If someone uses passive-aggressive on you

do you call them out or let it slide?

curious how my fellow Gems would handle this scenario. I know how I handle it.

It depends on my objective, whether I'm seeking a resolution or not. Most times I am since it's one less thing to worry about.

Posted by geminicandIe
It depends. Most of the time I call them out, but sometimes I use reverse passive-aggressive just to piss them off and give them dose of their own medicine.
It's best not to start mental games with us geminis...

You?

I hate mind games, being the recipient and the giver. I treat those who practice passive - aggressive behavior as I treat my two 12 years old boys when they get in that "it's unfair" mode; I IGNORE.

It's taken a few year's of maturity, growth and wisdom to realize the best way you deflate someone's power is to act as if they don't exist and/or you don't care about what they have to say. You can do this without even responding to their comments. I've taught my boys to do the same when someone is trying to pick a fight with them. Unless, of course, someone physically hurts you. That's a completely different scenario.

It's been my experience, MOST people who have to deliver PA behavior are insecure imho. If you are confident and have self esteem, you don't need to subtly put someone down to make yourself appear better.

Posted by geminicandIe
Well, sometimes you have to interact with that person...if it's a work situation or something like that.
I can't see ignoring your boss, how would that work out? My Capricorn boss is a passive-aggressive bitch so the way I deal with it, is to be a even bigger smiling asshole right to her face, or to have a lot of "headache" days where I don't feel like talking (she just loves to chat about mindless stuff, mostly about money and work). I also made my schedule that way so that I only see her 2x a month.

Yea, i can see your point. I wasn't thinking about the work place. in that scenario, you have to be delicate about your actions....because your job may depend upon it. I've had b*tches as bosses who were not only lazy, but complete a holes...but working in the medical field, it's so damn political, one bad comment or gesture can get you canned. It's tough, trust me i've dealt with it many times. I had a male boss who used to yell at me telling me I should be home taking care of my kids instead of working because his wife did back in the 1960's. The next day, he'd tell me how great I was doing my job. He was crazy. I put up with him for a month and then had enough and walked out. He can't keep medical staff because of his insanity.

My scenarios were more about people you deal with in your social life as friends, family, teachers etc....

But aren't "ignoring", "detaching", "smiling", being "delicate about your actions", "avoidance", or acting "as if they don't exist and/or you don't care about what they have to say" forms of passive-aggressiveness??

I'm very curious about this subject...

Posted by misslissa
But aren't "ignoring", "detaching", "smiling", being "delicate about your actions", "avoidance", or acting "as if they don't exist and/or you don't care about what they have to say" forms of passive-aggressiveness??

I'm very curious about this subject...

Yes, i would say some of those could be used to show passive-aggressiveness. however, my experiences have been more akin to this type of scenario.

the person doing the PA behavior intentionally says something that "could be" insulting, IE: not recognizing your married name but emphatically stating your maiden name more than once. You know that person knows your married. However, they chose to purposely emphasize your maiden name when in fact, you haven't used that in years. It's a personal insult. there's no other way around it.

another example: a person going on and on and on about someone's new boy friend, but never asking you about your husband. this coming from a person who knows both parties well.

or this.....giving someone a gift and they ridicule it making false claims about it to undermine your gesture.

had this happen too....being the harder worker and more dedicated person in completing a task and while it goes unnoticed or unappreciated, someone who barely makes any effort gets undeserved credit. i know people who do this all the time to piss people off. it's downright petty.

I do agree with you....indifference is definitely PA behavior when you know in fact, they do care or have zero reason not to. Sometimes the most hurtful PA behavior is when someone you care about pulls it on you and barely says a word. Silence is often deafening.....

Posted by geminicandIe
Most of the time, it is best to ignore/cut out toxic people from your life, though.
Gemini is too impatient to carry on with games for long, and we often are not emotionally invested enough to care so much. The best scenario is just to remove yourself from that scenario and detach.

-shrugs-

You are correct GC..it is best to remove toxic people from your life. However, and speaking only on my behalf, it's often difficult to do so when that someone who may be toxic is also someone you love.

I know we Gems don't like mind games, and can cut loose someone we aren't emotionally invested in. It's the ones we are invested in that make it tough.
My upbringing also makes me want to forgive. Sometimes I have a hard time choosing between forgiveness and what's in the best interest of my emotional health.

It really depends on how invested I am with the relationship(speaking in general,lover friend,sibling etc etc).

I don't view Passive Agression as toxic behavior, it's just the way some people handle their anger/resentment/feelings.

If I am invested and maybe we had a misunderstanding, I will let you have your moment but eventually things need to be discussed and resolved on some level. If the passive agression continues even after my reaching out and trying to make things right, then that's when I have a problem with it. Now you are showing me that you don't really care about the relationship and it is becoming onesided.

Posted by Geminivixenn

Posted by DeeG
I don't view Passive Agression as toxic behavior, it's just the way some people handle their anger/resentment/feelings.

If I am invested and maybe we had a misunderstanding, I will let you have your moment but eventually things need to be discussed and resolved on some level. If the passive agression continues even after my reaching out and trying to make things right, then that's when I have a problem with it. Now you are showing me that you don't really care about the relationship and it is becoming onesided.

Well put.

click to expand

Thanks! 🙂

pas??sive-ag??gres??sive

adjective
adjective: passive-aggressive

1. of or denoting a type of behavior or
personality characterized by indirect
resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing
important materials.

Oops, I hit post too soon. Lol!

It seems like there are good and bad sides to this..... I didn't realize that.
Interesting.

Posted by gemini64

Posted by misslissa
But aren't "ignoring", "detaching", "smiling", being "delicate about your actions", "avoidance", or acting "as if they don't exist and/or you don't care about what they have to say" forms of passive-aggressiveness??

I'm very curious about this subject...

Yes, i would say some of those could be used to show passive-aggressiveness. however, my experiences have been more akin to this type of scenario.

the person doing the PA behavior intentionally says something that "could be" insulting, IE: not recognizing your married name but emphatically stating your maiden name more than once. You know that person knows your married. However, they chose to purposely emphasize your maiden name when in fact, you haven't used that in years. It's a personal insult. there's no other way around it.

another example: a person going on and on and on about someone's new boy friend, but never asking you about your husband. this coming from a person who knows both parties well.

or this.....giving someone a gift and they ridicule it making false claims about it to undermine your gesture.

had this happen too....being the harder worker and more dedicated person in completing a task and while it goes unnoticed or unappreciated, someone who barely makes any effort gets undeserved credit. i know people who do this all the time to piss people off. it's downright petty.

I do agree with you....indifference is definitely PA behavior when you know in fact, they do care or have zero reason not to. Sometimes the most hurtful PA behavior is when someone you care about pulls it on you and barely says a word. Silence is often deafening.....

click to expand

I'm understanding now. I can be passive-aggressive for many reasons, but never to be malicious with it. I have had 1 or 2 of your examples happen to me. That's when I retaliate with passive-aggression and walk away. There are some things that just aren't worth the time and effort.

Posted by DeeG
I don't view Passive Agression as toxic behavior, it's just the way some people handle their anger/resentment/feelings.

If I am invested and maybe we had a misunderstanding, I will let you have your moment but eventually things need to be discussed and resolved on some level. If the passive agression continues even after my reaching out and trying to make things right, then that's when I have a problem with it. Now you are showing me that you don't really care about the relationship and it is becoming onesided.

Bingo!! and that's where I'm at in a certain situation that involves this behavior.

Gems take things to heart, and it's in our inner soul to just want to "understand" people.

I did try to make things right, but pretty much got rejected. So as hard as it's been, I've cut off all communication with this person.

I can still love this individual, but simply chose to not be a part of his life anymore. Ocassionally in life, no matter the effort you make,
it's not going to end well.

You can't change another person's behavior; you can only change your own. Sometimes that's a painful lesson to learn.

Posted by thebiggcarlos12345678910
damn. i'm speachless about this thread. i honestly can say that i don't know what passive aggressive really means to be brutally honest with you. i've heard that phrase being used most of the time, but when someone actually pulls it on me, i wouldn't even know. i'd probably more than likely get pissed off and wanna fight. i don't know, really.

TBC,

read some of my examples that i've had personal experience with involving someone. it should give you some idea as to the essence of PA behavior.

It's probably been used on you many times prior. Pretty funny that you didn't realize it; in the end, probably drove those people nuts trying to figure
you out. LOL

Posted by gemini64

Posted by DeeG
I don't view Passive Agression as toxic behavior, it's just the way some people handle their anger/resentment/feelings.

If I am invested and maybe we had a misunderstanding, I will let you have your moment but eventually things need to be discussed and resolved on some level. If the passive agression continues even after my reaching out and trying to make things right, then that's when I have a problem with it. Now you are showing me that you don't really care about the relationship and it is becoming onesided.

Bingo!! and that's where I'm at in a certain situation that involves this behavior.

Gems take things to heart, and it's in our inner soul to just want to "understand" people.

I did try to make things right, but pretty much got rejected. So as hard as it's been, I've cut off all communication with this person.

I can still love this individual, but simply chose to not be a part of his life anymore. Ocassionally in life, no matter the effort you make,
it's not going to end well.

You can't change another person's behavior; you can only change your own. Sometimes that's a painful lesson to learn.

click to expand

+100
I don't really fear the rejection, the truth must come out eventually. I would rather know than not and bow out gracefully