Leo man advice needed HELLLLPPPP!

This topic was created in the Leo forum by TheStar75 on Friday, December 4, 2015 and has 9 replies.
Okay. This is going to be as long as heck, but here goes. 5 years ago I met this amazing Leo man, the connection, conversation and chemistry were unbelievable. We dated for 4 months, and while we got close, he is so physically gorgeous I explained I only make love, when I'm IN love. I'm not the 'booty call' chick lol. Back then he was looking after his desperately ill father and building his business, and I was busy with my 12 year old, my mother's diagnosis of Alzheimers, and a 3 hour commute to work.... He's deaf in one ear (his time as a soldier wasn't kind to him), so hates talking on the phone, so text me only during the week .... Sporadically. It was all a bit here today, gone tomorrow, hot & cold. And I lost patience with it. I told him I reckoned he was probably married, and I wasn't into ANY man wasting my time. Fast forward a year and he sent a random 'hi, how are you' text. We chatted, flirted and joked by text, but we were both really busy with work, then I met someone else and just cooled down the communication, and stopped texting back after a while. Then 6 months later (still year 4) I text him to say 'hi'  (the psycho, voice hearing, weirdo ex was just that: my ex!). He was friendly, but a bit cool and something told me he was seeing someone else. I'll freak you out later, but I could actually picture this chick! East Asian, short, long hair. Odd!! So we lost touch again. 6 months after that (3 and a halfyears ago), over summer he sent me a text saying he had always wanted me to be his woman, no other woman he'd met came close to how he felt for me, he'd always wanted us to be together. Well. After I finished my happy dance I text him back that he'd always had a special place in my heart... And I'd always wanted him to be my man. Couple of days later he called, and he tried to tell me how he felt and what he wanted, but I'll confess, I did that 'crazy' thing and babbled over him talking, gushing, about how much I liked him and felt connected to him. Yep. Stupid move. I have no defence.... As I babbled, I was actually screaming at myself to shut up! He backed off a bit but was still asking to see me, but I had some major health issues going on at the time and kept putting him off. We kept 'text chatting' and he filled me in: his Dad passed away the year before and devastated him, he'd completed his Masters and the business was going great, we stayed in touch with light, happy, supportive messages now and again, then we finally arranged to meet the next week for drinks. The Thursday before our date, my Dad died suddenly and my world imploded. He begged to come and see me, but I just didn't want anyone near me. My heart was broken. I went to my Dad's funeral and for 2/3 weeks he was my secret strength, texting all the time, to keep me strong. Then things just abruptly died, he stopped texting and I let him go. Last June/July I text him to say 'hi', and in September - he said wanted to see me, in his heart I'd always been the one he
- he said wanted to see me, in his heart I'd always been the one he wants, and we should meet up and see where things go finally. This time I acted like the grown woman I am and calmly responded that I'd like that. We met up last October  and it was a lovely date. Romantic, connected, he asked if I was seeing anyone (i mentioned psycho ex), I asked him, and he mentioned an ex he broke up with because he wasn't in love, and just always felt he wanted to get away from. We shared a good night kiss and hug .... Then: Nothing. No call, no text for a week and a half. I called him to find out if he was okay, and what's going on and he got ratty: "we have a great connection, and we've known each other for years  but we have to take things slow". Uh huh. I wasn't amused, but we sorted it out. This past year he text every day, he's come over, we've shared some hugely private and intimate conversations  and finally in August, we were physically intimate. I don't want to boast, but oh. my. goodness. Wow. Worth the wait folks lol. I turned 40 in September and was having a huge night out with family and friends, but he seemed reluctant to commit to coming. Alarm bells had been tinkling all year: breaking plans; never staying over; a general reluctance to say we're together; him not wanting to be too involved and visible to my son until "we're together fully" - I mean he spoke about "when we get married", being thrilled at the blessing if he & I had one more child together (he has two, 21 & 19, I have one, 17). He also mentioned his crazy ex who invested in his business. He wasn't in love, made a huge mistake getting involved, but when he told her, she threatened to take EVERY thing he built because he stupidly put both their names on everything. We're talking HUGE bucks here. I tried to advise a bit but felt any comments I made wouldn't be objective so let the conversation go. But. Those alarm bells have been saving women for centuries. I listen to them... So I confess: I snooped (thank you Google) and so did my truly amazing (and nosey) girl friends. What did I find you ask? A WIFE. With his name, commenting on his sister's Facebook page (where the delightful couple of Aunty & Uncle were thanked for gifts) - an East Asian lady with long hair. I kid you not. Needless to say his butt disappeared on my birthday. I waited through 2 days of radio silence... Then lost my ever lovin' mind and gave him both barrels by text (you may be able to guess that writing is a talent of mine).
He explained the situation is insanely complicated, she's Muslim, he converted to marry her, she and her whole family invested money in his company, and she got involved in every area of the business. He made the decision to marry her at a low, vulnerable point in his life after his Dad died, and he grabbed on to her, she was there for him and all he thought had. Apparently, he realised pretty quickly he'd made a mistake, wasn't in love with her and tried to suggest they call it a day, but she wasn't letting a big paycheck go any time soon. He's stuck. What the heck do I do??? He says he wants to be friends because he can't offer anything else, he 'thinks the world of me', and I mean so much to him.... But he frigging lives and works with her every day people????!!!! It sounds embarrassingly pathetic but I don't actually think he's lying about it all. When he comes over the world, and logical sense fly out the window. He's the only man I feel a soul deep connection to. I've never been so patient with a man. I genuinely care about his heart, even if it's not mine to care for. I feel a 'God's Love' connection to him when we talk or communicate that's actually frightening AND awesome. But. I'm not that woman, heck I've been that wife. But I've also been his friend for 5 years. I also know his heart, and know feeling trapped and unable to be with me, and be the man he can be fully, for me, is killing him slowly. This is horrible, but how can I walk away when every time I pray the answer is: wait. I feel so pathetic and lost. Leo men: chime in fellas, I need a compass. Oh. And I'm Libra if that helps.
Sorry that was so long, but I wanted to give the whole story! Star x
leow31, thank you so, so much for replying. And... You read my mind! Writing all of that made me realise a fundamental truth: I have to go. Life is too fleeting, and I'm just not that woman. Yes, he has a part of my heart, but I love me too. I love me first. I just sent him an 'essay' saying goodbye, and it doesn't hurt yet (like a paper cut the sting is coming, I can feel it! Lol), but I sent it knowing that would be the end of 5 years of caring for him. Knowing his Leo self would be insulted and pissed off and never come near me again, but also knowing my Libra self has too much self respect to do anything less than walk away 😢. Thank you x
For some reason I empathize with you which is very rare but I suggest you go cold turkey, block him, change your number, move to a new area if you have to but it's time you get out of la la land with a married deceitful man.

He's a LIAR, he lied to you the entire time he knew you and you will never be able to trust this man. He's not bound to his wife for no other reason besides the fact that he loves her and he's greedy, he want a little bit of this, a little bit of that, a little bit of wife and a little bit of you and who every else he's playing this fake friendship charade with. He's selfish and he's a liar, he's lying to you, he's lying to his extended family, he's lying to himself, he's lying to wife. Do you really want to be with a lying selfish man who will sneak and cheat and justify his behavior?

He converted to be with her. He took money from her and her family. No one held a gun to his temple and forced him to marry her and take her money. Now he's cheating. Tell me if this isn't the most manipulative ungrateful man on the planet.

You didn't listen to your gut instincts because you've been going through a rough few years which includes a psycho ex but it's time to let go, grieve and get on with your life. You're 40 and I'm sure you don't have years and years living in a relationship that is going nowhere.

Run...Quickly...As fast as you can.

Posted by tiki33
.

Run...Quickly...As fast as you can.



Oh tiki33! Thank you! For the reality check and the laugh!! I don't know when it why I feel into 'stupid', but I'll try to run far and fast.
Posted by TheStar75
Posted by tiki33
.

Run...Quickly...As fast as you can.



Oh tiki33! Thank you! For the reality check and the laugh!! I don't know when it why I feel into 'stupid', but I'll try to run far and fast.
click to expand

Don't be hard on yourself, you've gone through loss and grief and probably still grieving and he saw an opportunity so he took it.

I'm sure you're very connected to this man especially since you waited so long to actually be with him so it's going to be very challenging to let him go but you must if you ever want to have a real relationship with a real available man and a real future with someone.
Posted by tiki33
Posted by TheStar75
Posted by tiki33
.

Run...Quickly...As fast as you can.



Oh tiki33! Thank you! For the reality check and the laugh!! I don't know when it why I feel into 'stupid', but I'll try to run far and fast.

Don't be hard on yourself, you've gone through loss and grief and probably still grieving and he saw an opportunity so he took it.

I'm sure you're very connected to this man especially since you waited so long to actually be with him so it's going to be very challenging to let him go but you must if you ever want to have a real relationship with a real available man and a real future with someone.
click to expand

Thank you tiki33, I think it's taken me a year of soul searching to get this far because part of me couldn't believe I'd be that chick to fall for a married man's "I'm in an unhappy marriage" shtick. The end of my long farewell essay to him yesterday summed it all up nicely: I deserve a King 😊