Dianasart
@Dianasart
15 Years500+ PostsSagittarius
Comments: 3 · Posts: 591 · Topics: 103
Am I Just Lazy?
I'm sorry to hear that. I was going to suggest getting a pet, but you might have one already. Why don't you try joining a support group instead of individual therapy? Look for any women's groups or student's groups. Listening and sharing your feelings with other people can help a lot.
You are not lazy, you are giving up. Don't do this. Baby steps. Even if it's just to haul your buns out of bed ( and that shift is probably your blood pressure. Slowly rise using an arm to sitting position, rest your legs on the floor and remain that way a minute before getting up ). Suggest something simple like a coffee with one of your friends. Go nice and easy. Have that coffee and a bit of a chat, get through that. Longer time out next time. Go for walks, again. Short at first, but keep at it. Think of it as being reborn again to reality. For right now you are in a dream.
But please, you must shake yourself out of the pattern you are in. You are worth it. You are young with your entire life before you. There is so much to do and see, so many beauties around. So many people to come into your life and round it out. Down the road, little ones to carry and raise. Grandchildren to cosset and adore. Music and emotion to move you, love to call your own. You can do this, absolutely. Or I will give you noogies and tickle you till you wet yourself. 😉
But please, you must shake yourself out of the pattern you are in. You are worth it. You are young with your entire life before you. There is so much to do and see, so many beauties around. So many people to come into your life and round it out. Down the road, little ones to carry and raise. Grandchildren to cosset and adore. Music and emotion to move you, love to call your own. You can do this, absolutely. Or I will give you noogies and tickle you till you wet yourself. 😉
Anything but a noogy! Please! 🙂
Thanks. These messages just made me feel better. I will defenetly try the group thing. It actually gave me the idea to start a club at school that's not exactly like a club but more a social and group thing. I don't know, that just came to my mind right away since I've heard students can make clubs of their own. BUt I think there are rules like having a certain amount of people and .... making it affective in some way... :/ I see myself chikening out already.
When ever I jump into something I usually tell myself I've got nothing to loose. I should really do that more often huh?
Life can see so scarey sometimes. It's like, I don't know where I'm going to be in a few years. Or if I'll even get half way to the goals I make for myself. The motivation part, some times... I just see no reason. I guess that is giving up, but I feel like it's the old me, the suicidal part using any challenge life throws at me as a reason to just give up on life all together. I talked to my therapist about it. It was great to see her. I was going in for schyology and she was in her office and came in. She said she'd try to reopen my case since she knows I'm having these feelings. It makes me feel better. Though it's more of a 'I have someone to take care of me again' kind of thing even though she wants me to start doing things on my own. But it feels better being under someones wing. I wouldn't have been alive today if therapists didn't exist!
Thanks. These messages just made me feel better. I will defenetly try the group thing. It actually gave me the idea to start a club at school that's not exactly like a club but more a social and group thing. I don't know, that just came to my mind right away since I've heard students can make clubs of their own. BUt I think there are rules like having a certain amount of people and .... making it affective in some way... :/ I see myself chikening out already.
When ever I jump into something I usually tell myself I've got nothing to loose. I should really do that more often huh?
Life can see so scarey sometimes. It's like, I don't know where I'm going to be in a few years. Or if I'll even get half way to the goals I make for myself. The motivation part, some times... I just see no reason. I guess that is giving up, but I feel like it's the old me, the suicidal part using any challenge life throws at me as a reason to just give up on life all together. I talked to my therapist about it. It was great to see her. I was going in for schyology and she was in her office and came in. She said she'd try to reopen my case since she knows I'm having these feelings. It makes me feel better. Though it's more of a 'I have someone to take care of me again' kind of thing even though she wants me to start doing things on my own. But it feels better being under someones wing. I wouldn't have been alive today if therapists didn't exist!
Posted by Dianasart
I spend more time in bed than anywhere else. I'm sick of it but I just can't seem to find the energy to do anything. I was exited to start classes, have something to keep myself busy with but... 😢 I just skiped to classes today to doze off into the dream world.
I just feel hopeless. I wanted to change my life style and be more active so I can one day stop taking anti depressiants. I miss my therapist too -_- she used to push me and did most of the talking, lecturing me the way a mother should. But my case is closed and there's nothing I can do about it. I see my sphycologist once a month and ... what's the point anymore? I've been getting light headed lately. And my body, it just doesn't respond to me.
How can I get myself motivated to do anything? I don't feel like eating anymore either but I do because I know I shouldn't starve. But lol I eat when there is food ready, never feel like getting up and making anything.
I have no social life either. I feel pathetic. I have a few friends and we text but that's it. Everyone at home is somewhere else, work, school, and I'm home in bed and hating myself. Why do I do this? I know that if I got up and went to class I would have felt good. I guess I don't want to go because I'm tired of being a loner. I'm not good at making friends. And I don't know what to do with friends anyway. I'm tired of texting people.
I feel like disappearing into thin air and just floating away on the wind, always asleep.
I know how you feel, depression is horrible, i am bi-polar. Your not lazy, you cant help the way you feel, right now my house is a tip and i havnt done any washing up in ages but i try not to get down about it. Im a complete hypocrite because i am my own worst enemy lol but try not to beat yourself when your down as its a downward spiral. Take small steps and take one step at a time. Also when im down i tend to carb load which makes me feel much worse, try getting someone to help you prepare (or prepare for you) some healthy snacks that you can just grab when you dont feel like making anything.
And rememember depression is something you have, it is not who you are, it doesnt define you 🙂
Thank you Libra Sun! I noticed that I take allot of steps too and never finish. That's something I should keep myself aware of. And I'd have to put in extra effort to keep my brothers from eating all the healthy snacks in less then an hour. Grrr! But I'm working on staying happy 🙂
Dianasart,
I'm sorry to hear that as well. I don't know your situation but if you are depressed and are on meds you may need to have your doctor reevaluate them.
What do you mean your case is closed? Do you not have access to a therapist now?
I don't know how you are doing now, 6 days later, but always remember that it will pass.
I'm sorry to hear that as well. I don't know your situation but if you are depressed and are on meds you may need to have your doctor reevaluate them.
What do you mean your case is closed? Do you not have access to a therapist now?
I don't know how you are doing now, 6 days later, but always remember that it will pass.
thanks crzydiam63. It's weird. I go up and down. Right now I'm down again. My mother is unbarable. I wish I could just move out but that's complicated in many other ways. But I do feel like if I'm finally on my own I'd finally feel good. Sometimes when I think about suicid, which I am starting to think about again, I think that I'm just a whiney bitch for making such a big deal out of all these things when I know there are people in worser situations. And then I feel like I don't deserve to live if I'm going to just waist everyones time with my stupid problems. Death is just the only exit sign I can see right now, and medication isn't going to do anything for me, It's not a health issue, it's my life, the things that happen, the things I do to make it worse, and more... It's me. (-_-) My mother has taken my phone because she thinks I'm talking to men and sneaking out at night to go fuck around. Can't blame her. She did catch me out. I made up a story to cover it but it didn't work and now she doesn't trust me and took my phone which only makes me feel isolated because I have no one to talk to at all. I'm not allowed on the computer either but she's not aware right now. She's not aware of anything. She's never been aware! She doesn't know why I do the things I do. And does she ask? NO. I'm just a whore. She calls me a diry whore. She compares me to the bad people and makes me feel like I should do allot worse and shove it all in her face and then just scream till all the energy is out of my body! I hate this. She doesn't like me as I am. Her idea of the perfect daughter, the right kind of Armenian daughter is far above from what I am. And I DON"T want to change for her, to be who she wants me to be! I like myself. It took a long time but I like myself and this is me and this is how I am and I can't change it!
I feel anxiety all over my body. It feels like a aching. My arms, around my neck, my wrists.. I'm a pain 😢
I feel anxiety all over my body. It feels like a aching. My arms, around my neck, my wrists.. I'm a pain 😢
Dianasart,
Oh cheer up. I know, that makes you want to knock my block off because it shows I don't understand what it feels like and how you just want to disappear so it will all go away. Well, what you don't know is that I do understand. I deal with it almost every minute of every day. If I'm awake it's there.
I had a grandfather that committed suicide, I didn't know him but know about the fact that he did although I don't know the circumstances. It does tell me that he had problems but I'll never be able to talk with him to understand. To understand the possible genetic predisposition that scientist think is there.
Now, about your Mother. I understand that as well and could go into the fact that my Father was an alcoholic and after he died in 1993 my Mother took his place. I can tell you all about having a Mother that makes you feel like she doesn't approve of you or anything you do. I can tell you about being sexually molested, more than once, and how that forms a woman's view of men and relationships. I can tell you about living with a Father in the same house but not speaking for at least two years. I could keep going but I will stop there and hope that you understand you're not alone. That some of us are unfortunate and have these challenges presented to us and it's just our life. People that have not had their psyche and identify formed but these warped events can't understand or relate. Although others feel the same feelings of being down, feeling rejection and everything else they have a more healthy outlook and have the faculties to deal much better with life's events. We're just the "lucky" ones to have to deal things in the best way we can.
Yes, it is much easier to thing about how it would be easier just to end it all because it will all go away and you're right, it would. But, I hope that will only be a passing thought that will not come to be. You may think that meds may not help but it is possible to have both physiological and psychological problems that complicate things so don't jump to the conclusion that it's just your situation unless you have consulted a doctor.
These are just my opinions and are not meant to diagnose anything or for you to take them at face value. You must make your own decisions on this and if needed I would ask that you find someone you can confide in. How old are you? Can you break away from your Mother since she seems to be a good portion of your distress?
Oh cheer up. I know, that makes you want to knock my block off because it shows I don't understand what it feels like and how you just want to disappear so it will all go away. Well, what you don't know is that I do understand. I deal with it almost every minute of every day. If I'm awake it's there.
I had a grandfather that committed suicide, I didn't know him but know about the fact that he did although I don't know the circumstances. It does tell me that he had problems but I'll never be able to talk with him to understand. To understand the possible genetic predisposition that scientist think is there.
Now, about your Mother. I understand that as well and could go into the fact that my Father was an alcoholic and after he died in 1993 my Mother took his place. I can tell you all about having a Mother that makes you feel like she doesn't approve of you or anything you do. I can tell you about being sexually molested, more than once, and how that forms a woman's view of men and relationships. I can tell you about living with a Father in the same house but not speaking for at least two years. I could keep going but I will stop there and hope that you understand you're not alone. That some of us are unfortunate and have these challenges presented to us and it's just our life. People that have not had their psyche and identify formed but these warped events can't understand or relate. Although others feel the same feelings of being down, feeling rejection and everything else they have a more healthy outlook and have the faculties to deal much better with life's events. We're just the "lucky" ones to have to deal things in the best way we can.
Yes, it is much easier to thing about how it would be easier just to end it all because it will all go away and you're right, it would. But, I hope that will only be a passing thought that will not come to be. You may think that meds may not help but it is possible to have both physiological and psychological problems that complicate things so don't jump to the conclusion that it's just your situation unless you have consulted a doctor.
These are just my opinions and are not meant to diagnose anything or for you to take them at face value. You must make your own decisions on this and if needed I would ask that you find someone you can confide in. How old are you? Can you break away from your Mother since she seems to be a good portion of your distress?
I also wanted to say it has been tremendously helpful to read as many books on psychology as I can get my hands on. It doesn't make me "feel" better but the awareness is liberating.
Oh, and focus on you right now.....try and get yourself healthy instead of sneaking out to met men. I promise you that this is making you feel worse about yourself. You may feel a temporary feeling that it is a good thing because it takes you away from your troubles but in the end, I bet you feel worse after you get back to your "reality". So, please, work on yourself for a while to help you feel better. I think you'll find that small changes can make a big difference. Big hug.
Oh, and focus on you right now.....try and get yourself healthy instead of sneaking out to met men. I promise you that this is making you feel worse about yourself. You may feel a temporary feeling that it is a good thing because it takes you away from your troubles but in the end, I bet you feel worse after you get back to your "reality". So, please, work on yourself for a while to help you feel better. I think you'll find that small changes can make a big difference. Big hug.
crzydiam63 I cant believe that someone who suffers from depressions advise would be "oh cheer up". Im not going to sit here and play "who has had the hardest life" with you but you cant possibly understand if you want to give someone that advise. Depression is not a choice. Depression is a disability, would you say to a lame person "oh just stand up and walk"—?
Just because you have been through a lot does not mean you understand, I have had a hard life, I coped with it all, infact i even refused to except that depression was real because after everything i had been through i could still put on a brave face and go about my day to day stuff, then depression finally hit me, and that was when i finally understood.
Read psychology books? when you havnt got the strength to keep on living i dont think you have the concentrtion to sit and try and decipher psychological theories its hard enough getting out of bed.
Im not trying to be confrontational but just because you are able to do all these things does not mean that its as simple as "oh cheer up". when i am suffering depression you could offer me a million pounds to get out of bed, or get dressed and it wouldnt happen.
Do you thinks shes thinking "well i could get better or i could go sleep with men, i know, i'll go sleep with a man instead" Im sure she knows that this isnt what she should be doing.
Anyway Dianasart, hope your staying strong, things may seem bad at the moment, but one day they will get better, just have to try and weather the storm untill the sun comes out 🙂
Just because you have been through a lot does not mean you understand, I have had a hard life, I coped with it all, infact i even refused to except that depression was real because after everything i had been through i could still put on a brave face and go about my day to day stuff, then depression finally hit me, and that was when i finally understood.
Read psychology books? when you havnt got the strength to keep on living i dont think you have the concentrtion to sit and try and decipher psychological theories its hard enough getting out of bed.
Im not trying to be confrontational but just because you are able to do all these things does not mean that its as simple as "oh cheer up". when i am suffering depression you could offer me a million pounds to get out of bed, or get dressed and it wouldnt happen.
Do you thinks shes thinking "well i could get better or i could go sleep with men, i know, i'll go sleep with a man instead" Im sure she knows that this isnt what she should be doing.
Anyway Dianasart, hope your staying strong, things may seem bad at the moment, but one day they will get better, just have to try and weather the storm untill the sun comes out 🙂
Maybe I did not convey the sarcasism appropriately sorry about that.
I know about bi-polar, I know borderline personality, I know depression, I have delt with these things as many years as you have been alive and probably more.
But, this is about dianadart, not me. I am giving her my thoughts. Now if it is merely the mistake of not appropriately conveying that sacasism in the first words, my bad. If you have a problem with the other stuff I'll have to respond more to that later today.
I know about bi-polar, I know borderline personality, I know depression, I have delt with these things as many years as you have been alive and probably more.
But, this is about dianadart, not me. I am giving her my thoughts. Now if it is merely the mistake of not appropriately conveying that sacasism in the first words, my bad. If you have a problem with the other stuff I'll have to respond more to that later today.
I had a little time to think on the way down to the beach. I did want to mention again how it has made a difference for me to read up on psychology. Of course, I know you can't read up on this stuff when you're depressed, but all of that suffer with it know that it's not always debilitating 24/7/365 and that we have some half way normal periods depending on our condition or circumstance.
So, during the times when you're more clear, why not read up. Like I said, it doesn't make you feel better but it does make you realize why you feel so rotten. Knowing why can be key to making positive changes. This isn't a magic pill and it doesn't happen quickly but I believe it can add to the positive aspects of your life. So it's still my vote. Who knows, Dianasart may just become one great therapist herself one day!
So, during the times when you're more clear, why not read up. Like I said, it doesn't make you feel better but it does make you realize why you feel so rotten. Knowing why can be key to making positive changes. This isn't a magic pill and it doesn't happen quickly but I believe it can add to the positive aspects of your life. So it's still my vote. Who knows, Dianasart may just become one great therapist herself one day!
Crzydiam63 🙂
You put a smile on my face with that last one!
I USED to want to be a therapist. In fact while I was in mental institutes I would always be one persons private therapist. I always had a way of leading on the ones that don't want to accept help from doctors and staffs lol and somehow I'd get them to open up to me and I'd even help them help themselves. But I never liked it as much because I felt like my own energy was being drained from me. Sometimes I had a good amount to give without worry, but other times I didn't have enough for myself but I couldn't push my those girls away :/ so it was complicated. So, yea, I've already decided not to be a therapist.
And I do sometimes research on all this. I can't sit down and read ANYthing other than a novel so books are out, but I do like to read up online and even get others opinions to later form my own depending on the info I colect.
I used to hate when others would bring up their problems over mine because it would make me feel bad that I even complain about mine when others face just as bad or worse. But I don't look at it that way anymore, I don't feel that way either. I like knowing I'm not alone. I wish the world would just talk about their problems more often, not in a complaining way but a positive way. Everyone keeps to themselves and it's like... do I even belong here? Feels like I'm pretending just to stay blended with the crowd.
I remember during one visit to the mental institute (went twise, both for suicide attempt) I gathered all the girls to my room ( boys are on the other side) and I had a stuffed ghost since I was in the hospital during halloween before transfering there who I named toothless the baby ghost lol childrens hospital, they try to cheer kids up. SO I passed the ghost around from youngest to oldest and we each told our story from as far back as we can remember. It felt good to know eachother and trust eachother. I wish the world would do that too.
You put a smile on my face with that last one!
I USED to want to be a therapist. In fact while I was in mental institutes I would always be one persons private therapist. I always had a way of leading on the ones that don't want to accept help from doctors and staffs lol and somehow I'd get them to open up to me and I'd even help them help themselves. But I never liked it as much because I felt like my own energy was being drained from me. Sometimes I had a good amount to give without worry, but other times I didn't have enough for myself but I couldn't push my those girls away :/ so it was complicated. So, yea, I've already decided not to be a therapist.
And I do sometimes research on all this. I can't sit down and read ANYthing other than a novel so books are out, but I do like to read up online and even get others opinions to later form my own depending on the info I colect.
I used to hate when others would bring up their problems over mine because it would make me feel bad that I even complain about mine when others face just as bad or worse. But I don't look at it that way anymore, I don't feel that way either. I like knowing I'm not alone. I wish the world would just talk about their problems more often, not in a complaining way but a positive way. Everyone keeps to themselves and it's like... do I even belong here? Feels like I'm pretending just to stay blended with the crowd.
I remember during one visit to the mental institute (went twise, both for suicide attempt) I gathered all the girls to my room ( boys are on the other side) and I had a stuffed ghost since I was in the hospital during halloween before transfering there who I named toothless the baby ghost lol childrens hospital, they try to cheer kids up. SO I passed the ghost around from youngest to oldest and we each told our story from as far back as we can remember. It felt good to know eachother and trust eachother. I wish the world would do that too.
Dianasart,
Very happy to hear you're on that end doing well and I say that because I know you smiled! 🙂 Feel free to send me emails direct anytime.
Just try to keep telling yourself it is possible, you just have to find the way. That means often having to endure until we get there. Big hug and stay strong.
Very happy to hear you're on that end doing well and I say that because I know you smiled! 🙂 Feel free to send me emails direct anytime.
Just try to keep telling yourself it is possible, you just have to find the way. That means often having to endure until we get there. Big hug and stay strong.
sounds like heaven if i'm honest
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I just feel hopeless. I wanted to change my life style and be more active so I can one day stop taking anti depressiants. I miss my therapist too -_- she used to push me and did most of the talking, lecturing me the way a mother should. But my case is closed and there's nothing I can do about it. I see my sphycologist once a month and ... what's the point anymore? I've been getting light headed lately. And my body, it just doesn't respond to me.
How can I get myself motivated to do anything? I don't feel like eating anymore either but I do because I know I shouldn't starve. But lol I eat when there is food ready, never feel like getting up and making anything.
I have no social life either. I feel pathetic. I have a few friends and we text but that's it. Everyone at home is somewhere else, work, school, and I'm home in bed and hating myself. Why do I do this? I know that if I got up and went to class I would have felt good. I guess I don't want to go because I'm tired of being a loner. I'm not good at making friends. And I don't know what to do with friends anyway. I'm tired of texting people.
I feel like disappearing into thin air and just floating away on the wind, always asleep.