Do i chase or walk away

This topic was created in the Leo forum by heidil on Monday, December 28, 2009 and has 33 replies.
Need of some major advice.
My Leo and I where dating for approx 6 months. After 2 months of dating I was pushing the ???are we in a relationship?? car which I found out Leos hate. Well I allowed him 3 weeks to cool down and ran over to his place without warning to tell him I was sorry and I was in the wrong etc. He was flattered by my approach and took me back and we continued dating for another 4 months. All was good. Then 5 weeks went by and we didnt see each other and barley spoke. I became insecure and left him a voice mail telling him I felt as tho he was no longer into me and that I couldnt continue to get attached to someone if they didnt reciprocate the same feelings. I said I would allow him to ponder on that for several days and it was up to him to contact me and if he didnt I would take it that he wasnt interested. He never called. A month goes by and I called him to apologize about pushing the relationship envelope with him. We spoke for two min and he said no worries , we're cool and im sure we'll each other again in the future. That was 5 weeks ago. Its been 3 months since we last hung out.
I want so badley to run over there and redeem myself again and tell him how I feel and why I did what I did. However he has now moved in with a friend of his and no longer lives where he was. I know where he is living now since my friend lives 4 doors down but he doesnt know that.
My question is, should I or shouldnt I. The first time I redeemed myself he was so happy I did. I love this man with all my heart. And the only thing I want to do is fight for him. Or will he think im some stalking crazy person?
He is Leo sun, Sag moon and rising Taurus......I am Pisces sun, Leo moon and Scorpio rising? He is also 41 and I am 31.......i would appreciate any advice.
details
You are your own worst enemy. When you freak out what do you think it tells him about YOU, about how it will be with you in a relationship? Think about it....
When women don't understand most men have a natural resistance to being committed but it doesn't mean he can't change his mind, it all depends on the woman, how she reacts and responds which will tell him to stay or run.
Freaking out quickly signals to a man that being with her will be HARD and difficult so his RESISTANCE remains even stronger, he instantly begins to cling to his single life/freedom and he's reluctant to CHANGE his mind about you as well and now your his opponent not his lover so STOP freaking out, learn how to accept a man's decision and work with it, freaking out only exasberates the problem, his lack of commitment ie not wanting a relationship is his problem not yours, you have to stop looking at HIS PROBLEM as your own, many women look at a man's natural response to NOT wanting more as a sign to CONVINCE a man through talking men call it nagging, when in reality talking is the LAST thing you want to do, it only creates more doubts.
You can ONLY inspire him to SEE through your actions that relationships are EASY, you do this by being calm when things get hard, being open honest and being accepting of his decision but all the while being positive about it as well. Once he senses that being with you will be better than being alone, being with you is EASY he will be more inspired to give it a try but this takes patience and it also takes a level of MATURITY.
So now that we got over the freaking out part, another thing you need to do is ACCEPT that he does not want a relationship with YOU right now. There is something about YOU that makes him RESIST being in a commitment with you most likely the freaking out, you may also make him feel smothered because your focused on him all the time, you may make him feel being with you would be harder than being alone, my point being many women never really understand that when she is anxious, nervous, over analyzing every little thing and making every little issue into a negative those feelings are CONTAGIOUS, in other words you may be hiding your fears of not having a commitment but your angst and fears can easily SPILL over on a man and again it comes down to him believing his life would be much easier WITHOUT you in it due to all these contagious negative energy/feelings that you spread when he's around you.
details
Ultimatums never work...never ever work, so stop with the little girl come chase me game. Do you honestly think it's attractive to leave a man these kind of come get me when your ready messages? You will never see him come because that is little girl fairy tale lies that women use on men and it doesn't work anymore, maybe back in the day when things were a bit scarce but today men have more options.
Do nothing until you get CLEAR about what you want and what he wants and then compare them and ask yourself if you can give him what he wants without compromising yourself. Meaning can you be with him without pushing, nagging, freaking out? Because if you can't then leave him alone, you create more conflict each time you freak and leave which is not a very attractive impression your leaving upon his mind, you do not want to set up this pattern of freaking and then groveling your way back in...how much more desperate and emotionally crazy and psycho can a woman appear to be.
GET CLEAR about his needs, what he wants and can you live with that...then you have a decision to make to stay or go and stay gone. The most important thing is to get clear about your own needs and wants and if this man can't fulfill them then what? Do you continue to freak out and get mad? Do you date other men while you date this one man that is resistant to being fully committed? And in the process learn how to create and build the attraction men like him CRAVE and NEED to get over his resistance?
It's a process, it's not something you can't ignore and hope it will go away, relationships are not instant magic and unless you have learned how to AVOID a man's natural resistant triggers you will have a hard time with at various times in the relationship, you have to go step by step, observe him so you can understand him, men need alone time and when you freak out it tells a man you don't UNDERSTAND him as a man and that is a turn off, try to be positive about his RESISTANCE in each step, help inspire him to move beyond it, NOT NAG, talk, convince by being too nice and giving him extra attention and sex but by being an inspiration rather than a threat, if you don't know how then LEARN.
details
I don't recommend you go back until your clear about how what he wants will effect you, right now it effects you to the point of FREAKING OUT, until you learn to stop freaking out it's best to stay away. You can't really get clear about any of it until you address your own issues as well, by grasping what triggers the freaking out and DEAL with it on your own.
You can't let a man's emotional state CONTROL YOU. If you do a man will see that and lose attraction for a woman he can control, he will doubt, he will resist giving you more. Men 95.9% of them all have some kind of aversion/resistance to committment, this is something women have to KNOW and know how to BE when it surfaces or she will get dumped guaranteed. Either learn how to AVOID the pitfalls of allowing a man's behavior to control you, some men flirt, some men cheat, some men run away, some men say let's just be friends, some men lie, some men do all kinds of things and say all kinds of things out of FEAR and unless you know how to handle it with confidence you will get sucked into his drama and he will use it as a reason why your not an appropriate partner for him or commit yourself to finding that 4% of men that's really ready for what you want so you won't have to jump through so many hoops.
Be positive, it's not in your best interest to analyze and assume the worst and assume you know why he's behaving the way he is, believe it or not he's just as scared as you are believe it or not and every freak out makes him more scared.
Bottom line is he's not that into you not enough to be with you the way you want right now...If you don't know how to make him feel the deep level attraction most men crave to get over there inability to commit which takes understanding and SKILL, it's best to move on to someone else.
details
Once you make a solid mature decision then you have to deal with the uncomfortable parts on your own, if he needs alone time then you can't freak out, you have to go get busy and be positive as he takes his alone time, most men need to detach to energize themselves, you have to lead a man like this into love because he most likely has NO CLUE NO IDEA about the steps, especially the hard steps are NORMAL and NATURAL process of commitment, he most likely doesn't even know what to do when it comes to REAL LOVE, real commitment and he has to be a WILLING learner which means you have to observe if he's picking up and giving more love attention and affection or is he more resistant, it's not something you can talk about, talking triggers the stay single gene and it also creates heavy bouts of doubt. Yep these kind of men are high maintenance....so be sure this is what you want
Most women walk away and find a more suitable emotionally ready partner, it all depends on you
details
Tiki , I totally agree with what your saying 100% . Thats why for the last 4 months, I never questioned where he went or with who etc...we spoke maybe once a week and never questioned that either. I was doing what you where saying as slowly walk him into love.
In the last for weeks that we where dating, I would would mention seeing him mind you at this point we where talking only once a week anyways when I would mention seeing him he would blow me off saying he had other plans etc....i was ok with that. But that continued for 5 weeks. So I then got fed up and like I said I become insecure. In stead of pulling away myself and being distant I pushed the ???are you into me or not card?? wrong move I totally agree and wish I could of played it different. I acted with my emotion instead of my head. But in my def fence I fell in love with this guy and got hurt by him seeming not interested; and didnt want to get played.
Now that months have gone by I just want to tell him how I feel. Yes I know im being emotional here...but I guess since I redeemed myself 4 months a go I thought if I did it again that would get him back. I understand yes if he wanted to contact me or date me again he knows how to get a hold of me...i guess my question is......is it game over meaning I lost....or by me not contacting him will that cause curiosity in a Leo's mind which will get him to come around to see why I broke my routine?
details
and if a Leo calls it quits...and walks away from a relationship do they ever look back or just move on?
details
I see your point but you have to shift OUT of the get him back mindset or you will fall back into the same old patterns with him. You have to realize that going back like this creates more negative feelings for you and for him because after he's enjoyed the benefits of having you back he's going to fall right back into the same old disinterested only want to see you on my terms patterns.
You have to go back to him and say how you feel, it's RISKY but needed, it takes a level of vulnerability to say how you feel without ACCUSING and CRITICISING him for behaving the way he feels. To let you in on a bit of what may be happening is that he has no real strong emotional attraction for you, he's physically attracted to you and you stroke his ego with the running back so he takes you back but it's not a strong enough emotion for him to feel the urgent need to do his part to keep you so it fizzles and he goes right back into his old lack of interest patterns.
This IS NORMAL with this kind of man, and this is were it gets complicated because you can choose to respond and react negatively and thus create more distance between the 2 of you or you can learn to be vulnerable and say how his lack of interest makes you feel, EXAMPLES you can say I feel sad when I don't get to see but once a week, It makes me feel really unattractive when I only get you once a week, I understand your need to do your boy stuff and I don't want to take that away from you but I also feel a bit neglected when theres no efforts to connect with me more than once a week.
When men LOSE and SHOW A LACK OF INTEREST this is were many women go wrong, they get mad, they expose every thought, every fear, they negativity spills over to him and he RUNS/DISTANCE himself and that makes it even worse because now the woman is fighting to try and regain good feelings with him and it BACKFIRES, they begin to nag and he shuts down, you want him to FEEL what your feeling and the only way to do that is to speak to him in a way that creates a bond.
details
Posted by heidil
and if a Leo calls it quits...and walks away from a relationship do they ever look back or just move on?


Tikki pretty much covered everything! But in response to your above question, the short answer is, "Yes, they do come back." Instead of wondering/worrying and looking back to see if he's chasing you...just live your life and do other things. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, you sitting around pondering/wondering/waiting is not going to make it happen any sooner. I understand feeling like you've lost out on a relationship with someone, etc, but if a man wants you - HE WILL LET YOU KNOW. You won't be wondering, etc. If he comes back great! If he doesn't, you haven't missed out because you've been out there doing your thang! A man likes to see a confident woman who can live life. I remember a comedian once saying something about his girlfriend always wanting to be with him all the time...his statement, "Damn, what the hell did you do BEFORE you met me!" That pretty much sums up a lot of men. They may like you...even a lot, but if they feel that they are the ONLY thing you have going on, it kind of freaks them out. They want to know that you had/have a life other than them. It's healthy and normal.
details
My point being you can go back, your an adult but you have to step outside of the situation, STOP FOCUSING on him, his disinterest, his lack of participation, stop making the obstacles he creates CONTROL YOU, learn how to express how you feel about his behavior in a way that pulls him in....you may or may not know how to do that but it takes skill and patience and maturity to look past his obstacles and focus on how his behavior is making you feel, then you get to see if he's WILLING to change or if he's completely not interested.
Unless you know how to say how you feel about what's going on between the 2 you in a non-critical way NOTHING will change no matter how many times you freak out and run back, once you come back he will enjoy you for a short period of time and go right back into ignoring the relationship...he will enjoy the honeymoon and zonk out when the REAL work has to begin and the honeymoon is over. Sometimes after 6 months the HIGH comes down from the honeymoon and men feel this CHANGE and believe they are no longer in love and they want out and there really isn't much you can say to change his mind. You can hang around but you have to be able to stand up for yourself when he's being an ass and that is hard for some women to do....it's like taking the hard route to the castle of love, your most likely dealing with an emotionally immature man and he has to be LED into love, that's difficult.
You have to learn be with this kind of man without compromising your self respect, you cannot be a doormat, you have to CHECK him to ensure there is a BALANCE between the 2 of you, you will feel left out and drained by his behavior if you don't know how to say how you feel WITHOUT accusing and bringing more conflict and negativity into the relationship...when men distance themselves it's a SIGNAL that he feels overwhelmed by you and he feels being with you is too hard so he would much rather let it go.
details
Leo men IMO are the easiest to be with, you injure his ego he's out of there.....So yes you can go back but unless you make peace with his decision you will end up getting frustrated by his decision to remain single as he dates you over and over again. Smart approach is to let him know commitment is important to you but your willing be with him his way IF that is something you can live with but if it's not then let him go, ONLY YOU can decide is he WORTH this kind of compromise. The good thing about it all is this is how women CREATE and BUILD emotional attraction with resistant type men, he begins to feel DRAWN to this kind of strength in a woman but it's not something that happens over night
You sure you want him back? You better be sure and ready for the conflict he will throw your way from time to time.
The thing is this, you CAN'T force a man to FEEL something he doesn't FEEL, if he's being lazy then he's not feeling those GOOD feelings that he needs to want to give more and do more for you and you can't logically make a man attracted to you by talking and nagging and complaining about how he's behaving, you can only attempt to BUILD ATTRACTION up slowly by subtle interactions such as how you allow him to treat you, how you speak to him and how you HOLD your own when things get hard....do you freak out or are you confident....it all makes or breaks the relationship
These kind of men are HARD to be with...make sure that's what you want, it's irreversible but unfortunately with this kind of man TIME and PATIENCE is needed.
details
don't focus so much on what he's NOT giving, focus on what he's giving and decide if it's enough for you, if it's not enough then leave...it's really that simple...trying to talk a man that is not emotionally feeling you (emotionally attracted to you) into being more involved is like beating a dead horse and is ridiculously hard on you.
details
sorry meant to say it's reversible....
These kind of men are HARD to be with...make sure that's what you want, it's reversible but unfortunately with this kind of man TIME and PATIENCE is needed.
details
Well telling him how I feel is the tricky part and can make me look like a freaky stalker.
Like I said, he moved away into his friends house, who happens to live 4 doors down from my friends house; however he has no idea I know where he lives. I know he lives there as a mutual friend told me. Im afraid that if I just stop by he might get angry with the thought of knowing where he now lives.
If I just show up there will I look desperate and needy? God I know im pathetic but yes he is worth all this trouble. I know for a fact the only reason why we lasted 6 months is cause I didnt push him into anything. I gave him much freedom. But then I blew it. It sucks....i cant seem to let go of this Leo guy he was amazing....I just dont want to go to his new place of residence and look like a fool....
I was hoping by now that he would of called or something, especially around the holidays but he didnt.I also figure he must feel really insecure about moving in with a friend. He is not financially stable not his fault by any means....so I am sure his Leo pride has been hurt.
details
No what makes you look a freaky stalker is you HIDING your feelings, turning them into negative fears and HOLDING it all in only to FREAK OUT and spill them all out at once onto a man...men cannot connect with women that don't show some level of vulnerability through out the relationship, when you don't address issues like love and being together then you get what you GOT.
Men are not afraid of our feelings in the way we have been taught, what scares them is our OUTBURST, our sense of entitlement, our attempts at forcing our way into his life, he doesn't want to know about all our urgings and fears, that makes a man feel uneasy and uncomfortable and plain scared. If there are issues that come up you HAVE to say something or you will only create a bunch of negative feelings about him and the relationship and make him feel you won't be happy no matter what he does so he leaves....some women can be her own worst enemy because like many of us we think so ass backwards and wonder why things don't work out.
Saying I miss you and yet I feel like I'm the only one feeling this way is being VULNERABLE and it gives a man an opportunity to CHECK INTO HIS EMOTIONS something he hardly rarely ever does EVER...it can create a bond with you and a man. It's not so much as what you say, it's HOW you say it that will either create a bond or repel a man.
I dunno, I have spent a few years learning this so it's really hard for women to grasp especially when they have there own preset ideas and fears surrounding men, I was once there too myself.
Yes you will look desperate and needy if you show up uninvited....find a better way to connect, sit still, stop being scared, stop letting your fears make you feel urgently needy of him and THINK about how you can connect with him without coming off as a raging lunatic needy psycho. If for some reason you can possibly see how you can connect right now then WAIT until he cross your path again, he will eventually get in contact with you.
details
Stop being selfish, think about how your behavior will impact him emotionally, how would you feel if a man you told you wasn't ready to be in a real commitment/relationship showed up at your door...Think about that, stop thinking about the immediate urgent need to be back with him and think about how your feelings will affect him if you show up out of nowhere again especially after the last disastrous issue.
If a man showed up with a needy vibe, an urgent to be with you vibe, or just a vibe with a ton of heavy emotions including happiness and love. How would you feel? Most likely you would feel once again overwhelmed by this man
Would him showing up at your house unannouced turn you turn you on? Probably not
If a man showed up, a man you rejected and doesn't want what you want and yet he wants to connect with you. How would that make you feel? Most likely you would feel pressured and probably unable to say NO not right now.
I get how you feel, I REALLY do but you have to step outside of yourself and see how your needs and wants can either turn someone off or on or you miss what being with a man is all about.
details
you keep accepting him only to reject him because he's not responding and reacting the way you need him to...What kind of mental impression does that leave with a man?? You may not want to hear this but your not ready for him, ready to be with him or any man for that fact....Step back
You may want more than casual but I can tell your probably don't know the steps to get from casual to commitment so you freak out get scared and kill the connection...try taking this time away from him to LEARN how to maintain the connection instead of trying to bully/use force with a man to be what you want him to be.
There will be other opportunities with different men and eventually he may cross your path again...chill out

details
Great advice, Tiki!
details
Tiki,
There are loads of gems in the advice that you gave. Some of it rang very, very true. OP I hope it gave you food for thought!
details
Oh yeah!!!! Listen well, read it over and over again. You cannot make a man love you, you cannot rush love/romance/relationships, you just cant.
If its meant to be it will be but you cannot make it happen. life goes on whether you sit at home moping about what you want or whether you go out and enjoy yourself in the meantime.
There are oh so many men out there, he's not the last man on earth smile
details
Well she can't push and pull her way back into a relationship, it only makes them both miserable. Either accept that he's not ready, meet him were he's at emotionally or leave him alone, I know it seems like there is much more to it but no one can force a man to want more than he wants, not after 6 months or 6 years. She can still have commitment as her agenda but it doesn't have to be with this particular man or any particular man, she can date him casually and still date other men as well, it doesn't have to be this push pull dynamic, ugh....it's a level of acceptance that's needed when one partner doesn't have the same agenda and ideas. She would be surprised how much a man will give if he's not being made out to be the problem because of how he chooses to behave and how he chooses to deal with the hard parts in a growing relationship, some men act out trerribly during the relationship, he's petrified and won't say it and if a woman can see that this is all a part of male energy she can handle and deal with it much better than freaking out. If she can grasp there will be obstacles and resistance from men and learn how to NOT freak out she may just find that a man is very willing to be in her life and make her happy despite his fears.
details
Indeed....OMG I cant believe all of these stories.....why arent we taught this stuff in school? why dont our mothers teach us how to handle these situations? why are we taught to cater to mens needs and forget our own? Once upon a time this is how women were expected to behave and look how miserable they were...they were walked all over.
On the other hand I look at our new society and how women have demanded a fair go, to be equals in business, to expect partners/husbands to do their share of the cooking, cleaning, baby raising yet we STILL fall to pieces when a man doesnt show he's in love with us because we want them to be? Has it gone too far? do we expect a man to be feminine or male? We surely cant change a male to have female feelings and thoughts just like they cant change us into their line of thinking (although we try and well, I can only compare the mind of a male to that of a raging and hormonal teenage boy LOL). They are simple creatures, with simple and primal needs....doesnt matter how gorgeous, how much sex you put out, or even try to win his heart through cooking he aint going to love you for it, he will only love you when he is ready and if he cant see how unbelievably great that woman is, then she has to move forward and enjoy every single day that she is lucky enough to have on this earth. Wasting hours, days, weeks, months moping over a man? what for? does a man do this? Not often from what Ive experienced.
I too took forever and a day to realise all of this and finally learnt (the hard way) to chill out, to be myself, to shrug my shoulders if a man didnt cater to my needs in the middle of a hormonal tantrum and just walk away and move forward. My own mother failed me, OMG she washed, ironed, cooked, cleaned, raised babies, stood by my father through thick and thin and even worse, she would put out his clothes for him whilst he was in the shower every morning - I thought that this was normal.....OMG did I learn it wasnt LOL. She taught me to have to chase, pretend to be happy, to cater for a mans every single need and whim, to understand when he was busy and when he wanted to go out, when he wanted to be with me and when he didnt.....Ive had to learn everything different and I thank that wonderful person who coached and mentored me into being as happy as I am now.
details

I have a feeling that the original poster of this thread has also been taught to "grovel", to "chase", to "cater" and every other bad habit a woman can learn.
A woman has to love herself before she can love anybody else, she has to nurture herself before she can nurture anybody else and she sure as hell deserves to be treated well and with respect but dwelling, chasing and grovelling and having to resort to hormonal outbursts (and lets face it, we've all been there at some point or another, some of us more often than others) where we make demands, we hiss and cuss a man out and then a few days later try grovelling back.........a man will just be repelled and just think "WTF was that?" and you're back to square one.
These days I chill out, I do what pleases me but dont get me wrong, I will look after my love interest but I ensure that I am in a safe and happy environment and if the man isnt giving me that? there are many more out there that will.
To ask whether you should chase or not is immature (and again, Ive been there) and it means you are only chasing YOUR dream, not one that you both share....if he's interested, he'll come looking - EVERY man has it in him no matter how shy or self conscious.
Just chill out and let nature take its course - sometimes we also need to walk a different nature path to new landscape especially when it gets too hard trapsing through the jungle, thorns and even boobie traps smile
details
Well all you guys are right. I clearly see where I went wrong. I get that. Dont want you guys thinking I am some needy, co-Dependant cling on. I gave this guy much space, and freedom without question for the most part until I started to feel rejected...then my actions became needy...more out of frustration.
So out of curiosity how would you guys have handled the end situation...im not being ignorant , im curious.
So your dating someone for 6 months and the last 5 weeks they brush you off...so to speak...by not calling often not wanting to hang out...
details
how would I handle this now knowing what I have learnt and wish Id known years ago? By not calling, by not texting, by not chatting online, by not visiting, by just letting him be and getting on with my own life, not worrying about his.....when he suddenly realises that his feel good (meaning you, whose always there, always ready to be with him when he clicks his fingers) has disappeared and he hasnt heard from you for a while, and he wants you around? he'll let you know........dont do a mans job for him, let him work it out - he's a big boy, he doesnt need you to mother him by doing all the work for him smile
Let him know by your sudden disappearing act that you're not living your life for him, that you're not making him the centre of your universe - he's gonna be repelled by that.......live an amazing life, go out with girlfriends, go out with other men, do things that make YOU happy and trust me, thats the sexiest thing to a man.
If he doesnt come back? well at least you're getting on with your life and meeting new people and he may seem boring to you in time to come.....life's too short to wonder "did I do this right, did I do that right"....if you're constantly questioning, constantly wondering if its something you did? is it worth it?
details
I took a couple of days to read what you guys wrote and reflect on my past behavior and I came up with a conclusion on how things went sour.
When men met me they see this strong, confident ...self sufficient women which attracts men to me. They start to date me and I remain to be that confident, strong girl they met until I start developing feelings so when they go MIA or distant them selves a little I get freaked out and self evaluating myself or actions which makes me seem needy etc.....as I want to correct the issue and bring back the relationship to where it was...which never will be as the men are thinking WTF...she was confident and cool when I met her and now she is this emotional and irrational chick.
The saying ???dont listen to what men say but listen to what they do?? also applies to women or me....as even tho I wasnt saying with my words so much that I was needy until the end...my actions where spelling neediness which guys pick up on.....I
Guess i'll have to learn the balance....which requires time and experience lol
details
I think the balance comes from not forgetting who YOU are, and letting a man know that while he is important to you, he's not THE most important thing to you. Live your life. Do as Tiki said, date others. Even in highschool, I never understood why girls just "latch" on to one guy so quickly/early on in the relationship. Unless I'm in a committed relationship, and that's been spelled out by both of us, (so there are no miscommunications) I date other people. No, that doesn't mean I'm sleeping with any or all of them, it means just that - dating. When you are dating a couple/few people it seems odd, but there is a bit of clarity in what you want and what you don't want, because the cream definitely rises to the top. The good guy will show his colors, and the dog will eventually do that too. If you were just dating and focusing on the dog, then you would have wasted a lot of time and energy, but by dating others (this will sound bad, but whatever) it's easier to drop the loser and get to know the good ones better. Also, (most men) like to see that a woman has other interests besides just him. If you had plans and recurring events that you did with your friends and family before you started dating, then you still need to do those things. Guys not only expect you to, but they respect you more because of it. The time that you spend together should be by choice, not by default. By default I mean, if you've forgotten all of your friends and you have nothing else to do, then you are latching onto this other person by default, because you don't have anything else going on. It's an extreme example, but I've seen it happen time and time again since I was younger and into adulthood. I have a cousin I was close to when I was younger. She is about 4 years older than me, and when she was in highschool she had this boyfriend that he pined for and dissed all of her friends for, and then when they broke up, she had no boyfriend AND no friends. She looked at me and said she hoped this was a lesson to me for what NOT to do when dating someone. I learned that lesson at a young age of 12.
details
Great advice Chatz and USC....
Be patient, he will be back but in the mean time get on with your life, take up a new hobby, focus on YOU because honestly if your not happy and feeling secure without a man then it won't matter much if he comes back or not, you will still be miserable either way. Learn from your mistakes and move on from it, don't dwell over it and keep reliving it it over and over.
With some men good ones and the bad ones you will meet some kind of resistance along the way...EXPECT IT, so you won't freak out and create conflict in the relationship when it surfaces. Give him some time and space and get on with your life, once he's found a way to deal with his doubts and fears he will come back around. You can help by not freaking out. If you can remain positive during those times when he's freaking out it can really have a strong impact on his attitude and pull you both together instead of apart.
Sometimes the men leave, you can't compensate by trying to convince him to stay, if you let him go, you leave a space for him to come back.
details
I guess what my problem was....i wanted to know if he was coming back but the secret answer is I NEED to be happy if he does or doesnt...i guess i was giving him all the control on what makes me happy in life without even knowing it....wow..its sad now that i look at it.
If he does come back which im not sure if he will, i hope i play the game different meaning i hope enough time goes by where i can get my head on straight again and be different this time around......
Curious here....you guys are telling me to be patient that he will come back around,...you guys obviously have more exp then i do when it comes to men so my question is.....are there signs or clues that guys will leave so you know they will come back around rather then them being done with you 100% ....just curious on how you guys are so sure?...for future ref
Ive dated a couple of men who have thrown in their hats and never came back around and some ex's who have come back around....just wondering how i can tell the diff...how do you guys tell diff
details
Well to be honest you freaking out is not unusual, despite you freaking out he clearly appreciated having you in his life or he wouldn't have allowed you back into his life the second time.
I cannot give you a guarantee that he will come back, there is a huge possibility given the nature of the relationship he will resurface at some point when you least expect it. I know a leo that does exactly this, he will roam around social networks looking for his ex girlfriends, find them hold onto them and all the old crap that pushed them apart shows up and then it's over again, seems a bit odd but that is a pattern with him. In my experience when a leo loves someone they don't just turn it off, if a woman showed love he will come back around to possibly rekindle.
I wouldn't dwell on it, when you forget completely that's when they usually surface.
details
LOL yep Leos love to be loved and when they are "in love"? you'll know about it smile
I dont think you need to look for a sign that he'll be back - there usually arent signs other than that they show up unannounced and looking to see if things have changed.
There's no time limit either so as we've all said, go out and enjoy being YOU and OMG USC you said it perfectly about ditching friends and living for that one person.....it always ends up pear shaped and you end up alone and will make you quite bitter and hanging onto bad thoughts for much longer than need be.
I was quite resistant in dating more than 1 man at a time - OMG I wasnt taught to be like that and it took me a LONG LONG time to understand what dating actually meant (lets face it, people have a broad view of what it is these days)....it took me even longer to accept that one man wasnt enough to spend my time with and again, that doesnt mean sleeping with multiple partners, it simply means having fun, experiencing new things and new people, learning as you go as to what works and what doesnt work.
Heidil you summed it up pretty well though with your self analysis....men are drawn to you with your confident ways (but its a fascade isnt it?) and then when you get attached you freak out because they're still the same as they were when you first met them....I did this too. Suddenly this cool, calm creature turned into a monster after 4-6 months. What you wrote about yourself reminded me of the mistakes I and so many other women have made and are still making. Pretending to be something they're not rather than actually be that person. I did all that with a Virgo - I was this woman he never thought he could have and well long story short, we built up a friendship, a really good friendship, then we hung out after work and did things together but I wasnt happy enough with that, Id already pictured the white wedding and living happily ever after - he wasnt ready for a relationship but I didnt understand the dating world at all and thought that 6 months was enough for him to know that I was "the one" so I turned into a jealous, needy, whiney, horrible woman that repelled him and he ran the opposite way as fast as he could. Looking back now though, OMG he was so wrong for me but he's poked his head up again after more than 6 months now and Im simply not interested as Im enjoying what I do have now and Im calm and feel safe within myself and those I choose to be with.
details
So no matter how you feel right now, it will pass and Leo will keep moving along as well doing his own thing. He may be back in a month, it may be 3 or 6 or even a year but by then you will have hopefully learnt that changing yourself for somebody else isnt going to work - you have to be true to yourself, know what you want and go out and do it. Dont sit by the phone, clutching your cell phone in the hope he'll text (it'll only make you want to reply to it as soon as its received, if its received), dont sit at home thinking "maybe he'll turn up today" coz he probably wont......go out and live your life, spoil yourself and hey, if you've burnt bridges with other friends? go and spoil them a bit because trust me, they are what you need more than any man right now because they will help you become your true self again because you may have forgotten who that is.
Lets face it, if he were to turn up today/tomorrow or even next week things wouldnt work out anyway because you havent had enough time to look inside of yourself and to really know what you want.
Dont look for signs he'll be back - look for ways in which you can improve your life and that'll make you much more desirable in the future. As written above, go and find a new hobby, join a club, gym, dance classes or start collecting stamps LOL....ANYTHING to keep you busy and motivated and trust me, things will look better really soon smile
Above all though? DONT MESSAGE HIM, DONT PHONE HIM, DONT VISIT HIM, DONT BOTHER HIS FRIENDS OR FAMILY, DONT BEG, etc and when you get hormonal? be even more careful not to do the above LOL.
details
awesome, i really thank all you guys for your advice....and will prob need advice again in the future.....i will keep you all posted on what happends with Mr Leo.....and you know what....my biggest mistake was only dating my Leo....should of dated a few people in the start to weigh out all my options and then choose who i want to be with. Like you said b4....i was always told that dating more than one person was wrong...that would make me a dating whore...raised old school i guess....but times have changed and i dont have to sleep with every man i date.
Great points you all have made....my mind is sooooooo much clearer now. i feel way more free
Thanks a bunch....
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy