How to be more social & outgoing like Geminis?
This topic was created in the Gemini forum by buddhachris on Sunday, May 26, 2013 and has 7 replies.
I'm very shy and introverted. I normally keep to myself and don't like to draw attention to myself. But when I'm friends with you, I'm super extroverted. When I'm comfortable with someone, I literally cannot run out of things to say. People have told me I'm very funny, which is a cool thing. At school, I got accepted to be a part of Student body, which is a group of mostly popular kids and jocks. Everyone has a really strong personality; they're all talkative and outgoing. How can I stop being so laidback and mellow, and start making more friends to hopefully become popular?
I used to think I'm a very shy person... which still is true to certain extent, because I just don't make friends right away or jump from people to people when I'm at a party - unlike my gemini friend (I'm gemini, too, btw.) She's the ultimate, the archetypal gemini. Very social, very outgoing. Well, extremely outgoing, she just refuses to rest even on holidays and weekends to attend many events, to socialize. It almost seems she's got no private/personal life lol
I used to want to be like her when I was teen (we've known each other for a long time), because she had (and still has) so many friends. Making friends came never hard for her and whilst I was quite popular with my own buddy group, I was not the most popular kid or not everyone at school knew me (but they knew my friend. Everyone knew her!)
I tried to imitate her, her approach to people, but then soon realized it was very exhausting - like acting all the time. Faking. I was not being myself. It was mentally, emotionally taxing. And also it didn't come across genuine, like that of my friend, which of course very understandable, thinking that I was not being myself, but just acting someone else. I tried to change myself to be liked or to be more popular or to have more friends... but what's the point if it exhausts me? And I would prefer to have people, my friends to like me for just who I am, not something I'm projecting out.
This sounds lame, but everyone is different and that's what makes each person unique and interesting. I'm pretty much easy going and not in front all the time (and that's what made me think that I was a shy person, but later I found out, it was not entirely true - because I've no problem with interacting with people, I'm not like a wall flower, I'm just sort of playing under the radar, but always there. I was just comparing myself to other, in this case, my extremely outgoing friend - but there was really no need for that!). However, people come to me and say that they like me and want to be my friends, I don't have to reach out to make them stay my friends... they're my friends, because they just are. And they appreciate me just for who/what I am. My gemini friend has told me many times 'you're the one I can always fall back on - I know you won't judge me or take me as your friend because I'm popular and such, but you just stay my friend for just who I am.'
And the same goes to her. She's my friend, because I just like her and we can be ourselves around each other.
I used to want to be like her when I was teen (we've known each other for a long time), because she had (and still has) so many friends. Making friends came never hard for her and whilst I was quite popular with my own buddy group, I was not the most popular kid or not everyone at school knew me (but they knew my friend. Everyone knew her!)
I tried to imitate her, her approach to people, but then soon realized it was very exhausting - like acting all the time. Faking. I was not being myself. It was mentally, emotionally taxing. And also it didn't come across genuine, like that of my friend, which of course very understandable, thinking that I was not being myself, but just acting someone else. I tried to change myself to be liked or to be more popular or to have more friends... but what's the point if it exhausts me? And I would prefer to have people, my friends to like me for just who I am, not something I'm projecting out.
This sounds lame, but everyone is different and that's what makes each person unique and interesting. I'm pretty much easy going and not in front all the time (and that's what made me think that I was a shy person, but later I found out, it was not entirely true - because I've no problem with interacting with people, I'm not like a wall flower, I'm just sort of playing under the radar, but always there. I was just comparing myself to other, in this case, my extremely outgoing friend - but there was really no need for that!). However, people come to me and say that they like me and want to be my friends, I don't have to reach out to make them stay my friends... they're my friends, because they just are. And they appreciate me just for who/what I am. My gemini friend has told me many times 'you're the one I can always fall back on - I know you won't judge me or take me as your friend because I'm popular and such, but you just stay my friend for just who I am.'
And the same goes to her. She's my friend, because I just like her and we can be ourselves around each other.
Our society promotes/encourages extroverted people and it at times seems that extroverted people do have advantages - because they are popular, they've many friends, people tend to notice them first... they're not afraid of putting themselves out, they PR them... because of that they, at times, get good jobs, get along with others quickly... but not everyone has to be an extrovert.
Being an introverted person, I think I'm self retrospective. I use my time to delve into something, some subjects which intrigue me. I guess my extroverted friend spends her time with connecting others... which is good itself
It's just different that, as in how we spend time and choose things to learn more about ourselves and be happy. It's not like I don't like people lol but I admit I'm at more ease when I'm doing my own things and that's what most of the time attracts others to me (the people told me so ) I don't need to act like a social butterfly to be popular (unlike my friend, who's a born people person), I just do my own thing, mind my own business, and that draws people in, to me.
And probably you'll more likely stand out among those big, strong, talkative friends of yours, should you stay yourself lol as a more down to earth sort?
Life is too short even just to be oneself, I think. Accepting oneself as s/he is the key to happiness in life. I guess people struggle finding self identity when they're young, like teens or early 20s. One thing I've found gracious about getting old is that learning/accepting oneself and just love and be happy with who I am.
I don't think you're very -or painfully- shy as you describe yourself in your post, if you're accepted to be in student body, by the way
Sorry if this sounds patronizing or something along that line - I never meant that way! I just want to share my thoughts on this topic as I'm myself an introvert
Being an introverted person, I think I'm self retrospective. I use my time to delve into something, some subjects which intrigue me. I guess my extroverted friend spends her time with connecting others... which is good itself
It's just different that, as in how we spend time and choose things to learn more about ourselves and be happy. It's not like I don't like people lol but I admit I'm at more ease when I'm doing my own things and that's what most of the time attracts others to me (the people told me so ) I don't need to act like a social butterfly to be popular (unlike my friend, who's a born people person), I just do my own thing, mind my own business, and that draws people in, to me.And probably you'll more likely stand out among those big, strong, talkative friends of yours, should you stay yourself lol as a more down to earth sort?
Life is too short even just to be oneself, I think. Accepting oneself as s/he is the key to happiness in life. I guess people struggle finding self identity when they're young, like teens or early 20s. One thing I've found gracious about getting old is that learning/accepting oneself and just love and be happy with who I am.
I don't think you're very -or painfully- shy as you describe yourself in your post, if you're accepted to be in student body, by the way
Sorry if this sounds patronizing or something along that line - I never meant that way! I just want to share my thoughts on this topic as I'm myself an introvert
An and excuse any bad grammar and such lol English is not my first tongue lol
And I don't know how to edit posts once I put them up here!
And I don't know how to edit posts once I put them up here!
buddhachris, I feel you. I'm a Gemini who used to be so shy that I could barely function around strangers. As I got older, the shyness gradually went away, but it was incredibly painful while it lasted. There were a couple of tricks I used to help me through:
Like you, I was really outgoing around my own friends. So, whenever I needed to speak with a stranger, I pretended I already knew him or her. Sometimes, I imagined he or she had the face of my friend. It really helped.
It also helped to model myself after my outgoing friend when I was in awkward situations. I wasn't trying to BE her, but I would ask myself how she might handle a situation and try to do the same. Kind of like being trapped in a vault and asking yourself what MacGyver would do.
Like you, I was really outgoing around my own friends. So, whenever I needed to speak with a stranger, I pretended I already knew him or her. Sometimes, I imagined he or she had the face of my friend. It really helped.
It also helped to model myself after my outgoing friend when I was in awkward situations. I wasn't trying to BE her, but I would ask myself how she might handle a situation and try to do the same. Kind of like being trapped in a vault and asking yourself what MacGyver would do.
since you still a student go do stage acting or comedy standup or speech giving
I Wouldn't call myself shy I tend to not care or worry about someone until they come speak to me first.My quietness lets me learn other peoples knowledge which comes in handy in many situations and people seem to trust me with anything.My other twin is very generous and wants everyone to be happy but myself.
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