how to get gemini bro to forgive me

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by SinNombre on Saturday, March 9, 2013 and has 31 replies.
hi. i'll try my best to keep this precise (with only the necessary info) and to the point.

basically what happened was
i disappointed him deeply and he lost all his respect for me.

he is angry at me for how quickly i bailed out of my marriage.

i caused the divorce to happen. it was my fault entirely. i hurt so many people (mostly my wife and her side of the family cuz they always treated me like i was their actual son since i was a kid). all i could do at the time was apologize but i know that no amount of apology will ever be enough for putting their beloved daughter through so much distress.

i take full responsibility for what i did. theres no excuse.


(for those of you who may be wondering, no, i did not cheat. never even came close.)


i just couldn't bear to be married no more. felt too many restrictions and felt extremely lonely despite being married.


i tried to be a good husband. we both worked the same amount of hours but i did most of the chores around the house(cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills all that shit ). i tried to give her everything she wanted in terms of material things and we both tried hard to meet each other's emotional needs but sometimes there were miscommunications between us.


after awhile it felt like we were just two kids trying to act tough like grownups and playing house.

.....so anyway back to my brother...(sorry my brain is so disorganized)
it's been 2 months since he stopped talking to me (we dont live together. he's only 15 going on 16 this year so he lives back home with our dad and i live like half an hour away).
he used to call and text me almost every day but he stopped.


in the 22 years that ive been alive i've tried my very best to be a good role model for my two younger brothers but him (the gem bro that i want to reconcile with) and I were especially close and he would always tell me that he looked up to me. he told me he never got into trouble in or out of school cuz i always made sure i stayed out of trouble, he told me he never smoked a cig or touched a drug cuz i never touched any of those and i would always talk to him about saying no to drugs and rising above peer pressure and all that. he also never abused his body by sleeping around and shit cuz i told him time and time again to treat his body with honor and respect. i never slept around either cuz it woulda made our dad cry due to the shame.
details
just stuff like that.

i got married against my dad's will at 19 to a girl i had been with since i was 15. almost every body in my family thought it was a terrible idea but i thought i was ready and thats all that pretty much mattered to my immature and ignorant-as-fuck- 19 year old brain. and also being an aries, i sometimes have too much confidence in my decisions...like a dangerous amount of confidence. i dont know where it comes from.

but anyway the gem bro....he supported me from the beginning. he was on my side. he told everybody that i could do this cuz i've always been responsible and i've never let anyone down. he was like, "jesse can do this cuz it's jesse."

i was able to get my dad's permission to go ahead with this because of him.

i was really happy when i got married. i was on cloud nine. i spent nearly every day with a stupid ass grin on my face. i had my queen with me. it was all good.

and then....yeah.....


we filed for divorce in may 2012.


my bro started acting weird (snarky?) in my presense around october last year....he'd make remarks like i'm cold as fuck and heartless. he'd say those things in a joking way but you could still tell he meant it. and then he completely stopped talking to me in january.

people(including my bro) think i dont have any depth to my emotions cuz im always smiling when im sad. i cry when nobody's looking. that's the only difference. i just dont like to do it in front of people. like for example i cried myself to sleep for a couple nights in a row after i told my wife i wanted a divorce. nobody was there so i felt comfortable enough to let my emotions come out. dont get me wrong i didn't feel sorry for my ass one bit. thats not why i was crying.

i was crying because i made my wife cry. thats it.


so anyway he blew up on me on november 1st. i still remember that shit like it was yesterday.

i was scolding him on some stupid shit he did . he pissed in our neighbor's yard. this neigbor accidentally ran over my bro's skateboard with their car back in october and said they'd get him a new one but they forgot or something. i dunno. i bought him a new one on behalf of them so i dunno wtf he was doing pissing in their yard. the issue was already resolved.)

so we're in the kicthen (of our dad's house) and im telling him to stop acting like an uncivilized animal pissing in people's yards and he fucking BLEW UP on me.

details
(sorry please forgive me for the long ass posts. im almost done.)
so he was bascially like,
"you got some nerve calling me uncivilized. your sorry ass marriage ended after only 2 years. i can't believe i use to look up to you. i thought you were better than that. you're fucking heartless. why don't you get your own shit together before you tell me what to do!!!"


details
my question:
do you think he'll ever forgive me? what can i do to prove to him that i still have heart and that he can always depend on me?? how can i get his trust back?? i know i'm not perfect. and i know i messed up. i wish he didn't have to see that shit but i can't undo it. i just want him to trust me again as his big brother. he said i'm not the same person any more. i dont know what that means.

details
As with anyone... You're just going to have to take it day by day. That's all you really can do. Your brother has to work through his anger. My aries sis and i would go through fights like this all the time. It takes time to gain trust back. Not just overnight, and not just with a few words. I wish you luck!
details
Posted by SinNombre


i was scolding him on some stupid shit he did . he pissed in our neighbor's yard. this neigbor accidentally ran over my bro's skateboard with their car back in october and said they'd get him a new one but they forgot or something. i dunno. i bought him a new one on behalf of them so i dunno wtf he was doing pissing in their yard. the issue was already resolved.)

so we're in the kicthen (of our dad's house) and im telling him to stop acting like an uncivilized animal pissing in people's yards and he fucking BLEW UP on me.




LMFAO!! You actually catch him in the act or what? lol
details
Sad
Boo boo...From now on you need to stop getting yourself into situations that
you are not ready for and breaking people's hearts as a result of your hasty actions.
You need to think things through properly. A marriage is permanent. You did know that, right?
19 was way too young. What were you thinking? Sad
The reason your brother is upset is because he believed in you honey.
He wanted you to do well in your marriage.
Like misslissa said, he's going to need some time to work through his anger.
Just be the nice, caring brother that you've always been to him. And be patient.
His anger will soften over time.
There was a strong bond between the two of you to begin with
so I have no doubt that he will find it in his heart to forgive you someday.
Don't you worry.
smile
details
@misslissa
thanks. i'm willing to do whatever it takes and however long it takes.
@gandalf
i dunno if i should do that. it might get misinterpreted like he might think i'm trying to manipulate him to get sympathy or something so yeah....it's a little risky. i think its best if i do it face to face. thanks man.
@markell
i was in the kitchen washing dishes and he came and tapped on the window in front of me (he was outside), i looked up, he had a smirk on his face, said sumthin like "watch this" and went over to their lawn and just started pissing. i think he just did it to try and piss me off cuz he was mad at me. it makes sense cuz he's never done anything like that before. i ran over there hoping nobody would see us and dragged his ass back to our house. i yelled at him wtf are you doing and he blew up when i told him to quit acting like a fucking uncivilized animal.
@xxpinkferrarixx
yes i will stop. i hate that sickening feeling you get in your stomach when you've let people down. its the worst feeling ive ever felt. i fucking messed up. i didn't mean to hurt her.

details
He will forgive you on his own. Or not.
You just have to wait it out, if you can. It will probably be tough for an Aries tho.
details
I know you didn't mean to hurt her, boo boo Sad
We all make mistakes.

details
Posted by Domin0
Ah, first off, you can't (well you can) force anyone to feel a certain a way. I'm basically saying that you can't control their feelings and you should not put empathise of your own life on the basis of the forgiveness from your brother. That's for him to decide. It sounds like you know where his feelings are coming from, and it's from that sense of the role model that you sort of, intentional or not, provided for him and he is disappointed in how he, I guess, over-hyped what he thought of you as and is now just in that stage of figuring out his own moral standings and needs to rebuild that. One shouldn't allow someone else to define them, and look what it has done to your little brother. It's not your fault, it's a normal behavioural sort of thing. Gems, being mutual, tend to go through things like this. His foundation is probably fudged up and he is figuring out who he is.
But what you do, in situations like this, is that you go to him and say, "Hey bro, I've sort of felt like a role model to you and you've changed your perspective towards me when I left my wife. It was my decision because things weren't working out well. I needed to move on. I'm sorry if I disappointed you and I hope you forgive me and respect my decision that I made in my marriage." And frankly that's all you can really do. If he doesn't want to forgive you, that's his decision. He should, he shouldn't really be acting as an ass towards you, and is acting out as you can see, but if you want to continue being that role model, move on, be an adult, and show an example that you are responsible for your own decisions in life and that the perspective of others should not demean what is the right thing to do.
Yes, a lot of people were disappointed. But you had your reasons to leave and you made the choice to do that. Things just didn't work out in the end. Maybe they could one day, maybe the marriage could have gone through some form of family counselling or something to change the family environment, could this could that could stfu about how things could have been. But frankly, be the adult here.


This is very good advice smile
details
@dominO
thanks man. that was really helpful. the thing is i really don't mind being over hyped by my brother cuz i'm one of those people who desperately need somebody to believe in me in order to feel like i have something to live for.
my life would have no purpose if i didn't have anybody believing in me. in fact i'd be so fucking depressed if everybody thought of me as a lost cause. my brother was like my fuel in a way cuz he gave me courage all through out my life whether he knows it or not. so the fact that i let him down kills me. i have a hole in my heart now...
anyway like you said, i'll try having a heart-to-heart talk with him. i haven't really explained to him in detail all the whys and everything. he thinks i made this decision light heartedly but that's not true. maybe he's mad at me because of lack of information. i didn't wanna burden him with my personal problems so whenever he called to ask how my marriage was going, i lied and said it was going good...i mean i didnt feel like bitching to a teenager about my marital issues. it woulda just made his heart feel heavy and i didnt wanna be a downer and shit.

details
Posted by Wynter
He will forgive you on his own. Or not.
You just have to wait it out, if you can. It will probably be tough for an Aries tho.


i dont care if it takes 5 years. i'll be patient.
details
Y'all too co-dependent on each other. Your little brother shouldn't be acting a fool just because he found out you were human and you shouldn't be falling apart just because you lost your little brother's admiration and acceptance (most likely just temporary).
As of now, the little dude is trippin'. So whatcha gon' do? Shoot yourself in the head? Naw. You gotta pull yourself together and go on with your life. You can't rely on nobody to give you a purpose in life. When everything said and done you are your only true ally.
details
Your brother is still young and has barely lived out his life other than being in a safe zone. His done all of these so you could appreciate him and he very much looks up to you. What he doesn't understand right now is how you feel about the divorce and why you did it.
He might have looked up to you as the perfect brother with the perfect wife and life, but deep inside you were feeling miserable and too young to be responsible and you missed out a lot in your life.
You better talk to your brother soon or he might make the same mistake.
details
Sin - Well first your brother is way too young to be judging anyone. I guarantee you right now at least 70% of the crap hes doing is probably coming from your family talking shit and it just molds his opinion of you. I have a Cancer sister and when my Taurus mom starts talking crap about me she ends up siding with her somehow. Again your brother is way too young to understand marriage or half the things you went through. He's just a kid. You made a mistake got married too young. Almost all young marriages end up in divorce. But still what I am actually upset about here is how your brother even has a right to be all snarky and mad at you. It's YOUR life. Regardless if he, your family, or anyone outside has anything to say about it. Give it some time. When he gets older I know he will come around and his story will change. He just doesn't have the experience with females or marriage to really come down on someone at all. Plus it's not your job as a brother to mold his thoughts and his opinions. If he gets pissed off or mad about something so be it. Wish you weren't so hard on yourself. I think this is a private matter and to have so many people with opinions about YOUR marriage (divorce) isnt their damn business in the first damn place. The best thing everyone could do is be like ok if it doesnt work out we will still be there. And thats IT.
details
Posted by Markell
Y'all too co-dependent on each other. Your little brother shouldn't be acting a fool just because he found out you were human and you shouldn't be falling apart just because you lost your little brother's admiration and acceptance (most likely just temporary).
As of now, the little dude is trippin'. So whatcha gon' do? Shoot yourself in the head? Naw. You gotta pull yourself together and go on with your life. You can't rely on nobody to give you a purpose in life. When everything said and done you are your only true ally.



+1
details
Great now im all ticked off LOL! Your brother is a little bitch. No offense. I read that part about him peeing on the lawn. I mean really? Grow the fuck up. All cause you and your wife didnt work out. I think you need to give him some tough love for real though. Tell him to stop being a little bitch. Feels to me he wants control though over you too like he knows that you care so hes manipulating you. Im curious to know what other signs are in his chart cause this kinda crap is not Gemini behavior. ***Sorry for ranting***
details
@domino, markell, kashieka, Xin
i'm sorry for my late response. thanks for your words of encouragement. you guys are right. i do lack confidence on my own and i do have an unhealthy emotional attachment to my family. not just toward my brothers but also toward my father. i'm fucking terrified of letting them down and having them lose their faith and belief in me. i don't wanna be that black sheep. as the oldest of my siblings, it's my responsibility to lead by good example.
as far as my family talking shit, my dad isn't the type to do that. if he has something to say, he'll say it to your face. type A capricorn. rigidly honest and hates any form of sneaky conduct.
even though he was against my marriage at first, in the end he was like "i want you to be happy and if this is what's going to make you happy, then as your father i should be supportive".
he's always wanted nothing more than for us (his sons) to be happy. he's a single father and worked so hard all his life to give us opportunities.
when i told him about the dirvoce, he didn't say, "i told you so. you should have listened to me." or anything like that. he was there offering me comfort and support althrough out the process. i apologized to him for letting him down and he was like "don't worry about that. that's not important."

details
my bro finally agreed to meet me tonight at a restaurant after i left 3 messages on his phone. i'm nervous.
but whatever the outcome, i'll be strong.
details
Going to have to take a look at your chart a little closer can't figure out this whole "terrified" act with you being an Aries.
Anyways. Please hold your ground. You are a grown man. And what you do with your life regardless of how anyone including your family feels about it is your business ONLY. The best they can do for you is be there even if you make those mistakes. A family is family and the last thing they need to be doing is judging their own kin when its hard enough out in the world already. Don't back down. You can do this. Tell him in a way that let's him know that you are the older brother and you still have that placement. Because right now you have had that stolen from you and you are basically being controlled and manipulated with people preying on your fear of letting them down.
Again let him know its your choice as you are a grown man. You make mistakes but as a brother he should be there for you no matter what, because if he did the same you wouldn't turn your back on him. Plus he's too young to understand or be able to validate any of this seeing he probably has never had anything past a high school fling. What you do is YOUR business. Period. You can do it!
details
Posted by Xin
Going to have to take a look at your chart a little closer can't figure out this whole "terrified" act with you being an Aries.



He got Venus (Taurus) squaring his Saturn (Aquarius). Some information that might apply...

Venus square or opposition Saturn
Giving and receiving love are not flowing and natural for people born with Venus in hard aspect to Saturn. Blockages are experienced, and love relationships may be a source of frustration as a result, until the natives learn to love themselves, and to feel worthy of love from others. Duty is often associated with love, and some might find themselves stuck in a loveless marriage, for example.
These aspects can make natives especially sensitive to "cues" that suggest they are not loved or rejected in some way. People with Venus-Saturn in hard aspect can often "expect" rejection in issues of love and care, whether they are conscious of this tendency or not. This can often lead to negative situations in love -- and bad timing or the feeling of having "bad luck" in relationships.
Venus Square Saturn: Your emotions are blocked, causing stiff formality or shyness, and your happiness may be blocked by excessive responsibility. Your life is filled with hardship or else you're over-sensitive to ordinary misfortune. You find it difficult to express your true feelings because you fear rejection or non-acceptance.
details
A piece from...
http://in2themystic.net/astrology-articles-2/venus-square-saturn-in-the-natal-chart-activated-by-transit/

Venus square Saturn in the Natal Chart is a challenging aspect to carry.

Yet our ???hard?? aspects are where we receive our lessons and our opportunities to learn a new way of action and being.

I have heard this aspect, Venus square Saturn, referred to as the ???When will I ever be Loved??? aspect.

I have referred to it in my life as ???When will I ever FEEL loved??.

I view this aspect for myself as having strong connections to the Martyr archetype and feel it is a call to Self-Love.

I also view the Venus-Saturn square as one of a few aspects that can give you the ???damned if I do and damned if I don??t?? attitude.

Personally this aspect has symbolized a need for receiving unconditional love or feeling that one is unconditionally loved.

I believe this can only be achieved through truly holding unconditional love for one??s self first through the recognition one??s own divinity(god spark).

The catalyst for this to take place within one??s self is a feeling that no matter what you do or do not do it is never enough for others to extend ???approval?? hence signifying the gifting of unconditional love by another.

Until this aspect is harmonized within it is common to seek approval/love from others in manners that deprive one??s self of the free expression of your true nature.

Many with this aspect are quite capable of giving unconditional love to others and to put others first yet cannot be receiving of the same from others for they have yet to ???Love Thyself?? and give self-recognition to their status as an equal within the Whole of Creation.
details
@Markell - Thanks for the awesome info! I was like hum....I was going to take a look at the chart later that day but being my typical Gemini self got distracted but Im glad you posted it thanks!!!! Amazing stuff!
details
ok im back.
i was able to take away the following from the conversation i had with my bro on wednesday night.
1)he didn't think i put up enough fight to save that marriage which made him very disappointed in me. he said i just gave up without a fight and that's not like me. but the truth is i tried my best under the circumstances. i stayed for a year trying to make it work. i put a lid on my emotions and took care of my responsibilities the best i could. but after some time i just couldn't take it no more. and like i said i didn't feel like bitching to a teenager about my marital issues so he never knew what was going on inside of me.
2)he doesn't hate me. he never did. i just assumed. (good to know)
3)he didn't piss in our neighbor's yard to get back at me. he was just trying to make me laugh cuz i looked depressed.
shouldn't have yelled at him that day. i feel like an ass.
4)he wants me stop keeping things from him. he was like "if something's wrong, you need to tell me".
he felt ambushed by the sudden news and he said he hates being ambushed. especially by his own family. i can understand that. so it's my fault. i should have been more open.
details
venus square saturn...damn...Sad
i'm ashamed of how accurate that info is...lol
details
So y'all cool now?
details
I'm so glad you worked things out with him!
You can't ever underestimate the power of brotherly love
details
Posted by SinNombre

2)he doesn't hate me. he never did. i just assumed. (good to know)




Why would he hate you, silly? lol
You're his big brother
details
Posted by Markell
So y'all cool now?


lol no, not yet.
i still gotta go thru probation period lol i gotta build back that trust. earn it back from him.
details
Posted by xxPinkFerrarixx
I'm so glad you worked things out with him!
You can't ever underestimate the power of brotherly love


Laughing
i'm relieved more than anything cuz i was about to have a heart attack and shit thinking about all the worst case scenarios lol
details
Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy