Help advise please
This topic was created in the Leo forum by shorty1978 on Friday, September 20, 2013 and has 8 replies.
I am 34 years old dating a 40 year old leo man. he is the love of my life. After dating 3 months of awesomeness he ended things suddenly.... a week later he called said he made a big mistake and hoped i would forgive him... well i did we got back together things were awesome again however he was always a little commitment shy... 7 months in i questionned our relationship and future together he said he things im great however there just isnt a spark!!! so we ended it again... 2 weeks later he got in touch with me we talked and text for about 2 weeks then he said that he thinks he made a mistake again and that i am the greener grass and wants me back... so 2 months after getting back together he purchased a home and asked me and my kids to move in with him and his daughter... we have been now living together for 3 months and have been a couple for over a year and a half..... my issue is that he doesnt say " i love you" i tell him i love him and he will say things like thats sweet or ok or just lean in and give me a kiss... i came right out and asked him one night at home if he loves me.. he paniced and said why are you doing this, why are you doing this.. i said i just want to know that you do infact love me.. he wouldnt say yes he didnt say no.. i didnt speak to him for 2 days i was mortified i can only take that as he doesnt but doesnt want to say it because he will lose me....
he then told me that i am misinterpreting things that he really cares for me and im the one he wants to be with that he doesnt belive in verbal expressions of love and he shows me in actions what his feelings are for me.... granted he is very sweet he treats me well we have fun we are generally happy however i always feel that im not sure if he loves me if that spark ever happened for him or did he just settle for me because we do have a connection, great sex life and same morals and values.
can a leo man offer some advise please does he love me or am i waisting my life with a man that will never truly love me... i have had a bad marrage in the past and i want more then anything to have the real deal.
he then told me that i am misinterpreting things that he really cares for me and im the one he wants to be with that he doesnt belive in verbal expressions of love and he shows me in actions what his feelings are for me.... granted he is very sweet he treats me well we have fun we are generally happy however i always feel that im not sure if he loves me if that spark ever happened for him or did he just settle for me because we do have a connection, great sex life and same morals and values.
can a leo man offer some advise please does he love me or am i waisting my life with a man that will never truly love me... i have had a bad marrage in the past and i want more then anything to have the real deal.
Really??? Then what does he want with me? Why did he ask me to move in? why does he continue to treat me well and talk about furture plans with me... he says his girls are number one in his life and he never again wants to do anything to hurt them so he wanted to be 100% sure about me before his girls got attached and they are attached now. to me and to my kids i moved to another city to be with him and he bought a huge house that he didnt need just so there was room for me and my kids?? I guess im a little confused if a man doesnt love you and doesnt see a live with you why do all this?
I feel stupid for moving if what your saying is true...
I feel stupid for moving if what your saying is true...
We have been living together now in the house since june. I don't know if I'm ok with his approach. I sorta feel like if he can't say it just once or even just confirm he does then he probably doesn't. I'm just confused by his actions. He is kind sweet and thoughtful. We spend our free time together have a lot in common. I can't understand an out right refusal to admit love for me his only responce to it was actions speak louder then words and that should be enough. Words don't mean anything and he doesn't know if he will ever say them. I have started councelling on my own as this issue can not be discussed with him again because he feels its already been discussed and shouldn't be brought up again he said I should have confidence in us because things are good
My 2 cents for what's it worth. I struggle with verbal expressions of love. I buy gifts. Always have, so I totally understand your Leo and moving you in. I mean do you think we let anyone just move in?
If you keep it up with all this " tell me you love me and do you love me and why don't you love me". He will probably tell you this isn't working out. If you can't find serenity in your own home then where can you find it?
This is where I think you were wrong...until you knew that he could give you what you needed (and he currently can't) you should not have moved your children in. However, what's done is done. Unless he is abusive, you need to chill out.
Your Leo sounds like me. I am not a liar so I am not going to say I love you just to make someone feel secure. I would rather not say until I am sure. Why lie when the truth will do. He sid he cares for you and you are the one he wants to be with it.
My advice...give time, time unless of course you think he is a big liar and just needed a live in baby sister for his kid.
If you keep it up with all this " tell me you love me and do you love me and why don't you love me". He will probably tell you this isn't working out. If you can't find serenity in your own home then where can you find it?
This is where I think you were wrong...until you knew that he could give you what you needed (and he currently can't) you should not have moved your children in. However, what's done is done. Unless he is abusive, you need to chill out.
Your Leo sounds like me. I am not a liar so I am not going to say I love you just to make someone feel secure. I would rather not say until I am sure. Why lie when the truth will do. He sid he cares for you and you are the one he wants to be with it.
My advice...give time, time unless of course you think he is a big liar and just needed a live in baby sister for his kid.
at least he got what he wanted
Just because you live together doesn't mean he'll love you.
He may be in love with having his own pride/family. He may be in love with the idea that he could fall in love some day. That's the risk you took when you took this guy back after dumping you twice.
He dumped you twice. Why you would take your kid/s to live with him makes absolutely no sense at all. I never got the feeling from your statements he was in love was in love with you nor wanted anything other than what HE wanted.
He does not love you (yet). Love takes time. As Nala pointed out. He's not abusive. He appear to care for you deeply. Leave it alone. Have a great time and stop worrying about it. You're turning yourself into a mental patient.
Enjoy what you've created together. You went into this knowing he didn't love you.
Hopefully you are looking out for yourself and your kid/s. Taking the necessary steps to ensure if you need to leave for any reason you are financially able too do so.
The most important thing you could be doing right now is ensuring you are able to provide a safe environment if things fall apart. financially capable of taking care of yourself and your children FIRST on your own.
+1 Seraph
+1 Nala
He may be in love with having his own pride/family. He may be in love with the idea that he could fall in love some day. That's the risk you took when you took this guy back after dumping you twice.
He dumped you twice. Why you would take your kid/s to live with him makes absolutely no sense at all. I never got the feeling from your statements he was in love was in love with you nor wanted anything other than what HE wanted.
He does not love you (yet). Love takes time. As Nala pointed out. He's not abusive. He appear to care for you deeply. Leave it alone. Have a great time and stop worrying about it. You're turning yourself into a mental patient.
Enjoy what you've created together. You went into this knowing he didn't love you.
Hopefully you are looking out for yourself and your kid/s. Taking the necessary steps to ensure if you need to leave for any reason you are financially able too do so.
The most important thing you could be doing right now is ensuring you are able to provide a safe environment if things fall apart. financially capable of taking care of yourself and your children FIRST on your own.
+1 Seraph
+1 Nala
ok my 2 cents here.
It might be some dreamy girl imagination, but I think he does love you. He probably has some expectations of himself that he thinks do not qualify to tell you he loves you.
I wouldn't know what that is, but taking a wild guess, let's say, in his mind he believes he can only fall in love once and that person was his ex wife who he was married to, then he may hold his "I love you" back on you, until he (perhaps!) meets a condition that *allows* him in his head to be able to say 'I love you'.
In my case, Leo has said, 'I love you' in the past, but it was at a moment when I kept pushing him away. So somehow it came out of his mouth. Then later it turned into.. "I have this huge place in my heart, you are in it.. I can't take it out" kind of description. Later he told me, in order to tell me 'I love you', he has to be married to me.
I told him, "I know you love me!"
He immediately said, 'Yes I do!"
I did this a few times and every time Mr. Leo almost jumped on me to show how much he loved me.
I could be wrong. But have faith in him. As trusting as Leos are, he would not open up his life, home and family for you just like that. He likes his freedom. I am actually impressed that after he has been through a divorce, he hasn't really struggled much for too long to join his home together with you.
Be happy, sweety. Please don't question him. He seems like a really nice guy. Enjoy your togetherness.
It might be some dreamy girl imagination, but I think he does love you. He probably has some expectations of himself that he thinks do not qualify to tell you he loves you.
I wouldn't know what that is, but taking a wild guess, let's say, in his mind he believes he can only fall in love once and that person was his ex wife who he was married to, then he may hold his "I love you" back on you, until he (perhaps!) meets a condition that *allows* him in his head to be able to say 'I love you'.
In my case, Leo has said, 'I love you' in the past, but it was at a moment when I kept pushing him away. So somehow it came out of his mouth. Then later it turned into.. "I have this huge place in my heart, you are in it.. I can't take it out" kind of description. Later he told me, in order to tell me 'I love you', he has to be married to me.
I told him, "I know you love me!"
He immediately said, 'Yes I do!"
I did this a few times and every time Mr. Leo almost jumped on me to show how much he loved me.
I could be wrong. But have faith in him. As trusting as Leos are, he would not open up his life, home and family for you just like that. He likes his freedom. I am actually impressed that after he has been through a divorce, he hasn't really struggled much for too long to join his home together with you.
Be happy, sweety. Please don't question him. He seems like a really nice guy. Enjoy your togetherness.
Thank you everyone for the advice.. I realize I may have come off sounding like a mental patient yes??_. I didn??t mean to give that impression??_
1. I do not ask him all the time??_ we have had this discussion once he said that he believes in actions not words that the words have been said to him in the past and then were proven to mean nothing.
2. I broke up with him the 2nd time because he just didn??t seem to want to commit to the relationship fully, when we discussed a future he said he didn??t know if he could give me what I needed so I ended it because I wanted to be with someone who felt about me the way I feel about him??_ we ended up back together within a 2 week period because he said that I am the greener grass he has been looking for that I offer so much that will give us a life and he was afraid to make a mistake and hurt anyone especially his daughter..
I do have trouble getting past this sometimes because I do love him so very much and would really like confirmation that he feels the same way. However he is a wonderful man he treats me very well and treats my kids like they are his own we have a nice family and home. I was hoping by coming on here that people would make me see that I do need to stop worrying because he is a man of honor and wouldn??t make this life move with me if he didn??t hold me close in his heart??_??_ Everyone wants to know they are loved its our ultimate goal in any relationship.
I will take all your advice and just stop worrying. He may be guarded but he is worth waiting for.
1. I do not ask him all the time??_ we have had this discussion once he said that he believes in actions not words that the words have been said to him in the past and then were proven to mean nothing.
2. I broke up with him the 2nd time because he just didn??t seem to want to commit to the relationship fully, when we discussed a future he said he didn??t know if he could give me what I needed so I ended it because I wanted to be with someone who felt about me the way I feel about him??_ we ended up back together within a 2 week period because he said that I am the greener grass he has been looking for that I offer so much that will give us a life and he was afraid to make a mistake and hurt anyone especially his daughter..
I do have trouble getting past this sometimes because I do love him so very much and would really like confirmation that he feels the same way. However he is a wonderful man he treats me very well and treats my kids like they are his own we have a nice family and home. I was hoping by coming on here that people would make me see that I do need to stop worrying because he is a man of honor and wouldn??t make this life move with me if he didn??t hold me close in his heart??_??_ Everyone wants to know they are loved its our ultimate goal in any relationship.
I will take all your advice and just stop worrying. He may be guarded but he is worth waiting for.
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