Should I maintain a distance with him?

This topic was created in the Gemini forum by InLoveWithLife on Friday, October 6, 2017 and has 14 replies.
Another Gem. Met him on a dating site recently and we've been talking for less than two weeks now. We're from different states and haven't met yet. We won't be meeting anytime too soon either.

Out of all those on the site who were flirting with me, he was the only one who asked me about my future goals, aims in life, etc. and I found him pretty decent, for I'd clearly mentioned on my profile that i was not there looking for a hookup or a fling, but either a long-term relationship or if that doesn't work out, we could just be friends.

Like most other men do, this guy also said "you're unique" and started complimenting me for my humanitarian nature and goals in life, etc. On the second day of our call, he asked me if I've ever been in any relationships, and I shared my past with him. Soon, he started telling me his past. About how he was with a woman for 5 years but she cheated him, so he had decided that he'd never marry anyone ever after the heartbreak he had, how he suffered for 2 whole years unable to overcome the pain, and how he has not entertained any woman to come too close to him and has had no close friends for 7 years now. That night, we spoke for a long time (from 9:30 p.m. till 6 a.m., yes).

The very next day he told me "I'm unable to believe myself! How did I talk to someone for so long? That too with a woman all night? I just can't believe this happened. I never want to lose you in my life. I want you to be a part of my life forever, dear", etc. I just nodded my head and said, "If you'll be true, I'll be true to you, too."

Since then, we've been talking or chatting almost everyday. He tells me everything that he did from morning till night, about how his dog is not well, how he had to compel his dog to eat, his work, what he had for breakfast/lunch/dinner, etc. he's been complimenting me saying that I am "too beautiful", "too pretty", "just marvelous", "I may fall for you", etc. (I think it's exaggeration, and my friend also warned me to not trust men who say such things too early.) Soon, he'd also tell me, "I'm not like the other men who are trying to flirt with you. I'm very honest in what I say." (He also said that in one photo I didn't look that good because he didn't like the colour of my skirt, whatever!). He says that he wants to travel to beautiful places with me and spend at least 4-5 days when we meet together. "What will you do for me if I come there? I don't know anyone else in your city and if I come there, it will be only to see you. I don't want you to leave me even for a minute."

(Note: I have made my point clear that if I find the right match, I'd love to marry, and if not, I'd remain single all my life.)

He tells me everyday that he's too emotional, "I don't ever want to lose you in my life", "I wish we were in the same city", etc. So far we don't have many differences, like I did with the old Gem I met. I told him that because of my present situation, i can't afford to move out of this city anywhere till at least April 2018 and he said that he'll try to come asap, which today he said will be around January. He seems to show a lot of concern in my health and also gives me guidance on how to save money, etc. Yesterday, he said "Don't you think our bond is growing stronger and stronger every day?" (I replied that even if I can sense it, I don't want to jump into a relationship too soon. When I repeated that I can only be there as a friend for him and I want to give my all only to one man, he said "I don't ever want to marry. I don't think marriage is for me. I don't ever want to lose you in my life, maybe as a friend at least.") I didn't know how to react and he ended the chat saying "Hope this bond grows further."

He does flirt sometimes, and I get the feeling that he's interested in me. He says I'm the only person he talks to everyday and that he's somehow "too comfortable" with me. But how do I react every time he says something too emotional or deep or flirts with me? He has n't uttered the word love or relationship yet, but he did say "I may fall for you", plus every time I say something like "the weather is truly romantic", he flirts saying "I wish I were there to feel the romantic heat with you", etc. but even today he said that he never ever wants to get married! What's happening? How do I deal with him?
Oh no girl Gemini is like your cryptonite lol. Ok yes, Gem can come on strong and smooth talker. Just pay no mind but it will be hard. I don't like the fact he's already saying no to marriage that sounds like you guys are not compatible. Just remember you really don't know him and if you will even like him once meeting. Don't let him get you in a tizzy with his fancy words cuz right now that's all they are. Just be on guard and take it real slow.
Hey, @Moonbutter, thanks for that! That's what I'm trying to do. I want to take it really slow. At least I'm happy that he didn't say anything like "I'll be there next week or next month"! That way, I'll at least get more time to know him before meeting, which I think is good in this case.

Still, how am I supposed to react when he says things like "I'm very emotional", "I don't want to lose you ever", "Why are you so practical? Can't you be emotional?", "I think we're getting more and more attached", "You're the only one I'm talking to for so long", etc.? What do you suggest?

Posted by Koniuchaa
Sorry, that was long and I didn’t read most of it, but I wouldn’t bother with anyone I wasn’t planning on meeting right away. You don’t want to end up wasting time and energy
Agree. Too much talk/expectations/plans before you meet it's not necessarily good. If you have an interest on him I would suggest to limit the talk until you met. But, he sounds really unbalanced or lacking affection. To ask why you aren't emotional is a bit weird. I would find that weird even in the first six months of a relationship!
Unless you're meeting him real soon,i wouldn't waste my time on this guy.. he sounds a little nuts too.. the fact he doesn't want to marry is a red flag since u want to get married.. I would just have fun talking to him on the phone but I wouldn't get my hopes up about him
Posted by InLoveWithLife
Hey, @Moonbutter, thanks for that! That's what I'm trying to do. I want to take it really slow. At least I'm happy that he didn't say anything like "I'll be there next week or next month"! That way, I'll at least get more time to know him before meeting, which I think is good in this case.

Still, how am I supposed to react when he says things like "I'm very emotional", "I don't want to lose you ever", "Why are you so practical? Can't you be emotional?", "I think we're getting more and more attached", "You're the only one I'm talking to for so long", etc.? What do you suggest?

Jeez ask him what if you were hideous would he still feel the same 😝
Posted by LordComplexity
Posted by Koniuchaa
Sorry, that was long and I didn’t read most of it, but I wouldn’t bother with anyone I wasn’t planning on meeting right away. You don’t want to end up wasting time and energy

Pfft, this is exactly why you've been alone so long. Not meaning that insultingly. Just sayin with that attitude you could very easily pass up "The One" altogether lol
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You are doomed Koni...according to a nutso! Want some poison or rope? 😂💦
Posted by Moonbutter
Posted by InLoveWithLife
Hey, @Moonbutter, thanks for that! That's what I'm trying to do. I want to take it really slow. At least I'm happy that he didn't say anything like "I'll be there next week or next month"! That way, I'll at least get more time to know him before meeting, which I think is good in this case.

Still, how am I supposed to react when he says things like "I'm very emotional", "I don't want to lose you ever", "Why are you so practical? Can't you be emotional?", "I think we're getting more and more attached", "You're the only one I'm talking to for so long", etc.? What do you suggest?

Jeez ask him what if you were hideous would he still feel the same 😝
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He will find what to say. He wouldn't be cornered by the question.
A guy who lives too far away from me is a dealbreaker.

If I remember correctly, the cap didn’t live too close either. Are you sure you want to do another long distance relationship?
Posted by Koniuchaa
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by LordComplexity
Posted by Koniuchaa
Sorry, that was long and I didn’t read most of it, but I wouldn’t bother with anyone I wasn’t planning on meeting right away. You don’t want to end up wasting time and energy

Pfft, this is exactly why you've been alone so long. Not meaning that insultingly. Just sayin with that attitude you could very easily pass up "The One" altogether lol
You are doomed Koni...according to a nutso! Want some poison or rope? 😂💦
I’ll take the rope and swing on it
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So I can keep the soap than?

YESSS! 👍
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by Moonbutter
Posted by InLoveWithLife
Hey, @Moonbutter, thanks for that! That's what I'm trying to do. I want to take it really slow. At least I'm happy that he didn't say anything like "I'll be there next week or next month"! That way, I'll at least get more time to know him before meeting, which I think is good in this case.

Still, how am I supposed to react when he says things like "I'm very emotional", "I don't want to lose you ever", "Why are you so practical? Can't you be emotional?", "I think we're getting more and more attached", "You're the only one I'm talking to for so long", etc.? What do you suggest?

Jeez ask him what if you were hideous would he still feel the same 😝
He will find what to say. He wouldn't be cornered by the question.
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I know, but I still want to hear the respons haha
Posted by pinkbird03
A guy who lives too far away from me is a dealbreaker.

If I remember correctly, the cap didn’t live too close either. Are you sure you want to do another long distance relationship?
At this point, both he and I are focussed on our career goals. I can't move out of this place anywhere before April next year, and he said that early next year, he will apply for a new job and if he gets a good job in my city (which does offer a lot of IT jobs) he will move over, it seems! Don't know if that's all part of a big story, or if he really means it.
Posted by FknNerd
His reason for not wanting to get married doesnt make sense. Also dont fall for the words. Maybe he likes you, but that doesnt mean he's serious about you. - thats from a gemini I asked who thought this guy seemed like a normal person.

I think this guy sounds like a nutcase who possibly murdered his ex. Also, a geminis views on marriage can change. He's a mutable sign.
Lol, the murder hasn't happened yet. he said that the ex chose someone else over him, but then they got either divorced or separated and she has a baby now, and that she tried to connect with him by sending emails but he didn't respond, it seems. Who knows?

So he does give you some negative vibes?

No, I'm not falling for him. But as a Leo, I'd always like to be true to all those who are true to me. Not much skeptical, you know. That's also a bad thing at times, being overly trusting of all.
Posted by InLoveWithLife
Posted by pinkbird03
A guy who lives too far away from me is a dealbreaker.

If I remember correctly, the cap didn’t live too close either. Are you sure you want to do another long distance relationship?
At this point, both he and I are focussed on our career goals. I can't move out of this place anywhere before April next year, and he said that early next year, he will apply for a new job and if he gets a good job in my city (which does offer a lot of IT jobs) he will move over, it seems! Don't know if that's all part of a big story, or if he really means it.
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It’s a really big move for someone you don’t really know!! Have you guys at least FaceTimed yet?