I alienated a Gemini, now what?

Hello. I know my name is new but I'm not really new here, I've been here before under a different name but it was stupid and I forgot the password. I didn't think I would come back here and I'm not real comfortable doing this but I really need some advice and this is the only place I know to go to. I hope this doesn't turn into a book because it's kind of a long story, I'll try to keep it short. I'm a Leo who has Asperger's Syndrome. Don't know if anyone knows what that is but I'm definitely not like a Leo. I find it really hard to talk to people and I don't like a lot of attention. Asperger's Syndrome means I have traits of autism, I'm not autistic, I'm not in my own world but I do struggle socially and think a little differently than most.
My problem is I have worked with a male Gemini for 3 years. He's not really a typical Gemini. Something about him has always attracted me, not in a love way but just something about his personality attracts me. I've often wondered if he has Asperger's but I'm sure not going to ask him. So I tried to get to know him by just talking to him one day, which took an enormous amount of courage for me and it was all awkward. His reaction wasn't like what I would expect from a Gemini, let alone a man. He was very shy, he smiled real big and turned away while he talked like he was embarrassed. It was so awkward. He never wears his name tag and lives with his parents but is in his 40's. He's different but I've seen him talking to people he works with, he just doesn't talk loud or to people he doesn't know.
Somehow the people we work with got word I tried talking to him and they turned it into a bunch of stupid drama about how I needed to take him to the back and blah, blah, blah. The more they talked and teased the more distant he got with me and the more desperate I got to let him know that whatever he was hearing isn't true. But when I approached him, he'd run before I could catch up with him. So time went on and having Asperger's, I tend to have obsessive interests. He became on obsessive interest. I just wanted to be where he was, it made me feel calm. So I knew he was thinking I was stalking him so I wrote to him to try and explain what was going on with me. That I didn't like him like that, I just wanted to be friends. Well, he didn't respond, at all. Nothing changed. For another year all we said to each other was Hi. Then I saw him out somewhere and tried talking to him, he looked at me like

cont'd

like I was crazy. So I wrote him again to try to explain to him I didn't plan that. Keep in mind though I have a really, really hard time talking to him, it's like 20 times easier for me to write to him or anyone if it becomes awkward. Still he did nothing different, just still said hi like nothing had happened.
I decided to let it go and try to forget about it. I wrote him again recently to try to explain I was putting it all behind me and he really didn't have to say hi anymore if he didn't want to but he still said hi. Then I started working more hours and all became overwhelming to me and I had a hard time focusing. Then one time I saw him walking towards me, he looked panicked and turned and went the other way. I decided that was it, no more. It made it harder for me to do my job and wondering why he hated me at the same time. So I went to him and told him not to say hi to me anymore. I wasn't rude about it, actually I said it rather shyly. He seemed a little taken back by it but just said okay. I thought life would go on and we would just ignore each other after that. But now I keep seeing him looking at me, and when I catch him he looks away real quick. I have a hard time reading people so I can't tell if he's just curious why I told him that, if he thinks I'm crazy and I'm going to attack him physically or if he's trying to analyze me or something. It's strange and I don't know how to take it. I didn't expect that. So now I'm wondering if I should write him one more stupid time and explain to him it's not that I don't like him, I just couldn't focus at work. I was also wondering if I should tell him I have Asperger's in hopes he might understand a little better. Can anyone here tell me what they would think if this were them? I don't know if I should do that or just ignore him and not care, let it go completely and stop writing him. I know I've made an open book of myself so that took the mystery out but maybe I put the mystery back in by doing that. When I first started working there he stared at me a lot, obviously wanting my attention but when he got it, it was like I don't exist. Guess he just liked the chase from what I've read. What he didn't know is I'm much different than any other woman because of my Asperger's. So I don't know, I just need some advice on how to handle this. Sorry this is so long, I didn't know how to keep it short.

Well EG if she don't mention the Asberger, if they every speak again and he finds out you don't think he would be upset behind that?

If you every get a chance to talk to him just be honest, is my suggestion

I wish I knew someone who knew him too, well enough to put a word in for me but there's noone. He works with a whole different group of people than I do. At one time I really hoped someone would put in a good word but I think all that ended up happening it they teased. Everyone was convinced I liked him and was after him and it just turned into a big fiasco. It's retail and when I started working there I didn't know how cruel people could be. I thought after I told him not to say hi anymore I just wouldn't care but I do. And if I thought he really didn't care then maybe I wouldn't care so much but I know if it was me I'd be like "What the hell?!" over all of it. Now we just walk by each other and not a word is said. It just makes me sad because I know I've scared him and I actually thought the note writing would help him not be so scared. He turned and ran before the note writing ever started so that made me think someone made him think I was after more than just friendship. The Asperger's just makes it worse. I have a reeal hard time talking to him, always have. I shake, sweat and can't get my words out right. He just stands there and looks at me like I'm a freak. I'm get scared myself and nervous because I'm afraid he's going to yell at me or something. Maybe there's nothing I can do, I don't know but it really bothers me to leave it like it is. But that's hard to do when I see him looking at me or watching me. As hard as it would be and I'm worried I would cry but several times lately I've thought about just going up to him and telling him I don't hate him and it's not that I wanted anything to do with him, I just needed for it all to stop. The writing and the uncomfortableness is just so stupid and the only way I knew to make it stop was to cut him off. But I didn't think I'd feel so bad about it.
If I thought he would actually stop and just listen I would try it but I'm afraid of his reaction. I guess it's worth trying and that might let me know where to go from here, just completely leave it alone. If he's really trying to figure me out, maybe he would listen. I don't know. Thanks for answering and for the help. If you have any more advise or opinions please let me know. I'm all ears.

Scorpionlady, the only way I'd get the chance is just to swallow my fear and talk. It might come out wrong and he might tell me to leave him the F alone but at least I didn't write him again. I've actually had a few opportunities and I almost wonder if he's giving me the opportunity on purpose. I just can't tell for sure so I walk away.

I remember you, or at least this story. Don't recall your previous user name, but, I remember this situation.

And I remember because I remember nearly everything, and will soon recall your previous name ... because I can fully relate to Asperger's and forget rarely.

It's easy for someone to say not to be obssessive about something because they know not what it is like to have to live in a world where everybody seems so odd and unbalanced .. yet, it is the person with Asperger's that appears unbalanced to everybody else because life is completely literal. With everything meaning EXACTLY what it is, once you throw into the mix, all the non-literal people, who have reactions, expressions, verbage in contridiction to what actually is ... hence lies the issue with not being able to read people, and relate to them.

It's like this man for instance .... his reactions are not in accordance to what actually is in reality, as it pertains to what has gone down. Like, your letters .. he will walk towards you, stare at you, and then pretend that he isn't interested in you ... these reactions are on contridiction, for if he indeed was NOT into you, then he wouldn't even say hi, or look at you .. but, he is .. and so, it throws you for a loop in trying to understand, or read him because of your Asperger's, which makes you process life in literal terms.

Literal ... if he does (this), it means (this).

And in here where the obssession comes ^^^^^ .... people misunderstand what this obssession is. The obssession is NOT about a person in wanting him/her, for you even said that you don't want him "that way" and yet, it appears to these people in here reading your story that you are indeed wanting him that way ... it's about trying to understand why they have reactions to you that is outside of the reality of what actually is. You are obssessed with him not responding to you in accordance with what you know should be with the way he behaves.

I feel you, teapot ..... I completely relate to this dilema.

"and you will just TRY to defend yourself"


Oblivious much?

Thank you for understanding P-Angel. I think my problem is when he acts all weird and avoids or runs the other way, which he always has done even before I started writing him, it "reminds" me of the situation and freaks me out. And I can't seem to get him to understand that. My Asperger's Syndrome is very mild and my friends and family forget it's there sometimes because I've learned and been trained to play it off like I'm "normal". So to this guy, I'm just obsessed lunatic female who's after him. But if he would just be "normal" around me then I could relax. I know Gemini's...and he's even got Aries in him as a moon sign I think? He acts nothing like either one, he's very quiet and withdrawn around almost everyone. He talks but not much. If he doesn't have Asperger's Sydrome then he has something, I don't know what but whatever it is I've always felt drawn to him. So when I realized he completely misunderstood my motives I started writing him and nothings changed eccept there's just absolutely no talking anymore. No, it's none of his business that I have AS, nothing I've written him is any of his business. But I just can't drop it and "forget" him the way normal thinking people do, not when I see him still dodging me and being scared of me, it really hurts my feelings and I don't know how to handle it. So I don't know what I'm going to do. He started to relax a little recently so I stopped him and told him I shouldn't have told him to not say hi to me, it was stupid. Now he's back to being all freaked out and scared of me again. So I'm like "What did I do that was soooo terrible?" He's always, always been this way with me ever since people started teasing him and watching him get embarrassed about me liking him. It's just all stupid. Anyway, thanks.

Sorry for the typing and spelling errors. Guess I should have previewed it first.

Too much to read sorry although I did wikipedia Aspengers and you should be alright it didn't come across as anything debilitating just peculiar > almost like an extreme form of hyperlexia with other bonus personality quirks.

go ahead and tell him you have Aspengers that's well that's the good thing about Geminis they are not heavily pretentious like that. I say hi to the homeless guy, how ya doing? to the fag, hey what's happenin' to the ex con, how you been man to some random gangster, I nod my head to all kinds of strangers, maybe you are self conscious about your personality quirks and think he's gonna be heavily judgemental or something.

Teapot,

my spin is, ya he is freaked out because most people that do those types of behaiviors want something more than a friendship and us Gem's are scared to death of the obssessive traits as E-Gem talked about. I would try, as best as you can to maybe ignore him, beacuse nothing from this point fprward is going to make him see anything other than the obssessive behaivor. And from what your saying that you catch him watching you, to me, means he has some level of interest, even if he is just thinking why is she obssessed with me. If you leave it alone, he might get the courage to talk to you at some point. This has to be frustrating dealing with your co-works and this, very uncomfortable. Iwish i had some great insight to help you get through all that, but i would just leave it alone for now....

Thank you Joe and Baby-Grl. I wish I could tell him I have AS just so maybe he'll understand. I'm not as obsessed with him as I once was but I've always had obsessive interests in people on and off. If he would have just been normal with me like most people are and just let me have talked to him then I would have moved on. The note writing wouldn't have even started. Like I said though, I think he's an Aspie because he has sooo many traits and characteristics and he's always reacted to me the way I would if I was in his shoes. I guess that's why I wish I could let him know without writing him again that I have AS. If I try to stop him to talk he keeps moving and mumbles really fast "Yeah, it's okay, no big deal." He doesn't really even listen to me or give me the time of day. I stopped him a few weeks ago and tried apologizing for telling him not to say hi and that was what he did. So to tell him I have AS I would have to yell it because he would keep on moving. As soon as he realizes I'm not talking something work related he wants to shut me out. Well, he has. Ever since I've apologized he dodges me, won't look at me or nothing. So now I'm doing the same with him because I don't know what else to do. When I saw him dodge me it crushed me. It's because of me that he can't roam freely and it makes me feel really, really crappy. It is stressful and just creates more anxiety and makes me feel like I need to explain myself even more and that's why I really need for him to just stop being like that. That to me is over-dramatic and if he would stop I could stop but if he's an Aspie too then it would make more sense to me but I'm not sure. So I have to choose between ignoring him like you suggested, or drop the note telling I have AS and ignore him still. For now, I'm just going to ignore him and wait.

Hahaha! Oh my goodness! By alienating him, I'm getting to know him. How ironic! This guy is the most wonderful person I've ever met in my life. I'm just real bad about worrying and thinking he won't like me, just won't like me as a person even or think I'm boring. Not too many people do like me, or just don't understand me rather, but he might be different. I think it's a start to a good friendship but time will tell. I hope so though because I don't relate or connect to too many people and him I do.
So to sorta give an update to anyone who cares and for those of you who shared your thoughts and opinions. It started after I posted here saying I alienated him and telling him not to say him. I actually just went to him one day and apologized for telling him that but then a few days after that I saw him dodge me, like turned and went the other way. Well, that crushed me and I just couldn't look at him anymore. That lasted a few months but then about 3 weeks ago I realized he wasn't avoiding me anymore and was staring more than usual and, even more shocking, actually walking by where I work. So just last night I swallowed my pride and built up all the courage I could and went to a dance club where I know where he goes to. I went in and just focused on him because if I wouldn't have I would have panicked and left. I went in, got a beer, and just went up to him and asked if I could talk to him. He said sure and from there we just talked about stuff, music, traveling, work...just stuff. I stayed about an hour then decided I didn't want to bore him or get to the awkward point where nothing was said so I left. Now I'm just hope he at least likes me enough to keep talking to me but I think I'll back off for a while because I'm so unsure. He told me of a song he really likes and said I probably wouldn't like it but I listened to it on the computer and actually I really do like it. So I'll let him know I do but not right away because I'm kind of afraid he'll think I'm just saying that.
But anyway, at this point I'm just happy we finally was able to talk because I don't feel so crazy over it all, for now anyway, lol. I never did tell him I an Aspie and I'm glad. If we get to know each other better then I can but I don't share that with people in person usually unless I know them well for fear of being rejected because people don't understand it. Something tells me though that he just might be an exception. Thanks again to everyone here who trie