Help With Gemini

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by UrsaMediocre on Friday, November 12, 2010 and has 22 replies.
Hey Gems & Gem board frequenters,
This isn't the first time I've posted on this board (and BTW, thank you very much to those who gave me some great advice) but yeah...I'm a Libra Sun/Pisces Moon/Libra Ascendant talkin to a Gemini Sun/Capricorn Moon/Virgo Ascendant girl that I met in school for about a couple months now. We started talking around Feb-Mar 2010, stopped talking for a couple months, & then I reconnected w/ her in August. I confessed to her that I really liked her in Sept & she said she likes me too but she wanted to get to know me more. Whenever I see her, I give her random things: roses, little gifts, sweets, made her a CD once & she always tells me I'm sweet. She's always flatters me, tells me how I'm different, that she's never met anyone like me, and that she's thankful for everything I've done for her & that she's happy to know there's good guys out there....
The thing is that the only time we really see each other is whenever I make surprise visits to her work since she's always busy (she operates a boutique). We keep trying to meet up w/ each other but she keeps cancelling on me at the last minute (including my birthday Sad). Recently, she told me that her cousin (who I met once) has a huge crush on me and her & her cousin wanted to go out & do something w/ me. Her cousin isn't 21 yet so there's some limited options to where we wanted to go. The day we were supposed to go out, I went to visit her @ her work just to see her since I figured she was gonna flake on me again. A couple hours after I left, she cancelled on me through a text. I told that I knew she was going to cancel on me so I made backup plans & that I went to visit her @ her work just to see her since I knew she was going to cancel that night. Later that night after getting blitzed w/ my friends, I ended up drunk texting her that I thought it was kind of crazy that she's letting her cousin have the chance to talk to me when I only have eyes for her. She replied "I'm nice but I don't think you're prepared to have a girl like me, I'm a lot of work Winking". So far, we haven't spoken in a week & I'm kinda doing the Libra Houdini act.
So why'd she tell me about her cousin liking me & wanted to talk to me, & her even open for that in the 1st place? Is she trying to test me or is she hoping I'd hook up w/ her cousin so she wouldn't have to break my heart? I don't know whether to move slower or faster, whether to just spill my guts to her emotionally or just be my chill usual
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'cause she isn't interested in you.
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Posted by little_sparrow
'cause she isn't interested in you.


That's kind of what I've been half-thinking: she just likes the fact that I like her, likes to makes plans just to break them 'cuz it's fun to her & that's about it. This is why I hate chasing, it's making me feel selfish. I've never actually chased in my entire life until now 'cuz in every relationship I've been in, I was the one who was chased.
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Posted by little_sparrow
'cause she isn't interested in you.


Okay, you stole my thunder.
~GM
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You have been caught in a typical Gemini scenario that usually goes something like this:
-Gem flirts with guy because we were born doing that and don't know how not to.
-Guy responds, and Gem sees something in him
-Gem temporarily possibly interested in guy until something turns her off (it could have been anything from the way you tie your shoes to your coming on too strong, too quickly)
-Gem doesn't want to be mean by letting guy down, so keeps making and breaking plans hoping he'll move on
-Gem sets up guy with someone else because he really is a good guy (just not for her) and because she wants out (not out of the friendship, but out of the dating part).
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Posted by Whimsy
You have been caught in a typical Gemini scenario that usually goes something like this:
-Gem flirts with guy because we were born doing that and don't know how not to.
-Guy responds, and Gem sees something in him
-Gem temporarily possibly interested in guy until something turns her off (it could have been anything from the way you tie your shoes to your coming on too strong, too quickly)
-Gem doesn't want to be mean by letting guy down, so keeps making and breaking plans hoping he'll move on
-Gem sets up guy with someone else because he really is a good guy (just not for her) and because she wants out (not out of the friendship, but out of the dating part).


So is this even worth salvaging? It's messed up; most of the advice I was given a couple months ago suggested I strike while the iron's hot & other people gave me the whole "friend zone" spiel when usually I'd just let it naturally progress. If anything, I read Gems tend to only go out w/ people they have a mental connection w/. I've always felt that we did (& still do) but I went about it all wrong by coming on too strong really quickly. I guess all I really can do now is find some closure. The shitty part is I have a feeling I'm never gonna get over her #solibratalk.
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I'll give you a stick-and-carrot example that is currently happening with my Gemini best friend. Her workplace hired someone whom she found sweet and attractive. They flirted back and forth for a while, but he was off-limits because she was dating someone else. That caused the attraction to build for her even more, of course. Eventually, her other relationship died a natual death, and as soon as she was free the sexy coworker "struck while the iron was hot". But...he also hadn't moved too fast because of the prior relationship taboo. She had had time to think about him, want him, and even sleep with him (in her vivid imagination) without his getting too close. See? She mentally came to HIM, and then he chose the right moment to act. It's all very confusing, and I sometimes wonder why it's even worth it for a guy. Anyway, he did strike while the iron (and my friend) was hot, and after he had bedded her he started playing the aloof card. He would still flirt and be nice to her, but remain unavailable. He even started dating someone else. Now, I think we can all agree that this was a dickhead player move, but it drove her nuts wanting him. In fact, she can think of no one else. She is simply not used to a man not being all over her, and cannot accept that once he had had a taste of being with her that she didn't become the center of his universe. It would be advisable for you to play a similar card, but minus the dickhead part. There is always the risk, though, that she will dump you after proving to herself that she can get you. I'm a really nice girl, but in my shadow moments I have done that to satisfy my own ego.
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Posted by gemtaur
It's not a matter of coming on strong. It's a matter of not being a doormat, being a challenge, mysterious.
Come on strong but remain a challenge. Carrot and stick.
She cancels on you and you show up at her boutique instead. That's not carrot and stick. That's you can disrespect me and I don't care. HUGE turn-off.
Read Whimsy's post in the other thread. We already think we are the shit we don't want someone who caters to our every whim. We want someone who knows how to put us in our place when it's necessary.
Capiche?


The time order was the other away around: I knew she was gonna cancel that night so I made plans (calls & txts not actually going out yet) & THEN I saw her at her work (what can I say, I just wanted to see her). She cancelled as I was out but still on standby. Right after she did, I called her out on it & let her know I already made plans. If anything, I should've cancelled first before she did. The funny part is that every single guy I chilled with that night got flaked on that night & we joked that there was probably some female conspiracy on Facebook to flake on everyone a la Breast Cancer Awareness month.
I do feel like she only likes me half the time. My Gem friend joked that I should worship her on Sunday, treat her like shit on Monday, don't talk to her on Tuesday & Wednesday, apologize on Thursday, take her out on Friday & Saturday, rotate every now & then but never stop mindfucking lol. Then he said I don't have it in me to do all that 'cuz I'm "romantic comedy status", always being the knight in shining sneakers.
So yeah, is this even worth salvaging or are we already at the point of no respect?
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Isn't it weird? Libra in Sun, Rising, Mercury, Saturn, Pluto, & throw in the fact that I'm a Water Dog in Chinese Astrology. I blame my Pisces moon for me only having serious relationships w/ water signs so far, & they were pretty formulaic:
-Pisces/Cancer thought I was attractive, I thought they were OK
-she chases for a couple months & I play hard to get
-she tells me she's falling in love & I feel like even though I don't really like her like that, the fact that I made someone this feel this way makes me happy 'cuz the Ursa Mediocre experience should be all love
-she's clingy, I want space; her emotions make me uncomfortable sometimes
-she talks shit about me to her friends, I only tell my friends the good things
-she likes to dwell/sulk/"woe is me" her life away, I want to change/evolve/be different
-she wants to get married, I don't 'cuz we're not getting any better
-relationship lasts for 3-6 years, we're still friends (in fact, I talk to my Cancer ex about Ms. Gem, she talks to me about her Taurus guy she's seeing that's ridiculously jealous of me)
I've never followed up on crushes 'cuz mine only last for a week, maybe a month at the longest & then I'm indifferent. I guess this is absolute karma, I really feel that I've never dug someone this hard.
I'd say it's about 70/30 w/ the 70% on my part. When she does contact me, it's 1 of 2 things: either it's a comment on some kind of realization ("hey, I just wanted to say thank you.....*insert flattery*") or she's asking me what I'm doing that weekend, let's meet up but never pull through.
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What, tell her I'm starting to fall for her? Isn't that kind of early? I mean, I kind of regret telling her I was digging her a month after we started talking again, telling her that I'm falling for her is kind of........BOLD. You really think it's crazy enough to work? Then again, doesn't that kind of give her the impression that I'm too forgiving after all the times she's made plans and then broken them? I really like her, I've never had anyone conjure up this amount of emotion out of me ever, including my past serious relationships. I just can't stand liking her and if I fall in love with her, eventually I'm going to hate loving her. That just sounds so awesomely shitty, disgustingly wonderful, lol!
I admit, I played a little dirty when she cancelled on me on my birthday: she asked me to pick her up that night before I went to go to my party 'cuz she didn't want to go there alone (given she lives an hour away, I didn't mind). I'm 45 min. into the drive and she cancels on me via text. I text her I'm already out there, I'll just wait. I'm over 2 hours late to my own party, I've got friends from out of town who came down for it calling me asking where I'm at, and she won't pick up any of my calls. I head to the place while sending her a 'false mass text' telling 'everyone' that if you're already downtown, tell the owner/my friend to give you my private section & table and just send me the bill 'cuz I won't be able to make it there due to illness and I'll make it up to everyone w/ brunch the next day for those from out of town and a redo party next weekend. She calls me back feeling really guilty and asks if I was serious and I said yeah I'm serious 'cuz it's already late and it's my party, I can cancel if I want to. She called me back a week later asking me if I was still mad at her and I just laughed and said "you owe me a birthday". I really hate playing games 'cuz I believe in a harmonious life with open communication, but if you're gonna force me into a firefight, I drop atomic bombs and then I'll nurse you back to health.
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LOL.Gemtaur is this a real book????"Carrot and Stick: The Gift that keeps on Giving"
if not, would you please start writing it immediately
is carrot and stick considered a "game"?
it kinda sounds like it, but I am from a different planet

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Actually no, I didn't tell her exactly why and how it started. I did tell her a lot about my last relationship: how we were in a LDR for a year, she moved back here for about 2 years, had to move away for a year and a half, then back to Chicago in our last year (we were together for 5.5 years). I told her how my ex was 10 years older than me, has a daughter who's 10 years younger than me. Ms. Gem was really shocked & surprised about everything, asking me if age, status, career, having kids, are big factors to me. I told her no because it all depends on individual personality and how I don't judge anyone, period. She told me she's never met anyone like that ever, how she couldn't possibly do that, how I'm different and that I have a big heart. She's told me about her past relationships, how she tended to make her exs crazy and that she's never had a relationship end amiably (total opposite of me; my exs are some of my best friends & I'm even still on good terms w/ girls I've just messed around w/).
She got in touch with me. At first we just spoke lightly then when towards the end of the the convo, she told me that she hopes I'm not mad at her. In a sense, I was mad because that was just inconsiderate but then again, I'm glad everyone else had a great time despite me not having one.
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Of course not, not only is that a bad, insincere reason to be in a relationship, but if that's the exact case right now and I'm on the other end this time around, I already know how it's going to end (which is actually not all that bad actually given my case, at least we don't hate each other).
I did go, I sent that fake mass text on the way to the place. It's not that I didn't get pissed, it's just that I felt it would've been rather uncouth for me to openly show I was pissed. I don't know, I'm not used to showing people any negative emotions because if there's an issue, emotions cloud your judgment and get in the way of solving problems. In the rare cases that it's ever bad enough for me to convey anger, I blow up and I never want anyone to think any less of me. If anything, it's the inconsideration for other people that made me upset. She knew I had people waiting for me and that the whole reason why they're there was because of me. It would just be so out of my element for me to outwardly convey this much negative emotion and I don't want people to think I'm some kind of demanding, overbearing person w/ power and control issues when I'm not. I figure I was just showing perseverance rather than being a doormat (it's those chick flicks & Asian drama shows, I tell you), but you're absolutely right and it's blowing up in my face.
I don't even know if I've fallen, falling, in the process of falling, or I'm just enamoured by her. There's no real way to measure this and it's definitely because I'm not used to it. I can pick this apart all night and still not come to a definite conclusion.....and that frustrates me. Fuck it, I'll make a checklist:
-butterflies every day since I met her: CHECK
-first person to ever make me nervous: CHECK
-first person I've been attracted to and sex was NOT the first thing I thought of: CHECK
I mean, seriously, I think it's weird for me to be attracted to someone from them simply remembering a small detail of anything I've said. I think it's weird for me to notice the different ways she writes her name down but starts the first letter in the same motion regardless of font. I think it's weird for me to notice how she always pulls the inside of my elbow when she remembers to ask me about something. So where I'm at right now? I don't know.
She did actually, it was the first time we went out and that was the last time we saw each other before we started talking again after not speaking for months.
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@gemtaur
I definitely need to chill out. Before the last time I saw her, I was literally was playing 'taste test' w/ her, telling her to close her eyes while I fed her random things I bought from the Japanese mall (mango mochi ice cream, melon jelly, coconut & green tea cookies) right by my & her work. At the last one, I just left w/ her eyes closed lol. She texted later that she sat there w/ her eyes closed for a min. then looked everywhere for me & she asked me to take her to that mall 'cuz she's never had anything like that. She told me about her cousin right before that, saying how her little cousin's trying to be a thief & keeps asking her about me.
It's been about 2 weeks since I've talked to her, I figure I was gonna contact her on Thursday, Nov 18th (end of Venus [Libra ruler, love] in Libra retrograde, end of Jupiter [luck] retrograde). Makeover, new look, new color scheme, new cologne, new accessories, thinking more clearly & being more open about saying no rather than my usual vagueness & I Don't Knows. Should I still not contact her?
You've been nothing but the best with me trying to deal with this and I'm surprised you still followed my story after how many months of me posting my BS. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and if you're ever in Chicago, I owe you dinner Winking. Thank you to Whimsy as well, your posts have been very helpful. little_sparrow & GeminiMind, fuck your non-helping asses lol j/p
@LibraLuv
Oh yeah, my emotions are definitely getting a little too heavy for my liking. What bothers me about that is that I've never really acted that way in any relationship. I mean sure I'd act sweet & cordial in behavior, but the emotions weren't enough to actually make me join a message board seeking advice.
I definitely love the Gems: 2 of my closest friends are Gem Sun & the other's Gem Moon (Cancer Sun), + my favorite aunt & my godfather's a Gem.
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Oh no, actually I joined up on here giving my 2 cents on how Libras act in general from what I know; comparing & contrasting w/ other Libras as well. If that little comment sounded sarcastic, I do apologize, that wasn't my intention at all. I think I've went from frequenting Libra -> Fashion & Beauty -> Music -> Gemini lately and I do agree, the Gemini board has been extremely direct and helpful (and PACKED with relationship topics lol while the Libra board is more or less non-Libras questioning/challenging our behavior or Libras analyzing ourselves). I've never found Gemini guys confusing at all (if anything, other than my Libra friends, my Gem friend is the one I relate to the most), I've never really found women too confusing (throughout my life, I've always been closer to my mother and my sister way more than my father & my brother), I just find Gemini women confusing lol.
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Oh, my...ha ha! As a Gem, it would drive me nuts if a guy who was supposed to be worshipping me was not only unavailable for a date when I wanted, but was also implying that I wouldn't even be cool enough to enjoy what he was doing! If he was presenting it as a fact, without any arrogance, that is. I would definitely have to obsess, dig up info, and prove that I am, indeed, cool.
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That's the thing though, I feel that she thinks she has me figured out even though she doesn't, and if she does think that then I'm never going to know. I already know that I'm never going to let that go if I don't know. I may not stay angry at people for a long time, but I definitely never let social relationships go unfinished that I've put my time & effort into. If I lose contact and months & years go by, that's not closure, that's me losing someone who was once a great friend, an inspiration, a muse to my life & my work. She pretty much single-handedly inspired me back into fashion after a year of debating whether I should quit school & give my portfolio to my business partner.
What I was going to do was contact her & start back to SQUARE ONE as you just said, except since I'm almost certain she's going to pull the predictable thing and ask me if I want to do something that weekend, this time I'm just going to tell her I'm busy (which I am). If she asks what am I doing that weekend, I'll just tell her she wouldn't understand, probably never heard of it, & probably wouldn't be into it either (lol, how pretentious, I sound like a hipster). I'm going to be who I was in my previous relationships: slightly detached, doing what I want, and always questioning. None of this emotional mess that's been killing my game for the past year. No details, no explanation & elaborations of why I was gone for 2 weeks, why I have scars on my hands, why do I look different, why am I not smiling this time around. I do want to listen to you about the no-contact but if nothing happens then I can't do what I do and that's either start or end. If I don't have any closure, I already know I'm never going to let this go for the rest of my life and that's going to slowly kill me inside.
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Posted by Whimsy
Oh, my...ha ha! As a Gem, it would drive me nuts if a guy who was supposed to be worshipping me was not only unavailable for a date when I wanted, but was also implying that I wouldn't even be cool enough to enjoy what he was doing! If he was presenting it as a fact, without any arrogance, that is. I would definitely have to obsess, dig up info, and prove that I am, indeed, cool.


lol, see I could go arrogant prick Simon Cowell or David Lee Roth Libra status, I just spent so much time trying to aim for Gandhi Libra status that I forgot about the in-between: John Lennon Libra status.
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Posted by gemtaur
But see, it's your Pisces moon that thinks of this as "mindfucking"...to a Gem it's keeping things FRESH. We want/need our relationships to never get settled otherwise we're out.
You are one strange Libra guy lol You guys are the shit at this stuff. Channel your Libra.
Does SHE ever contact you or are you the one who always makes contact with her?




What do you mean by never get settled? Like meaning not knowing if your together exclusively ?? Please explain and why is this??smile thanks buddy
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I'll keep it short since I'm sick & drugged up
-visited, I ask for help lol
-she was busy so she didn't look up, thought I was some customer's husband
-looks up...EYES TURN TO GLASS (I noticed this happened like a few times before), says "oh my God, I feel weird" while looking away visibly surprised & nervous
-she mentions that we haven't talked or seen each other in a while after months of talking on an almost daily basis
-asks a lot of questions, I give her short answers, interchange interest & apathy w/ vocal inflection, body language, & amount of eye contact
-I tell her I have to go, she walks to give me a hug, trips lol (new stiletto boots, which were absolutely lovely I might add), falls on me & I catch her
-I tell her I have something for her & to close her eyes & count to 10
-she counts to 10, I'm not there
I'm still debating whether to keep pursuing or not. The time, effort, health, & logic aren't there but the feelings are still overwhelming.
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Posted by ellessque
Posted by UrsaMediocre
-I tell her I have something for her & to close her eyes & count to 10
-she counts to 10, I'm not there


roflmao
click to expand


I actually felt bad for that & thought it was kind of juvenile for me to do that. She was so used to me giving her little gifts & things so I wanted to switch it up; make it mysterious & unpredictable. Hope she didn't think I was being bogus & took that too hard but that's what she gets for always making plans & cancelling at the last min.
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Posted by ellessque
just don't do that to a scorpio chic, k?
roflmao


I've had relationships w/ a Pisces & a Cancer; no offense but I know not to mess w/ Scorpios, yall are crazy! It's funny, both the most genuinely nicest person I've ever met (one of my good friends) & the biggest prick I've ever met (my fav. cousin lol) are both Scorpios.
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