Help an Arian girl out w/ a Gemini male...

Ok... I'm new to this site and have some serious questions.
I met a Gemini guy (they seem to be my weakness since my first crush was on a gemini) and we seemed to hit it of VERY well intellectually and have the same views on a lot of the important things. He's single (with a son) and it seems that what he's looking for in a woman is me and what I'm looking for in a man is him. To give you some background... I just came out of a 14 year marriage with an Aquarius who was way too independent for me. We both knew it was time to end it b/c it was a VERY hurtful marriage (verging on abuse... nah... it was abusive). I brushed myself off, went back to school and now have a great job to support myself and children (3). My gemini friend supported my efforts and was there for great conversation, etc. He saw me go through some tough times. Just as I was getting back on my feet and starting divorce proceedings, my Gem started acting strange. Said he liked someone that he was thinking of marrying (a girl who he was friends with at work and who is 9 years younger than him). Although I was heart broken, I played it off very well and played the role of the friend to him. I gave him great advice after which he exclaimed that he had posed the same questions to this other girl who liked him and she was not as helpful as I was... lol. To be truthful, I really liked him but feared our age difference (I'm 9 years older). After his exclamation, I just stopped calling him only to wake up about 3 nights later to find that he had called me. I texted him a message asking him if he meant to call me as I "knew he was trying to turn a new leaf" (marrying the younger girl whom he'd been friends with) and he told me that he had meant to call me and that he wanted to talk to me. Our relationship has not been the same since. Can someone clue me in? Has he just decided that he wasn't interested and I missed it? This whole thing happened in January. It is now July and we've been talking all this time till now. He and I exclaim about how we both think alike and he (especially in the beginning) was very complimentary towards me. When I tell him that I like something or want to get into something, he tells me that he likes and wants to get into those same things too. We had always said that a good relationship needs a good friendship base and he is certainly living up to the "friendship" end of it. I've hinted, I've asked him out and just feel rejected from his reponse.

I will add that he and had started our friendship b/c I was (at the time) finishing school and majoring in the same subject matter that he is going to school for. I had changed jobs a year ago and he still works at my old company and is currently going to school full time. I wonder if I'm over reacting. He always seems to reassure me when I tell him stuff like men wouldn't want to be bothered with a single mom of 3. He retorts back that at this time, he wouldn't consider dating anyone who wasn't a single mom. Is he just being nice? I'm confused as he had told me that the girl he's considering marrying has no children, is early 20 something and doesn't want to work. He complains because he wants someone who will work and manage a household with kids, is smart, etc. He and I ask each other for advice and seem to respect each other's opinions... am I missing something? I thought we had great connection but we all know how that goes...
He's the second Gem that I've gotten involved with and our connections have always been this way... they seem to hint at stuff and seem to have interest but nothing comes of it. The first Gem I had a crush on said I broke his heart but my thoughts are "if you wanted me then you should have came on with it"... lol. We at least got a little further than this current Gem and I (nice play on words...). I at least got to kiss the last one... lol.
He's hinted that he thinks we'd be good together and that he and this last girl broke it of (the one he was set on marrying). I am NOT a bow wow in the looks department. I have the body of a 20 something year old (slender like a model) and can still fit into my clothes from 14 years ago. Ok... I'm done. I'd appreciate any take on this one...

"My gemini friend supported my efforts and was there for great conversation"
"Said he liked someone that he was thinking of marrying"
"Although I was heart broken,I played it off very well and played the role of the friend to him"
"We had always said that a good relationship needs a good friendship base and he is certainly living up to the "friendship" end of it."
"I will add that he and had started our friendship b/c I was .."


"Has he just decided that he wasn't interested and I missed it?"

----------
Yep .. but, he hasn't JUST decided this. He's acted like a friend the whole time. btw .. it's not unusaul for friendships to have deep conversations and to understand each other .. if this connection wasn't present, then the person wouldn't be considered a close friend. The above quotes ALL reference that his interest in you is for friendship ONLY and you reciprocated appropriately because this IS what you are.
-------------------------
"I've hinted, I've asked him out and just feel rejected from his reponse."
"am I missing something?"
-------------------------
Yep .. you ARE missing something .. he's rejected you because he considers you a friend. Apparantly you like him in an intimate way and he doesn't have those same feelings back .. how can you miss that? What's so difficult to comprehend that if a man rejects you when you ask him out, that it means he just wants to be your friend?
-------------------------
"I thought we had great connection"
-------------------------
Does this mean then, if a person has a great connection with you, it has to lead to being your lover?

What's wrong with friendship? You don't like to be connected to your friends?

What you are missing is the understanding between friends and lovers. You think that because you like him more that he is SUPPOSED to like you back in the same way, and if he doesn't .. then there must be something wrong.

What's wrong is that you're not comprehending his intentions for what they mean, because you want them to mean something else and they don't.

Thanks for your replies... it has helped me clarify things with this relationship.
Even though this gemini is a great guy (for a friendship), I've really felt like I have a LOT on my plate (with my children and keeping everything going with my career). I had told him before the relationship started that I was really looking to heal from the past relationship and really just needed a friend (that I could bounce ideas off of). As this is my first ever relationship with a male/female friendship, I wasn't sure how things went with that (I grew up in a culture where that was frowned upon). I believe that male/female relationships can happen (and don't have to lead to anything more) but I've never experienced a close one like this one before and really didn't have a good friendship base with my ex-husband 😢 ... I guess it's refreshing to know that connections like that can happen between males and females... At least it does give me something to look forward to if and when I do find that special someone who would love me AND my children but for right now, they're top priority.

Plus, as close as you two are, as kind and giving, and understanding as he is of you .. you couldn't ask for a better friend than that. 🙂

People have many, many acquaintenances .. but, how many real, true friends do we have? He sounds like he is one. 🙂🙂 He's there when you need a friend.

((hugs))

"I've hinted, I've asked him out and just feel rejected from his reponse."

When I've hinted and "asked him out", it wasn't for a date... it was just that I was going out somewhere and wondered if he wanted to come along. I just wanted to clarify. I think that I've made more of this than there needs to be. He is busy studying most of the time and while he has his son for the summer, he doesn't have much time to spend w/ him b/c of school work and that leaves even less time for socializing... lol. I think sometimes with almost every male/female frienship, each person may feel the other to make sure that it is just a friendship they're dealing with. Sometimes in these things people's feelings change. I think we both occasionally feel each other out to see if the other is still wanting a friendship. He had told me in the beginning that the other girl was just a "for the moment type of friend" that he had until he found "the one". I think he used his "change of heart" to test and see if I was looking at him as more than just a friend... because as soon as I reacted appropriately, and I asked him about her in another conversation, he told me that they had broken up (this was just a few weeks after he told me that he wanted to marry her and they'd been friends for at least 3 years). geesh... too many mind games (I think)... lol. I will say that I'm enjoying the friendship very much...

Thanks for the input you two... P-Angel, I'm not wanting more... just wanted clarification. I'm too busy in my life right now and am just glad to have someone that I can say "hey, he's hot" and he can do the same with me...

"People have many, many acquaintenances .. but, how many real, true friends do we have? He sounds like he is one."

You're definitely right about THAT! I count myself VERY fortunate to have such a friend and have told him so... lol. Thanks for your input... it's really helped.

Though my eyes wondered off of the first paragraph of the first post...God bless you both!

Myst... I hear what you're sayin'. I've really tried to put this in check ("Don't get to aggressive. I know you Arian's can be a bit commanding.")... lol. I know that I can certainly be "commanding", intense, etc and he's really forcing me to be a bit more laid back but at the same time has a great way of reassuring me when I get stressed out... lol. I don't know how he does it.
He also seems to admire me for my smarts and I admire him for his. I'm REALLY enjoying this friendship as I've not met my equal (so to speak) in terms of intelligience (not that I'm extremely smart... just didn't have the opportunity to speak with a man that's open and intelligient at the same time). We both think quite a LOT alike. We're both in the same line of work (Information Tech industry). I told him that I wasn't going to get involved with someone that I didn't feel was my equal anymore as my ex and I thought very differently (we seemed to be opposites on the important things). When I told him that, he backed down a bit. The relationship was such that we talked about how we raised children, sex, communication, his past relationships as well as my past relationships, etc. He seems to feel that a man should make more money than the woman he's with so that he can provide for her. In his current ventures, I see him trying to ensure that he makes more than me (which he currently doesn't). I think that may be why he backed down from "pursuing" a little more plus he's busy getting himself through school. I graduated already and he'll graduate next year with a bachelor's and will get a masters the following year. I most likely will pursue a masters within the next year or two.
The girl he says he wants to be with doesn't want to get a college education and wants to be a stay at home mom like her mother. He is frustrated that she doesn't seem to want to work and he says that he doesn't like that (I also am aware of the fact that what we say we like and what we end up going for may be a lot different).
I'm just watching and enjoying the friendship. If it never turns into anything more, I'll be happy just to have our friendship. I want him to be happy whether or not he's with me. We both enjoy the honest and open communication and bounce ideas off of each other.

Sorry a4... I know my writing skills need work. I use to be a lot better at it but I had a lot to get off my chest... lol.