Conflicted about Libra Ex

Posted by Beekay
So a few days ago my Libra boyfriend of 9 months told me that he just wasn't ready to commit. He said he really tried to convince himself that he was ready but he can't. He said "I love you and I see a future with you, but I need to take some time for myself". He is moving out of state for a new job and told me that he may end up cheating, but won't string me along because I deserve better.

We were each other's first love so this break up has been really hard for me. He said we can still be friends and that we can be in each other's lives. My thing is that he is just doing this to keep me around just in case. I talked to him after the break and he questioned if I still wanted to be with him while we just do our own thing. I told him absolutely not. I also decided not to initiate contact with him. If he wants me to be in his life, he can reach out.

Do you think I should move on completely or still have hope that things can work out? Also do you think he actually loved me? I've been questioning that since it seems like he doesn't really care. From the outside in, it looks like he isn't upset but he also could be putting on a front like I am.

Posted by heliumfiasco
I feel your pain. Coming onto these boards we really want someone to give us the advice and make it all better. The thing that makes it hard is we dont know this person or you.

I will say this about Libra men. They are constantly flip-flopping because in their heads they are weighing and analyzing everything. I break up with people constantly, only to regret my choice...But here is the kicker, we crave relationships so we dont know if we miss you, or miss your companionship. Most of the time its the latter. I would walk away.

Posted by jeane
A big thing for men is timing. If the timing is off, it's a massive spanner in the works.

They seem to have an internal blue print.

At 25 I will be doing X in my career.

At 30, I will have y

At 35, I will be at z

They seem to have a particular age in mind when they will get married. Another when they will have children.

This guy is not at his imagined age yet for the commitment you represent.

It's tough but my advice would be to move on.

Posted by Beekay

Posted by jeane
A big thing for men is timing. If the timing is off, it's a massive spanner in the works.

They seem to have an internal blue print.

At 25 I will be doing X in my career.

At 30, I will have y

At 35, I will be at z

They seem to have a particular age in mind when they will get married. Another when they will have children.

This guy is not at his imagined age yet for the commitment you represent.

It's tough but my advice would be to move on.

I'm trying, but it's so hard. Everyone tells me to block him, but I just can't do that. I just hate that he is so set in his ways. I understand that he will be out of state for two years, but to me it's like why are risking never having us be together ever again out of the mere thought that the timing isn't right. He hasn't even left yet and tried what the distance thing would be like to even know. He isn't even going to be super far. He was the one that brought up marriage and children to me. I wouldn't be so upset, but I know its not everyday that you meet someone that is on the same page as you when it comes to life goals, the area where you want to live and the way you want to raise your kids.

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Posted by brianafay
When I met my Libra we were 16 and not ready for the gravity of this whole thing between us...but after many breakups - including dating other people - we are finally in the right place.

As jeane already said above - timing matters.

Maybe you will find each other when the time is right but you have to move forward for now so you can be healthy and happy - or it will never be the right time for you

Posted by boxcarmirnta
I know it hurts... But you're young.... You will date lot a of people and experience life... He may or not be a part of it.. But you need to go live! People reconnect 20 years down the road.. Nothing is black and white.. Cry and then start enjoying life!

Posted by heliumfiasco
I feel your pain. Coming onto these boards we really want someone to give us the advice and make it all better. The thing that makes it hard is we dont know this person or you.

I will say this about Libra men. They are constantly flip-flopping because in their heads they are weighing and analyzing everything. I break up with people constantly, only to regret my choice...But here is the kicker, we crave relationships so we dont know if we miss you, or miss your companionship. Most of the time its the latter. I would walk away.

Posted by Beekay

Posted by boxcarmirnta
I know it hurts... But you're young.... You will date lot a of people and experience life... He may or not be a part of it.. But you need to go live! People reconnect 20 years down the road.. Nothing is black and white.. Cry and then start enjoying life!

Thank you! I'm tired of the negative outlook everyone has. You can't tell someone how they feel about someone. I love him so much. I didn't say that I was going to wait years for him hoping that he comes back, because I know he's going to explore his other options. First I need to work on myself and then I'll get back in the dating field. This experience has shown me that I can't put up with everything, and I need to enforce my standards.

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Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by heliumfiasco
I feel your pain. Coming onto these boards we really want someone to give us the advice and make it all better. The thing that makes it hard is we dont know this person or you.

I will say this about Libra men. They are constantly flip-flopping because in their heads they are weighing and analyzing everything. I break up with people constantly, only to regret my choice...But here is the kicker, we crave relationships so we dont know if we miss you, or miss your companionship. Most of the time its the latter. I would walk away.

This.

I mean really, after 9 months, suddenly it's "I don't want to commit." ...Nine freaking months isn't remotely committed? Has this dude gone full retard on being an adult or what?

There are too many Libras out there who fear being single and will jump into something as a "this'll do" situation until something better comes along. It's pretty lame when they view people as commodities to fill time until they find "the one."

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Posted by Beekay

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by heliumfiasco
I feel your pain. Coming onto these boards we really want someone to give us the advice and make it all better. The thing that makes it hard is we dont know this person or you.

I will say this about Libra men. They are constantly flip-flopping because in their heads they are weighing and analyzing everything. I break up with people constantly, only to regret my choice...But here is the kicker, we crave relationships so we dont know if we miss you, or miss your companionship. Most of the time its the latter. I would walk away.

This.

I mean really, after 9 months, suddenly it's "I don't want to commit." ...Nine freaking months isn't remotely committed? Has this dude gone full retard on being an adult or what?

There are too many Libras out there who fear being single and will jump into something as a "this'll do" situation until something better comes along. It's pretty lame when they view people as commodities to fill time until they find "the one."

Yeah I won't lie, I was like why lead me on for so long. Especially since he was the one that initiated the I love you's and the talks about the future. But he broke up with me 4 hours after he realized that he was leaving out of state for work. He was trying everything in his power to stay near, but after we talked about it the out of state job was no brainer. He went silent on me, and then 4 hours later he tells me that he thought about the future, us, and the relationship and that the timing isn't right.

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Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Beekay

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by heliumfiasco
I feel your pain. Coming onto these boards we really want someone to give us the advice and make it all better. The thing that makes it hard is we dont know this person or you.

I will say this about Libra men. They are constantly flip-flopping because in their heads they are weighing and analyzing everything. I break up with people constantly, only to regret my choice...But here is the kicker, we crave relationships so we dont know if we miss you, or miss your companionship. Most of the time its the latter. I would walk away.

This.

I mean really, after 9 months, suddenly it's "I don't want to commit." ...Nine freaking months isn't remotely committed? Has this dude gone full retard on being an adult or what?

There are too many Libras out there who fear being single and will jump into something as a "this'll do" situation until something better comes along. It's pretty lame when they view people as commodities to fill time until they find "the one."

Yeah I won't lie, I was like why lead me on for so long. Especially since he was the one that initiated the I love you's and the talks about the future. But he broke up with me 4 hours after he realized that he was leaving out of state for work. He was trying everything in his power to stay near, but after we talked about it the out of state job was no brainer. He went silent on me, and then 4 hours later he tells me that he thought about the future, us, and the relationship and that the timing isn't right.

I think anyone who's had an unfortunate run in like this thinks the same thing. That was my biggest gripe of it all. Why lead one on if you have no fucking idea what you want? Such selfish bullshit thinking. It's pretty aggravating for the second party.

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Posted by Beekay

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Beekay

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by heliumfiasco
I feel your pain. Coming onto these boards we really want someone to give us the advice and make it all better. The thing that makes it hard is we dont know this person or you.

I will say this about Libra men. They are constantly flip-flopping because in their heads they are weighing and analyzing everything. I break up with people constantly, only to regret my choice...But here is the kicker, we crave relationships so we dont know if we miss you, or miss your companionship. Most of the time its the latter. I would walk away.

This.

I mean really, after 9 months, suddenly it's "I don't want to commit." ...Nine freaking months isn't remotely committed? Has this dude gone full retard on being an adult or what?

There are too many Libras out there who fear being single and will jump into something as a "this'll do" situation until something better comes along. It's pretty lame when they view people as commodities to fill time until they find "the one."

Yeah I won't lie, I was like why lead me on for so long. Especially since he was the one that initiated the I love you's and the talks about the future. But he broke up with me 4 hours after he realized that he was leaving out of state for work. He was trying everything in his power to stay near, but after we talked about it the out of state job was no brainer. He went silent on me, and then 4 hours later he tells me that he thought about the future, us, and the relationship and that the timing isn't right.

I think anyone who's had an unfortunate run in like this thinks the same thing. That was my biggest gripe of it all. Why lead one on if you have no fucking idea what you want? Such selfish bullshit thinking. It's pretty aggravating for the second party.

That's what I'm saying. It's just hard. On one hand I miss him and hope things work out, but I know not to get my hopes up. Today we actually had a conversation about him just not being ready for any relationship right now. He said I need to focus on me as well since it is a very important year for me. Timing has just been so off. He told me "you do know that the fact that we still talk, means there is a chance we will get back together"

The thought of it is great and it does bring me out of this emotional state. But at the same time I think he's just trying to be nice. I even told him that and he responded with a "I guess only time will tell if I'm being nice"

I hate that.

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Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Beekay

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Beekay

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by heliumfiasco
I feel your pain. Coming onto these boards we really want someone to give us the advice and make it all better. The thing that makes it hard is we dont know this person or you.

I will say this about Libra men. They are constantly flip-flopping because in their heads they are weighing and analyzing everything. I break up with people constantly, only to regret my choice...But here is the kicker, we crave relationships so we dont know if we miss you, or miss your companionship. Most of the time its the latter. I would walk away.

This.

I mean really, after 9 months, suddenly it's "I don't want to commit." ...Nine freaking months isn't remotely committed? Has this dude gone full retard on being an adult or what?

There are too many Libras out there who fear being single and will jump into something as a "this'll do" situation until something better comes along. It's pretty lame when they view people as commodities to fill time until they find "the one."

Yeah I won't lie, I was like why lead me on for so long. Especially since he was the one that initiated the I love you's and the talks about the future. But he broke up with me 4 hours after he realized that he was leaving out of state for work. He was trying everything in his power to stay near, but after we talked about it the out of state job was no brainer. He went silent on me, and then 4 hours later he tells me that he thought about the future, us, and the relationship and that the timing isn't right.

I think anyone who's had an unfortunate run in like this thinks the same thing. That was my biggest gripe of it all. Why lead one on if you have no fucking idea what you want? Such selfish bullshit thinking. It's pretty aggravating for the second party.

That's what I'm saying. It's just hard. On one hand I miss him and hope things work out, but I know not to get my hopes up. Today we actually had a conversation about him just not being ready for any relationship right now. He said I need to focus on me as well since it is a very important year for me. Timing has just been so off. He told me "you do know that the fact that we still talk, means there is a chance we will get back together"

The thought of it is great and it does bring me out of this emotional state. But at the same time I think he's just trying to be nice. I even told him that and he responded with a "I guess only time will tell if I'm being nice"

I hate that.

That's the problem with some Libras. They can be very misleading and disingenuous all for the sake of appearing nice and not wanting to hurt feelings. It's why I am so absolute in giving advice because so much time is wasted on what ifs and all this other bs garbage and life is too short for that shit. If a guy is giving iffy behavior, take it all with a grain of salt and move along. If someone really wants you, they'll pursue you. All this tip toeing bullshit just leads to more anxiety and confusion and people just need to man up and do what needs to be done if they really want someone.

"Well he said he wanted to be friends."

Bullshit. He's just trying to be nice. Most guys won't remain friends with exes because they're done. If they attempt to, likely chance is because he's keeping her around as an option in the wings. This isn't every single case, but it's the more probable cause vs the small minority who actually have remained friends with exes with no ulterior motive.

"He said, he said, he said."

Libra dudes are really good with making things appear pretty with flowery words. Pay attention to actions.

Another thing you need to be forewarned about is him keeping in touch on occasion to "check" on you. This is something done, not out of genuine concern, but guilt. You both need some no contact to weed through your post break up feelings. This thing where people try to be friends right after the break up just never really works.

It's all shitty and hard to deal with, but you gotta take on each day at a time and work through it all. No contact is the best way to do it, too. It takes so much longer to work through those feelings when you keep dude in contact and around.

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Posted by tiziani
The thing is you're moving to different states apart, different lives. So you cannot count on actions because there's nothing to show one another.

He may not be in the mood for a relationship with you, then he meets some woman tomorrow and they're engaged. I'm sure you've thought about that in your worst fears. And that's all the advice and rules on this forum is based off: just pure fear and worst case scenarios which is naive to say the least.

Don't be naive: you may very well both end up doing something even more scary which is, actually find one another and make it work. God forbid btw. Everyone here would shit their pants if that happened.

Realistically it's pure chance whether you end up together or not. Takes a lot of luck and timing. The advice here is rock bottom because whether it be not just rocky but all of us regulars, we just come up with advice based off nothing really.

If it were me, I would start from the idea that you basically have zero shot at making this work, then decide what you want and work from there. Trust me, the odds of you getting what you want from this relationship are completely against you, and only getting worse with each day that passes and the further out of state you move apart. So just keep your feet on the ground you'll know what you have to do in the end.


I thought what @brianafay told you was at least grounded because she's basically saying they both had no clue, and ended up making it work from that. Which is usually how it goes. Best of luck.

Posted by Beekay
So a few days ago my Libra boyfriend of 9 months told me that he just wasn't ready to commit. He said he really tried to convince himself that he was ready but he can't. He said "I love you and I see a future with you, but I need to take some time for myself". He is moving out of state for a new job and told me that he may end up cheating, but won't string me along because I deserve better.

We were each other's first love so this break up has been really hard for me. He said we can still be friends and that we can be in each other's lives. My thing is that he is just doing this to keep me around just in case. I talked to him after the break and he questioned if I still wanted to be with him while we just do our own thing. I told him absolutely not. I also decided not to initiate contact with him. If he wants me to be in his life, he can reach out.

Do you think I should move on completely or still have hope that things can work out? Also do you think he actually loved me? I've been questioning that since it seems like he doesn't really care. From the outside in, it looks like he isn't upset but he also could be putting on a front like I am.

Posted by Beekay
It's been over a week since he broke up with me and I woke up to a message from him talking about "I think I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, I swear to God I really want to be with you but I just can't commit". Honestly I'm so over it at this point. I really tried to understand him, but what he says makes no sense. If you are so afraid of making the mistake of letting me go, why are you doing it?

Personally I'll never understand him and his mindset. To me you can't say you love someone yet can't be ready to be with them only.

Posted by Effervescent
Move on. He's not in love with you.

Posted by Confused_

Posted by Beekay
It's been over a week since he broke up with me and I woke up to a message from him talking about "I think I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, I swear to God I really want to be with you but I just can't commit". Honestly I'm so over it at this point. I really tried to understand him, but what he says makes no sense. If you are so afraid of making the mistake of letting me go, why are you doing it?

Personally I'll never understand him and his mindset. To me you can't say you love someone yet can't be ready to be with them only.

I just skip this whole travel idea because I just can't see it as a such a problem when you're really in love with someone.

Maybe he feels fear or unworthiness of handling a relationship with you so he sabotages it before it even starts, but I heavily doubt it since he mentioned him already meeting new women. Huge turn off. But taking it further... He is in such a good place to be, vocalising it all, being transparently open about what may be or not be, that only reeks this type of confidence that knows inevitability of things which he doesn't really mind atm but wants to appear thoughtful and at the same time doesn't care about your feelings because....well these are yours. Just kidding, he won't shut those feelings down, but won't follow them either.

I know it hurts but talking to him will only make you feel more pain. He sure won't give you closure, even for this given situation, which is so important to get before something like traveling far away. But after some time he texts about himself, which is imo so selfish.

Maybe both of you will meet againg in the future, not near for sure, not after those comments and mindset. But later down the line who knows. Playground is getting bigger so new opportunities may also come, I mean for both of you to be together in better place. You will see My advice is.... hold on to it a little lighter, just see how it goes. Look back at this situation after a few months and see if it wasn't for the better. Also don't rely on him for making it easier for you, it won't happen from what I saw. But always remember to take care of yourself.

& good luck

keep us updated? x

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Posted by Dolluxxe
OP listen to @brianafay, @jeane and @tiziani

Bottom line is you have to move on. Don't wait around. If you want to be his friend sure go do that but you have to reaaaaaally back off. Don't respond to him as much. Live your life.

Trust me I went through this back in March with a fellow Libra. He wasn't ready for a relationship so I moved on. We're friends but I distanced myself.

Let your Leeb work through this himself.

Posted by Beekay

Posted by Dolluxxe
OP listen to @brianafay, @jeane and @tiziani

Bottom line is you have to move on. Don't wait around. If you want to be his friend sure go do that but you have to reaaaaaally back off. Don't respond to him as much. Live your life.

Trust me I went through this back in March with a fellow Libra. He wasn't ready for a relationship so I moved on. We're friends but I distanced myself.

Let your Leeb work through this himself.

Were you guys in a relationship when he let you know that he wasn't ready? But I am distancing myself, in order to even consider being "friends" with him, I would have to take all of my feelings out of the situation. I personally can't do that because my feelings for him will always be there and he will always have a place for himself.

That was problem, letting him work through this himself. To me if you know you aren't ready thats great, but what are you doing to fix it? If you're focusing on yourself then why aren't you taking a deeper look into what is making you feel this way? Don't tell me I'm the woman you see yourself with in the future then the next minute you act as if I don't care.

His actions are only bringing me down. At the end of the day I know I never changed and that I loved him conditionally, so no matter how he acts or treat me I just need to keep reminding myself that there is nothing wrong with me. It's just crazy how someone can make you feel so low and insecure about yourself.

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Posted by Dolluxxe

Posted by Beekay

Posted by Dolluxxe
OP listen to @brianafay, @jeane and @tiziani

Bottom line is you have to move on. Don't wait around. If you want to be his friend sure go do that but you have to reaaaaaally back off. Don't respond to him as much. Live your life.

Trust me I went through this back in March with a fellow Libra. He wasn't ready for a relationship so I moved on. We're friends but I distanced myself.

Let your Leeb work through this himself.

Were you guys in a relationship when he let you know that he wasn't ready? But I am distancing myself, in order to even consider being "friends" with him, I would have to take all of my feelings out of the situation. I personally can't do that because my feelings for him will always be there and he will always have a place for himself.

That was problem, letting him work through this himself. To me if you know you aren't ready thats great, but what are you doing to fix it? If you're focusing on yourself then why aren't you taking a deeper look into what is making you feel this way? Don't tell me I'm the woman you see yourself with in the future then the next minute you act as if I don't care.

His actions are only bringing me down. At the end of the day I know I never changed and that I loved him conditionally, so no matter how he acts or treat me I just need to keep reminding myself that there is nothing wrong with me. It's just crazy how someone can make you feel so low and insecure about yourself.

We were in a relationship but not for long. Just a couple of months.

It's hard for you because you two were together for almost a year. I can't tell you to move on 'cause it's not that easy. But you have to TRY.

I won't deny that I still have feelings for him in fact, I'm still hurting and he has no clue. But I just decided to accept things and hope for the best.

Focus on YOU. Stop thinking about what he's doing and should do. It's normal to feel insecure but things WILL get better.

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Posted by Beekay
Well I seem to have an update already. After talking about this maybe being the biggest mistake of his life just a few days ago, today he decided to block me everywhere and talk about how happy he is to be free. I put up with so much emotional abuse in the past few weeks, and for him to talk like that is so crazy. It's like I was just a pawn in his game.

Posted by Beekay
Well I seem to have an update already. After talking about this maybe being the biggest mistake of his life just a few days ago, today he decided to block me everywhere and talk about how happy he is to be free. I put up with so much emotional abuse in the past few weeks, and for him to talk like that is so crazy. It's like I was just a pawn in his game.

Posted by Beekay
Well I seem to have an update already. After talking about this maybe being the biggest mistake of his life just a few days ago, today he decided to block me everywhere and talk about how happy he is to be free. I put up with so much emotional abuse in the past few weeks, and for him to talk like that is so crazy. It's like I was just a pawn in his game.

Posted by Ganon
You are the one prolonging your own misery.

What insight do you want? He broke it off with you, has a girlfriend already, blocked you from his account..how is that not moving on?.

I'm sorry to sound harsh but what more do you NEED to finally believe?

Posted by Ganon
The point that i'm trying to make is that you shouldn't worry about what his motives are. Just block him so he won't be able to read your page if him visiting your page upsets you.

That is ofcourse if you want to heal from the break up and move on...

Posted by tiziani
Just be more honest (not here but with your friends, family etc). We get this all the time here. Stories about how the ex won't let go but the threadstarter is the one following their ex online.

Sooner you find people you can be real with, easier it is to accept the loss, process everything and then you'll be free. No more twitter.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Beekay

Posted by tiziani
Just be more honest (not here but with your friends, family etc). We get this all the time here. Stories about how the ex won't let go but the threadstarter is the one following their ex online.

Sooner you find people you can be real with, easier it is to accept the loss, process everything and then you'll be free. No more twitter.

Look. He is blocked everywhere, even his phone number. I don't follow his girl, but someone asked me "what's happening on that date?" I was confused and they showed me. Obviously I recognized the girl. I tried to believe it was a coincidence but it can't be.

Of course no one knows the detail of the relationship. But this harassment since the breakup has gotten out of hand. I literally have documents that I'm considering handing over to the police. The only thing stopping me is the fact that he is about to start a very important internship and I personally wouldn't want to get in the way with that.

But in the pass three weeks this harassment has gotten to be too much.

All right, all the more reason why you should rely on your friends and family. Worst thing you can do is isolate yourself by relying on us for advice. And again, his job/life circumstances shouldn't be your concern. You say he's harassing you, so then it should be clear he doesn't have any of your best interests in mind, you shouldn't be involved in his interests either, in any way. Use the police or whatever means you have to draw firm boundaries and move on.

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