Oh how This man knows what to say!!!!
This topic was created in the Gemini forum by arieslatina on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 and has 18 replies.
But i think i am starting to learn his lil mind games. I think:-)
My baby is coming to visit me at the end of october. I was supposed to go visit him but i couldnt so i told him i would pay for him to come spend the 4day wk end with me. So I asked him to please find a good deal on an airline ticket. That was sunday. on monday i found a really good price...he told me he would find a better deal cuz he got connections. So didnt buy the one ticket and waited for him to get back to me. I didnt hear from him til tuesday night. What The F***!!! I called him monday afternoon, monday night and early tuesday morning. Then he called me finally at 7pm. I asked him, "baby did you get my voicemails?" he says
"No, I just got up, I have been laying in bed all day, havent even ate, i been soooo tired (he works the 3rd shift and never sleeps) by the way what kind of foods have the most iron in them, i know im lacking." So i say to him a list of things. Then I say "What happened to you last night, did you find research the tickets info..."He started to answer yes and then he quickly said.."never mind"
I knew then he did get my voice mail where i said to him if you dont get back to me by this time, im buying the tickets. Mind you, they already went up in price so i had to buy them. Then i start to say to him how dissapointed i was cuz he didnt keep his promise and called me back. then he tried changing the subject again by asking me how many gallons of vomit do i think if puked....WTF!!! Then he tells me he's sorry and please forgive him, his quotes were not better then mine after all. thats not the point though, he let me down. and he said he heard the phone ring all day but didnt have the energy to go get it. WTF!!!
Then he changes the subject again by telling me he has a surprise for me when he gets here to show me how much he's missed me and loves me. I didnt yell or blow up, i was gentle and reminded him how unhappy he made me feel cuz his actions said he didnt care. He agreed with me and said he will try not to make a habit out of it. but why o why doesnt he think. or was he? and he really didnt care? he said "Yea sometimes it looks like i dont care, huh." that was last night. so he's tellng me he slept all day and layed in his bed all day wit no energy to get the phone to call me to say hello. I still havent heard from him. we spoke at 7pm and tonight we havent talked at all. the weird thing is that he really did sound fake when he tries to be all lovey....
My baby is coming to visit me at the end of october. I was supposed to go visit him but i couldnt so i told him i would pay for him to come spend the 4day wk end with me. So I asked him to please find a good deal on an airline ticket. That was sunday. on monday i found a really good price...he told me he would find a better deal cuz he got connections. So didnt buy the one ticket and waited for him to get back to me. I didnt hear from him til tuesday night. What The F***!!! I called him monday afternoon, monday night and early tuesday morning. Then he called me finally at 7pm. I asked him, "baby did you get my voicemails?" he says
"No, I just got up, I have been laying in bed all day, havent even ate, i been soooo tired (he works the 3rd shift and never sleeps) by the way what kind of foods have the most iron in them, i know im lacking." So i say to him a list of things. Then I say "What happened to you last night, did you find research the tickets info..."He started to answer yes and then he quickly said.."never mind"
I knew then he did get my voice mail where i said to him if you dont get back to me by this time, im buying the tickets. Mind you, they already went up in price so i had to buy them. Then i start to say to him how dissapointed i was cuz he didnt keep his promise and called me back. then he tried changing the subject again by asking me how many gallons of vomit do i think if puked....WTF!!! Then he tells me he's sorry and please forgive him, his quotes were not better then mine after all. thats not the point though, he let me down. and he said he heard the phone ring all day but didnt have the energy to go get it. WTF!!!
Then he changes the subject again by telling me he has a surprise for me when he gets here to show me how much he's missed me and loves me. I didnt yell or blow up, i was gentle and reminded him how unhappy he made me feel cuz his actions said he didnt care. He agreed with me and said he will try not to make a habit out of it. but why o why doesnt he think. or was he? and he really didnt care? he said "Yea sometimes it looks like i dont care, huh." that was last night. so he's tellng me he slept all day and layed in his bed all day wit no energy to get the phone to call me to say hello. I still havent heard from him. we spoke at 7pm and tonight we havent talked at all. the weird thing is that he really did sound fake when he tries to be all lovey....
....dovey with me. lately he sound fake!! its the weirdest thing. How am i to know he does want to continue being with me. how do i talk to him? we've talked before but i cant seem to get peace. i dont know what to do. i love him so much but he makes me feel insignificant at times.
i think its the gemini thing
this gem gurl i like a lot and had a lot of fun with turned aloof on me over night, now she is tired all the time, changes subject makes little effort to contact me and when i do its short not like it used to be
i saw her over the weekend and asked her how come she is not txting or emailing me? so she said "i did that one time"....wtf we went to a wedding on sun and i decide to ignore her for little bit and i didnt hear from her till thur and all she had to say was " whats up?"
crud.....
im hurt......i was so nice and sincere to her, i went out on a limb and showed her how i feel about her, i know she enjoyed my attention cauze i can give it like no one else, she was actually shocked and kept telling me that i just amaze her time after time....but all that is gone into thin air...sad........
this gem gurl i like a lot and had a lot of fun with turned aloof on me over night, now she is tired all the time, changes subject makes little effort to contact me and when i do its short not like it used to be
i saw her over the weekend and asked her how come she is not txting or emailing me? so she said "i did that one time"....wtf we went to a wedding on sun and i decide to ignore her for little bit and i didnt hear from her till thur and all she had to say was " whats up?"
crud.....
im hurt......i was so nice and sincere to her, i went out on a limb and showed her how i feel about her, i know she enjoyed my attention cauze i can give it like no one else, she was actually shocked and kept telling me that i just amaze her time after time....but all that is gone into thin air...sad........
well i talked to him for a few last night when i got off work. weird thing happend. he waited for me to say i love you firs. i do all the time. he didnt say it, i didnt say it. hmmmmm
Pulling away some's a good idea kind of hard for you types right? keep the communication open and friendly.
AL's description kind of reminded me of me.
ok so i pulled away. and yea it is really hard for me not to call him. I havent spoken to him since tuesaday night. I left him to voicemails since then just to say i love him and when ever he gets a chnce to give me a call. but yea..you guys i dont understand why he's switched on me like this. he used to smother me compared to how he acts now. and we have had this convo before. I told him that he takes things way tooo lightly. I know i can be a lil intense at times but i really am trying not to smother him. I guess you gems feel uneasy when ya'll in love right? I mean the males especially. is it cuz you are trying to think with your head only...leaving the heart out? He's 25 and has never had a relationship thats lasted more then 4 months. What do you think must be going thru his head?? we been together since april this year. I am supposed to be moving back to chicago in a year. we used to talk about that all the time and now we dont talk about hardly anything. I love him..he loves me...then why doesn't he call? How am i not to question what he may ba doing that he doesnt call me. it seems like everytime i bring it up, he makes an effort for a few days. then it goes back to he same bull. I think its bull because how hard is it to find time to call your girlfriend that you love soooo much. He once told me that he is content with me and that he thinks im insecure. How can i not be when i dnt hear from him for a few days. Then the day he decides to call me its like, hey baby, how are things. I feel uneasy cuz the conversations keep getting shorter and shorter and shorter. Its not like im just some chic he met a week ago, we've been together for 7months now. I dont even want to bring it up anymore but i just keep thinking about how he probably doesnt have the balls to break up with me. I dont want to break up with him...i want to work this issue. cuz on the days we do talk, at times its sooooo lovely and we have so much fun. He really acts like he dont care. is it hard for gem males to break up with a girl? i mean its hard for every one but why is he acting like this. he sees nothing wrong. OH and once he told me to please not act spiteful if he doesnt answer his phone, the next time he calls, he wants me to answer. is he testing me? does he want me to blow up in his face so he has an easier time dumping me. or am i really that crazy and insecure? im telling you guys, he never was like this. I really feel i am dating a diffrnt man.
arieslatina the best best advice I can give you is to be secure, I have been in your shoes, if you keep pushing he will continue to RESIST you, this is nature okay, if a person pushes the other will resist. Stop pushing, clinging, whining, asking why and he will have NOTHING TO RESIST you with.
Being insecure is a TURN OFF, there is nothing attractive about it, he's responding negatively to that and when you call it turns him off I can promise you when he hears the phone ring he cringes b/c your not calling to say hi baby atleast thats not what he's hearing, he's hearing desperation!! Let him call you and be secure that everything is fine. Make your mind up that your going to be fine if he stays or leaves, find something else to do with your time. Too much focus on a man can turn him off because he starts to feel responsible for your happiness.
Show him that your happiness doesn't rely on how he behaves towards you, this will draw him closer. Right now your behavior is pushing you in the negative zone, doesn't mean he doesn't LOVE YOU but he's not feeling your behavior and it makes him not want to deal with you.
Also the next time he calls you end the call first, start to empower yourself okay. Give him 10 minutes and say baby I have to go, thank you for chatting with me and we will talk soon.he's distancing himself because he's seeing you as predicatable and familiar, their isn't an element of mystery.
Stop being so emotionally available, love takes time okay and you can't manufacture emotions, meaning their is nothing you can say or do to make him love you more. Jus relax and stop waiting for something bad to go down. Trust his word when he says he's okay, he's content, stop pushing for a problem, your insecurity is creating a problem.
Be secure okay, this will draw him closer and next time let him buy his own ticket to come and see you, don't think giving him things is going to make him want you more, it will actually do more harm than good....take a deep breath, find other things to do and stop focusing on him so much.
Enjoy what you have and if it's not enough then you have to make a decision on how far your willing to go in the relationship, if your doing all the investing, meaning if your giving 90% of your time/emotions/energy/money then you have a lot to lose and I can see why your holding on but this will make him pull away more. Remind yourself HE'S LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.
Being insecure is a TURN OFF, there is nothing attractive about it, he's responding negatively to that and when you call it turns him off I can promise you when he hears the phone ring he cringes b/c your not calling to say hi baby atleast thats not what he's hearing, he's hearing desperation!! Let him call you and be secure that everything is fine. Make your mind up that your going to be fine if he stays or leaves, find something else to do with your time. Too much focus on a man can turn him off because he starts to feel responsible for your happiness.
Show him that your happiness doesn't rely on how he behaves towards you, this will draw him closer. Right now your behavior is pushing you in the negative zone, doesn't mean he doesn't LOVE YOU but he's not feeling your behavior and it makes him not want to deal with you.
Also the next time he calls you end the call first, start to empower yourself okay. Give him 10 minutes and say baby I have to go, thank you for chatting with me and we will talk soon.he's distancing himself because he's seeing you as predicatable and familiar, their isn't an element of mystery.
Stop being so emotionally available, love takes time okay and you can't manufacture emotions, meaning their is nothing you can say or do to make him love you more. Jus relax and stop waiting for something bad to go down. Trust his word when he says he's okay, he's content, stop pushing for a problem, your insecurity is creating a problem.
Be secure okay, this will draw him closer and next time let him buy his own ticket to come and see you, don't think giving him things is going to make him want you more, it will actually do more harm than good....take a deep breath, find other things to do and stop focusing on him so much.
Enjoy what you have and if it's not enough then you have to make a decision on how far your willing to go in the relationship, if your doing all the investing, meaning if your giving 90% of your time/emotions/energy/money then you have a lot to lose and I can see why your holding on but this will make him pull away more. Remind yourself HE'S LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.
Learus, WOW....thank you so much. how pathetic of me. I didnt realize how bad its 4 relationship. I had a chat with a coule of days ago, didnt even touch the subject of how neglected i feel. i did alot of thinking on my own and i realized that not only was i pushing for more attention, but i didnt realize that i hate to be smothered as well. I know you cant tell by my posts but i at times pull away and act mean if i get too smothered. but now i was doing the smothering. i realized that it felt toooo gooood to have him on the phone and i feared the unknown. plus my past relationships have all been long term and we were all over each other all the time. this is a first for me. I didnt realize how unhealthy it really is. Then i started thinking how i stopped going to the gym, and reading books, going out to happy hour. all cuz i had to come home, take care of my chores and kids so i can make time for us on the phone. i feel so bad. and when ever i would talk with some of my girls they would be like, "so how's curtis?", and i would be reminded of how it had been 3 days since i spoken to him, and they would instigate by saying..."oooh, thats a bad sign." and i fell into it. they were only looking out for me though. This will work out for us though. cuz now i will have more interesting things to talk about when we do chat sinceIwill be getting back to doing my own thing. Funny thing is that one day around 2months into our relationship, i told him how attached i was getting and that i am turning int those girls that make their man their life. i was suposed to put a stop to that before it was too late. but i finally grasped it and will get back on track. for all that have adviced me.....thank you. I feel so much better and i will keep ya'll posted! He will be here in 2weeks!! love ya all
tiki you are awsome for your advice...you should be getting paid for that!!! as i am poor, i will pay your favorite meal!! i am after all an excellent cook!!!
i mean i will pay you with me cooking ur fav meal!!! LOL!
I'm sorry but it sounds like he has lost interest.... 7 months doesnt mean s*7t to us I was with a guy for a year and a half and one day ( yes 1 day) I woke up and said to myself I dont want this anymore. We were great we didnt fight nothing I just lost interest and I left have never looked back and Im happy with that!!!
Sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear....
Sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear....
Also knowing myself long distance relationships dont work for me... I need to see the person almost everyday to remind me why im still with them.... People come in and out of my life.. Its not hard to move on. My friends no that they have to call me cause I wont call them... Even my best friens of 10 years nos that she has to call me.... We dont like having to call people..
OMG!!! ok....lets just take it one day at a time i guess. So just one day you just lost interest huh? Well I certaintly hope he lets me know and not just stop calling me all together hoping i get the point. He's sooo big on honesty and openess on that subject. We talked last week and he told me he was having his wisdom teeth pulled. then 5 days later he got strep. poor guy was in bad shape and has missed a whole week of work. But he did call me and said please call and check on me to make sure im breathing!" so i did, and i let him have his rest. his mom was visiting him to make sure he was ok and stuff. sometimes he just does certain things that irritate me. like yesterday he said he was feeling a lil better and was soooo bored of watching TV. so i told him i would gladly entertain him around 730. He agreed. but he didnt answer his phone. he was on the phone wit his mom. but he never even bothered to call me when he was done with his call. so i call to say goodnite at 10pm, and he didnt answer. called again 15min later to leave him a voice mail but realized his box is full. so i go to sleep. he calls me back 10 min later. i greet him and act normal, and ofcorse im dying to know what happened, why he didnt call me back earlier. this is his response: "I went to pick up my mom, Yeah i had the phone on me, I didnt answer because I was driving and i dont feel good" you couldve just called me to tell me you really didnt feel like being on the phone, u just wana rest or what ever and i wouldn't have had bad feelings about him. i told him that would just be consideration on his part because he and i agreed to make time for us that evening. Sometimes i just dont think he understands what consideration is.UUGGH!!
GFox: thank you so much for this. I love your opinions and i know alot of other people around here do too. i really appreciate your words and well he is only 25- im 26 and have been married before...to a leo. but i was too young then. I am learning how to slow down and really learn everything about my precious GEM. He has some really great qualities and it makes me sad to think that i could push him into wanting to leave me cuz of my...my..umm...pushiness...there i said it. Hard to admit that i was beng pushy and he retracted cuz of that. but he is coming next week!!! and we will spend many many hours ALONE!!! But we are going to do some fun and exciting things with my friends. They are all dying to meet him!! I knw he wants me to just be in tune with what he is going thru. He did say how he wants to be inlove with his soul mate. and when ever we get together and sparks fly....OMG....Does it ever feel like we truly are meant for one another. I really cant explain it...i never have felt that way with a man. i guess thats why i really want to make things for us happy and joyful cuz its too beautiful to throw it out the window. And it does trip me out how one day he can just SWITCH...hot and cold. but thanx to all you GEMS...I get a better understanding on my very own Precious GEM!!!
"Also knowing myself long distance relationships dont work for me... I need to see the person almost everyday to remind me why im still with them.... People come in and out of my life.. Its not hard to move on. My friends no that they have to call me cause I wont call them... Even my best friens of 10 years nos that she has to call me.... We dont like having to call people.."
Damn girl you sound just like me! lol
Damn girl you sound just like me! lol
Wow! Going thru it for me is a lil frustrating. But In the end I am learning how to be patient. I just have to use my time to do other things to occupy my mind. And my aching heart. cuz it hurts so bad to not see him or talk to him sometimes. seems like we now only talk twice a week. And he just acts like nothing when we get on the phone an talk. its like, hey baby....hows it goin!! and im like..(in my head) "HOWS IT GOIN!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN....I HAVENT HEARD FROM YOU IN 4 DAYS...I'LL SHOW YOU HOW ITS GOIN!!!!!"
WOW..........
Do I really sound like that? I guess i know the answer to that. I have a hard time accepting it because It was never like this. and he keeps telling me i have nothing to worry about...he loves me and hasnt lost sight to where we want to be in this relationship. Yea he has turned lazy. I think he just is the type that takes his friends for granted and we do all the calling and stuff. I have stopped calling him like that. If i dont call he does call me....but I am not happy with the lil effort he is putting into us. Now I dont want to give up on him but I do want to impact him. I mean i want him to realize what he is doing is bad for us. How do I do that. Cuz he says he wants me and him to still be together. He says he just cand be an emotional wreck cuz we aint physically together. But
"He's got the girl"...does he feel like he aint got to "WOO" me anymore? I still go out and do my thing....What do I say to him? How do I Handle this situation. I sometimes wana tell him that we should just keep this as non exclusive....but i dont get down like that...the feelings would still be there.
Do I really sound like that? I guess i know the answer to that. I have a hard time accepting it because It was never like this. and he keeps telling me i have nothing to worry about...he loves me and hasnt lost sight to where we want to be in this relationship. Yea he has turned lazy. I think he just is the type that takes his friends for granted and we do all the calling and stuff. I have stopped calling him like that. If i dont call he does call me....but I am not happy with the lil effort he is putting into us. Now I dont want to give up on him but I do want to impact him. I mean i want him to realize what he is doing is bad for us. How do I do that. Cuz he says he wants me and him to still be together. He says he just cand be an emotional wreck cuz we aint physically together. But
"He's got the girl"...does he feel like he aint got to "WOO" me anymore? I still go out and do my thing....What do I say to him? How do I Handle this situation. I sometimes wana tell him that we should just keep this as non exclusive....but i dont get down like that...the feelings would still be there.
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