Libra man fighting for Leo girl

Posted by seraph
Situations like this are more common than weeds. Many people have been through it because it's essentially unavoidable. Two people together for a long time will settle in to themselves - what's comfortable for them. The initial phase of everything larger than life and getting all your "needs" met so deeply and fully can last quite a while - which helps to create the illusion that it will last forever. Expectations are created and reinforced. You then carry those expectations over into the next phase, wherein parties will settle in to their own natural, everyday rhythm. You will either accept it or you won't. It isn't that people stop making an effort; it's that the headiness can't be sustained. Effort shifts to other things, and sometimes into oneself at the expense of the partnership. This latter point is quite natural, actually, even though you might hate the idea.


This is what prompts folks to put the "spark" back into their relationship. This rarely works because they're in a new phase, which has its own pleasures, but which is often not good enough for one or both parties. The first issue that tends to come to the fore is difference in sex drives. You can't, however, keep sex at the same priority level as before. A lot of things you think you need and want from the other party and the relationship at large will need to switch positions. Better put, they'll switch on their own, like it or not. And both parties will either settle into and be fine with a deep, abiding friendship or not. Familiarity can either breed contempt or create a secure space in which to grow as a couple (that accepts the natural changes that occur in long-term relationships and can adjust their expectations.)


So there's all that to consider. Also consider that the issues or points of contention that were present when you were together will still be there (just a matter of time) if and when you get back together. Things went south for a reason and those reasons will still be there. What you think you can now handle, or that you can "change" and become "better" - or that the other party can, is also an illusion created from feelings of loss and displacement. You'll encounter the same problems, and chances are that you'll bring the same Self with you - the same one that wouldn't put up with this or that. It's often best to stay apart.


Getting the other party back is usually easy. This part isn't all that important. There's history already there, longing, and a familiarity that - once again, helps to create the illusion that everything will be better *this time around* because you've both learned your lessons, etc. Better put, it's a superimposition of your desires and expectations on a situation. You'll then invest emotionally in this superimposition, taking it to be real.


It's the staying together part that will likely be hard. I can't know for sure how it'll turn out for the both of you. But if you don't get your expectations and "needs" in check, you'll end up in the same place. And a difficult truth you'll need to accept and take with you no matter what happens: when it comes to feelings and our undisciplined thinking, it often takes us more than one try to realize something is wrong for us. We just want to get back what we had, without even thinking that while we're doing it we'll be lying to ourselves about it.


None of this is here to discourage you, just to remind you that while you're doing what you're going to do anyway, take some time to adjust your expectations, and understand that everything is subject to change, and that what you feel in the moment will not necessarily be what you'll feel tomorrow, or a month from now. Appreciating this reality for what it is will help set you free, no matter your relationship situation.

Posted by Chuckcem
Sounds like there is definitely another side to this story. From what you said, you needed to persuade and beg your Leo woman to have sex with you. This alone is a red flag. Yes, as relationships settle sex expectancy can decrease, but at your age a healthy sex life is very possible to maintain. Additionally, Leo's are not hard to persuade when it comes to having sex with our partners. If a Leo is rebuffing your advances, there's an underlying issue.


Your Leo lady didn't feel like you were connecting with her on an emotional level. Generally if a woman is in a romantic relationship, she will want to have that emotional connection with her partner. My question is, how often did you two argue and were HER feelings ever addressed? Arguments are a quick way to close off a woman emotionally if she doesn't feel that her partner is seeking to understand her. You said as much in your first paragraph:


"We would never fight but have arguments and she would go in another room and i would give her her space. Shed come back 20 mins later saying how she wanted me to chase her or check on her but never did. So over the years we built a strong bond. We moved out to our first appartment and brought us even closer. Use to alway hug and tell her we made it. My charisma and charm drove her nuts."


I think YOU felt that you had a strong bond, but the Leo woman was slowly being turned off. When a Leo is in a relationship, it can take us a LONG time to cool off and leave. We are very stubborn and see breakups as failures on our part. Leos give a LOT of chances to those we love. However it doesn't sound like any adjustments were made to properly understand each other, since everything went downhill.


If I had to guess, she probably thought that you only wanted her for sex after a certain point. Libras like their space, even in relationships, but a Leo desires closeness. Libras can seem detached to us if the emotional bond isn't strong. Sure we want our freedom to be ourselves, but we also want to keep our lovers close. You stated, "I have a lack expressing my emotions.", which sounds like the Leo had a hard time connecting with you on that level. If you were rebuffing her emotionally, then she was rebuffing you physically. It also sounds like you expected her to keep up the romance when you stated "We both got comfortable and she stopped doing things that made me fall for her and i started taking her for granted."


So then you broke up with her over the lack of "passion and romance". The honeymoon phase was officially over. As indicated by your woman's actions, the passion and romance had already diminished a while ago. The other thing to realize is, you barely knew this woman when you first moved in together. It takes the human brain 3 months to get accustomed to another person. By 3 months is when people start showing their "true" selves. So it sounds like there was a lot misunderstanding between you two on a deeper level.


The reason I say ALL of this is because after you broke up you found a sexual relationship to satisfy you (the rebound). Likewise she also entered into another relationship where she had no trouble getting frisky with another guy. That indicates that there was nothing wrong with her sex drive. So really the underlying issue was that the Leo woman didn't feel emotionally connected to you. This was made even worse when you started to push-pull, which is very confusing for a Leo. Leo's respect/need a more direct approach. Running hot/cold is an easy way to irritate us.


Sounds like the Leo woman still may have some emotions left over for you, but her trust in you is broken. She may try "friend zoning" you while she figure things out. Remember YOU'RE the one who broke up with her, so it's on you to get her back. I don't recommend chasing her, but you need to be willing to swallow your pride. Also know if she's telling you "maybe" that's essentially her saying "no I don't trust you yet."


Before I go into how you can get her back, my question is WHY do you want her back? Sounds like you miss having someone, but not necessarily her. You THINK you want her because your needs weren't satisfied with the rebound (which is common), but that doesn't mean you value the Leo woman. As everyone else has already said, the underlying issue is still there. What's changed that makes you think this will be better the second time around? Yes you have 5 years of familiarity, but you also have several years of not meeting each other's needs. So what's different?

Posted by LadyNeptune
So if she comes back and you win her how will that solve any of your original problems in the relationship? It won't.

Posted by Breeze

We would barely fight or argue. We had a very good friienship within the relationship. Were like bestfriends.


She had a ton of stress going on with school and family she never addressed. The guy she slept with right out of the break up i think was to see how she would respond to see if she was "normal". Said she did it because she was hurt.


I do think we may have not been on the same level at times. She never expressed that to me about emotional disconnect. When a man has to ask, beg etc.for his woman, It does something to use inside. I do like my space but because we both had that bond we would always be together. Id want my space so id go in other room but come a commerical id go check up on her.


Her mother even told her that since we're both young to work on our sex life. Nothing changed. When we moved into our appartment, just the excitment of being out and having your own should spark something. I would just do my boyfriend touchy feely and she'd brush me off. That shit hurts!


Why do i want her back? I guess in a way it is history and famililarity and also love. She suggested classes or seek help finally when i was out the door. Im for that now but like you say, whats gonna stop that from coming back!?


As much as id hate for us not to reunite and address and iron out issues, i believe our time has come. My emotions have settled and looking at the BIG picture. Did we make eack other better for the next, time will tell. With the help on here and answering my own questions i see it for what its worth. Just relationships ending suck and hurt. Being tjis is also my first real relationship as a adult. My brother just mentioned to me about the 3 loves we get. Well im feeling this is my 2nd love.

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Breeze

We would barely fight or argue. We had a very good friienship within the relationship. Were like bestfriends.


She had a ton of stress going on with school and family she never addressed. The guy she slept with right out of the break up i think was to see how she would respond to see if she was "normal". Said she did it because she was hurt.


I do think we may have not been on the same level at times. She never expressed that to me about emotional disconnect. When a man has to ask, beg etc.for his woman, It does something to use inside. I do like my space but because we both had that bond we would always be together. Id want my space so id go in other room but come a commerical id go check up on her.


Her mother even told her that since we're both young to work on our sex life. Nothing changed. When we moved into our appartment, just the excitment of being out and having your own should spark something. I would just do my boyfriend touchy feely and she'd brush me off. That shit hurts!


Why do i want her back? I guess in a way it is history and famililarity and also love. She suggested classes or seek help finally when i was out the door. Im for that now but like you say, whats gonna stop that from coming back!?


As much as id hate for us not to reunite and address and iron out issues, i believe our time has come. My emotions have settled and looking at the BIG picture. Did we make eack other better for the next, time will tell. With the help on here and answering my own questions i see it for what its worth. Just relationships ending suck and hurt. Being tjis is also my first real relationship as a adult. My brother just mentioned to me about the 3 loves we get. Well im feeling this is my 2nd love.

Interesting, well in that case, sounds like she has some underlying issues that she needs to address. When it comes to Leos and Libras relationships, we tend to blow past the deeper issues in an effort to keep things positive. Quality communication can get brushed under the rug as a result. Until she does that, there isn't much you can do. It's best to take what lessons you can from the relationship and move forward. My suggestion would be to leave her alone and find someone more compatible.

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Posted by Breeze

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by Breeze

We would barely fight or argue. We had a very good friienship within the relationship. Were like bestfriends.


She had a ton of stress going on with school and family she never addressed. The guy she slept with right out of the break up i think was to see how she would respond to see if she was "normal". Said she did it because she was hurt.


I do think we may have not been on the same level at times. She never expressed that to me about emotional disconnect. When a man has to ask, beg etc.for his woman, It does something to use inside. I do like my space but because we both had that bond we would always be together. Id want my space so id go in other room but come a commerical id go check up on her.


Her mother even told her that since we're both young to work on our sex life. Nothing changed. When we moved into our appartment, just the excitment of being out and having your own should spark something. I would just do my boyfriend touchy feely and she'd brush me off. That shit hurts!


Why do i want her back? I guess in a way it is history and famililarity and also love. She suggested classes or seek help finally when i was out the door. Im for that now but like you say, whats gonna stop that from coming back!?


As much as id hate for us not to reunite and address and iron out issues, i believe our time has come. My emotions have settled and looking at the BIG picture. Did we make eack other better for the next, time will tell. With the help on here and answering my own questions i see it for what its worth. Just relationships ending suck and hurt. Being tjis is also my first real relationship as a adult. My brother just mentioned to me about the 3 loves we get. Well im feeling this is my 2nd love.

Interesting, well in that case, sounds like she has some underlying issues that she needs to address. When it comes to Leos and Libras relationships, we tend to blow past the deeper issues in an effort to keep things positive. Quality communication can get brushed under the rug as a result. Until she does that, there isn't much you can do. It's best to take what lessons you can from the relationship and move forward. My suggestion would be to leave her alone and find someone more compatible.

Yes her grandmother who raised het lost her condo and was moved across the US, reason she moved with me. Then her father passed. Year later grandmother passed. She says she has been diag'ed with seperation anxiety. Commuincation was lacking. Will take your advice and keep it pushing.

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Posted by Blackburn
I agree with Chuckcem, I just wanted to add that you seem oblivious to your selfishness, I mean, you say she's with stress, her grandmother and father passed away, and you walked away because the excitement was gone: "she stopped doing things that made me fall for her and i started taking her for granted" and you felt your affections were rejected: "I would just do my boyfriend touchy feely and she'd brush me off. That shit hurts!".


I understand your feelings, but you put yourself first, I don't think a person who values loyalty would come back to someone who left them on their low moments unless they're feeling weak.


Maybe you want her now, but if you love her you should think if she needs you now.