Need help with Gem Ex
This topic was created in the Gemini forum by truecap on Tuesday, March 26, 2013 and has 6 replies.
Hi yall. I need some advice on dealing with my Gem ex-husband. We've been divorced a while. We have a teenage son and I'm trying to sell my house per divorce settlement, so I have to deal with him. Can't block him. He nit picks, twists my words, invents scenarios he thinks is happening, makes assumptions on things he thinks I'm doing that I'm not, etc. He is constantly trying to still bully me and confront me on odds and ends.
When he confronts me or accuses me or makes assumptions (some of this stuff is crazy, off the wall stuff), he's irrational and won't let me have a word in edgewise. I end up hanging up the phone, or I place it on speaker and lay it down and go about my business until he's done. There are SOOOO many things I would bring up and put it right back at him, but it just leads to a bigger arguement. So, what I've been doing is acting nonchalent and just saying "you do what you feel like you have to do". I leave it at that.
By the way, his girlfriend is a manipulative, drama queen virgo and I think most of his ideas have been put in his head by her because the things he accuses me of doing are things she would do.
I'll PM some examples if you need them. Not sure I want to put it all out on a public forum.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this? Please?!!! I really need some Gem input.
When he confronts me or accuses me or makes assumptions (some of this stuff is crazy, off the wall stuff), he's irrational and won't let me have a word in edgewise. I end up hanging up the phone, or I place it on speaker and lay it down and go about my business until he's done. There are SOOOO many things I would bring up and put it right back at him, but it just leads to a bigger arguement. So, what I've been doing is acting nonchalent and just saying "you do what you feel like you have to do". I leave it at that.
By the way, his girlfriend is a manipulative, drama queen virgo and I think most of his ideas have been put in his head by her because the things he accuses me of doing are things she would do.
I'll PM some examples if you need them. Not sure I want to put it all out on a public forum.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this? Please?!!! I really need some Gem input.
My father acts like this. You would think at his age (60) he would know better.... Well, how I handled it is probably not the best advice for your situation, but I'll just put it out there anyway.
When my father started in with all the irrational accusing crap, I'd just tell him I have too many things to do and will talk to him later about it. And then not call him back. There is only so much negativity I can handle in one day, altho he could last for weeks with it! OR, I would just change the subject back to the matter at hand. It's more or less dealing with it until there comes an end. I haven't spoken with my father in almost 4 years and don't plan on it anytime soon after what he did to my kids, his brothers, me and even his own mother... When my grandmother passed on, the things he said and did were appalling!!!! Then, didn't even have the nerve to show up to her funeral. But, it's a good thing he didn't cuz what he would have done there would have been worse....
When he was around, I just focused on the ending and it helped. I wish you the best of luck!! I know how difficult it can be from a daughter's p.o.v....
When my father started in with all the irrational accusing crap, I'd just tell him I have too many things to do and will talk to him later about it. And then not call him back. There is only so much negativity I can handle in one day, altho he could last for weeks with it! OR, I would just change the subject back to the matter at hand. It's more or less dealing with it until there comes an end. I haven't spoken with my father in almost 4 years and don't plan on it anytime soon after what he did to my kids, his brothers, me and even his own mother... When my grandmother passed on, the things he said and did were appalling!!!! Then, didn't even have the nerve to show up to her funeral. But, it's a good thing he didn't cuz what he would have done there would have been worse....
When he was around, I just focused on the ending and it helped. I wish you the best of luck!! I know how difficult it can be from a daughter's p.o.v....
He has totally destroyed his relationship with our 20 yo daughter. Accusations that were far from the truth. She will have nothing to do with him.
Why do you suppose some act this way?
Why do you suppose some act this way?
Hug your daughter for me... I know how it feels. But, the good that comes out of it is the knowledge gained for future use and an incredibly strong woman underneath the surface. 
To be honest, that's a question I've been asking myself for years... Being a gem myself, I am certainly not wired that way and I am completely baffled by it, too! My father has a lot of a gem/pisces mixture, but I've know others with a similar mixture and they are pretty decent human beings. I could say it's environmental, but the 3 brothers turned out fine. It could just be a mental illness, but I don't have the credentials to make an accurate statement (sociopathic nature). Those are just a few of the possibilities that have come to my mind while thinking about it...
To be honest, that's a question I've been asking myself for years... Being a gem myself, I am certainly not wired that way and I am completely baffled by it, too! My father has a lot of a gem/pisces mixture, but I've know others with a similar mixture and they are pretty decent human beings. I could say it's environmental, but the 3 brothers turned out fine. It could just be a mental illness, but I don't have the credentials to make an accurate statement (sociopathic nature). Those are just a few of the possibilities that have come to my mind while thinking about it...
Thanks for your insight Misslisa. I hug that girl every chance I get.
No worries....
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