Bewildered!@!Leo
This topic was created in the Leo forum by tiki33 on Monday, April 2, 2007 and has 9 replies.
tiki, I can definitely sympathize with your situation and pain as I've been there with my current bf as well.
I still have moments when we fight and I silently wish we'd both just give up so we could move on to "healthier" relationships, but it never goes like that. When he seems ready to give up, I back off and then he starts to put in the effort I've been wanting all along, which confuses and angers me a bit sometimes. It's like a vicious cycle. We don't suit in a lot of ways, but the attraction is pretty hard to ignore. It does seem unbalanced sometimes, with me giving more than he does.
I think you do need to do what's best for you now. I'm not going to label your Leo guy selfish, but he does seem very good at putting himself first, so follow his example, maybe? I've done this with my bf, and soon after I made it clear I was no longer going to focus on him, things got much better. I do think there's something worth fighting for between us, and he is trying too, so I'm going with the flow still.
Take time for you, maybe even take a break from relationships like you said for a bit so you can get some perspective. If this relationship is the kind that will last, it'll be able to handle this.
Good luck & know that I will definitely be reading your ventings, nodding in agreement/sympathy, and fighting the urge to punish my bf once memories have riled me all over again.
I still have moments when we fight and I silently wish we'd both just give up so we could move on to "healthier" relationships, but it never goes like that. When he seems ready to give up, I back off and then he starts to put in the effort I've been wanting all along, which confuses and angers me a bit sometimes. It's like a vicious cycle. We don't suit in a lot of ways, but the attraction is pretty hard to ignore. It does seem unbalanced sometimes, with me giving more than he does.
I think you do need to do what's best for you now. I'm not going to label your Leo guy selfish, but he does seem very good at putting himself first, so follow his example, maybe? I've done this with my bf, and soon after I made it clear I was no longer going to focus on him, things got much better. I do think there's something worth fighting for between us, and he is trying too, so I'm going with the flow still.
Take time for you, maybe even take a break from relationships like you said for a bit so you can get some perspective. If this relationship is the kind that will last, it'll be able to handle this.
Good luck & know that I will definitely be reading your ventings, nodding in agreement/sympathy, and fighting the urge to punish my bf once memories have riled me all over again.
tiki33, you act more like a leo and your bf acts more like an aqua
lmao! Well I have a leo moon and he has an Aquarius moon so we are polar opposites in every way, I read that the road is rocky in the beginning and it certainly is but if we keep at it, it stands to be a beneficial and nurturing union IF we can accept one anothers differences...accepting is challenging process.
lol tiki! challenging is right!
the best thing about polar opposites is what we can learn from them and what they can learn from us.
the best thing about polar opposites is what we can learn from them and what they can learn from us.
tiki, tell me the truth, are you me? Has life finally driven me over the edge and to function I've developed a split personality but am so frazzled I've made them identical? We're both Cap-Aqs, with Leo moons and Leo men with unbelievably similar dysfunctional behavior...My rising sign is Aries, and I've got a mole on my left heel. Your turn. *shifty look*
Tonight, my bf and I got into a fight. Actually, it wasn't even directly aggressive enough to be called a "fight." Was more like the beginning of a "Cold War." Tonight, I told him I was emotionally exhausted and, for my own good mood, I can't give like this without it being balanced. Before I said all of this, he'd been demanding my attention and telling me all these things he wanted to feel from me, and the injustice of it all just got to me. I thought about all the times that I've felt insecure and wanted him to reassure me, and he'd pick that time to freeze on me. I didn't yell at him, I didn't get emotional..It was the most unheated, unspoken "f u c k you" I've ever given anyone. I seriously think he just sucked all desire to even try out of me. I didn't even see it coming! I went home and I have no intention of contacting him. If he wants a relationship with me, he'll have his work cut out for him. I've gone A.W.O.L. If it ends like this, then it really is for the best.
There's this new song by Maroon 5 "Makes Me Wonder" that just sums up how I feel about our whole relationship now. Some lyrics from it:
(Bridge)
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a f _ck about you
(Chorus)
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye
Tonight, my bf and I got into a fight. Actually, it wasn't even directly aggressive enough to be called a "fight." Was more like the beginning of a "Cold War."
Tonight, I told him I was emotionally exhausted and, for my own good mood, I can't give like this without it being balanced. Before I said all of this, he'd been demanding my attention and telling me all these things he wanted to feel from me, and the injustice of it all just got to me. I thought about all the times that I've felt insecure and wanted him to reassure me, and he'd pick that time to freeze on me. I didn't yell at him, I didn't get emotional..It was the most unheated, unspoken "f u c k you" I've ever given anyone. I seriously think he just sucked all desire to even try out of me. I didn't even see it coming! I went home and I have no intention of contacting him. If he wants a relationship with me, he'll have his work cut out for him. I've gone A.W.O.L. If it ends like this, then it really is for the best.There's this new song by Maroon 5 "Makes Me Wonder" that just sums up how I feel about our whole relationship now. Some lyrics from it:
(Bridge)
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a f _ck about you
(Chorus)
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye
"It would be nice to be around someone who has similiar views and ways like me, instead of feeling akward or eccentric, I could just do something or say something and you would be able to relate, do you feel akward at times or feel like people just don't get it sometimes?"
mOh, yeah, I feel that a lot. I can't really blame people for misunderstanding either. The most important things about me (like my good-naturedness, confidence/basic optimism) are constant, but everything else is up for grabs. Most people don't know how to deal with someone who can seem to be labeled almost everything and not have schizophrenia. I hear "I had no idea you were like that!" a lot. Pretty easy to fit in and make friends, but I've yet to meet anyone I couldn't confuse. I do want at least one person who can deal with my varying mood and personality shifts.
I know what you're thinking. We're not crazy, tiki. Just special.
"But my spin on this is that the leo male doesn't want to feel responsible for another persons happiness or feel the demand that they have to behave a certain way b/c this makes them feel trapped...is this committment phobia or what?"
*bangs head on desk repeatedly* Spot on. And the b!tch of the matter is that HE chased ME relentlessly! He put out the effort to make the impression that he was the most passionate, generous and loving man out there, and I bought it up like a fool, even put some on layaway. Didn't take long for the vulnerability and commitment issues to come up.
I understand that people have issues, and if someone's been hurt emotionally, it takes a while for them to heal. (His ex basically ripped his heart out, and I had to fix the frigging Tin Man. Wheeeee.) But I can't really respect people who can't put someone above themselves even momentarily. To me, that's weak. I thought about how awful it could get down the line. What if I hit a rough spot in life and needed support from him? Am I going to have to pray it doesn't coincide with someone breaking his PS3? I'm capable of standing on my own, very independent, but I like to know that I at least have the option of leaning on my bf.
He left messages asking me to call him. No interest at the moment. "At the moment" b/c I can't hold a grudge. I'm okay with moving on, but I'll talk to him again to at least let him know it's done and there are no hard feelings. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you, right?
That said, watch us end up married with 3 kids.
mOh, yeah, I feel that a lot. I can't really blame people for misunderstanding either. The most important things about me (like my good-naturedness, confidence/basic optimism) are constant, but everything else is up for grabs. Most people don't know how to deal with someone who can seem to be labeled almost everything and not have schizophrenia. I hear "I had no idea you were like that!" a lot. Pretty easy to fit in and make friends, but I've yet to meet anyone I couldn't confuse. I do want at least one person who can deal with my varying mood and personality shifts. I know what you're thinking. We're not crazy, tiki. Just special.
"But my spin on this is that the leo male doesn't want to feel responsible for another persons happiness or feel the demand that they have to behave a certain way b/c this makes them feel trapped...is this committment phobia or what?"
*bangs head on desk repeatedly* Spot on. And the b!tch of the matter is that HE chased ME relentlessly! He put out the effort to make the impression that he was the most passionate, generous and loving man out there, and I bought it up like a fool, even put some on layaway. Didn't take long for the vulnerability and commitment issues to come up.
I understand that people have issues, and if someone's been hurt emotionally, it takes a while for them to heal. (His ex basically ripped his heart out, and I had to fix the frigging Tin Man. Wheeeee.) But I can't really respect people who can't put someone above themselves even momentarily. To me, that's weak. I thought about how awful it could get down the line. What if I hit a rough spot in life and needed support from him? Am I going to have to pray it doesn't coincide with someone breaking his PS3? I'm capable of standing on my own, very independent, but I like to know that I at least have the option of leaning on my bf.
He left messages asking me to call him. No interest at the moment. "At the moment" b/c I can't hold a grudge. I'm okay with moving on, but I'll talk to him again to at least let him know it's done and there are no hard feelings. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you, right?
That said, watch us end up married with 3 kids.
LMFAO@ What if I hit a rough spot in life and needed support from him? Am I going to have to pray it doesn't coincide with someone breaking his PS3?
AQ:I'm capable of standing on my own, very independent, but I like to know that I at least have the option of leaning on my bf.
I think as a friend (platonic) they can be very dependable IF no emotional intimate ties are bound by the union, but relationship wise, I will just hand you my paddle b/c you would need it, I don't think leo would be there holding your hand and making sure you have support, not saying that they can't but if he's emotionally immature and selfish to boot...forget about it.
AQ:He left messages asking me to call him. No interest at the moment. "At the moment" b/c I can't hold a grudge.
I don't hold grudges either, its not my style so I understand what you mean.
AQ:I'm okay with moving on, but I'll talk to him again to at least let him know it's done and there are no hard feelings. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you, right?
Exactly, plus I hate not having closure and definitely don't like the revolving door type relationships, I don't think your done though, your just frustrated at the moment, its still some play in this relationship.
ROTFL@That said, watch us end up married with 3 kids.
EXACTLY!! Godbless your soul!
AQ:I'm capable of standing on my own, very independent, but I like to know that I at least have the option of leaning on my bf.
I think as a friend (platonic) they can be very dependable IF no emotional intimate ties are bound by the union, but relationship wise, I will just hand you my paddle b/c you would need it, I don't think leo would be there holding your hand and making sure you have support, not saying that they can't but if he's emotionally immature and selfish to boot...forget about it.
AQ:He left messages asking me to call him. No interest at the moment. "At the moment" b/c I can't hold a grudge.
I don't hold grudges either, its not my style so I understand what you mean.
AQ:I'm okay with moving on, but I'll talk to him again to at least let him know it's done and there are no hard feelings. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you, right?
Exactly, plus I hate not having closure and definitely don't like the revolving door type relationships, I don't think your done though, your just frustrated at the moment, its still some play in this relationship.
ROTFL@That said, watch us end up married with 3 kids.
EXACTLY!! Godbless your soul!
"FYI...I'm very, very, very special, ironic the only woman who truly gets me is my mom who is a *drum roll* LEO! She stuck around and now she gets the best of me all the time."
Our Heavens and Hells lay with Leos, it seems. It's funny, the only person who seems to get me fully is my Leo boyfriend. We've got some serious insecurity issues together, but the man knows how to roll with my personality punches.
I took two days to cut myself off from everything--people and work of any kind. Just wanted to think about some stuff. Even though I'd said I was okay with just walking away from him, I really wasn't. Just felt like I'd been hit in the same spot until it went numb for a bit. But we Cap-Aqs bounce back quickly, so I caved in and let him come over so we could talk it out. Whenever we talk, it's like we're playing a cross between chess and hide and seek. I admit it, I like the stimulation. I won't go into details about the mush that was said on both sides, so long story short, I'm back in the ring.
I was reading some stuff on the Leo-Capricorn relationship and kept reading stuff like this:
"This combination has the power to destroy each other if they don't learn to appreciate and cherish the different qualities each bring to the relationship."
"These two can either build all the way to Heaven or destroy all the way down to Hell."
Twisted, but that gives me hope.
Do you live by a "Fall seven times, stand up eight" motto too? Isn't it sometimes a pain in the ass? I don't hold grudges, can forgive people for almost anything and am an incurbale optimist, but damn, sometimes I think about how simple life could be if my mind and heart couldn't be changed once a decision is made.
Our Heavens and Hells lay with Leos, it seems. It's funny, the only person who seems to get me fully is my Leo boyfriend. We've got some serious insecurity issues together, but the man knows how to roll with my personality punches.
I took two days to cut myself off from everything--people and work of any kind. Just wanted to think about some stuff. Even though I'd said I was okay with just walking away from him, I really wasn't. Just felt like I'd been hit in the same spot until it went numb for a bit. But we Cap-Aqs bounce back quickly, so I caved in and let him come over so we could talk it out. Whenever we talk, it's like we're playing a cross between chess and hide and seek. I admit it, I like the stimulation.
I won't go into details about the mush that was said on both sides, so long story short, I'm back in the ring.I was reading some stuff on the Leo-Capricorn relationship and kept reading stuff like this:
"This combination has the power to destroy each other if they don't learn to appreciate and cherish the different qualities each bring to the relationship."
"These two can either build all the way to Heaven or destroy all the way down to Hell."
Twisted, but that gives me hope.
Do you live by a "Fall seven times, stand up eight" motto too? Isn't it sometimes a pain in the ass? I don't hold grudges, can forgive people for almost anything and am an incurbale optimist, but damn, sometimes I think about how simple life could be if my mind and heart couldn't be changed once a decision is made.
"sometimes I feel like he's punishing me or like he's trying to control me with distance and silence b/c he knows I hate it but yet he does it anyway.."
Yep, I've felt that before too. He really does get satisfaction from playing mind games, more than the average person too. We all test/play each other a bit, but I think my bf's perfecting it. Things like that make it hard to remember why I like him sometimes.
"Love showed up and fear set in, I sense we are projecting our fears and our sense of lack onto one another and this isn't fun or healthy, I realize I have some stuff to deal with but I also feel this deep sense of peace and resolve, like whatever was scratching at my heart has somehow lifted, I just don't have that urge to project whatever it was I was pushing out onto him anymore."
That sounds like a pretty damn good place to be at! *jealous* It's a very hard relationship dynamic to put up with, the uncovering of every one of each other's insecurities, but it really is a good thing. Great chance to take care of all those weak spots. Hurts like a b itch though, eh?
"Were not on good or bad terms, we just are...not sure if you understand but knowing you and the fact that were so much alike in alot of areas I think you will feel what I mean."
Even though I'm still hoping to work things out, I feel less pressure about it all too. It's like a wait-and-see period, no? I kind of wish I could be at the same point you are, though. I feel as if I'm just going to get back into the "build up, destroy, build up, destroy" pattern again.
Is this what they call a "destructive" relationship? I've never had one before. Or at least, I've never been on the receiving end of the destruction. Not that I've ever destroyed anyone. *shifty look* But sometimes, when I see how alike my bf and I are personality-wise, I think I'm experiencing what some of my exes must have gone through with me times 10. I'm not an easy person to connect with, I have lots of pride, I'm dominating, am a bit of a control freak b/c I hate vulnerability, etc. Must be relationship karma.
Yep, I've felt that before too. He really does get satisfaction from playing mind games, more than the average person too. We all test/play each other a bit, but I think my bf's perfecting it. Things like that make it hard to remember why I like him sometimes.
"Love showed up and fear set in, I sense we are projecting our fears and our sense of lack onto one another and this isn't fun or healthy, I realize I have some stuff to deal with but I also feel this deep sense of peace and resolve, like whatever was scratching at my heart has somehow lifted, I just don't have that urge to project whatever it was I was pushing out onto him anymore."
That sounds like a pretty damn good place to be at! *jealous* It's a very hard relationship dynamic to put up with, the uncovering of every one of each other's insecurities, but it really is a good thing. Great chance to take care of all those weak spots. Hurts like a b itch though, eh?
"Were not on good or bad terms, we just are...not sure if you understand but knowing you and the fact that were so much alike in alot of areas I think you will feel what I mean."
Even though I'm still hoping to work things out, I feel less pressure about it all too. It's like a wait-and-see period, no? I kind of wish I could be at the same point you are, though. I feel as if I'm just going to get back into the "build up, destroy, build up, destroy" pattern again.
Is this what they call a "destructive" relationship? I've never had one before. Or at least, I've never been on the receiving end of the destruction. Not that I've ever destroyed anyone. *shifty look* But sometimes, when I see how alike my bf and I are personality-wise, I think I'm experiencing what some of my exes must have gone through with me times 10. I'm not an easy person to connect with, I have lots of pride, I'm dominating, am a bit of a control freak b/c I hate vulnerability, etc. Must be relationship karma.
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