aiiiiii!!!!!!
This topic was created in the Leo forum by isadora2008 on Sunday, September 21, 2008 and has 4 replies.
long explanation - short question at the bottom - thanks for listening.
Things have been going well with my leo - relationship almost 4 months old, and he has been steadily getting his life on track, dealing with ex, three yr old, getting his biz licensed and running - working like a one man factory.
Finally, over labor day, we were able to take a four day romantic vacay out of town, where he opened up like some kind of beautiful flower as soon as we got out of the city. Throughout the weekend he said all the sweet things about the future I wanted to hear. And many more I never expected... I didn't even have to open my mouth. He always has said sweet things... including 'I love you' the day we met, but these were far deeper, and very articulate.
A few days later he gave me keys to his place and tried hard to take an active role in being in my world, meeting friends, etc.. Due to his work/life/kid, its very hard for him to be free for this.
Then - last week, perhaps a week after all this, he started getting way busy again, and as a result way exhausted, and not really available, even when we were face to face. After not seeing him due to his work, we had one night together, (no sex -- he's been too tired). In the a.m., we had a tiff, and he bit my head off completely, disproportionately - asked for his keys back, and refused to talk about any of it. Would not see me, though continued to call every day, becoming less and less gruff, but still would not talk bout it.
Finally this morning over the phone, he told me that he needs to take a step back. That he needs the time to get his life together. He said it was extremely hard for him to say this to me, and hurt him a lot, and he doesn't want to cut me out of his life, but he knows its unfair to me otherwise. His obligations are legion. He's dealing with a very messy financial situation, and he just wants to work his ass off until he feels like he's got his shit together. He doesn't want to let me go, but he doesn't want me to have expectations he cannot realistically fulfill at this time - thus he can't be committed.
I definitely support him in the majority of this decision. And I do not want a different man. My question to the leo's is... what's the best way to support someone through something like this. I know he loves me. But its very difficult for an aries to do anything in half measures. What can I realistically ask of him at the moment? Anything at all?
Things have been going well with my leo - relationship almost 4 months old, and he has been steadily getting his life on track, dealing with ex, three yr old, getting his biz licensed and running - working like a one man factory.
Finally, over labor day, we were able to take a four day romantic vacay out of town, where he opened up like some kind of beautiful flower as soon as we got out of the city. Throughout the weekend he said all the sweet things about the future I wanted to hear. And many more I never expected... I didn't even have to open my mouth. He always has said sweet things... including 'I love you' the day we met, but these were far deeper, and very articulate.
A few days later he gave me keys to his place and tried hard to take an active role in being in my world, meeting friends, etc.. Due to his work/life/kid, its very hard for him to be free for this.
Then - last week, perhaps a week after all this, he started getting way busy again, and as a result way exhausted, and not really available, even when we were face to face. After not seeing him due to his work, we had one night together, (no sex -- he's been too tired). In the a.m., we had a tiff, and he bit my head off completely, disproportionately - asked for his keys back, and refused to talk about any of it. Would not see me, though continued to call every day, becoming less and less gruff, but still would not talk bout it.
Finally this morning over the phone, he told me that he needs to take a step back. That he needs the time to get his life together. He said it was extremely hard for him to say this to me, and hurt him a lot, and he doesn't want to cut me out of his life, but he knows its unfair to me otherwise. His obligations are legion. He's dealing with a very messy financial situation, and he just wants to work his ass off until he feels like he's got his shit together. He doesn't want to let me go, but he doesn't want me to have expectations he cannot realistically fulfill at this time - thus he can't be committed.
I definitely support him in the majority of this decision. And I do not want a different man. My question to the leo's is... what's the best way to support someone through something like this. I know he loves me. But its very difficult for an aries to do anything in half measures. What can I realistically ask of him at the moment? Anything at all?
"he dont like you that much is all it is."
LOL, not laughing directly at you Isa more so the way it was said, basically there is nothing you can say or do, this is the time to get a spine and walk away with your dignity intact, he wants to see if you will bend over backwards, all I can say is don't do it, don't give more than him, don't see him when he wants all the time on his schedule, you will be inviting mistreatment, do what's in your best interest, don't accomodate him in any way, it's his problem, he dumped you and now you must go on do what's in your best interest and it won't be in your best interest to be his friend with benefits nor just his friend.
You have done nothing wrong but a couple things that stand out to me that could have been the deal breaker is you BELIEVED every word he said, you didn't challenge him, you took his words and took his house keys with no kind of refusal, you didn't make him prove what he was saying was real, you just sort of believed him and he probably thought you were too easy (not sexually but mentally) you didn't mentally challenge him on his words nor on why he was giving you those keys especially knowing the stress he was under, being super nice and supportive will not keep a man in your life, you most likely killed his attraction and he knew he would become bored of all the nice and easy behavior and would much rather deal with a bit of conflict....
tension keeps attraction alive, too much of anything kills attraction in a man. 4 months is very short period of time to get keys to an apartment, I would have been suspicious of his motives and asked him to keep the keys for later in the future and in the future please don't get all up in a mans personal life, you are not a therapist, you don't want to be his diary, some leo men are huge whiners, you have to learn to avert his attention back onto you, you are his lover, if he wants to vent about his issues then he needs to find someone else to do that, nagging even he's the one doing it kills attraction, you begin to look like his mother not his lover...
So for now he's not that into you, I would move on, let him come to you, talk to you about US, WE type things or forget about it, if he's calling to bitch about his life and problems, I would cut him short and pay attention to the men that want to really date you and impress you.
LOL, not laughing directly at you Isa more so the way it was said, basically there is nothing you can say or do, this is the time to get a spine and walk away with your dignity intact, he wants to see if you will bend over backwards, all I can say is don't do it, don't give more than him, don't see him when he wants all the time on his schedule, you will be inviting mistreatment, do what's in your best interest, don't accomodate him in any way, it's his problem, he dumped you and now you must go on do what's in your best interest and it won't be in your best interest to be his friend with benefits nor just his friend.
You have done nothing wrong but a couple things that stand out to me that could have been the deal breaker is you BELIEVED every word he said, you didn't challenge him, you took his words and took his house keys with no kind of refusal, you didn't make him prove what he was saying was real, you just sort of believed him and he probably thought you were too easy (not sexually but mentally) you didn't mentally challenge him on his words nor on why he was giving you those keys especially knowing the stress he was under, being super nice and supportive will not keep a man in your life, you most likely killed his attraction and he knew he would become bored of all the nice and easy behavior and would much rather deal with a bit of conflict....
tension keeps attraction alive, too much of anything kills attraction in a man. 4 months is very short period of time to get keys to an apartment, I would have been suspicious of his motives and asked him to keep the keys for later in the future and in the future please don't get all up in a mans personal life, you are not a therapist, you don't want to be his diary, some leo men are huge whiners, you have to learn to avert his attention back onto you, you are his lover, if he wants to vent about his issues then he needs to find someone else to do that, nagging even he's the one doing it kills attraction, you begin to look like his mother not his lover...
So for now he's not that into you, I would move on, let him come to you, talk to you about US, WE type things or forget about it, if he's calling to bitch about his life and problems, I would cut him short and pay attention to the men that want to really date you and impress you.
C'mon you guys - I wrote this entry back in Nov. Thanks for the advice, but its a little late in the game.
As for what's going on now, leo and I are happily together. Turns out sometimes people mean exactly what they say. He worked his butt off to get his shit together, appraised me of how things were going without dragging me through the worst of the bullshit with the ex, called everyday, told me he loved me everyday etc.. there was no friends with benefits going on. I didn't want to be with anyone else and neither did he.
On New Years we officially sealed the deal again. He has had a challenging time. His ex is difficult - these women exist - some of you know what I'm talking about. BTW, She's a vastly unhappy, vastly overweight capricorn. However, he's handling the whole thing with as much aplomb as he can while juggling a contracting biz, a three year old he has most nights of the week, and moi. The keys were re-presented to me in a very romantic way last month, and we are on track.
What I learned from this, is that sometimes people really do know what's best for them and you should trust them on that. He didn't want a big mess, and his caution, far more exercised than mine, prevented one. Taking the lead in this gave him the confidence he needed after feeling castrated for several years, and it gave us a chance to see that our relationship was very passionate, even without the sex, (which is a straight up leo/aries bonfire!) It was hard, but it was worth it.
As for what's going on now, leo and I are happily together. Turns out sometimes people mean exactly what they say. He worked his butt off to get his shit together, appraised me of how things were going without dragging me through the worst of the bullshit with the ex, called everyday, told me he loved me everyday etc.. there was no friends with benefits going on. I didn't want to be with anyone else and neither did he.
On New Years we officially sealed the deal again. He has had a challenging time. His ex is difficult - these women exist - some of you know what I'm talking about. BTW, She's a vastly unhappy, vastly overweight capricorn. However, he's handling the whole thing with as much aplomb as he can while juggling a contracting biz, a three year old he has most nights of the week, and moi. The keys were re-presented to me in a very romantic way last month, and we are on track.
What I learned from this, is that sometimes people really do know what's best for them and you should trust them on that. He didn't want a big mess, and his caution, far more exercised than mine, prevented one. Taking the lead in this gave him the confidence he needed after feeling castrated for several years, and it gave us a chance to see that our relationship was very passionate, even without the sex, (which is a straight up leo/aries bonfire!) It was hard, but it was worth it.
I'm happy for you Isa yet I'm curious how you know she was the one making him feel castrated and how would you know that she's vastly an unhappy overweight capricorn, thats a lot of information to know about a mans ex and what would make you feel that way about her assuming you don't really know her, was not in his relationship with her? I still feel your not seeing things accurately but I'm not in your relationship and as long as your content and happy with it thats all that matters. The 3yr old isn't going away and the ex is definitely not going away, hope your prepared for whats ahead of you.
Leave Your Feedback
We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.
Related Topics
This goes out to those who often wonder exactly when Jesus was born. We all celebrate it on December 25th, but, we all
@P-Angel
Joined: Apr 13, 2005 · Topics: 685 · Posts: 44084
I'm a libra, I've been dating a leo for seven months. In the beginning he said he used to be a habitual cheater and he d
@sexysiren
Joined: Aug 02, 2007 · Topics: 16 · Posts: 109
for anyone who wouldn't like to reverse sort order
@wheelhomies
Joined: Jul 09, 2006 · Topics: 125 · Posts: 15279
Anybody here ever date a Virgo man? I dated one once and he was the nicest yet most unemotional guy I have ever dated. S
@gslove
Joined: Jan 29, 2006 · Topics: 31 · Posts: 835
My best friend who is over in Oz called me yesterday to tell me her good news, she and her partner of 6 years are engage
@Thetis
Joined: Sep 28, 2007 · Topics: 82 · Posts: 2181
Ok,i'm a pisces guy, i have a virgo friend, same age, great personality, cute, loving. Shes awesome, however, the only w
@Lmm2
Joined: Sep 20, 2008 · Topics: 3 · Posts: 13
I think for past couple of days I have been more emotional than usual. I do not know why,I feel I have no control, wh
@caprigirlwithvirgo
Joined: Jul 07, 2006 · Topics: 61 · Posts: 2267
how have all leos been feeling just lately,i have been really grumpy and down and snapping at people and biting everyone
@firebabe
Joined: May 09, 2007 · Topics: 10 · Posts: 194
...people who cant accept apologies. i know that some situations are complicated and apologies can only go so far but
@i love ewe
Joined: Feb 29, 2008 · Topics: 62 · Posts: 1789
Especially when it is your fault! As we know virgos are good at making the mountain of the molehill, how do we please
@caprigirlwithvirgo
Joined: Jul 07, 2006 · Topics: 61 · Posts: 2267