Leo post war trauma depression

Hi all new here new relationship
Started out GRAND the leo/Aries combo I had once was awesome
Now as an adult found a hott Leo
Man and we went 1000 mi
An hour almost 2 months of daily contact and passionate hot erratic sex 😉
Anyways we are sure to be in love
I am and he is but SUDDENLY he has given me the cold shoulder
We have talked and agreed to always keep the lines of
Communication open
Except he is not!!!
And I feel like I'm
Nagging him to open up

Things he has said :
He is worried about his status
28 yr old former war soldier and has post trauma which works daily at getting better
He feels he should be done with his goals
Career, wife, house, possibly kid
I tell him to stop measuring his success with the world and remind him of the good things he has done

He had a small episode after 30 days of exclusive relationship
I helped him through it and he said thank you

Today for a week
Now I'm trying to help and all
He says is
"I push ppl away" " I'm scared of getting hurt"
I praise him cuz it's courageous
But it's getting old!!! One week and he is not being receptive
He is
Distancing and I don't know if he is
Testing me or ain't feelin the relationship
But he has
Reassured me that he loves
Me a lot and he doesn't want to hurt me or burden me
So I said cool just don't push me away talk to me
But he won't
He has acted sooooo different so many weird things have come out of his mouth and it makes me feel like he don't want me around
So i said ill let you be
Call me when your back in full effect
He is not even leaving his house
He stays in
Like a depressed man
And I'm like wtf....stop making excuses and put the steps into getting better

He said to me, "you're gonna get tired of this and say f this"
I assured him no I won't
But how long am
I supposed to wait for the depressed leo to come up again?
I want it all and im so open and uninhibited with him....
Suddenly I'm closing too ;(
I thought this was going good and now not sure

I've been at his side daily
I didn't abandon him
I'm giving him space
I needed to breathe too

What else can I do
I've done it all
I praise
I laugh with him
I encourage him
I love on him

The only thing i haven't Done is let him be for a few days
I've made his burdens my own to show compassion
But he won't go into details even though I reassure him he's safe

I've done all I can so i need help understanding how he is workin it out if he is
I'm confused that's all

Some people with PTSD are frauds, liars and fakers.

Before I let him get away with stating he is such, I want to know a few things.

1.) What kind of Soldier was he? Are we talking Combat Infantry, or personnel clerk or what?

2.) Which country was he deployed to, and which part of the country?

3.) How many deployments has he been on, and how long did they last?

Find that stuff out and post it here. Otherwise, I am inclined to believe he is a typical leo male, often inclined to pathological lying.

Dear Firelamb,

This is the oldest trick in the book....it's not you, it's me. He has given you about 10 reasons why he is not ready to be in relationship.

When a man tells you something about himself, believe him. I realize that he waited until after sex to tell you but that's what happens sometimes.

Go find someone that wants and loves you.

Thank you for the comments

Iraq and he won't talk about stuff like that, he just talks about how foe two years post he was a drifter, n moved around alot couldn't handle being back home. He settled in the valley of Phoenix where he feels its comfortable since there is desert adobe style homes

He talks about how he is in a much better place now but he learned to Very cold and distant, his dog helped him break out n become social again
But some jag off shot him cuz they felt threaten by it being a pitt...that sent my bf off the deep end and n hid.
He doesn't socialize with many ppl
He and I have done things that are comfortable for him, he is happy to try stuff that he didn't used to do and he is happy to have me there to do that with so he says

Next he says he wants us to live together
Talked about he thinks if in 6 months we r still good he'd love to take it there n that he hasn't felt this strong about a woman
But suddenly he stopped
But at the same time he re assures me by becoming sweet n loving for a moment and says he loves me n doesn't want to let go.
Yet his actions say otherwise
Am I getting tested for loyalty?
I'm just gonna stand back and watch the show, fighting urges to contact him
Dayumm 😢

What is getting old is him bein reclusive that's what I mean by its getting old, I admit my impatience gets the best of me at times but I just want him to not sulk cuz it pains me to see him that way.. His bday is in a week n maybe i can cheer him up by celebrating with him. I love him n
He did say he loves that I'm a " Ride or die" type of woman. But don't want him to take advantage over that

N I have his best interest at heart
It's the shift that is hard to deal with and has confused me

Ok got it! And thank you all for letting me in on the nature of the beast!
I gotta go keep busy to not frustrate myself with his sulking

Hoping it will get better 🙂

Posted by Jynja
Scorpfish,

You don't have to be on the battlefront to develop PTSD.

It's not exclusively to combat soldiers either. Normal people can develop it from something as small as seeing a dead body.

Bullshit.

I have nearly been violently killed several times, and I don't cry at night about it.

Also done 2 deployments myself.

I find it convenient that he got rid of her after the sex was over.

He sounds like a douchebag who is most probably lying about PTSD, and I hope this girl moves on.

Posted by FireHotLamb
I've been at his side daily
I didn't abandon him
I'm giving him space

This is what your Leo needs most.

Posted by FireHotLamb

But how long am
I supposed to wait for the depressed leo to come up again?

Only you can answer that. How deep is your love for your leo? How long are you willing to wait?
When he emerges from the depression, will you still be at his side?

Posted by FireHotLamb

But it's getting old!!! One week and he is not being receptive

You're already tired after ONE week? Really? Maybe he is sensing your lack of staying power and is pulling back to protect himself. Relationships, deep relationships, are not about just hot fiery sex. This is the kind of stuff when the rubber meets the road so to speak. This is not a situation where his ego needs to be stroked. This is emotional trauma that he is dealing with. He needs true, real support from you. Only you know if you can give him that or not.

Posted by FireHotLamb

He says is "I push ppl away" " I'm scared of getting hurt"

Posted by FireHotLamb

He said to me, "you're gonna get tired of this and say f this"
I assured him no...

click to expand

Don't just assure him with words, continue to to SHOW it with action.
I don't know how the man can be more open and vulnerable. He's telling you his fears. He's afraid he will push you away. He afraid of getting hurt. He's afraid you're going to get tired and leave. Know that it was NOT easy for him to open up to you like that. Were you worth the risk he took in being open and vulnerable? Just by doing so, he is saying he is trusting you. He asking you to be stay with him on this. Will you? Can you?

Posted by FireHotLamb

But he has
Reassured me that he loves
Me a lot and he doesn't want to hurt me or burden me

Even with all he is going through right now, he is thinking of YOU. Trying not to burden YOU unnecessarily. Reassuring YOU of his love. Let go of what you *think* he should be doing, and see what he IS doing.

Posted by FireHotLamb
What else can I do

Continue doing what you've been doing. Be there for him. Support him. WAIT for him. Be there when he does emerge from the depression. WAIT for him to heal in HIS own timing.

Posted by FireHotLamb

He is not even leaving his house
He stays in
Like a depressed man
And I'm like wtf....stop making excuses and put the steps into getting better

There is no MAGIC to be done by you or him that will just jolt him out of PTDS. And the fact that you see this as *excuses* tell me you understand little about what he is going through. He is likely to have several episodes. This is a learning opportunity for you to...to learn what it is that HE needs and provide it.

Posted by FireHotLamb
But he won't go into details even though I reassure him he's safe

Understand to ask him to go into details is to ask him to re-live the trauma all over. Is that what you really want him to go through just so things can get back to normal? Have you considered reading up on PTDS and learning about it from the supporter side? Education my help you help him better, if that is truly what you are desiring.

Posted by FireHotLamb

I thought this was going good and now not sure

click to expand

Welcome to REAL love. REAL relationships. It's not all rosey, great sex and easy street. It goes a lot deeper than that, if it is to have staying power and last!

Posted by SunMoomLioness

Posted by FireHotLamb

But he has
Reassured me that he loves
Me a lot and he doesn't want to hurt me or burden me

Even with all he is going through right now, he is thinking of YOU. Trying not to burden YOU unnecessarily. Reassuring YOU of his love. Let go of what you *think* he should be doing, and see what he IS doing.

Posted by FireHotLamb
What else can I do

Continue doing what you've been doing. Be there for him. Support him. WAIT for him. Be there when he does emerge from the depression. WAIT for him to heal in HIS own timing.

Posted by FireHotLamb

He is not even leaving his house
He stays in
Like a depressed man
And I'm like wtf....stop making excuses and put the steps into getting better

There is no MAGIC to be done by you or him that will just jolt him out of PTDS. And the fact that you see this as *excuses* tell me you understand little about what he is going through. He is likely to have several episodes. This is a learning opportunity for you to...to learn what it is that HE needs and provide it.

Posted by FireHotLamb
But he won't go into details even though I reassure him he's safe

Understand to ask him to go into details is to ask him to re-live the trauma all over. Is that what you really want him to go through just so things can get back to normal? Have you considered reading up on PTDS and learning about it from the supporter side? Education my help you help him better, if that is truly what you are desiring.

Posted by FireHotLamb

I thought this was going good and now not sure

Welcome to REAL love. REAL relationships. It's not all rosey, great sex and easy street. It goes a lot deeper than that, if it is to have staying power and last!

click to expand

Sorry about the dyslexia: meant to type PTSD!

I know I was used to the Pisces type of love and Learned to be more loving and selfless but I was pretty much in charge.... I had to play the lead role with him...it helped him n but I learned to be way more sensitive toward ppl, especially the Pisces male I had

Now this self reliant is new to me and it makes me feel a bit off
But no I'm not gonna give up, especially when I know his worth
He's shown me his with
My impatience just emerged and got the best of me

Needless to say I'm glad to have found this outlet
Plus I gotta learn that I can and shall be making this time useful and practice things I wan to do that he won't want to do with me

Regardless I told him I'm here and will wait for him to feel better

Now to check in on him and say hello is all I will do I guess

Posted by FireHotLamb
I know I was used to the Pisces type of love and Learned to be more loving and selfless but I was pretty much in charge.... I had to play the lead role with him...it helped him n but I learned to be way more sensitive toward ppl, especially the Pisces male I had

Now this self reliant is new to me and it makes me feel a bit off
But no I'm not gonna give up, especially when I know his worth
He's shown me his with
My impatience just emerged and got the best of me

Needless to say I'm glad to have found this outlet
Plus I gotta learn that I can and shall be making this time useful and practice things I wan to do that he won't want to do with me

Regardless I told him I'm here and will wait for him to feel better

Now to check in on him and say hello is all I will do I guess

Love it! And your attitude in all this!

That was fast! He came clean and we are all good. He is dealing with the fact that he doesn't have much of a social life because he has pushed ppl away including his own family

Now he knows he was sabotaging us
He says he is scared and never been in a committed relationship and its very foreign and scarey but he doesn't want to lose me or make me think he doesn't love me
Also he is having a hard time knowing his fam is coming to visit him
He is excited but scared cus he has been a lone wolf for so long
I can work with this 🙂

So you now know he doesnt have actual PTSD, but instead he has FOSS?

The issue is not whether or not his PTSD is real. We could never know that. What we do know is what the OP told us he told her which is...he does not want to be in a relationship because;

He pushes people away
He is not successful
He does not have a wife
He has not reached his goals
He is depressed
He has PTSD

So how many reasons does a person need to provide to let you know they don't want anything more?

I realize everyone is different but I don't think I could ever want someone who does not want me.

Depression is different for everyone but most everyone I know who was/is (including myself) depressed could not have sex. The desire is not there. An erection is damn near impossible.

So I am going to agree with Scorpiofish on this one. Something seems off.