Is this over?

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by Aquastar on Wednesday, July 8, 2009 and has 12 replies.
Okay, so I'm an Aquarius and I have been dating a Gemini for a few months. Everything was going perfect until she had to cancel plans one week. Next week she asked me out to dinner and wanted to talk about us, and reminded me of her concerns about moving into a relationship too fast.
After dinner she starts the conversation with "so emotions... it would be nice we didn't have emotions sometimes" and then she went on to ask me how I was feeling about things, in which I was hesitant to say anything because I was not sure where this conversation was going. So, she said that last week when she cancelled our date that she felt really bad, and it made her feel like I was her girlfriend and that she was worried things were going too fast emotionally. Then she said I just wanted to see if we were on the same page because I think it might be a good idea if we started to date other people to slow down the emotions. I was angry and hurt and she asked how I felt about that, and I told her that I didn't want to date other people because I couldn't date someone else knowing how I felt about her and we had a conversation about that in which she said she didn't think about things like that and would have to think it over. She said that she was happy and she wanted to continue dating me and that she liked me. She asked me if I was scared to be in a relationship, in which I said no. And she quickly said well, I'm not ready to be in a relationship, I'm sorry. I never asked or even mentioned about being in one... I was happy with the way things were and I just didn't want things to change between us. I told her I thought there were things we could be doing differently to slow things down.
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I honestly felt from the moment she mentioned us dating other people that she wanted to end things with me and all the other conversation was not sinking into my head. I told her that her saying this made me feel she wasn't happy and I couldn't understand why she wanted to start dating other people now... She said she has wanted to date multiple people before we met... but she never once mentioned this to me before. I was completely detaching and having a panic attack in my head. She said she wanted to kiss me, and I sharply said what for? She tried to hold my hand, and lay down with me.. and I was distant. Eventually I told her that I thought I should go... and she tried to hold me and kiss me before I left, and I held her a little bit and kissed her the way she likes, but everything in me was sulking. As we walked to the door, she tried to hug me and I hugged her a little bit and she asked me if I didn't want to hug her. I said I did, but I didn't want to get emotional on her. She asked if we could talk tomorrow... and I said okay and walked out... I emailed her the next day... Told her that I didn't understand why she was feeling guilty about cancelling... I vaguely told her that I probably think about her too much, and that it surprised me how hard it has been to part after our dates. I reminded her that I didn't want to see other people because of the way I felt about her... I told her I thought we could do things differently... but at the end I told her if she wanted to date other people I would have to let her go. And if she was feeling like she wanted to date other people because she was feeling emotionally vulnerable or scared for how she was feeling that we needed to talk more, and that that would have to be her decision to make... I haven't heard back from her for 4 days now and I have no idea what is going on... Is what seemed to good to be true now over?
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A little disclaimer here is that I'm only speaking from my own experiences in relationships, but this girl sounds like she might be a bit like me so here goes.
It sounds like she's a bit skittish about commitment or feeling weighed down by the relationship. She clearly didn't expect to feel guilty about breaking a date with you and she didn't like that it bothered her so much. She probably didn't realize she was that emotionally invested in you and it came as a surprise to her. It'd probably help to make it clear to her that breaking a date now and again isn't a big deal to you if that's true. That's just the small problem though.
So, are you okay with her dating other people while you're still dating? If you're okay with that, I think that may solve some of your problems in the short term. It might get you to a place in the long run where she wouldn't feel threatened and you may end up being exclusive if that's what your eventual goal is. Pressuring her would probably be the wrong thing to do right now. Definitely give her time to think. Just don't let yourself disappear off the radar while she's thinking or she might put you out of her mind because that's easier to do than to work with messy emotions.
You've apparently been doing something right for the few months you have been dating, so it's not too likely that she just got suddenly bored. Starting to feel obligated is just what gets under my skin the quickest.
The only thing is, if she says she's happy and wants to continue dating, but starts to refuse to meet up with you or go out without and real explanation, you need to move on. I don't mean in the way that Geminis just sometimes disappear, but in a consistent way.
Anyhoo, that was a lot of typing. Good luck!
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Oh, I just saw your second post.
Well, in that case it might be over depending on how much she wants to date other people. It's unfortunate, but giving an ultimatum about an emotional choice a Gemini has to make will only leave you waiting for an answer for a long time.
Have you tried calling her?
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No, I haven't tried calling her as that is not a means of communication that she really likes. She is more of a text or email kind of person. The only reason I haven't tried contacting her is because I'm not sure if she is feeling she needs space and I don't want to contact her and make her feel that she is obligated to email me back right away... although it would be nice to hear something. In the past she told me she was not into serial dating or anything like that. She has had 2 long term relationships (a 6 year one and a 3 year one) with a little bit of dating in between, I believe it's been 3 years since her last relationship. When I asked her if she wanted to be a serial dater now, she said not really... and then further said that it's not like she even has time for that.
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That's a tough situation, Aquastar. I hope things are resolved quickly for you. It's never fun waiting. Do you normally speak to each other every day?
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Nope, if I text her sometimes she responds right away, sometimes hours, sometimes a day later and sometimes not at all. Depending how crazy work is for her I won't hear from her for a few days... usually Mon-Wed is crazy stressful for her, so it could be that. Sometimes I initiate the texts and sometimes she does. I feel like she worries too much about things though, which must also add to her feeling obligated or weighed down to some extent. She is a huge thinker/analyzer and admits to living in her head a bit too much. She knows I am incredibly observant and now spends hours cleaning her house before I come over. I mentioned once that I was surprised her bedroom walls were bare and now she changing all the pictures up in her house. I gave her a book for her birthday and she had it blatantly out in the living room for me to see. I feel like recently she is trying to impress me where before I wasn't sure if she was really all that in to me. I actually liked when she wasn't trying...

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I really appreciate your insight! It does help to give me a better understanding...
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Stupid little bitch. She's playing games. Kick her to the curb.

I always thought Aquas were unemotional but guess I was wrong.

She probably has lots of other guys on the side.

I am a Gemini and so is she. If she feels that way she means it. I don't feel she is really into you like you thought.
Don't fall for her little hugs and stupid bullshit games.
Dump the whore and be careful with stds. I wouldn't trust the whore.
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Posted by Aquastar
Nope, if I text her sometimes she responds right away, sometimes hours, sometimes a day later and sometimes not at all. Depending how crazy work is for her I won't hear from her for a few days... usually Mon-Wed is crazy stressful for her, so it could be that. Sometimes I initiate the texts and sometimes she does. I feel like she worries too much about things though, which must also add to her feeling obligated or weighed down to some extent. She is a huge thinker/analyzer and admits to living in her head a bit too much. She knows I am incredibly observant and now spends hours cleaning her house before I come over. I mentioned once that I was surprised her bedroom walls were bare and now she changing all the pictures up in her house. I gave her a book for her birthday and she had it blatantly out in the living room for me to see. I feel like recently she is trying to impress me where before I wasn't sure if she was really all that in to me. I actually liked when she wasn't trying...




From what you say here, it seems like she's interested in making a good impression on you, but it might have gotten to be too much and she got fed up with it. Especially if she feels pressured on a regular basis in other parts of her life. I'm not saying you pressured her or anything. It's an internal pressure that we put on ourselves.
Anyhoo, you might still have a chance, but I don't think you should put your life on hold waiting for her. If you don't want to break your established pattern of communication, all you can do it let her know you want to talk and wait to see if she responds. At some point though, you have to press the issue even if it's just to get closure for yourself. Only you can say when might be the right time though since you know her.
On the other hand, there is the chance that she's not and will never be willing to make any type of commitment to you. It could be that she just doesn't want to end the relationship and she's fine with stringing you along until you get fed up.
I think you should be prepared for it going either way. I hope it works out for the best for you though.
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Thanks. I don't know... these were things I noticed she did just the last time I saw her. I guess I will have to give her another day and drop her msg if I don't hear from her... because not knowing what is really going on is driving me nuts.
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yea, it really sounds like she's not that into you. she feels guilty for cancelling? my first thought on this was, well, of course she feels guilty cuz it seems like she went out with someone else. then there's the lil kisses and hugs. she knew you were upset and it sounds like it was her way of smoothing things out. when all it really does is lead the other person on. it's cruel.
it's simple, she doesn't really want a commitment if she's wanting to date others. you seem to want that in a relationship. it's time to move on. i'm sorry you have to go through this. but there's someone out there who is willing to give you that commitment. she doesn't seem mature enough to give you that.
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