Unstable Leo? Wtf...sudden change of heart.

Well, this could take awhile...where to begin?

So for the first time in over 2 years, I fell in love again. (My 2nd time total.) It happened fast and furious, and I ignored the red flags because I was hopelessly head over heels. He told me he felt he was falling after a week, I told him to give me some time and then I was able to say it after 3.

The first Leo I loved was 7-27-89 bday. Leo sun. Gemini rising. Taurus moon. Virgo Venus. Leo Mars. We started off just as fast, and lasted a fabulous 4.5 years until I ended it because I felt us drifting.

This recent Leo was 7-27-88 bday. Leo sun. Libra rising. Capricorn moon. Gemini Venus. Aries Mars.

So what went wrong? I've dated many guys, and even casual (just a few dates) has never ended this way let alone something so serious. We dated for 4 months, feels a lot longer. The sex was amazing (we waited a month, had gone on a minimal of 15+ dates) we had a great connection. He was so sweet. He had talked about marriage in the future, getting a place together, looking up links for breeds of parrots to own. He met all my friends. Well 1.5 months in was GREAT. I told him how lucky I was, how perfect he was. Then the laziness started. He was going to culinary school and getting $ 1200 a month from Air Force stuff and held a job exactly one week. Dropped it like that, slept in his entire 2nd shift. Even after being given a 2nd chance, he didnt want it. It bothered me how he was lazy and didnt seem to have much motivation...even some texts (I would get a frownie face if I had a bad day and I wanted to talk from him. Or he wouldn't reply at all...because he didnt know what to say) I was frustrated so yeah, I nagged him a bit. I told him if there was anything I did to upset him he had to let me know...open communication is important!

Red flags I prob shouldn't have ignored?

His only motivation was his Viking thing he did twice a week, he dressed in armor and played with swords. Snapped at me when I said it was a hobby, he says it was "a way of life."
-he had a lot of drug use in the past. Even tried meth once and liked it? Smoked pot daily until the month before he met me. He quit cigs 2 weeks into us
-he tried to join a cult...had a few orgies.
-when he was stranded in sc with no job, he did some web camera work and sold molds of his dick as a dildo?
-he made out and naked cuddled a dude a few years back. Had a 6 month purely emotional non physical relationship with a guy.

More below:

Cont

Dated a girl that used to be a guy. Had all the girl parts.
-didnt have one stable relationship. Married young. She ran off with someone she thought was "a vampire" the girl he dated before me he only stayed with for 3 months because he thought she would kill him
-I caught him in lies multiple times. He lied to his parents about having a job, he told me they understood why he quit. He was just making up stories.
-they were religious and he was pagan. Yet he went along with the whole Christian deal and couldn't be honest.
-he had issues with communicating. Says when he had a problem he would keep it inside until it went away.
-said he used to have severe anger problems where he would throw chairs across the room, I saw bits of this and his tantrums.
-he admitted to having anxiety and depression and he was medicated all his life but he didnt like how they made him feel.

My friends say I'm too accepting of baggage but I loved him. Yes maybe things wouid have been different had I not been so nagging and moody at times (I switched hormones and feel so much better. I did it for him)
But if you feel something, you can't say you are happy than get mad because you weren't being honest.

Night before break up we were cuddling and he told me how much he loved me, was about to get his plain ticket to see my family in Florida. Next day he was short. I got onto him slightly and he texts "you know what, I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm not happy and haven't been for awhile" THAT IS IT! No exp, no closure. He deleted me from Facebook and posted single again. When they were sad, he goes "I'm celebrating with wine." I sent him a message saying I respected his decision but I just wanted an ex. I even wrote out my short comings and apologized. Have not heard a word, we broke up a month ago. I had to contact his roommate to get my stuff back and finally did after 3 weeks. He wouldn't respond.

If he was unhappy, why constantly say he was? Right out paragraphs on why he loved me? 3 weeks before this I said if he didnt change some things I couldn't be with him. He BEGGED me to give him another chance. I just don't see how someone could be so into you then toss it like it was nothing. The no closure part hurts me the most. I know he was emotionally unstable but it still hurts.

Thoughts?

TBH-I stopped reading after this.

Viking thing he did twice a week, he dressed in armor and played with swords. Snapped at me when I said it was a hobby, he says it was "a way of life."

Lol aww...well I have some more friends that are into it. I don't think there's anything wrong with a hobby. Their leader...his roommate...who hasn't had a job in 2 years, used to be a skin head too.


I just don't get it I guess. True maybe if I had been super sweet the whole time it would have lasted longer, but how much? If he had it in his character to end it that way...it would have been something else that sparked it. I never thought he could end things that way. He even apparently was telling others "I had trouble making rent because I had to take her out. I had to sell my things to give her money" that's bs. I never wouid have made him do that. Sure he paid for a lot of our dates but we didnt go to many fancy places (the one we did was not my request) and I still pitched in. He said he had his money plenty under control, his total expenses were maybe $ 600 a month because his rent was $ 300 all bills, no car payment etc. our last few dates, I paid for mostly and even gave him gas money! It frustrates me immensely he wouid say this. If that's how he felt, it was by his own delusions. If you can't make rent, don't say you can take me out and you always have a hefty savings and money management account etc. makes no freaking sense.

I got a better job and was moving up, I felt like he was just stagnant and floating. Not doing much. I watched him lie to his dad about the shift he would work the next day about his fictitious job. I know there was nobody else, I didn't think ending it like this was in his character but he def is not a cheater. Plus, we spent every moment daily together. He was rather a homebody outside me...he just, blew up?

Lol!

I miss him, I miss the good times. But my friends were like "Jesus why do you always tell us all the red flags AFTER it ends? Is it because you think we wouid say hell no and run? Because we wouid have."

We had a spat pretty much the weekend before. We took Facebook quizzes about how many kids you would have. When we got together, I told him I would be fine if I had none. If it changed, more like one in my 30s and after I was settled in my career and got to travel. He said he felt the same. On my quiz I got 1 kid. He got 3. He very seriously says "no I really want 3 kids. It's an after thought for you but I will plan my kids around it." I'm looking at a guy who has no job and wants to play swords all day. I said I may not even be able to have kids because stomach issues and he says "well the important thing is we are together now"

His goal, was also to be the stay at home dad apparently. Um no. I don't ever want to be a stay at home mom, but I won't be fully supporting my child AND husband.

I'm a Gemini. I crush easily. But I can say for sure I've been in love only twice.

I'm just so done with the whole dating thing and rather void. If a guy so much as asks me out or blows up my phone I just get really annoyed. I'm pretty much done. When I feel okay to date again (won't be for awhile) I will take it extremely slow and start off just getting to know them. I don't have a big ego, I'm a hopeless romantic in love with the idea of love. But I can be a hell of a lot picky from now on and certainty not try hard. If a guy can't meet my expectations after I say what they are then I won't stress trying to get them to. I'll just move on.

The thought of being physical with a man right now is kind of gross. I wouid rather be celibate until I can find something worthwhile than do emotionless empty sex. And I don't want a relationship anytime soon. I've been taking this time to focus on work, school, my fitness and health, and figure out myself as a person and be more secure. I love hanging out with my friends and our outings. With my new job, my friend says I've gone into the "imma independent woman, I don't need no man to buy my dinner. I do what I want. -swerve-" phase. Which I hardly think is a bad one!
Nothing like major life changes after heart break. I didnt even take it this hard after my 4 year ended.

Well, I didn't know all of this upfront. It kind of came piece by piece later on when my feelings were already heavily invested. I try not too be overly concerned with people's past, but now I know I should be

Gemini sun
Aquarius rising
Libra moon
Gemini mercury
Cancer Venus
Cancer mars

Why are you consciously choosing a loser as a lover? Figure out why you choose to be with a man who admit he likes men. What in the hell. I really mean. Who does that? Are you fucked up emotionally/mentally? I don't know why an emotionally healthy heterosexual woman would want a man with anger issues, has a thing for men/lady boys, pathological liar etc etc. Does not make sense?

Better get that poor relationship pattern in check before you end up being a 40 something year old single woman stuck on stupid messing with fucked up men and at that age no one will care to listen to a woman that never learned how to heed red flags.

Posted by tiki33
Why are you consciously choosing a loser as a lover? Figure out why you choose to be with a man who admit he likes men. What in the hell. I really mean. Who does that? Are you fucked up emotionally/mentally? I don't know why an emotionally healthy heterosexual woman would want a man with anger issues, has a thing for men/lady boys, pathological liar etc etc. Does not make sense?

Better get that poor relationship pattern in check before you end up being a 40 something year old single woman stuck on stupid messing with fucked up men and at that age no one will care to listen to a woman that never learned how to heed red flags.

Woah okay. Kindly fuck off. Looks like something is hitting home to illicit that strong of a reaction.

It's not like I was choosing this type of person on purpose, he had good qualities too and made me happy for awhile. These were very small bi occurrences years ago. I think many people are more bi than they will let alone.

A lot of us have had some sort of experimental phase. It's not like he was having sex or something.

Many of these things were not shown to me until later. It's a learning experience. A lot of this was in his past (anger etc.) love makes you blind.

I'm just trying to figure out why he handled the break up the way he did. But the more I think about it, the more I feel he did me a favor.

It's not like all of my relationships were fucked up. As for a boyfriend, he was very good to me until he snapped (minus the laziness etc I mentioned.) none of his relationships were normal.

But my longterm ex was a never touched a drug, cig, rarely drank, was a honor roll student and became a successful engineer when he graduated.

With each experience, you learn what you do and don't like in a relationship. It's a learning experience, that's what dating is...not jumping into marriage.

It's not like I dated someone that currently did drugs and/or absused me etc

I think that could have been it too, but why just end it like that with no communication? So cold and abrupt.

"Awhile" prob meant a week. We were bickering more the week before. But if I was him and I wasn't happy...when I came to him 3 weeks before and told him I really needed to see improvement in some areas to stay, I wouldn't have begged to he given a chance. I wouid just say "you know, I don't think this is really working out, I don't think I can give you what you need" etc simple!

You're right about the damn vultures. I just came for opinions, constructive ones. I didnt ask to be assaulted and attacked!

I would have been okay with a more detailed text. To be able to have a little phone call to truly get an explanation and closure. It's still a cop out, but I would have far preferred that than being left in the dark.

The text said I don't THINK...

I've said that loads of times. The true tell was being deleted from Facebook and him posting the single status. He didnt even acknowledge when I wrote a very thought out, kind message. Nothing to berate him, apologized for my flaws and things I could have done better but ultimately just saying I respect his decision but I wouid like to know why it was so abrupt and why he could be so cold to someone he cared about.

We had one of our best dates the weekend before. Hell, the night before he cooked for us, helped with my homework and snuggled up to me and says how much he loves me. Even makes plans for the next day. I had just switched hormones the day before so I was extra moody, I went from a triphasic to a monophasic pill...he knew how it was, and I was mostly doing it for him.

So yeah I was a little moody the day of the break up when he was showing blatant laziness with answering texts and acting so nonchalant about a job interview. "I did well, but everyone else did just as good" really? Have some confidence.

I told him I sensed he was upset and if he could talk to me. After no response I put "because I love being ignored..." That's when I blew up and ended it ever so abruptly.

Just that morning he was all sweet. And the week before he wrote out on how he loves me when I'm happy, sad, when I'm doing something that Annoys him, when I'm mad, when I smile. That he loves me all the time. Right...

I just don't understand how a normal person can just snap and do that to someone they were so serious with. He was days away from buying a plane ticket to Florida

There were things I disliked. I loved his shell and his loving nature and just cuddling and clicking so well. But I think in the beginning when I fell in love, he was trying hard to be something he really wasnt to please me. When he started letting his true colors show and I was always getting onto him he prob felt like "well she will never accept me."

I was trying to mold him. But you can't make someone have motivation and drive, I felt like I was going higher and he was just...there. That his only motivation was his Viking stuff. And I told him that, I was always honest

I wanted him to be too but I don't think he really knows what he wants and is insecure

Thanks, you are right. I'm just an over thinker

I could have also been tricked into it because he had the same bday as my first ex and I thought it was my second chance at love and fate

Always compared them too.

All of the issues I had, I talked right then and there with him. He never had to wonder what I was upset over

He couldn't do that. I had to squeeze him for him to express his troubles and worries. Even then I couldn't get them all.

Knowing he had anxiety and depression would have been helpful in the beginning...

I'm very open and upfront of my general expectations when I start dating

I would rather rule out mismatches earlier than later

Weakness gets to me. I mean, things are making more sense now that seemed minuscule before.

He quit smoking and we were having fun at the bar. Doing karaoke. Someone was smoking next to him and he wanted one, so he was going to have us both leave just because he couldn't control his urge. I was annoyed that he wouid spoil both people's fun because he couldn't get a grasp on his addiction. I told him to be strong etc.

I've just never touched drugs or addictive things and have incredible will power, it bothers me when others use it to enable them and as a cop out. I've had family members and friends that had addictions ruin their life and I am not an enabler nor do I believe in running etc.

The thing with his job should have been a clue too.

I wanted to work with him but he didnt give me a chance and was not open and honest about his feelings. I watched him lie to family and friends to save face

I know that is very true, and he has his faults clearly...but I feel at blame.

A month after and I'm still thinking about it a million times a day beating myself up. Wondering if I had just been more this, or less of that...if he had just talked to me! I worry that I could have missed out on a great relationship and blame myself. Just like with my first ex. Deep down I know it wasnt meant to be though.

I think he did care...but it all boiled into resentment until he exploded and he took the cowards way and deserted.

Just a week before also he offered to pay for my medical bills and help with my blood work and I denied it.

The criminal justice major in me has got to dissect absolutely everything and figure out why and how. I really was into him and I got badly burned, it's been so long since I loved and it lasted so short. I wonder if I will find that one for me.

He also says I was more social than him. I'm not a clubber or a partier but I work, babysit weekly, go to school, and work out 3-5x a week. I'm busy, friends are busy...we make plans. And I have a looot of friends. I always had plans set up (of course I always ran it by him) but I could never be content staying at home all the time. I'm not a homebody. He says at times he felt like it was too much in your face social but he was getting used to it. I toned it down for him. It boils down to me at least needing to go out a few times a week. Like 2-3. Stuff like a movie, play, dinner. I'm too old for the parties

Thank you everyone for the helpful advice. I just need to vent and talk about my feelings 🙂

I just feel really bad. He pulled the dick move but I'm over here feeling bad and wishing I was more empathetic and not so set in my ways.

Posted by feby

Posted by Agentgem24
Thank you everyone for the helpful advice. I just need to vent and talk about my feelings 🙂

We understand, air signs I mean. I was talking to a libra and a Gemini the other day just exactly about that. The need to vent without judgment.
It's just part of the process. Get it all out. Everything will be ok.

click to expand

🙂 what's your sign?


It's just crazy how both Leo's I was with had the same birthday but very different tempers.

2nd was very hot headed, a push over, moody, hot and cold.

Even when we were together and younger first Leo was as calm as could be. Collected. I could get super moody and was at my worst with the depo shot and he never Lost his temper or snapped at me. Not in 4 years. I need that calmness and patience in a man. I'll admit I can be hard to handle, but if a man is calm I immediately cool off. I just need that person to talk to.

I also need someone to stand up for themselves. Unintentionally I can manipulate if they are a total push over. I don't do it on purpose. But if they stand their ground I like that and admire it greatly. First was good at that...2nd was not

I want a man I can look up to, not get on like their mom and make sure they didnt oversleep for work and school again

Posted by feby
I'm an Aquarius with a libra moon 🙂

I needed a man like that as well and I found him in an Aries 🙂 I know I'm an intense person so a man who is calm and collected is best for me. I've realized that most of our 'disagreements' are from things I start and usually he's confused about what's going on LOL. 😛

We are very similar!!

That's good 🙂 I'm glad you found someone good. I feel like first Leo and I that were our only arguements.

I hope I can find someone like that again. I'm intense, bold, unfiltered, slightly ditzy, prying (lawyer like) can be pretty jealous, judging, and I'm also very sensitive and moody:,
But I've calmed down a lot with my new hormones and work outs. I can be pretty needy in the communication and attention area so I need a guy that's good at that too lol

They have to have clean records for my career

I was willing to overlook a guy with a dwi 2 years ago because even my dad had one but he said he still wasnt off probation. My dads lasted 6 months. I felt like something was fishy and it had to be a 2nd offense or something more. I was like nope!

I can't believe how many ppl have felonies. I don't care if you were 18 and dumb...if it's on your record and I date you, I can't ever get into the FBI. Not worth risking

Hah oh man! Well I am on birth control. Not like I need it for intimacy right now, but it's more to regulate my cycle. I have endometriosis and it's the only way to regulate me. My doctor also wants to test me for a blood clotting disease that only really affects women.

The depo shot put me into early menopause they said, poor first Leo...how patient he was. Then I had been on the pill that changes hormones weekly. I was better than on the shot, but I never knew how much better I could be until I got on the one consistent hormone. I'm much more rational which is why I think back to the relationship, I wonder why on earth I gave him such a hard time over things I could care less about now. Total transformation...but it's too late. -bangs head on wall-,

What do you mean by "ignoring all the issues?"

I've been celibate since we broke up, I think I'll stay this way until I can find something real later down the road. My mind is much more clear.

What do you mean by "ignoring all the issues?"

I've been celibate since we broke up, I think I'll stay this way until I can find something real later down the road. My mind is much more clear.

Sorry double post.

I guess there were other issues...he didnt seem to have commitment issues. He says he's "Ted Mosby"

His longest relationship was 2 years and he married her just because the military. His longest job was the military, he was in the Air Force for 2 years. The quitting things left and right. His sister was 24 and already had her masters, he was the oldest of 3

That picture though...LOL

Haha gawd.

I guess my first red flag could have been him saying he thought he could really fall in love with me after knowing me a week. Even me, as clingy and sensitive as I am was like, "ummmmm I need a min bro."

But he was very patient in the wait with physical. He even stopped me a few times from going further. He said "lets rest for a min and cuddle and revisit in 10 min when our hormones have died down to see if we still want to do this"


He...did something a couple after 50 years might do after 2.5 weeks. It was either that, or another ER trip though 0.o

We did have sex like 5-8x a week. Weird not having it now but I wouid rather do nothing than have empty.

I was trying to remember what made me so happy when I was younger with no guys to occupy my time and then I remembered...my friends of course, and ANIME!!' 🙂

Attack on Titan has helped me heal.

I could have sex right now..but I don't want to :/ the thought makes me sad.

LOL The truth hurts. We know he's fucked up but you're fucked up for loving and wanting a fucked up man.

Go back and read your own words. He does not communicate so exactly how did you expect him to handle it? A person who does not communicate will not provide an explanation as to why he dumped you.

The man was medicated all of his life, snapped at you, displayed anger and tantrums and yet you over look it all because he was good to you. Who the hell does that?. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You dated a man who has a back history of doing drugs recreational and heavy (meth), engage in orgies, engage in a violent hobby, engage in homosexual behavior, past behavior is an indicator into future behavior, this guy is a walking talking nightmare.

Well, he said he "tried meth once and liked it" did cocaine daily for 3 weeks, and got bored with it. Tried everything else 1-2x. It was mostly the pot that was daily.


There were other qualities that had me fall for him.




But really, I may need those excel lists Seraph lol

I wonder if it was the clash of his cap moon and my libra moon. Those aren't good mixes. Most of the cap men I've encountered are emotionless jerks. My friend is an Aqua, was dating a Cap man and he pretty much did the same thing. dumped her out of the blue. TWICE. Got back with her, then did it again 3 weeks later.



Also his Cancer Mercury for communication and mine in Gemini may have caused some discord.

Posted by Agentgem24


I was trying to remember what made me so happy when I was younger with no guys to occupy my time and then I remembered...my friends of course, and ANIME!!' 🙂

Attack on Titan has helped me heal.

Levi Ackerman sure would help a lot 😄

LEVI! ~.~

Although he seems kind of emotionless and dead eyed...if he provided some emotion.

Plus, he's a Cap. 😛 If you want a Leo man, go for Reiner Braun.

Anyways.. your ex sure had lots of issues. Be relieved he's out of your grasp. I mean, the happy times do not outweigh the bad times. Too many red flags.

Thanks Fox...I just have to keep telling myself that!

I always gravitate towards my first ex, always always after a break up. I wonder if I'll ever get over that one fully, I think of it as the "one that got away."

Caps and Scorps...smh.

This is def something I'll try to do more of. The Scorpio before him was out there (wasnt a cross dresser) but we didnt really have a spark. We had a friendship romance. I realized getting along and enjoying company was not the same as chemistry.

Leo assured me all of this stuff was in the past so as much as my alarms were going off, I wanted to believe him. The thought of orgies really upset me etc but I told myself it was years ago before I knew him.

He did teach me what love feels like I again. I know that initial spark I need, if I don't feel it I move on and don't waste my time. And also am much more cautious about red flags and guarded in the beginning

Well I almost ran into him yesterday, almost. We run in similar friend circles so it's bound to happen eventually to where he can't run and hide. Is this a typical Leo move? The cowardly lion.

I went to a movie quote along with friends, we were going to meet up with the hosts husband after for taco tues. he's also my friend, and my exes. Well they told me that my ex was there and if I still wanted to go. I had already planned on going and I wasn't going to let him spoil my fun with friends I don't get to see much. I knew it was likely he would flee when he knew I was coming, but I was still very nervous. I stuck to my guns and didnt back down though as much as I may have wanted. Libra moon cares much for public opinion, I would never make a public scene or display messy emotions no matter how turbulent things felt inside. He on the other hand, has public tantrums and mood swings so if anyone were to lose it and make themselves look bad...it wouid have been him. Maybe he was afraid he couldn't control his emotions and his friends wouid see him for the turbulent, unstable person he is? I'm not sure. I was kind of hoping he would be there so we could talk like adults, but I knew that was expecting too much for him to conduct himself maturely. I was going there either way though.

I just don't get why he insists on acting this way. Is he ashamed, hurt pride? He was the one that broke up with me, broke my heart, then just cowardly ran away with no explanation. He acts like I ran over his pet or put a thorn in his paw. So childish, I can't make sense of it. But then he may also seem to have a hard enough time figuring himself out and his sexuality. My first clue should have been him saying RENT was his favorite movie and when I asked jokingly if he wouid date the drag queen he said love comes in all forms and he identified as mostly as "pansexual." But he said this was also in his past and he could only be with a woman, despite the past...I was trying too hard to give him the benefit of doubt because I already committed to him prior to finding these things out. I don't run lightly where love and friendship is concerned

Future; take my sweet ass time and find out ALL the things before committing!

You are the common denominator.

Scorpio renaissance guy, Leo vikings guy...doesn't matter.

Not going to go through 6 pages, people already posted good advice for you in all the topics on men you ever had. Same shit, different guy.