Addictive Love Relationships
This topic was created in the Libra forum by LiBrat on Saturday, March 18, 2006 and has 6 replies.
Long article, but pretty good to read:
There are two fascinating qualities that can enter into our lives or the lives of those we care for at any moment: love and addiction. At first these two may appear to be strange bedfellows: love evokes pleasurable images of couples passionately embracing or tenderly gazing into each others' eyes, while addiction brings up a darker, grim, even desperate image of people struggling against a part of themselves that is out of control. Yet at their core, both have in common a profound spiritual yearning, the desire to transcend the self, to experience powerful states of bliss and ecstasy and to merge with and feel a part of something greater than oneself.
In a rational, left-brain dominated culture such as ours, where opportunities for transformative, visionary experiences are limited (and are even consciously suppressed by some individuals and institutions), love and addiction have become two of the most common vehicles of modern life for experiencing powerful, ecstatic, altered states of consciousness, temporarily removing us from the mundane routines of everyday life and seemingly opening up powerful new dimensions of reality and possibility. With addictions, of course, these new dimensions turn out to be wisps of smoke, mirrors and illusion, as the reality of the addiction eventually crashes down upon the user's life. And even with love, which has its own set of illusions and tricks, we can start out by honoring a strong, compelling inner pull, yet end up in pain and isolation.
Together, however, love and addiction are an even more dangerous combination, feeding multiple illusions and fantasies about who we are and what we are capable of. The dynamic duo of denial and discounting of negative consequences can help us rationalize any unhealthy situation. We may reframe a desire to constantly be with our partner as finally having met our true soul mate. We may rationalize our isolation and avoidance of others as a need to deepen our connection. While our egos may tell us that we are genuinely in love, in reality we may be in need, in lust or in addiction.
In such relationships people will often say, "When it's good, it's soooo good! And when it's bad, it's horrible." This is because addictive love relationships tend to be melodramatic roller coasters, characterized by excessive intensity and a lack of personal boundaries. Individual needs, personal friendships or work responsibilities may suffer due to a strong need to merge with the beloved. There is often a need to maintain a constant, close connection with the other person, borne out of an insecurity that if the person is away for too long, they will find someone else more interesting or attractive.
Addictive relationships are typically compulsive in nature, using sex and/or togetherness as a way to avoid dealing with each other's genuine feelings. Both parties may feel incomplete in and of themselves, and constantly look to the other for validation and feelings of self-worth. Underlying this addictive process is generally a fear of true closeness or intimacy and an emptiness of self that we seek to fill up with the other person.
An interesting process occurs in addictive relationships: they inevitably elicit uncomfortable feelings. Someone begins to feel smothered or sexually objectified. Intense arguments grow out of trivial acts. The lover's touch is suddenly cold, without passion. Or the bad times begin to far outnumber the good ones. While one could conclude at this point that you were merely incompatible, there is a more profound opportunity present. Sometimes it is the pain or confusion that breaks open our hearts, that asks us to look inside honestly and openly, that opens up the genuine possibility of growth and change. When viewed with non-judgmental awareness and openhearted receptivity and an understanding of the deeper yearnings that addictive love expresses, love and
There are two fascinating qualities that can enter into our lives or the lives of those we care for at any moment: love and addiction. At first these two may appear to be strange bedfellows: love evokes pleasurable images of couples passionately embracing or tenderly gazing into each others' eyes, while addiction brings up a darker, grim, even desperate image of people struggling against a part of themselves that is out of control. Yet at their core, both have in common a profound spiritual yearning, the desire to transcend the self, to experience powerful states of bliss and ecstasy and to merge with and feel a part of something greater than oneself.
In a rational, left-brain dominated culture such as ours, where opportunities for transformative, visionary experiences are limited (and are even consciously suppressed by some individuals and institutions), love and addiction have become two of the most common vehicles of modern life for experiencing powerful, ecstatic, altered states of consciousness, temporarily removing us from the mundane routines of everyday life and seemingly opening up powerful new dimensions of reality and possibility. With addictions, of course, these new dimensions turn out to be wisps of smoke, mirrors and illusion, as the reality of the addiction eventually crashes down upon the user's life. And even with love, which has its own set of illusions and tricks, we can start out by honoring a strong, compelling inner pull, yet end up in pain and isolation.
Together, however, love and addiction are an even more dangerous combination, feeding multiple illusions and fantasies about who we are and what we are capable of. The dynamic duo of denial and discounting of negative consequences can help us rationalize any unhealthy situation. We may reframe a desire to constantly be with our partner as finally having met our true soul mate. We may rationalize our isolation and avoidance of others as a need to deepen our connection. While our egos may tell us that we are genuinely in love, in reality we may be in need, in lust or in addiction.
In such relationships people will often say, "When it's good, it's soooo good! And when it's bad, it's horrible." This is because addictive love relationships tend to be melodramatic roller coasters, characterized by excessive intensity and a lack of personal boundaries. Individual needs, personal friendships or work responsibilities may suffer due to a strong need to merge with the beloved. There is often a need to maintain a constant, close connection with the other person, borne out of an insecurity that if the person is away for too long, they will find someone else more interesting or attractive.
Addictive relationships are typically compulsive in nature, using sex and/or togetherness as a way to avoid dealing with each other's genuine feelings. Both parties may feel incomplete in and of themselves, and constantly look to the other for validation and feelings of self-worth. Underlying this addictive process is generally a fear of true closeness or intimacy and an emptiness of self that we seek to fill up with the other person.
An interesting process occurs in addictive relationships: they inevitably elicit uncomfortable feelings. Someone begins to feel smothered or sexually objectified. Intense arguments grow out of trivial acts. The lover's touch is suddenly cold, without passion. Or the bad times begin to far outnumber the good ones. While one could conclude at this point that you were merely incompatible, there is a more profound opportunity present. Sometimes it is the pain or confusion that breaks open our hearts, that asks us to look inside honestly and openly, that opens up the genuine possibility of growth and change. When viewed with non-judgmental awareness and openhearted receptivity and an understanding of the deeper yearnings that addictive love expresses, love and
Interesting article Librat.
Given this article a bit more thought.
I think this happens the moment you can no longer walk away. From my experience, for relationships to be healthy, you have to be detached enough to be able to walk away. Unfortunetly, unconditional love does not exist. The moment you accept someone REGARDLESS of how they treat you, the power balance shifts and the relationship becomes a burden, not a joy.
I think this happens the moment you can no longer walk away. From my experience, for relationships to be healthy, you have to be detached enough to be able to walk away. Unfortunetly, unconditional love does not exist. The moment you accept someone REGARDLESS of how they treat you, the power balance shifts and the relationship becomes a burden, not a joy.
Hmmmm...Good read !!!
I'd say try an Addictive Love relationship once ....*ONLY* once though !!! like being 'Head over Christian LaCroix Heels in Lurrvvee
Bling: What shoes do you wear? Pls don't say Manelos
I'd say try an Addictive Love relationship once ....*ONLY* once though !!! like being 'Head over Christian LaCroix Heels in Lurrvvee
Bling: What shoes do you wear? Pls don't say Manelos
Aquaaqi:
Love the sandals, Very nice.
Bling and Prime:
My my, but aren't the two of you conservative at heart...
Wearing golf shoes in the snow, very smart thing to do.
I took my cowboy boots with me to Boston. I wore them on my way to school. Found some black ice quite by accident, I slipped and broke my ass infront of everybody. I thought I was so damn cool with those boots.
I was wearing a mink stole as well. Thought it would look BAM with the boots, kind of chic-western.
Never again.
Love the sandals, Very nice.
Bling and Prime:
My my, but aren't the two of you conservative at heart...
Wearing golf shoes in the snow, very smart thing to do.
I took my cowboy boots with me to Boston. I wore them on my way to school. Found some black ice quite by accident, I slipped and broke my ass infront of everybody. I thought I was so damn cool with those boots.
I was wearing a mink stole as well. Thought it would look BAM with the boots, kind of chic-western.
Never again.
Related Topics
This is pretty damn scary but I had to share with someone. Only watch if you have a warped sense of humor ....lol! Oh, and turn up your volume.
http://www.nbc.com/Video/videos/snl_1439_natalieraps.shtml
http://www.nbc.com/Video/videos/snl_1439_natalieraps.shtml
@purrrfect
Joined: Feb 25, 2006 · Topics: 50 · Posts: 2525
Oops, pardon my spelling, it's suppose to be "cappy meets crabby" LOL
@cappysweetie
Joined: Mar 18, 2006 · Topics: 499 · Posts: 23862
I just wanted to introduce myself before I start blabbering about my problems. I asked that you all bear with me because I am a very emotional when it comes to matters of the heart. My chart goes as follows:
Sun sign: Sagi/Capri cusp
Rising s
Sun sign: Sagi/Capri cusp
Rising s
@cappysweetie
Joined: Mar 18, 2006 · Topics: 499 · Posts: 23862
Pisces personality is a personality of an old person who has experienced whole life and time has come for him/her to move out. Since a kid Pisces faces with overwhelming amount of data, they cant process all of it without learning it meaning. Virgo on the
@haffo
Joined: Feb 15, 2005 · Topics: 354 · Posts: 9826
information from scorps please.....
@topazwoman
Joined: Nov 04, 2005 · Topics: 28 · Posts: 457
How many of you Scorpios have had sex with another Scorpio? How was it. I wanna know.
@BeautifulScorpion
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 115 · Posts: 665
Did it happen, to any of you guys, to wanna have sex, but couldn' get a full erection? If it happend...in what kind of circumstances?
@LeoCancer
Joined: Feb 16, 2006 · Topics: 16 · Posts: 23
I have a hard time arguing with
Aries
Okay I do like them. But there is too much of a power struggle going on here that is dreading. Like damn, just let me win the argument k? I know what I am talking about and you don't. So stop trying to de
Aries
Okay I do like them. But there is too much of a power struggle going on here that is dreading. Like damn, just let me win the argument k? I know what I am talking about and you don't. So stop trying to de
@BeautifulScorpion
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 115 · Posts: 665
All of my friends (...all 2 of them) are in bed by ten. So uh yeah...I can't complain to them so I guess I just gotta rant through this thing and post my misery here...lucky you...(sarcastic there k?)
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I just
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I just
@schoenetanz
Joined: Mar 13, 2006 · Topics: 62 · Posts: 5663
I'm new too this site...I'm sure this has been brought up before...Just curious.
@Judah
Joined: Mar 17, 2006 · Topics: 20 · Posts: 70