunny
@3dimes your ex wife was a cancer I take it?
Thank you all for joining in and answering. Im learning so much tonight and appreciating his emotional depths so much more now. I just want to float in it and be happy I have such and amazing person to care for.


Nah, my ex wife is an Aquarius. She was also selfish.
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My sister is also an Aquarius and she is also extremely selfish. But she does this to protect herself and I think she's smart for doing that since I am big sis after all so I am glad she is taking care of herself. When she broke up with her ex she was very swift and cold with dead seriousness. There was no lingering for her. Once she's done, she's done for good.
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Posted by JennGem
Oh and I crave the emotional depth, that's when I feel at home. It's hard to explain but I want that intense emotional connect.


ditto
I need that. I crave it too.
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My Cancer guy is ignoring me again tonight. I wrote him some pretty deep and long messages and sent them. I do this every time. And then I wait. But I'm not really waiting. I get busy. I am always out and about doing my business. Doing my own thing. I am as independent as they come. I don't cling much. I am not needy. But I do get concerned about him when he goes quiet. I know that when he is quiet he is either upset about something or wants to detach from the strong emotions we're sharing. We had a really good and intense conversation the other day and so now he has to recuperate. One time he was gone for a while and he told me months later that he was really down at the time and that I had actually picked up on his moods even when he wasn't revealing much to me.
As a gemini I naturally am curious and crave knowledge and to know about everything. But right now I just want to know if he is okay. Makes me worried.
I detach so easily. I'm surprised I actually care for him so much to stay this long. I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me.
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Posted by geminibunny
Posted by 3dimes2nickels1penny0sense
Posted by geminibunny
@3dimes your ex wife was a cancer I take it?
Thank you all for joining in and answering. Im learning so much tonight and appreciating his emotional depths so much more now. I just want to float in it and be happy I have such and amazing person to care for.


Nah, my ex wife is an Aquarius. She was also selfish.


My sister is also an Aquarius and she is also extremely selfish. But she does this to protect herself and I think she's smart for doing that since I am big sis after all so I am glad she is taking care of herself. When she broke up with her ex she was very swift and cold with dead seriousness. There was no lingering for her. Once she's done, she's done for good.

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Well dam. That's sounds like my ex wife and how she divorced me....hahaha, I can laugh about it now but when it was happening to me, not a dam thing was funny. I wish I had knew about astrology then. I can't put all the blame on her. We both played our part in the demise of our marriage.
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Posted by geminibunny
My Cancer guy is ignoring me again tonight. I wrote him some pretty deep and long messages and sent them. I do this every time. And then I wait. But I'm not really waiting. I get busy. I am always out and about doing my business. Doing my own thing. I am as independent as they come. I don't cling much. I am not needy. But I do get concerned about him when he goes quiet. I know that when he is quiet he is either upset about something or wants to detach from the strong emotions we're sharing. We had a really good and intense conversation the other day and so now he has to recuperate. One time he was gone for a while and he told me months later that he was really down at the time and that I had actually picked up on his moods even when he wasn't revealing much to me.
As a gemini I naturally am curious and crave knowledge and to know about everything. But right now I just want to know if he is okay. Makes me worried.
I detach so easily. I'm surprised I actually care for him so much to stay this long. I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me.


Please elaborate on this. You kind of remind me of my Gem. I have tried to leave her several times because the connection is so dam strong between us and it literally scares me how deep in love I could fall for her. Lol, I tell myself, I better end it now before I fall so deep that I'm lost without her. I'm surprised she keeps putting up with me. I always ask her why and she says she doesn't know, it's just something about me. She is always busy doing something and I will leave deep and loving messages and sometimes she won't reply back to them right away or sometimes not at all but in conversations we have later, she brings up some of the things I had said in a text and it makes me feel special because I know she did read them. She has a great memory even though sometimes she pretends not to. Also she has a habit of joking about things sometimes and I can't tell if she is being serious or joking. Lol.
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Posted by xMoonMan
Posted by geminibunny
See!!!! That's exactly what he is doing to me now. He hears my issue with his behavior and he does not actually take it to heart that I am serious. So he ignores me still. I just considered sending him another sweet message to say good night and sweet dreams and blah blah blah sweet kisses blah blah but guess what? I didn't. Hah. I could keep giving and giving and he'd still ignore me. Whatever reasons he has for ignoring me outweigh his fear of losing me since I've already shown that I am not anywhere near leaving for good.
Every time I ask him to get to the bottom of his behavior issues he would give me another little peak as to why he does this. I am not a clingy or needy Gemini. I could fly away so easily. My nature wants me to disappear for 3 months and just ignore everything. But UGH...my heart is telling me to stay and work this out patiently. I wonder how much more do I have to give and how much more am I willing to pour out of me until I am all dried up. For some reason I always come back with more to give and more reasons to love him when he comes back around.

You really should not lose yourself in someone else, just because you may be stuck inside this romantic notion in your mind, if you have to keep making excuses for the other person for not putting in any effort to the relationship you end up on 'one way street' with a brick wall at the end.
Maybe you should pull back, not disappear but pull back, there's no need for you to take on all the responsibility for making him figure out his own feelings.
He needs to show you that he either does or doesn't want to be a part of this relationship and not just because you ask him to but because he wants to.
Relationships need compromise, and some require more effort than others, but while you may not always agree on things, unless you both want to move together on the same path, you end up drifting apart.
Don't be afraid to speak your mind clearly, now, for fear of losing out because that's what will happen anyway if the core issues are not addressed, it'll just take longer.
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+1
Well put.
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Posted by xMoonMan
To add some clarification.
Even though you have spoken your mind already and had discussion with him about the issues, you need to back yourself up and stand your ground by not going all sweet and romantic the next time and giving out mixed signals.
So don't enable his continuing behaviour by giving in to him. He needs to know that you are serious.
You need to decide how that has to happen between you, cos we don't know all the daily goings on, only you two know that.


Since you are a Cancer male, let me ask your opinion. Is it true that Cancers in general really won't express their true feelings or intentions until they know for a fact that you love them or feel the same way? Do they also like to manipulate love and make sure they always have the 'winning hand'. Or upper hand in most situations. I have noticed this in some cancers male and female and wanted to know your opinion.
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Posted by xMoonMan
To add some clarification.
Even though you have spoken your mind already and had discussion with him about the issues, you need to back yourself up and stand your ground by not going all sweet and romantic the next time and giving out mixed signals.
So don't enable his continuing behaviour by giving in to him. He needs to know that you are serious.
You need to decide how that has to happen between you, cos we don't know all the daily goings on, only you two know that.


First off I'd like to say that your posts were ones I followed since you always seemed to make sense when all the other crabby crabs were just making jokes that either went over my head or were just plain mean. So thank you for that.
To address this issue at hand. Sigh. I know I am an enabler. I am fully aware of that. I remember the past transgressions clearly. The first time he disappeared was for 3 days only. He was in the hospital at the time. We only had spoken for about 2 weeks. It was all really new and fresh. It still is but anyway. At that time he was at the hospital for an emergency and he messaged me really late with some needy loving messages and I was asleep at that point. I normally had been staying up all night or barely slept any because we were long distance and the time difference was significant enough. But that night I was meaning to stay up but sleep got the better of me so I woke up to loving messages. So of course I texted back but then he had gone cold for 3 days.
I was naturally worried so I waited it out. Dude was in the hospital. So I thought oh man, he better be ok. He came back. I told him my concerns but I was just really glad he was ok. Skip ahead 2 weeks later...he was still wasn't feeling too well. But we were still messaging and he had seemed to be ok and fine with how we were getting closer. But one night...suddenly...after a heated conversation that showed he cared a bit more about me he then disappeared for 2 whole weeks. This was a heck of a long time for me. It felt like a year of silence. It was heart breaking for me. But I waited it out. I pulled back. I got busy. I just sent him one message that read...I'll be here whenever you are ready to talk..I'll be here. So lucky me, 2 weeks later he came back and said..I'm here now. Hah. I just love how he would announce himself when he comes back. It is cute....I sound nuts for liking this but
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it actually doesn't bother me as much as it would other girls. I find most of his behavior adorable, no matter how unexplainable and bizarre he gets.
So that had already set a pattern. I sometimes do get sick of this and so I tell him and I would sound naggy and naturally I am NOT a naggy person so I don't keep telling him how it bothers me. I try to say it once he comes back but then I'm all loving and accepting once again.
I understand that I have two choices. Either I accept this behavior or I don't. If I accept him fully then I will have to put up with this hot and cold stuff. But if I don't accept it and just tell him that I'm gonna split or just split without saying a word, then I lose out on what's so great about him and what I like so much about him. There was one time I actually wrote him a goodbye text and said I cannot tolerate this any more. And that was it. I was done. I thought I was just going to walk away and that was it and that he would forever be gone. Simple....not...
He came back full force when he did. He promised me the the sun and the moon and then some....I never even expected this. But gosh he was back to being as amazing as he was before. But even better. He promised me this would stop. I believed him. But after a week of good behavior..he went back to ignoring me again. So for now it is endless...
If I put my foot down...I'll lose him. He's more important to me than my pride at the moment. Yes it effed with my confidence a bit. But actually, now it doesn't phase me as much as it did earlier in the year. Now I can go about my business and not feel damaged or hurt by it. I know the closer we get, the further he'd push me. It happens every time. I'm getting used to this pattern. I am not sure if this is typical or atypical for Cancer behavior. I don't know enough. But I don't really care for anyone else. I just want him happy and safe and I'm not going to give up on him just because this is his learned developmental pattern of behavior.
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It is not going against my principles to be loving and waiting for him or accepting of his bad behavior. It is going against my grain as a Gemini but that's it. I discovered a while back that I am probably an empath. Being a gemini makes me not want to bother with emotions and all this stuff but when people are around me and not feeling well, I sense it. I sense their emotions like my own. It is strange to me. But I can pick up on things that normally most people can't. So as a gemini I want to detach as much as possible but I am empath and I do care more than I should. I thought about reading up on how to protect my empathic nature but I haven't gotten very far as to figuring out how.
I definitely am not one to lose myself in a relationship. I do have clear boundaries. Although his disappearances are annoying, they are not deal breakers. And I try to be consistent. I accepted it thus far, for over half a year now. If I go and say I can't take it anymore and won't tolerate it any further, then I will be changing my tune. I don't want to change my tune. I want to show him that I am here. I am not going anywhere. So come back to me...with intensity...like always.
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@3dimes
I also make a lot of jokes when I talk to my Cancer. He would need a lot of clarification when I'm being sarcastic. Usually I am just joking and mean nothing by it and a lot of times I do want to clarify but time doesn't permit and I move on so quickly in conversation I just let things go and not clarify. I was thinking maybe I should clarify things for him when he's in his shell so that yea, it would be a one-sided conversation, such as one where I'm speaking to a brick wall. Would you be happy if she clarified things better for you?
It is rare to find a love so deep that you don't know what binds you cosmically or karmically that you cannot let go. When I find this, and I think I have, I sure as heck won't let go. I even told him that. That I will not simply let go just because he's got to deal with whatever he is struggling with. When you have air + water and usually this combo does not work, but when it does, you have to be diligent and pick out the jewels of the relationship. For you, it is important she gets your messages, even tho she might seem distant but she's taking it all in, at her own pace and time. So that's a jewel for you. For me, even though he's quiet most of the time, when he's back, he's like the best thing since sliced bread. When he is on again, I don't ever take any of it for granted. I told him so many times, I won't take any bit of good for granted. It's not so bad when he's gone quiet. It isn't like he's abusing me overtly or anything and I've been through that before so this is like cakewalk for me.
My point to you @3dimes is that in an air + water relationship, we simply have to sift through the dirt and pick out the nuggets and jewels. You have to appreciate the good parts and the little bits that count. Half the time air + water can't understand one another. So when there is some glimpse of hope for us working out, we hold on to these glimpses for dear life. Sometimes air + water you don't know why the connection is so deep. It is unexplainable. But like in science, water feeds air when evaporating and air feeds water when it rains, so there you go. There has to be a deeper connection that we can't really explain at times when it comes to human interactions. That's the beauty of love and romance. Heck I don't know why or how this is working for me, but I am pretty sure I am going to hold on tighter because letting go would hurt even more.
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Posted by xMoonMan
Posted by 3dimes2nickels1penny0sense
Since you are a Cancer male, let me ask your opinion. Is it true that Cancers in general really won't express their true feelings or intentions until they know for a fact that you love them or feel the same way? Do they also like to manipulate love and make sure they always have the 'winning hand'. Or upper hand in most situations. I have noticed this in some cancers male and female and wanted to know your opinion.


That's tricky to answer as a yes or no. I guess it's mostly true. Cancers in general are protective of their own hearts, they usually don't wear their heart on their sleeve. Depending on our individual confidence level some may be willing to take the risk first but new found love and emotions can be complex.
The waters can run deep, love and romance is an emotional experience for us, we need that emotional connection to feel secure. If we're not sure about our own feelings or the feelings of our love interest we do hold back. In general. Each relationship will have its own unique dynamics though. Many Cancers find it difficult to "let go" of certain things, including past hurts, whether it be romantic or family problems, this then affects how they approach new relationships. How one assimilates their life experiences and grows as a person over time, will vary.
Regarding the second part of your question, anyone who tries to manipulate love and make sure they always have the upper hand will tend to be very insecure people and probably lack self esteem. I think this could be true for a Cancerian or any other Sun sign.
I don't feel comfortable speaking for all Cancerians so I'll say that what I've written comes from my own personal understanding and observations.
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Very well put. Thanks for the honesty. Greatly appreciated.
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Posted by geminibunny
It is not going against my principles to be loving and waiting for him or accepting of his bad behavior. It is going against my grain as a Gemini but that's it. I discovered a while back that I am probably an empath. Being a gemini makes me not want to bother with emotions and all this stuff but when people are around me and not feeling well, I sense it. I sense their emotions like my own. It is strange to me. But I can pick up on things that normally most people can't. So as a gemini I want to detach as much as possible but I am empath and I do care more than I should. I thought about reading up on how to protect my empathic nature but I haven't gotten very far as to figuring out how.
I definitely am not one to lose myself in a relationship. I do have clear boundaries. Although his disappearances are annoying, they are not deal breakers. And I try to be consistent. I accepted it thus far, for over half a year now. If I go and say I can't take it anymore and won't tolerate it any further, then I will be changing my tune. I don't want to change my tune. I want to show him that I am here. I am not going anywhere. So come back to me...with intensity...like always.


Wow. That's really compassionate. My Gem has Venus in Taurus also and a cancer moon. I have broken up with her maybe literally 15 times at least. I was breaking up with her and we wasn't even in a relationship. She use to joke about that. Then she would say that she couldn't be with me because I'm too unstable with my emotions. But she is still there. I can't figure it out. It's weird but it seems like the more I try to leave, the deeper and stronger the feelings get on both sides. She told me the other night that she " loves me always". She sent that on a text twice. She has never said that. Not including always, that was something new. I mean it's like its two women. She says the nicest things sometimes and can be so nurturing but then she can joke about things that are serious and at the wrong time. She can also be kind of mean and act uncaring sometimes. So often I'm asking my self which one is the real you. I have finally accepted the fact that they both are and I have to love and accept them both if I'm going to make this work. Its definitely not easy but I believe she is worth it.
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@May31baby. There you go scaring me again. Lol just like a Gemini! Hahaha. Since when did love and relationships become so difficult. Wow. _???
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Posted by geminibunny
@3dimes
I also make a lot of jokes when I talk to my Cancer. He would need a lot of clarification when I'm being sarcastic. Usually I am just joking and mean nothing by it and a lot of times I do want to clarify but time doesn't permit and I move on so quickly in conversation I just let things go and not clarify. I was thinking maybe I should clarify things for him when he's in his shell so that yea, it would be a one-sided conversation, such as one where I'm speaking to a brick wall. Would you be happy if she clarified things better for you?
It is rare to find a love so deep that you don't know what binds you cosmically or karmically that you cannot let go. When I find this, and I think I have, I sure as heck won't let go. I even told him that. That I will not simply let go just because he's got to deal with whatever he is struggling with. When you have air + water and usually this combo does not work, but when it does, you have to be diligent and pick out the jewels of the relationship. For you, it is important she gets your messages, even tho she might seem distant but she's taking it all in, at her own pace and time. So that's a jewel for you. For me, even though he's quiet most of the time, when he's back, he's like the best thing since sliced bread. When he is on again, I don't ever take any of it for granted. I told him so many times, I won't take any bit of good for granted. It's not so bad when he's gone quiet. It isn't like he's abusing me overtly or anything and I've been through that before so this is like cakewalk for me.


Wow. Every time you express your feelings it's so compassionate that I can feel your love for him. Yes I wish she would clarify when she is joking so we both have clarity and there is no misunderstandings between us. She doesn't quite express her feelings to me like you do but there are a lot of similarities between our relationships. The only time she really opens up about her feelings for me is when I shut down or try to bail. I'm not sure if that's also how you are or not. I tell her constantly, everyday how much she means to me but she doesn't express it as verbally as I do. She does it mostly when she is 'forced' too to keep me.
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Today I noticed myself bouncing between two extremes again as usual. Earlier on I would think of funny things to say to him when he does come back. Because he was always nervous to get back in touch with me and the initial few messages were always to see if I was at all angry with him. I thought maybe the next time when he would reappear I might say something like. "who's this?" Hah. Cruel I know...but I might just mess with him a bit for fun cuz this could be somewhat painful if it wasn't so much fun. We both have a sense of humor that could take it I think.
As the day winded down I got more impatient and thought man..I should just ignore him when he comes back. But now I'm neutral again. It gets so tiring. But I don't freak out like other women on here. This is the only thing I complain about because it does get very taxing to wait around while be ignored. The heart does get very heavy so to speak.
@XmoonMan thanks for your kind words. I have a question for you. Is this typical Cancer behavior? Or do I just have a special person on my hands?
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He has little to no air in his chart but I can't be sure. From what I noticed he can keep up with the jokes and sarcasm but for every joke he would ask me if I was either serious or sarcastic. So I would have to immediately clarify for him so that he would be rest assured I didn't really mean what I just said. He is adorable. When he does this I get insight into what really matters to him.
The way I cope is to make light of everything. It's only when I am alone and contemplative or going back on what has happened would I take the time to go over what's been said and take all the seriousness into account. We are slowly inching our way into something beautiful and we're not rushing anything. I usually move really fast in relationships and this is happening really slowly. It is so different to have to take everything into consideration.
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@3dimes When he does come back and talks to me I am just so happy in the moment that I don't really open up nearly as much as when he is gone. When he is gone I have the time to reflect on how much he means to me. When he and I are talking we just make jokes and it's easy stuff. We just have fun and try and understand one another. But it seems like we are on for only one week out of the month. The rest of the month's left in either silence or if one of us decides to open up hoping the other would accept the admissions.
It is hard. We are long distance. We are both extremely busy people. We try to be supportive but we don't talk every day like a lot of couples. Heck I'd be happy if we do talk twice a month. But since the beginning we've promised exclusivity. It just comes naturally. I don't want anyone else and he tells me he doesn't either.
When you say you broke up with her at least 15 times, I have a feeling this is his way of taking mini breaks with me. This sort of push pull is so old and played out but we all are guilty of doing this. He might probably want me to chase him down and fully admit my feeling for him. He told me he doesn't believe he is attractive or confident enough. But I keep telling him he is absolutely amazing and beautiful to me. He probably does not believe me. This low self esteem is so ingrained in some people it would take years to fix with good therapy and self help. To me he is absolutely gorgeous in every way. So I have no idea why he would feel this way or how to help him other than constantly reassuring him that he is attractive. Low confidence. Insecure. Emotional. Moody. Yet so adorable. Hah. I admit I like this person a lot. I don't find these traits to be negative. I do find the rude obnoxious real or pretend alpha males appalling though. Maybe that's why. If I ever find out he practices Pick-Up Artist or Game crap I would go bananas and ax him out. I simply cannot tolerate that stuff. I hope he doesn't change except to improve his mood and confidence level a bit so that he wouldn't feel so down on himself.
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Posted by May31Baby
Lol 3dimes i promise im not trying to scare you. Just something that happened in my experience and you seen like a good guy. Gems sometimes hurt the ones we love. Idk especially if shes not ready for the depth of your love. Sometimes its scary, like its too much responsibility. But it all depends where shes at and what she wants. I really wish you the best. Ill chill out if ima ruin things before they even happen haha. Just say the word and i wont say anything else


No actually, I appreciate it a lot. I'm a man. I can handle the truth no matter how painful it is. To be honest, I actually just ended it with her. I felt even though the chemistry was so strong and I do love her a lot, there was just too much of an emotional disconnect between us. That and her sarcasm and her bad twin who comes out sometimes and makes mean and rude comments and then sometimes tries to pass them off as jokes, I thought I could deal with it but I don't want to.
Lol, no worries though, I don't hate all geminis because of one experience. I'm hoping she does like a typical Gemini and just moves on and forgets all about me in the morning. Hahaha. So I can begin my healing process. Dam it sucks being a Pisces sometimes. Hahaha. Oh well what can you do.
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Dam. I just can't let her go. She sent me a picture of her and I just melted. Hahahaha. She knows exactly how to pull me back in and really it's not too hard because deep down inside, I don't really ever want to let her go.
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