How do you deal with blunt people?
This topic was created in the Gemini forum by AnnaPhototaker on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 and has 17 replies.
I'm a direct to the point kind of person (Cap ascendent Gemini).
5 minutes ago my close friend (A Gem) called me. I tried to get in touch with him earlier but he didn't answer at all.
**Side note: Gem always text me, even if I'm at work, to get my attention. He asks what I'm doing, who I'm with, where I am, when I'll get home, etc. And I always answer right away. I didn't before and he got mad. I see it as him caring about me.**
So I asked him where he was, what he did. Out of curiosity and because well, he always ask me. And like 90% of the time, he gave me a generic answer. "Stuff. Downtown." Very vague. While my answers are always: "I'm with NAME and NAME at Starbucks and we are going PLACE next."
I normally brush it off, but lately, I've been stressed and I snapped.
I told him: "Why are you doing this? I always answer, you don't. I hate it!" He gave me a Why not? as an answer. Like he didn't care. I got mad, told him he didn't care about me, that he was using me and told him it was hurtful. He said he was sorry and I told him something like "Whatever! If I were your friend you'd tell me things and you would share with me, like friends do" and I left.
As a Cap, I'm always emotionless but this Gem, we've been very close friends for 8 years and sometimes I feel like he doesn't care.
2-3 months ago, I told him I didn't like the way he was treating me, and told him I would be his friend only. That there would be no feelings involved and he got so mad!
He asked me why, said things like "Don't do this to me! Don't leave me!" like I was breaking up with him.
As Geminis, and it's why I'm here: Do you think it'll make him think or he won't care?
**Side note #2: When we argue or fight. The next day, he will talk to me like nothing happened and life will goes on. Which is something I love about us**
But I feel like maybe I went too far this time :/
5 minutes ago my close friend (A Gem) called me. I tried to get in touch with him earlier but he didn't answer at all.
**Side note: Gem always text me, even if I'm at work, to get my attention. He asks what I'm doing, who I'm with, where I am, when I'll get home, etc. And I always answer right away. I didn't before and he got mad. I see it as him caring about me.**
So I asked him where he was, what he did. Out of curiosity and because well, he always ask me. And like 90% of the time, he gave me a generic answer. "Stuff. Downtown." Very vague. While my answers are always: "I'm with NAME and NAME at Starbucks and we are going PLACE next."
I normally brush it off, but lately, I've been stressed and I snapped.
I told him: "Why are you doing this? I always answer, you don't. I hate it!" He gave me a Why not? as an answer. Like he didn't care. I got mad, told him he didn't care about me, that he was using me and told him it was hurtful. He said he was sorry and I told him something like "Whatever! If I were your friend you'd tell me things and you would share with me, like friends do" and I left.
As a Cap, I'm always emotionless but this Gem, we've been very close friends for 8 years and sometimes I feel like he doesn't care.
2-3 months ago, I told him I didn't like the way he was treating me, and told him I would be his friend only. That there would be no feelings involved and he got so mad!
He asked me why, said things like "Don't do this to me! Don't leave me!" like I was breaking up with him.
As Geminis, and it's why I'm here: Do you think it'll make him think or he won't care?
**Side note #2: When we argue or fight. The next day, he will talk to me like nothing happened and life will goes on. Which is something I love about us**
But I feel like maybe I went too far this time :/
I can tell you this about my Gem.
He's got the lowest self esteem in the universe. He's very flirty, confident in appearance, but inside, he's got this thing where he thinks he's a loser, no one loves him, etc. He told me many times that he's not a good person. But I show him that he is, and I've sticked with him for 8 years. Told him I'm not leaving him and I'll stay for as long as he wants me in his life.
He only has 3-4 friends and I'm one of them. But as for us dating: He told me many times that he loves me. But we live far from each other so it's not possible.
He talked about moving here, me there but I told him to get his life in order. (Him staying there means he can see his kids and it's better for him. I love him, but I'm sacrificing myself for him to be a good father)
He's got the lowest self esteem in the universe. He's very flirty, confident in appearance, but inside, he's got this thing where he thinks he's a loser, no one loves him, etc. He told me many times that he's not a good person. But I show him that he is, and I've sticked with him for 8 years. Told him I'm not leaving him and I'll stay for as long as he wants me in his life.
He only has 3-4 friends and I'm one of them. But as for us dating: He told me many times that he loves me. But we live far from each other so it's not possible.
He talked about moving here, me there but I told him to get his life in order. (Him staying there means he can see his kids and it's better for him. I love him, but I'm sacrificing myself for him to be a good father)
I just don't understand his whole: "I treat you like crap, but I love you and I wanna be with you" and when you tell him he's hurting you, it's like I'm talking to a heartless person.
Dated two Gems and I have an aunt that's one. It's the way they are. Aloof. Detached and cold. In order to keep their interest, you have to play mind games or else they'll get bored. They're cool as friends in a limited capacity but in a relationship...if the above is for you, they're perfect.
be blunt! we won't learn our lessons if we don't know.....
Posted by domz
Be blunt back and call them an asshole.
I don't understand what you mean.
Posted by misslissa
be blunt! we won't learn our lessons if we don't know.....
That's why I'm telling him what he did wrong.
I'm with him to stay. I accept him for who he is. All the Gemini that he is, but when I tell him, it's like he's heartless.
He did say he was sorry for hurting me. But didn't actually fix it by telling me where he was.
Is it because he needs time to simmer it?
and besides, we will respect you more in the long run for it! well, at least i would.... give it to me straight, then give me time and space to analyze it.
Posted by AnnaPhototakerPosted by misslissa
be blunt! we won't learn our lessons if we don't know.....
That's why I'm telling him what he did wrong.
I'm with him to stay. I accept him for who he is. All the Gemini that he is, but when I tell him, it's like he's heartless.
He did say he was sorry for hurting me. But didn't actually fix it by telling me where he was.
Is it because he needs time to simmer it?
click to expand
well, as for myself... i'd fix it if i respect/care for/love you.
Posted by misslissaPosted by AnnaPhototakerPosted by misslissa
be blunt! we won't learn our lessons if we don't know.....
That's why I'm telling him what he did wrong.
I'm with him to stay. I accept him for who he is. All the Gemini that he is, but when I tell him, it's like he's heartless.
He did say he was sorry for hurting me. But didn't actually fix it by telling me where he was.
Is it because he needs time to simmer it?
well, as for myself... i'd fix it if i respect/care for/love you.click to expand
Thank you Misslissa.
And do you like when people do the first step to go back to you after an argument?
Do you see it as a sign of love or would you need your space and talk when ready?
I'm asking because I hesitate between:
Pushing him away next time he talks to me
or
Talking to him first, telling him I hate when we fight and see how it goes.
Pushing him away next time he talks to me
or
Talking to him first, telling him I hate when we fight and see how it goes.
Posted by AnnaPhototakerPosted by misslissaPosted by AnnaPhototakerPosted by misslissa
be blunt! we won't learn our lessons if we don't know.....
That's why I'm telling him what he did wrong.
I'm with him to stay. I accept him for who he is. All the Gemini that he is, but when I tell him, it's like he's heartless.
He did say he was sorry for hurting me. But didn't actually fix it by telling me where he was.
Is it because he needs time to simmer it?
well, as for myself... i'd fix it if i respect/care for/love you.
Thank you Misslissa.
And do you like when people do the first step to go back to you after an argument?
Do you see it as a sign of love or would you need your space and talk when ready?click to expand
"i" would have already worked out by now, just out of respect. he's not respecting you, just in the way he's not taking your feelings into consideration.
Well, I'm a Gem, and here's how it works for me:
If you're upset with me, you need to sit me down and explain very logically why I should change my behavior. If you get all forceful, demanding, or emotional, I'm just going to think you have issues and need to see a professional.
Sometimes, I'll understand that something I'm doing is negatively affecting someone else, but I won't change because (a) I think it's actually harmless and their concerns are silly (b) I feel they are trying to inhibit my freedom, or (c) I don't really care about the person lodging the complaint. If the reason is (a), we may need more than one sit-down (possibly very many sit-downs) before I comprehend why I should change.
As for being cold to him when you see him again- that only works with me if I didn't know before that I had done something you didn't like (and only if it's real, as in "I'm so angry I can't even speak to you right now!) If it's postargument, you just need to use your words instead of playing games.
Yes, he will always come back the next day and act as if nothing happened. That's how we roll. If he's back, it means he wants to be...for whatever reason (whether he loves you or is getting something from you). If he didn't want to be back, he would use your anger as a convenient "out".
If you're upset with me, you need to sit me down and explain very logically why I should change my behavior. If you get all forceful, demanding, or emotional, I'm just going to think you have issues and need to see a professional.
Sometimes, I'll understand that something I'm doing is negatively affecting someone else, but I won't change because (a) I think it's actually harmless and their concerns are silly (b) I feel they are trying to inhibit my freedom, or (c) I don't really care about the person lodging the complaint. If the reason is (a), we may need more than one sit-down (possibly very many sit-downs) before I comprehend why I should change.
As for being cold to him when you see him again- that only works with me if I didn't know before that I had done something you didn't like (and only if it's real, as in "I'm so angry I can't even speak to you right now!) If it's postargument, you just need to use your words instead of playing games.
Yes, he will always come back the next day and act as if nothing happened. That's how we roll. If he's back, it means he wants to be...for whatever reason (whether he loves you or is getting something from you). If he didn't want to be back, he would use your anger as a convenient "out".
You could have it the opposite way and be a Cancer with 2 Sagittarian parents. Talk about blunt!
I prefer people being blunt I like it cause it really feeds my devil's advocate side.
I don't like it when people are all quiet and tip toe around me it just let's me know you don't have a backbone and I could eat you for breakfast. Fighters > Weak
I don't like it when people are all quiet and tip toe around me it just let's me know you don't have a backbone and I could eat you for breakfast. Fighters > Weak
Like Whimsy said, and what Gem always do, which I love.
He ended up sending me funny pictures.
I think it's his version of sending flowers to apologize. He knows I love it.
He fished for compliments.
I asked him if he was doing this to test the water and he said yes.
Meaning that if I was still upset I wouldn't compliment him, and if I did, we would be alright.
I complimented him, and then, everything was fine.
We had awesome makeup sex and now everything is fine.
I will talk to him logically though.
As a Capricorn, it's easy for me to do.
Thank you so sooo much to everyone who took the time to answer me.
I love you Gems
He ended up sending me funny pictures.
I think it's his version of sending flowers to apologize. He knows I love it.
He fished for compliments.
I asked him if he was doing this to test the water and he said yes.
Meaning that if I was still upset I wouldn't compliment him, and if I did, we would be alright.
I complimented him, and then, everything was fine.
We had awesome makeup sex and now everything is fine.
I will talk to him logically though.
As a Capricorn, it's easy for me to do.
Thank you so sooo much to everyone who took the time to answer me.
I love you Gems
The Gem guy I dated, I basically told him he was my boyfriend and he was --for 2 years. We broke it off because he went overseas for work and neither of us could handle that, then we just didn't get back together. Oh and Gem I dated in Highschool (6 mos), same deal. I just asked him if I was his girlfriend. And he said yes. That was that. He went to the Army. Again, just didn't get back together. As both Gems though, no respect lost.
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