Why should I care?

This topic was created in the Leo forum by FUM on Monday, July 29, 2013 and has 27 replies.
After a silent week between Leo and myself, I get bombarded by texst and phone call Saturday night, 11:30 pm.
I'm sleeping. Wake up by rings and text warnings.
"You've got mail, modafudder!". (Not the last one, that's my daughters signal, but it feels that way)
I try to ignore and continue sleep. I don't want to read what he is saying. I know what he wants at this hour.
"I wish you were awake".
"You've got mail!" "I wish you were here."...
I try to bury my head under the pillow. No, FUM, you have to let this one go.
"I'm by myself. Alone."
Suddenly, thoughts flood my mind. I miss him, but no... I've been holding on well.
Don't respond!
Hello! Is that a booty call?
He giggles. I'm sorry, did I wake you up?
Yes, you did. Why are you calling me?
Can you come? I'm alone. We can hang out.
Uh mm... I don't know. You are not going to touch me and we should be fine.
"I promise, I won't."
So I get dressed. Head to his place. We watch a movie, 'John Carter'.
He massages my back, but I'm on high alert. He tells me to relax.
I tell him, "I am not going to have sex with you!"
No... that's OK, I just want you to relax.
We talk. He is addicted to some game lately. He says it's waste of time. I have to get rid of that game. I tell him not to. It's an escape. If it is not that, you will look for some other form of escape.
????
I don't know the background but I definitely wouldn't be at his place watching a movie on Saturday night without formal plans.
If it were me I would tell I'm coming over and roll the hell over, phone off, getting in some sleep. He'd never know he's that important to me.
No man is that important to me unless he's a husband that I'd risk my life at night to get a back massage and movie late night pm early am.
Now that he know you will get out of your bed, night clothes etc to get a glimpse of him he's sure your desperate or why else do that. What an ego boost for him, hell no for me.
Time 4 am.
He is feely touchy. I keep to myself. For the third time he gets too close. I attempt to leave.
He suddenly bursts. He is at the verge of crying.
"You are so cold towards me".
Well I can't do this. I missed talking to you but I'm not going to sleep with you.
He looks so defeated. My heart melts. I don't want to see him hurt.
I hug him tightly. Please don't be mad at me. I'm going through millions of thoughts myself. Do you think I figured it all out?
5:30 am. I leave.
He calls my home to see if I arrived safely.
All Sunday I hope he contacts me.
I message him multiple times. He calls. It's an odd call. He calls, says he has to go. I say OK.
That's it.
He's gone quiet. He normally would just go on talking and talking and talking. But he doesn't.
Posted by tiki33
I don't know the background but I definitely wouldn't be at his place watching a movie on Saturday night without formal plans.
If it were me I would tell I'm coming over and roll the hell over, phone off, getting in some sleep. He'd never know he's that important to me.
No man is that important to me unless he's a husband that I'd risk my life at night to get a back massage and movie late night pm early am.
Now that he know you will get out of your bed, night clothes etc to get a glimpse of him he's sure your desperate or why else do that. What an ego boost for him, hell no for me.


I know him well smile
At least until recently.
I'm afraid he might be going into a depression. He is the married Leo, right?
I have discovered my spontaneous side with fire signs.
Yes.
I'm working on getting our friendship back.
It looks like damage has been done.
I've never done this before. So I don't know how to save a friendship after physical.
So I should just let go of invites and just answer phone when he feels like?
I'm at the stage of disgust.
It doesn't feel good.
I'm becoming hurtful. Especially, it feels bad when you care for the person's wellbeing.
No contact I guess. Such a waste. We could have done so much together. We both have high goals on our money making plans.
This female / male thing is getting in the way.
+1 Seraph
Why are you friends with a married man? Is he divorced/separated?
Since he was alone. Where was his wife?
You do know he desired sex with you so why not give it to him or stay your behind at home.
Play with fire you gonna get burned. Go into the lions den you will submit to his will (eventually) or be ousted and rejected.
He's rejecting you now because the intent was to get some booty...Give him some booty or leave him alone.
Posted by tiki33
I don't know the background but I definitely wouldn't be at his place watching a movie on Saturday night without formal plans.
If it were me I would tell I'm coming over and roll the hell over, phone off, getting in some sleep. He'd never know he's that important to me.
No man is that important to me unless he's a husband that I'd risk my life at night to get a back massage and movie late night pm early am.
Now that he know you will get out of your bed, night clothes etc to get a glimpse of him he's sure your desperate or why else do that. What an ego boost for him, hell no for me.


That's exactly what I was thinking. Next time, politely decline if you're hoping to maintain a friendship with him. Going to his house at midnight is sending mixed signals... that's booty call time, not we are friends and kicking it time.
From my first impression, the only sentence that kept running through my mind was- dear FUM, what are you doing, being at beck and call for a Leo man? What happened to self-respect and dignity? This was not an emergency, for heaven's sake if he wanted an after-hours dessert to go with his drink (namely you) he could have gone elsewhere. You can do far better than that.
Regardless of situation or circumstances, unless it was an absolute dire emergency, a man whom would call one up at that time of the evening, whining and whinging will most certainly not receive a response from one, how old is he? A child, thinking he could fool one? Ludicrous. It would warrant a curt but polite enough response of a No and off one goes to sweet yonder land of restful sleep.
Frankly, if you were to ask yourself, after such an episode, do you truly think a friendship could flourish, since he managed to twist, push and pull to have his way, getting you to actually agree upon the audacity to travel to his place, during the wee hours of morning, for what? His entertainment, his satisfaction, his amusement? Since he is aware of his influence over you, he will keep trying until your Will breaks or until he is but bored with you and goes in search of another. Truth be told, do you wish to be one subject to such treatments, to only be that woman he finds as a bedding bemusement?
Then to hear he is but a married man as well, whom have been looking outside his marriage for sex?! Come now FUM, do you truly want such an individual in your life, is it worthwhile? Do give it a good think, sit down and truly ponder upon it. Otherwise, please do yourself a favour and run.
You are right.
For those who do not know, he was separated for a year when I first started talking to him. He was oversees and used to call me daily. It's been 5 years now we've known each other.
Since he's back with wife - you guys are right. - there is no place for me. It's crowded.
But we have maintained good friendship until recently when friendship turned into more.
I'm struggling.
As seraph suggested, I will completely cut my ties of contact.
We mainly meet at nights. For a while we met in the mornings to do work together. So it's not unusual for us to meet in the late wee hours. However since our relation changed direction, it has become harder to go back to the way it was before.
FUM dear, as long as you do not make up excuses for him, to justify his behaviour, why? For there is absolutely no need for it. Frankly, he sounds like an utter mess, not anything you can do about it nor anything you can fix about it either. Within all this, you seem to have entangled up emotions of your own, it truly is time for you to take a great big step back and see what the greater picture is. at stake. Complete annihilation of all contacts for the moment, would do you well, one supposes, so you may find your own core foundations again. As of now, you are swimming, or worst semi-drowning.
He have chosen to go back to his wife, that have been a decision he have chosen, yet despite all this he chooses to attempt to get sex out of you, through the situation in which you have shared, come now, did you feel him push for it, in that direction? If he did, there is no going back, he will keep trying and trying and trying, until he gets what he wants. If you succumb, who will be hurt? You will most certainly be, because who knows, he may toss you away afterwards, got the cake, ate it, now bored in need of variety, nobody will know.
Therefore it is best to break everything, and stay level-headed. Best wishes to you though and your situation.

(Advice based upon what little one have known of your situation.)
Side Note: Do excuse my spelling and grammatical errors...
Thank you LadyScorp.
I realize he is utter mess. Him and his wife had very rocky road in getting back together and I was strong support in the background. Their falling out was due to her getting pregnant by another guy.
Not that I want to put her down or find excuse for myself. Just saying, it didn't have to do with me. He accepted her back for the children.
He should stick to that.
I don't have business in that man's life.
So I tell myself, if he is in mess, then he should find ways to get out.
Why am I taking on his burden?
I have my weaknesses and desires too. I'm no Saint.
It will require resistance and hard work.
I'm neglecting my work. I don't want to get out of bed.
My mom called and I cried on the phone.
If he is in a mess, he does not have to get out of it, if he choses not to. That is not up to you nor anyone else's help, decision, influence or what not, but that man is playing hot potato. What he does need to do, is stick to his own guns, stay with his choices and decisions.
I quote- "I don't have business in that man's life."
Then stay out of it, by being his supposed 'friend', it only fuels unnecessary drama, which you know will occur because 'emotions', whether you chose to regard them or not, will become inter-tangled, over, well, nothing particularly solid nor worthwhile for you as of now, except utter stress and negativity.
Be practical and efficient, if he does not add to your life in any which way at all, then let it go, no point fighting/investing in something in which you will plan to bin, later on. No one said you are a saint, but you know what he is 'doing', which is evidently clear by his actions shown thus far, one may look upon it from various perspectives, but it is what it is. Is the sex worthwhile? especially with all this emotional entanglement? One would like to say no, but you are an adult you will make your own decisions.
Take care of yourself first and foremost, forget about all this, do not let him have his reigns on you, let it be, every reaction you give, the bolder he will get as seraph already stated. Put yourself back together lady, the world will not end because of him and clearly, your current emotional state is but all over the place, you need to stablise it, as soon as possible or else you may do something that you will not otherwise do, with a sane head.
What he does need to do, is stick to his own guns, stay with his choices and decisions.
This sentence, LadyScorp, triggered a powerful effect in me. It feels like I'm breathing again.
I can't handle emotional stuff very well, therefore I stay away from it.
He keeps referring to a time when he was planning on committing suicide. That's a time when he went quiet.
I hoped for joining powers in our businesses. He has valuable knowledge in his field. We complement areas in each other that would be highly profitable as outcome. But at this time, I don't think I can trust him. His instability has worn me down.
Our focus has shifted and turned destructive.

Hugs. smile
When an individual could but hardly keep his personal affairs in tact, that already predicts how he will eventually become, unveiling himself to his future possible conduct in the business arena as well. Do keep that in mind, he may have valuable knowledge in his field, but I could guarantee you, he would not be the only one, there will be others as well, and at the rate he is going, with him unable to keep his emotional issues under control. Imagine, simply imagine, if that were to spill over into your 'mutual' (?) businesses, catastrophic, especially if he choses to turn destructive and abolish things, perhaps taking you down because of the strained supposed 'friendship' between you two.
You have a reputation and good name to uphold in your field, if successful, and this one 'mistake' or any slight mishap with him, could cost you greatly and terribly so.
Always keep, business and personal matters entirely separate.
(Hug) smile
+1 TheLadyScorpio
Give his sorry as back to his wife. She took a cheating loser back into her life and when she finds out and she will eventually find out she will be devastated, you don't want to be devastated too so get out while you can before it's too late.
Is he an July Leo or August Leo? Just curious.
He chose his wife. Accept his decision and choose to no longer be his fallback girl. The one he falls back on for emotional intimacy and emotional support which includes sex (if you're having sex or had sex).
RAISE YOUR AWARENESS SO YOU CAN RAISE YOUR STANDARDS. Right now your moral code is diminishing and what follows is the self love and self respect will diminish right behind it.
He's not worth the BS your going through. Go no contact if you can and if you can't go no contact your fucked...Just get a good psychiatrist if you can't leave the selfish greedy lion alone, you're going to need one.
It wasn't him who was cheating loser. It is THE WIFE who cheated and probably still does. SHE has a BABY by some other guy.
That's why they split.
Again.. I am not giving excuse for anything, tiki.
I'm done with him.
I don't want a man who is inbetween. I know they don't have a physical relation. But all that doesn't matter. What matters is he is not available.
I don't want to play the hiding 'other woman'.
NO WAY!
It hurts me deep down for being sucked into shit like this.
And yes.... I AM BLAMING THE GUY! It is popularly believed that the woman is always at fault, but no.. the GUY is at fault.
Besides, I don't need a psychiatrist. I slept it off today. I'm a strong girl and tommorrow is a new day.
Any guy who puts me into this situation, does not deserve my slightest empathy.



Posted by FUM

I don't have business in that man's life.
So I tell myself, if he is in mess, then he should find ways to get out.
Why am I taking on his burden?
I have my weaknesses and desires too. I'm no Saint.
It will require resistance and hard work.u
I'm neglecting my work. I don't want to get out of bed.
My mom called and I cried on the phone.


1st YOU should care because both of you still No.1 to the other but very deeeeep inside, in English: still in love no matter if you find another partner each, > Which brings the next big question: IF his wife was the other woman -you both were in a relation before he knew her- AND you were kinda cold with him at some point giving him an indirect green light to cheat without a purpose from you -which might made him worried a lot-, THEN his idea of a new partner came out and now he is playing on the two ropes trying his luck with both of you? what if he found stability and happiness with one? he'll forget about the other so easily, Which Im sure its not his bloody wife, Dont you think its a much smaller guilt than the one you have in your mind? You have a bigger mind -more powerful- in this, he has the bigger heart..
Posted by FUM
What he does need to do, is stick to his own guns, stay with his choices and decisions.
This sentence, LadyScorp, triggered a powerful effect in me. It feels like I'm breathing again.
I can't handle emotional stuff very well, therefore I stay away from it.


Here you want to believe the idea of setting yourself free from your heart, your not in misery yet, Scorpios are the most powerful -well as I hear- but can you resist your heart? will you get more powerful or more powerless as a result? You are just in a swimming pool busy with the drama of sinking just fighting water! While in fact you can do the best, too much drama is not healthy >> 123 push breath.. 123 push breath.. THAT is misery..
Curtis smile
Thank you for putting it the way you did. What if I was before wife? What if he has found stability in me.
All this is true. We both know we found stability and harmony in each other and both our strengths combined, we can go far with our dreams.
Ironically, SHE is there before me. She had given up on him and he on her. They are together for the children, but also their financials wouldn't allow to split.
If Leo really wants what he claims he wants, he has to take his big heart and put it into practice.
I can't tell him to leave wife. I'm also not good in hanging in there. Leo keeps telling me to hang on, but I lost my balance.
When I think of him not responding to me because he has to be careful with wife.... I get sick to my stomach. He keeps assuring me, sometimes he is just to busy with work and can't respond. But I already started behaving like an imbalanced person.
Posted by curtis
Posted by FUM
What he does need to do, is stick to his own guns, stay with his choices and decisions.
This sentence, LadyScorp, triggered a powerful effect in me. It feels like I'm breathing again.
I can't handle emotional stuff very well, therefore I stay away from it.


Here you want to believe the idea of setting yourself free from your heart, your not in misery yet, Scorpios are the most powerful -well as I hear- but can you resist your heart? will you get more powerful or more powerless as a result? You are just in a swimming pool busy with the drama of sinking just fighting water! While in fact you can do the best, too much drama is not healthy >> 123 push breath.. 123 push breath.. THAT is misery..
click to expand


I hoped he kept his distance from me and we could maintain friendship until he has cleaned up his act and in a state where he can decide if he wants to move on or stay with wife.
In the meantime, we'd be still in good relation. It wouldn't hurt so much when you don't get too close to each other, meaning... if I don't mix my soul and heart with his.
My personality is different. I panic when my emotions are affected. He's been the stabilizer by constantly assuring he is not going anywhere.
Anyway, it's complicated.
Posted by FUM
Curtis smile
All this is true. We both know we found stability and harmony in each other and both our strengths combined, we can go far with our dreams.
Ironically, SHE is there before me. She had given up on him and he on her. They are together for the children, but also their financials wouldn't allow to split.
If Leo really wants what he claims he wants, ##he has to take his big heart and put it into practice.##
I can't tell him to leave wife. I'm also not good in hanging in there. Leo keeps telling me to hang on, but I lost my balance.
##He keeps assuring me##, sometimes he is just to busy with work and can't respond. But I already started behaving like an imbalanced person.



smile .. 1st Im sorry about my little English -Im an Arab- just looked the definition of "ironically" maybe you meant the opposite of what you said.. if you were the other woman its another story, 2nd if a DUMB Leo really wants he might not be able to express proper.. he keeps assuring you.. and stuff, dont you think its worth it and you have a role kinda responsibility -for you AND him- making him realize a thing that he really dont and would even wish to??!! Thats the way it is if he invented a gym for his heart still he wont be able to see from it smile neither his mind, you are in the other hand the one who SEE -thats something you can take for your advantage in the power battling between you two-.. see you are fighting water, a human body would float naturally btw, you naturally want to control and its somehow a battle of power between both of you I know but you always can do it in another way -you are a Scorpio and know what I mean-..
You don't have to apologize for your English, Curtis. Thank you for communicating with me and I believe I clearly understand what you mean. smile
By using 'ironically' in the above context, I meant the opposite. You are very observant. Meaning, you caught on that detail even though English is not your first language.
It is called Satire.
Interesting that two Leos suggested I fight for him. Or perhaps wait for him and let things naturally unfold.
That's what he wanted too. That I wait for him and he will find a solution.
Posted by FUM
You don't have to apologize for your English, Curtis. Thank you for communicating with me and I believe I clearly understand what you mean. smile
By using 'ironically' in the above context, I meant the opposite. You are very observant. Meaning, you caught on that detail even though English is not your first language.
It is called Satire.
Interesting that two Leos suggested I fight for him. Or perhaps wait for him and let things naturally unfold.
That's what he wanted too. That I wait for him and he will find a solution.


thaaanx smile

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