Arian/Libran relationship. I need opinions!

So my Libran ex got tired of the drama. Though I must say I toned it down with the flaring of my temper. I've even surprised myself. He's seen the change but isn't sold on trying anymore, saying he doesn't feel the same. He's not sure it could work out. Before he was certain and romantic while I was aloof and enjoyed his attention. But I've been increasingly understanding, affectionate and perhaps, sigh clingy. I don't know what to do now. I asked for space, two months, while he sorts his feelings out. We had been broken up for a month as I tried to fix things. Then I just asked key questions and decided to cut contact when he remained resolute. He says he must go through some issues on his own before he's ready. He was ready before. We were so sure we were going to get married. We would get an officiator and then later get an extravagant ceremony. He's messaged me on and off to deal with items being collected so I haven't had a chance for closure. I told him the items were his but he still contacts me about them. I suppose it's to remain relevant and ensure I still have a good opinion of him but he's not respecting my need for space nor does he want to reconcile and I'm understandably frustrated.

While we had amazing chemistry and so many things eerily in common; life goals, hobbies, tastes, dreams (nocturnal and hopeful) a' twin-flames' connection, the big and little things and I wouldn't want it to be all for naught, I feel perhaps I don't want to be with someone who could ever be okay with the thought of losing me. He brought out the it's not you it's me, I'm not ready, you're too good for me lines. I don't know how to read it because he's said and meant the last two other times he called it quits before. This back and forth is aging me. Though I feel refreshed and happy whenever we meet. It's been months, though. April. I just want stability, my old Libra back. :/

If you have any further questions that you think the answers to which would help determine my best next course of action, feel free to ask. I have lots of further detail that would help paint a clearer picture. As well as an e-mail I've been writing up that I just might send him...

What's done is done.

Firstly you need to understand with air signs (I'm Gemini) that if you don't control your emotions you will lose us. It is absolutely necessary at all cost to remain in control. This is the single sole reason why I left my Aries a long time ago. I had a relationship with an Aries that couldn't control his temper. The anger was always brewing. Not only was he looking for opportunities to fight physically with complete strangers, he was suspicious, and ridiculously bossy. Not with me per se but with outsiders mostly. Honestly it was taxing. As much as I like fire signs Leo is first, Aries is second followed by Sagittarius being third.

I remember this one time he almost shit his pants with excitement when he got to grapple with a stranger at a gas station. A lot of people were looking but he and this guy were rolling around on the flipping ground like a bunch of high school wrestlers punching the crap out of each other. All I know is the guy said something that I would have ignored but NOPE. This was prime for him. I wasn't amused.

Anyway the moral of the story is control your emotions. It's such a turn off for us. Signs for me particularly who look like slaves to their emotions are: Aries and Pisces mainly. Pisces is even worse. More so losing their dignity at the same time. For the love of god keep it in check.

Once we understand fully that you are not able to control yourself you have lost any type of "grip" on any of us air signs. Oxymoron? Absolutely. The two words "grip" and "air sign" just never goes together.

The mind is the driving force behind all of us. I have a moon and rising in Libra and I will tell you my biggest plight is trying to figure out if I really want to stay with a person after I have seen a possible deal breaker. Making up our minds is almost impossible. But once we have that's it. We spend a great deal of time thinking, weighing pros and cons. My guess is he is at his wits end. Once we make up our mind you're done. Bringer of bad news? Yes. But you made that choice. Once you started to spiral you noticed he became distant then you changed because of it. To him he's thinking "Ok now she is just making changes because she is going to lose me" when in all actuality you should have been changing before he became distant. Now it just looks like you're doing it to save face.

I apologize for raining on your parade and dousing the shit out of your little campfire.

You can never be too sure about us air signs. Ill be honest. Because our minds can change and the drop of a hat. The biggest mistake ever is losing your temper in public. I really sincerely hope this wasn't the case with you. You MUST be on your best behavior at all times especially with Libras. Take this as a lesson and move on.

Thanks for your honest opinion. Very insightful. I was at times hot-tempered but he agreed that my reactions were understandable a majority of the time. This Lbira guy, though sweet, had a problem with flirting with other girls. Including his ex. He recognized the issue and adjusted. Though slipped up in minor ways many times.. I recognized my temper and adjusted, though prefacing that it would take a while to get back into my perfect graces. This year, I went through a particularly traumatic experience, after which he started distancing himself whilst I healed emotionally and physically mostly on my own.

Point is, we both messed up. And we've both made adjustments. He was patient and I learned to take a chapter out of his book. Now he is uncertain. Like I was before. I had been two-timed in my previous relationship and was resolute about it not happening again. The relationship had its problems but not many, just one issue. Trust. Now that I believed he earned it back and I'm loving and affectionate, he's turned cold. Is this back and froth again? He says he still loves me but can't be with me right now/doesn't feel sure anymore. I take that to mean he's fallen out of love though he enjoys being cutesy with me and states he loves our convos and times together. He has a history of being depressed and fatalistic.

Anyway, there has been a lot of love here. I'm not sure if its one of his SAD episodes or if I should just cut loose and go. Doing that before, it turned out he needed me most. Most persons say just move on but even objectively considering his pessimistic approach to things, I don't want to leave my bet friend in the lurch. Even if he broke my heart,

Tmi? Lol I just want to give more of the picture. I tend to leave key things out. Thanks so much for answering!

Lol we live year round in summer-like conditions. So I'm not sure. He told me about his SAD himself. He's a textbook depressed, though. I've been there for him as he as he has been there for me. I'm just not sure if he's pushing me away because of his condition or he's used a logical approach to things. Objectively, apart from the emotions running their course, I've done my part to genuinely better myself and became more calm about things. Something I'd known I had to do before him. In our years together, I got more and more gentle though I still flared up but now I'm so very chill, haha. Except for this predicament. So I improved as did he, now what?

I asked if he was depressed or thought I didn't love him anymore but he's said it's not the depression and he feel we've hurt each other too much. Both things he's said before. And then ended up even more depressed on his own..I won't go into detail. So I'm at a loss here.

Why did I get an eerie feeling just now, geminicandle? 😕
I'm not wearing boots but they would be shaking in them if I were. :/

Aww, thanks everevolvingepithet. I appreciate your trying very much. I dunno what to do either. We match! 😄

Sometimes, you just have to realize that things just won't work, no matter how much you think you may love eachother.

Relationships take work, yes, but they aren't this hard. If it's this hard to get your shit together on both sides, something's wrong.

You should really just step back and live your life. You said you did, but from the sound of it, you don't really truly separate yourself. No contact, no "key questions" none of it.

The issue with Aries and Libras is that when it works, it's great, and when it doesn't, it's terrible. I think you two are just sticking around due to history and are clinging on to the good times. It sounds as if the bad times are outweighing the good times, so there really shouldn't be a reason you two stay together to torment eachother emotionally. I think the both of you are just having problems letting go of something that's highly dysfunctiotnal because you both are being far too idealistic in your approach.

If you two were truly meant to be together, there wouldn't be this many issues. That said, if you ARE meant to be together, maybe now isn't the time. It sounds like both of you have things to work out on your own and neither should be pursuing a relationship until they're worked out. Both of you need to just go be single, work on your issues, and maybe revisit the idea of a relationship later on down the road.

Oh slarklyrampig, you speak so much truth! T-T sigh. We came to this conclusion a few times but even then, the good times don't only exist in the past. We have a great time when we are together. And when speak. We both agree no one gets us better. We are each other's best friends. I guess it's just too much going on right now. I know I have issues to work out, as does he, but I just thought that it's not necessary to separate to address them. I am beautiful, talented, funny and whatnot and can easily get guys. In fact, several times I was approached while we we together. I just don't want anyone else. I don't like risking the "Down the road". I feel he is my partner, my other half, my twin spirit, my best friend. I don't want to let go. Sigh I sound so unlike myself. But I truly care for him and I don't mind seeming s..s..sappy. Ahem, Maybe a little bit. As long as I don't upload my face I should be fine...

Point is, we genuinely were that "great" and still are. We don't hate each other's guts. We're hurt and he's scared of it happening all over again.

I just think he's lost hope and I don't know how to get it back to him.

Thanks for the reply, rockyroadicecream. Lovely name choice, btw. 🙂

Sparklyrampig* -_-"

Yeah, but I felt the same way with my ex. When he broke it off, I felt he was wrong in doing so because I knew how much we got along and all that fluffy shit.

But knowing what I know now about him, dude has some shit to work out. I'm GLAD were apart because things would have just been ridiculous. At the time, I was still too emotionally involved to make that realization. But I've had time to separate (tons at this rate) and it's like, yeeeah, glad I avoided that one...

I wouldn't say, generally, that a relationship should split because of personal issues needing sorting or that you need to be single to do so, but in your case, those very things are what are hindering the relationship, which is why you should consider some separate time.

The way you feel now is making it hard to do so because you are so emotionally invested. Emotions suck because they make it hard to do what needs to be done.

But I get where you're coming from. To this day, I still have the random pondering that it'd be lol worthy if we ended up back together down the road. I don't necessarily desire that or anything, but knowing how well we clicked and got along, I could say that I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if it were to happen.

However, that's the kicker with Libras and Aries. I think there's just some strange draw between the two. It doesn't necessarily mean it's meant to be or will work.

Wow, you do get it. I know he is a case. But I am as well. I could handle most of his issues except this pessimism. We do get along great 😄 I'm accepting we need this time, though I wish we would be together now while working it out. How do you suggest I go about it? Keep limited contact or cut him off entirely? Knowing Libras, he'd partner up soon enough and I'm not about to be having that. LOL time apart and then meeting up again, it comes with the obvious risk but the reward is he sees it as a definite fresh start. If he or I are unattached.

Also, just talking, we get comfortable very quickly. And flirt, use pet names and whatnot again so I would bring up the "we can work it out" but you know how that went. I'm thinking limited contact, talk casually work on ourselves and he'll see the light. He was doubtful I'd stay but if I am still in the picture, he'd see I'm serious, too.

Thing with that is I just don't like the idea of him flirting with the other girls. *ram about to charge* lol I guess I'd have to get comfortable flirting with other guys. Just in case. Keeping my options open. Sigh. I'd rather just one guy, though. I'm fiercely loyal.

Thanks for your input thus far, rockyroadicecream. Good looking out 🙂 *horn bump* I would fist bump you if we had, ya know, fists and stuff. Lol

Hahah horn bump. Thats cute! LOL!

Honestly? Cut all contact. Only because the other clearly didn't work or help either of you the last few times you tried.

I think you're just clinging to familiarity and settling for something that is unhealthy for you both. So what if you feel comfortable and all that fuzzy stuff? Libras are talented in doing that for anyone. They're friendly, flirty, and make you feel like you matter, even if they don't think the world of you. Not to say that yours is fake or anything, but that fuzzy bs you feel is just something they're good at and this soulmate thing you're feeling could be that (but that feeling seems to be strong between libs and aries, regardless).

Believe me though, I do understand where you're coming from and why you're saying all this. It's also why I think you should just take some time away, no contact, to sort through personal issues. There is no way either of you will get through them all if you two are constantly present in the other's life.

Ultimately, it's your choice, but what you've presented here isn't exactly something worth sticking around for or keeping in your life for the sake of your emotions. You cannot grow as a person when you subject yourself to such situations. I think that's the problem here for the both of you and you'll continue this cycle of emotional bullshit toward eachother.

Thanks, Tiziani. Trust was a big factor in the deterioration of our formerly happy home. He broke mine and spent most of the relationship trying to correct that. With every new mess up, I (sigh lol) broke up with him as I didn't want to be hurt again but he charmed me and continued trying to prove the sincerity of his affection and commitment. You guys are scarily insightful, btw. ^_^'
I'd gotten to a place where I felt I could fully trust him because what's a relationship without trust, right? I saw he tried, even if he messed up. that was enough for me, After a near death experience, things got put into perspective. I just let my guard down and let the love flow. Even if I got hurt, at least it wouldn't be a half-hearted love. I knew he cared about me and probably didn't mean to upset me with his action or words; with a malicious intent. He's done some very foolish things but I wasn't perfect, either. He had been with me through it all up until then. So yeah. I just started being more affectionate and I guess he doesn't trust me now when I say that I trust him. He doesn't trust that we would work out because of his history of mess ups and mine of aint havin' no time for dat.

'Treating each other like enemies..' Maybe in the way of my strategizing? Trying to control I suppose the way he sees me lest I make him think I'm not sincere or would break up with him. And he's tired of looking at the sky or on the ground as we walk together or have lunch cause of his roving eyes and insistence of girls with trying to get his attention. (Grrr) it's that stupid smile, lol

He has been my partner and best friend through it all. And I his. But I did notice as my showing of affection increased, something he would have liked, his decreased. He started treating me differently, shutting me out as he did with everyone else. Especially in his depressive modes. He used to share what he felt and we got through it together, getting him back to a good place. But I'm on my own now. I don't know what exactly is going on because he insists he'd prefer not to talk about it. I can only speculate given his history. Mixed signals aren't the half of it. He's affectionate with me, basically conversing like we're a couple. Then tells me "no, we're not together, you should hate me, I shouldn't say this" ...

X.X it's just sad that it got to this point. I was sure when the trust was back completely we'd be even better than before. We were sure before. Now he's not sure anymore.

*He sent me an e-mail early this morning. Saying things along the line as "Thank you. For everything. Have a great day. You're the most wonderful person in the world, after all. You deserve to.." I've decided like I said earlier to keep a limited contact with him. I still want to ensure I'm not holding back on my love and trust and gonna work to find peace and patience within myself and with these thirsty gals throwing themselves at taken men. And he, he has his own issues to work out. He also may be leaving the country soon so there's that as well. He calls it a fresh start. "When I'm ready, if I'm ready I'll find you, and if I can still manage to woo you and you're not with someone else, then we would try again." Not a promising statement to me. Just dripping with uncertainty. What needs to be worked out could be worked out now, I think. no amount of arbitrary time nor distance can alone alter personal defects or incorrect perceptions. And I feel if we both want it work, as is postulated, then the issues have to be addressed in entirety so to avoid them in our possible future lest he harbour a solely negative opinion of our time together.

I don't want to have false hopes. I know he'll be back. I just don't know when and what or who might get him here. The not knowing... I just wanna be able to sort this doubt out. But my actions and my presence in his life, should reflect I'd be there for him. I'm assuming. I intend to send an email to him myself calmly stating my opinion and leave that up to him to mull over. State in it all I could ever need to. I'll just take a step back while I attend to myself and he hopefully does the same and when we are better, it'll be more than awesome..

Rockyroadicecream, thank you. It is a jagged pill to swallow. I'm not entirely of the belief this is general Libran charm, though. There is genuine admiration between both of us. And though it is a complicated history, it's also beautiful one. We made each other better though obviously we are both too hurt to appreciate or make use of any of that now. I'll probably end up cutting all contact but I feel I need to send that email before to let him know what my entire take on it is. And to know for myself that I tried my very best. If the stars seemed to align so perfectly before with all that happened and it was in our errors we got messed up, when we are better maybe they would lead us to each other again. At just the right time.

Sigh...

Thank you everyone for your input. Every bit is appreciated.

Even Xin, when your dangerously-high heels appreciate my joke ;D feels good, man. Lol

Actually, this sounds too dang pathetic. I don't get down like that. First of all, he was the one who started the issue of distrust. My response was understandable. Secondly, conflict resolution was a bigger, more frequent deal. As a result of the mistrust, suspicious things done by him would result in doubt. Even on their own would result in an eyebrow being raised. Ex: having ex as friend on fb, liking bikini pictures of girls he used to talk and flirt frequently with and whatnot. He explanned it away but of course I had to be cautious. When these minor issues came up, it would result in a drawn out tirade, until either he conceded or he said his piece and I, mine. The issue remained unresolved and was repeated and the argument and past examples were re-hashed. Could have been avoided through talking it out calmly or even just both of us being open to listen but nope. He wouldn't bring it up or when I did, would change the subject. And it would end up happening again. Same story, different day.

And his change, I realized today, was expected of a Libra, apparently. It wasn't my appearance. I'm a model. I take care of myself. It wasn't the arguments. Once in a blue moon at most. After the traumatic experience, I may have become more dependent on him than ever before. Understandable. He would drop me home, hear me out if I wanted to share but he seemed a bit drained. Understandable as well. I say 'may' as I mostly dealt with it on my own as I noted his reaction and just because I believed I could, really.He may have seen me as weak in some moments or needy but my goodness, life happens!

I think the lack of trust which was resolved ultimately, the stress of the move and the incident and mostly the inability to resolve conflict dissolved his will to partake in the relationship. When I put it like that, not even I would wanna stay but this is listing the bare negative.

The drama was a bit much. And I honestly don't know if things can be salvaged if he looks at this negative alone. If he factors in the support, connection, shared goals, tastes, experiences, values, all too good to be true cases of serendipity that led us two each other several times and other complimentary aspects and details that are way too dangnabit numerous to mention, he'd definitely be back. Hence the desire to send the email detailing the facts. Since the trust is there already, If we resolve the issues and he's willing to let go of the past hurt and start afresh as well, we have no worries.
Lol
Though I think the space I gave him already is working. He's called and emailed recently while I've been writing. I think it's a good sign but I know he could just be trying to stay relevant or just wants to make sure I'm okay. Or maybe he just needed that breather. Honestly, he can't be hung up on the past if we want to move forward. I'll still give us some more space and time after letting him know that. Or am I trying to control things again? :/
We may lose each other but gain some clarity and a bit of sanity hopefully. And if it was as good for him as it was for me, when it was good, he'll come around.

Now if only I could remain as optimistic all the time...

this is interesting . thanks for the share . Libra and aries are amazing together ! ^^ 😄


dammm n

I so need to learn english

so I can add my point of view

Haha. I hadn't seen your response, muwik. I speak Spanish fluently and some Russian and German so if its any of those, please feel free to add your point of view. I'd love some practice, anyway. 😛

I updated in the Aries forum and knew I should do the same here.. We got back together after he worked on himself significantly and I started to move on for good. We lasted a while Sep-Nov 19th until the progress he'd made reneged so we're in some type of ...middle ground. As he insisted I should not wait for him, and with the advice of so many, I am now content with my life either way, though I still enjoy having him there. I see where I could improve and have been working on myself daily with no intent on getting into a relationship soon. Well, not within the next couple months. I've grown a lot, beyond what I can easily explain here. And Life tends to do that. It's made me stronger and more appreciative about what we had. And have. For now, we are friends. He's hinted at having dated others but it not being the same. And he's using baby names again and other things that make me think he's testing waters. I'd like to get back with him some time in the future, when I'm sure that the relationship we'll have together will be stronger. For now, I am single, mingling and working on my life so I enjoy it to the fullest and hopefully, I can share it with someone worthy.

I'm really proud of myself and I've made a lot of people proud of me. Being assaulted in every way, having been bullied, attacked and no justice served, minding my business only to find rumors of licentious nature being spread about me, on top of everything else. There was a time I contemplated suicide, but only you know that. And my Libra guy, of course. That time has long gone and I've become stronger because of it all. And I'm staying optimistic. It seems to really help not only me, but those I interact with. Those who actually care to share and know love.

Things haven't gone exactly as I'd like but there's always hope. Whether it works out or not, I'm really glad I experienced his love and gave him mine. And that's it. 🙂

Posted by ArianGoddess


I just want stability, my old Libra back. :/

Hi, I'm a Libra female divorced from an Aries male. I'm very sympathetic to what you've said because my ex was more or less the same. Lots of temper tantrums, big dramatic fights over nonsense, and even a suspected infidelity.

The meaner and more dramatic he got, the further I distanced myself from the relationship. Probably stayed longer than I should trying to make it work. When I was finally "done" trying to salvage anything, I literally walked away with a change of clothes, my computer, and my cat. He moved out in a huff and less than a month later was pushing for reconciliation.

It was too late. After a month's peace, NO WAY was I dancing back into such a toxic relationship. Whatever love I'd held for him was dead and burried. I'd NEVER be intentionally cruel or unpleasant to him, but I don't love him and I definitely don't want to be his wife.

Libras are easygoing, patient and tolerant. We take a long time to make up our minds about anything. But once we close our doors on a relationship, that's pretty much it. It can be jarring to a partner because we're patient, we tolerate so much, and then suddenly -- BOOM! -- we give up and move on. We don't want hard feelings and we're as nice about it as possible, but it's finished.

I'm sorry you've had this experience, and I hope you learn and grow from it. From what you've described, though, I don't think your Libra ex is interested in OR WILL be interested in rekindling the flame.