Narrow-minded vs the TreeHugger
This topic was created in the Gemini forum by ZipZapZo0m on Friday, September 20, 2013 and has 10 replies.
God, he makes me feel like I'm a freaking treehugger what with all his narrow-mindedness.
Friday night (in my neck of the woods) we're walking to a place close to our for dinner. Hubby mentions about another "chatwala" round the bend and how he read rave reviews regarding it online. Wait, flashback 3months... when we were crossing that same road and that same "chatwala" during lunch hr and I mention we go and check it out sometime for snacks. Hubby's all negative about it, calls it a couple different choice words, says the owner's apparently serving stale food since there seemed little to none takers at that time in the store. He wasnt even considering that I somehow liked its ambience and wanted to try it sometime. Totally bulldozed off my interest in it by all negativity.
Now the nerve to give it all positive reviews. I did a double take on his "following the crowds instead of experiencing and having his own opinion". Why couldn??t he just walk in and experience it for himself? Wouldn??t it have been fun giving a new location a try and later having a good laugh if it weren??t that good? I felt so irated that he had to depend on online reviews to deem something good. So I??m asking him why does he have to look everything up, why cant he explore more on his own and going on to add something else, lo behold he cuts me short saying ???don??t lecture me"!
I was stunned into silence. Totally repulsed by the fact that words are so cheap to him that he could talk badly about anything/anybody one minute and later come back as if nothing happened and wipe his face with the same shit? I was physically repulsed of being associated with him, had to break free and run back home. I dont go around knocking everything down without giving it the benefit of doubt. If I dont know about something, i'm up for taking it as a challenge, learning about it and THEN will I form an opinion, an educated one at that.
Friday night (in my neck of the woods) we're walking to a place close to our for dinner. Hubby mentions about another "chatwala" round the bend and how he read rave reviews regarding it online. Wait, flashback 3months... when we were crossing that same road and that same "chatwala" during lunch hr and I mention we go and check it out sometime for snacks. Hubby's all negative about it, calls it a couple different choice words, says the owner's apparently serving stale food since there seemed little to none takers at that time in the store. He wasnt even considering that I somehow liked its ambience and wanted to try it sometime. Totally bulldozed off my interest in it by all negativity.
Now the nerve to give it all positive reviews. I did a double take on his "following the crowds instead of experiencing and having his own opinion". Why couldn??t he just walk in and experience it for himself? Wouldn??t it have been fun giving a new location a try and later having a good laugh if it weren??t that good? I felt so irated that he had to depend on online reviews to deem something good. So I??m asking him why does he have to look everything up, why cant he explore more on his own and going on to add something else, lo behold he cuts me short saying ???don??t lecture me"!
I was stunned into silence. Totally repulsed by the fact that words are so cheap to him that he could talk badly about anything/anybody one minute and later come back as if nothing happened and wipe his face with the same shit? I was physically repulsed of being associated with him, had to break free and run back home. I dont go around knocking everything down without giving it the benefit of doubt. If I dont know about something, i'm up for taking it as a challenge, learning about it and THEN will I form an opinion, an educated one at that.
" words are so cheap to him that he could talk badly about anything/anybody one minute and later come back as if nothing happened and wipe his face with the same shit?"
Oh, he doesnt even feel sorry for talking shit! No "yea, i might've wrongly judged them by appearance, shuda read abt them first".
If he really wanted to look up online reviews, he could??ve handled the entire situation differently. When I said we should check out that place he could??ve simply played it as ???oh yea? Lemme look up its reviews online and then we could decide whether to go or no??. That would??ve been a simple solution, and no harm was done anywhere in that. But noooo, he first had to bad mouth it, call it all kindsa names and days later come back and behave as if nothing happened.
Oh, he doesnt even feel sorry for talking shit! No "yea, i might've wrongly judged them by appearance, shuda read abt them first".
If he really wanted to look up online reviews, he could??ve handled the entire situation differently. When I said we should check out that place he could??ve simply played it as ???oh yea? Lemme look up its reviews online and then we could decide whether to go or no??. That would??ve been a simple solution, and no harm was done anywhere in that. But noooo, he first had to bad mouth it, call it all kindsa names and days later come back and behave as if nothing happened.
oh and he's no walk in the park with any "conversation" of his. You cant just tease him and say "aww did you make a mistake big man? didnt know how to assess it first?" cuz he doesnt know how to smile or laugh when ribbed in such situations.. he doesnt know how to swallow his own words - too stubborn too fixed too rigid to see a funny way out of it. Or give himself a good laugh about it.
I'm starting to feel more than a little stifled here.
I'm starting to feel more than a little stifled here.
Posted by Aleese76
Some people are like that. Not everyone can or will appreciate what you will and most guys do to like to admit when they are wrong. Another thing I noticed about many men...They do not like think that the woman offers suggestions. My god-mom taught me how to tell a man what to do and feed his ego at the same time. This way he thinks he came up with the idea. It's sad, but such is life.
God no... i can never do that. Cant stroke someone's ego so much that they believe they're god's gift walking this earth.
I dont care if he has ego the size of the rock we're sitting on, as long as he's got some humility to him.
True it could be culture, it could be upbringing, it could be a host of things! which is what really got to me. Mostly I believe its his scorp nature, it seeps thru.
And you have no idea how I literally ran today... we both were walking, holding hands, and talking.. and the minute he cut me short I just couldnt stand there and take it. I shook myself free from his grip, told him to go to the restaurant alone and literally ran all the way back home. I was internally horrified, the nerve he got! first its his mistake then he tries to twist it all back onto me.
And you have no idea how I literally ran today... we both were walking, holding hands, and talking.. and the minute he cut me short I just couldnt stand there and take it. I shook myself free from his grip, told him to go to the restaurant alone and literally ran all the way back home. I was internally horrified, the nerve he got! first its his mistake then he tries to twist it all back onto me.
I hate myself for all the bad choices I make!!
He is a dick alright. Walks into the bedroom, sees me sitting there typing off with the light turned on. Turns it off and goes to bed. I'm shouting here like a mad woman "wouldnt you even ask the one sitting in the middle of the room with the light turned on if its ok to be turned off?" god, how I wish my leo dad was his dad? he'd have kicked some sense into that selfish brain. Dad taught us way too much impeccable manners first than anything else. Now i feel like i'm living with an animal.
I've majorly adjusted to his kinda attitude and let a lot of things slide off easily. But once in a while something latches on real bad like this event and I cant take it as "small stuff". It looks big from where I see it. I've ran away from people that displayed uncharacteristic small mindedness when it came to seeing the big picture, and now I'm married to one. I like large heartedness and sweeping gestures and I know i wont be seeing any of this with hubby like forever. atleast quit the cheap talk? Be a little more gallant?
Posted by alohamora
Relationships take work, lots of it. There's a time where it's going to hit bottom rock. There's a time where you'd hit your low and there's a time where he will hit his. It just depends on how you react.
Is he harming anyone? He sees things the way he sees it, let it. You won't always have the same opinions and outlook on life and that's totally fine. It's when you let the differences get to you and want to have the same ideas with that person that will get to you.
Sometimes, you really have to assess it. How serious is it? You have to let the small stuff go.
I'm sure you two married for a reason.
Its true I have liked him cuz he was so unlike me, so totally unlike me. But at the end of the day its hard to adjust to hostile foreign environments. Its more like I'm bending and adapting a lot while he's this rigid cemented-to-the-floor rock column. I know that he too tries to give me a lot of leeway but i want him to change more than he's offering, be more adaptable, more learning in a way, learning to be a certain way cuz i like it since that is how i offer to adapt to him (he's liked wot he's got until now). And thats not forthcoming.
Ok, look at the way air changes- in an instant it can move in a completely different direction, and it flows around obstacles effortlessly. Look at the way water moves- it always looks the same on the surface, but things are moving below. It stays on its prescribed course (except for when it rages out of control), but slowly widens and deepens that course. Scorpios DO change, it just takes an eternity by our standards.
If you are communicating your needs to him, it IS registering somewhere. Scorps have their world, and need to be shown the reason to expand it to incorporate your wants. Otherwise, you'll forever feel like you're a guest in his world instead of being the cocreator of your world together.
I'm not surprised he turned out the light. In his world, he was done in that room, so everyone must be done in that room! It's the same reason my husband used to turn off the tv when he was ready to go up to bed- never mind if I was still watching it! Your Scorp needs to understand that just because he does things a certain way, or thinks a certain way, doesn't mean that you do. If you keep trying to meet him halfway, you'll be standing halfway all alone; if you keep trying to accommodate him (expecting that he'll do the same for you), he'll be sure to let you. The thing to do is to put your foot down (firmly, but kindly) and let it be known exactly what you need to feel that you are an equal partner, and not just a guest in his life.
I have been married to my Scorp for 6 years, and by the third year the reality of our differences had set in full-force. There were times when I really believed I was going to leave. But I didn't. We put in the hard work of understanding each other, instead, and it has paid off! Our relationship is better than ever.
If you are communicating your needs to him, it IS registering somewhere. Scorps have their world, and need to be shown the reason to expand it to incorporate your wants. Otherwise, you'll forever feel like you're a guest in his world instead of being the cocreator of your world together.
I'm not surprised he turned out the light. In his world, he was done in that room, so everyone must be done in that room! It's the same reason my husband used to turn off the tv when he was ready to go up to bed- never mind if I was still watching it! Your Scorp needs to understand that just because he does things a certain way, or thinks a certain way, doesn't mean that you do. If you keep trying to meet him halfway, you'll be standing halfway all alone; if you keep trying to accommodate him (expecting that he'll do the same for you), he'll be sure to let you. The thing to do is to put your foot down (firmly, but kindly) and let it be known exactly what you need to feel that you are an equal partner, and not just a guest in his life.
I have been married to my Scorp for 6 years, and by the third year the reality of our differences had set in full-force. There were times when I really believed I was going to leave. But I didn't. We put in the hard work of understanding each other, instead, and it has paid off! Our relationship is better than ever.
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