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May 29, 2017Comments: 0 · Posts: 306 · Topics: 16
*My long story* my delivery may be all over the place too so bare with me.lol
-me 29 male
-her 28 female
Me and my now ex were in a 5 year relationship. She moved in after the 3rd month of us dating because of circumstance. Over time we become lovers and bestfriends. We would never fight but have arguments and she would go in another room and i would give her her space. Shed come back 20 mins later saying how she wanted me to chase her or check on her but never did. So over the years we built a strong bond. We moved out to our first appartment and brought us even closer. Use to alway hug and tell her we made it. My charisma and charm drove her nuts.
Well over the years i had to accept that we had different sex drives. I had to ask or beg or get excuses for sex from my woman. Brought this issue up numerous times and she would just put a bandaid over then fall back into old habbits. We both got comfortable and she stopped doing things that made me fall for her and i started taking her for granted. I have a lack expressing my emotions. Fast forward to the end of our lease at appartment. We had sex and it was just handed to me like come on so we can go. Boring and no excitment at all! I felt the passion and romance has left now. Was thinking if its like this now, while shes in grad school, if i marry and have kids itll just get worse and ill be unhappy.
So i broke up off right before holloween after a failed attempt earlier that month. I couldnt because our bond was so strong. So i told her i was leaving to go to my parents when we broke up. Took all my stuff when she wasnt home and she came home and was devastated. Thought it woukd be easier if she wasnt home for her. WRONG!
I rebounded and didnt pay her any mind because i wanted out and attention was elsewhere. So as im seeing the rebound chick sex is exciting (in december before christmas) and we kinda connected. Meanwhile me not knowing she met a dude right after break up, they went out and she had all types of sex with him.(2-3 weeks after break up) It hurt me badly because if im your soulmate, this sexy man and you want to have my babies why didnt I get that treatment. Pushed me away more. So i forgave weeks after because we werent together. As time goes on im still contacting my ex but pushing her away. Months goes past of her trying and im still thinking of her while with rebound. Vday comes and finds out im with another girl, devastated all over again. I was so hurt for her i felt her pain. We were still connected in a way and i told her that i could feel her pain, emotions and when she got better i felt it. So after that she hated me blah blah blah. Got over it forgave and we were still friends.
I still contacted her and would hint that i wanted her back but never said it. She would try to pry it out of me but i couldnt express it. 2 months later, i drop rebound, im like an open book and expressing my love and how i miss and have realised how much she meant to me. Come to find out shes been seeing a guy for almost 2 months. Mutual friend said she says hes doing things i wasnt but i know her so well and our history would be terrible to throw away. In the beginning ever guy does that, its new and we havent had sex yet.lol
So i come back and i say i miss her first and it shocked her. She wanted me to do this back then. I still confess my love and how i F'd up, realise she the 1 for me. She tells mutual friend that her emotions are puzzeled, needs time and doesnt know what to do. Would say if he comes back its meant to be months ago.
She would still reply to my text and pick up phone when i call or facetime. Id ask her to hangout she would say maybe, ill think about but wont decline. After she got home from being out other night I think i struck a cord with a text so she called me. We were on phone for 4 hours and fell asleep on phone. I texted her good morning with a, " i never been afraid to lose anything but nothing has meant to me as much as you do" meme to no reply.
She use to always say she wants me to chase her but ive never chased a female in my life. So im doing so now but giving her her space. I have a dozen red roses with baby breath being delivered to her job this week to show actions and not just words via text/phone.
So my question is this... finally me coming around and expressing my love and how i realised shes the one for me making so many vaild points about our history. Do you think she'll come back to me? Not saying in 2 days but her and new guy arent serious at the moment. Also, do you think shes paying hard to get? Does she want me to chase her like all those other times i never did? What aboutbthe flowers, good idea? Shoud i do no contact snd wait? I TOLD her im going to fight to get her back. I found i truely do love this girl with the time apart. I think we just needed some time and space.
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Oct 21, 2015Comments: 11066 · Posts: 36034 · Topics: 110
So if she comes back and you win her how will that solve any of your original problems in the relationship? It won't.
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Oct 21, 2015Comments: 11066 · Posts: 36034 · Topics: 110
I think what killed the excitement was moving in together after only dating for 3 months.
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Aug 24, 2011Comments: 17 · Posts: 5119 · Topics: 78
Sounds like there is definitely another side to this story. From what you said, you needed to persuade and beg your Leo woman to have sex with you. This alone is a red flag. Yes, as relationships settle sex expectancy can decrease, but at your age a healthy sex life is very possible to maintain. Additionally, Leo's are not hard to persuade when it comes to having sex with our partners. If a Leo is rebuffing your advances, there's an underlying issue.
Your Leo lady didn't feel like you were connecting with her on an emotional level. Generally if a woman is in a romantic relationship, she will want to have that emotional connection with her partner. My question is, how often did you two argue and were HER feelings ever addressed? Arguments are a quick way to close off a woman emotionally if she doesn't feel that her partner is seeking to understand her. You said as much in your first paragraph:
"We would never fight but have arguments and she would go in another room and i would give her her space. Shed come back 20 mins later saying how she wanted me to chase her or check on her but never did. So over the years we built a strong bond. We moved out to our first appartment and brought us even closer. Use to alway hug and tell her we made it. My charisma and charm drove her nuts."
I think YOU felt that you had a strong bond, but the Leo woman was slowly being turned off. When a Leo is in a relationship, it can take us a LONG time to cool off and leave. We are very stubborn and see breakups as failures on our part. Leos give a LOT of chances to those we love. However it doesn't sound like any adjustments were made to properly understand each other, since everything went downhill.
If I had to guess, she probably thought that you only wanted her for sex after a certain point. Libras like their space, even in relationships, but a Leo desires closeness. Libras can seem detached to us if the emotional bond isn't strong. Sure we want our freedom to be ourselves, but we also want to keep our lovers close. You stated, "I have a lack expressing my emotions.", which sounds like the Leo had a hard time connecting with you on that level. If you were rebuffing her emotionally, then she was rebuffing you physically. It also sounds like you expected her to keep up the romance when you stated "We both got comfortable and she stopped doing things that made me fall for her and i started taking her for granted."
So then you broke up with her over the lack of "passion and romance". The honeymoon phase was officially over. As indicated by your woman's actions, the passion and romance had already diminished a while ago. The other thing to realize is, you barely knew this woman when you first moved in together. It takes the human brain 3 months to get accustomed to another person. By 3 months is when people start showing their "true" selves. So it sounds like there was a lot misunderstanding between you two on a deeper level.
The reason I say ALL of this is because after you broke up you found a sexual relationship to satisfy you (the rebound). Likewise she also entered into another relationship where she had no trouble getting frisky with another guy. That indicates that there was nothing wrong with her sex drive. So really the underlying issue was that the Leo woman didn't feel emotionally connected to you. This was made even worse when you started to push-pull, which is very confusing for a Leo. Leo's respect/need a more direct approach. Running hot/cold is an easy way to irritate us.
Sounds like the Leo woman still may have some emotions left over for you, but her trust in you is broken. She may try "friend zoning" you while she figure things out. Remember YOU'RE the one who broke up with her, so it's on you to get her back. I don't recommend chasing her, but you need to be willing to swallow your pride. Also know if she's telling you "maybe" that's essentially her saying "no I don't trust you yet."
Before I go into how you can get her back, my question is WHY do you want her back? Sounds like you miss having someone, but not necessarily her. You THINK you want her because your needs weren't satisfied with the rebound (which is common), but that doesn't mean you value the Leo woman. As everyone else has already said, the underlying issue is still there. What's changed that makes you think this will be better the second time around? Yes you have 5 years of familiarity, but you also have several years of not meeting each other's needs. So what's different?
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May 29, 2017Comments: 0 · Posts: 306 · Topics: 16
So i basicly canceled our plans to show and taking my brother instead. She was back and about going and im tired of push pull affect and not hanging on too a maybe. Said to go as just to hang out, nothing more. Well, im in it to puruse her and if i do and shes not for it then it messes up my night and pushes her away.
So i told her ill give her her space and i want her back. we can be friends but i cant because thats not what i want. She let me go, time i do the same, best of luck.
Going to try my best with no contact to see if shell miss me. Always read, you want an ex back, go NC so they miss you. If it works cool, if not, in the process self growth for my future.
Looking at this as a BIG picture. Maybe this waa my 2nd out of possible 3rd love. Maybe why its so hard to ket go bevause its labledvas , The Hard Love. I have learned so much about love, relationships abd myself with her. Maybe a greater companion is out there for me.
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Aug 24, 2011Comments: 17 · Posts: 5119 · Topics: 78
Also remember that if you go "No Contact", you' shouldn't do that so she'll miss you. That's an expectation that may backfire. Go "No Contact" so that you can clear your head and open yourself up to new opportunities.
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Nov 15, 2016Comments: 339 · Posts: 1163 · Topics: 0
I agree with Chuckcem, I just wanted to add that you seem oblivious to your selfishness, I mean, you say she's with stress, her grandmother and father passed away, and you walked away because the excitement was gone: "she stopped doing things that made me fall for her and i started taking her for granted" and you felt your affections were rejected: "I would just do my boyfriend touchy feely and she'd brush me off. That shit hurts!".
I understand your feelings, but you put yourself first, I don't think a person who values loyalty would come back to someone who left them on their low moments unless they're feeling weak.
Maybe you want her now, but if you love her you should think if she needs you now.