Confused Leo : Libra Guy calls then stops
This topic was created in the Libra forum by schweppes1474 on Wednesday, April 20, 2011 and has 17 replies.
Greetings, I have posted a few times about this guy I like. We have been friends for several years and while I was certain there was something between us before, now I am not so sure. We have never crossed the friend line, and are now currently working together and planning to open our own business this summer. Recently I told him, I did not like that I was sanitizing how I spoke to him because I always thought he was thinking I want more than just friendship. I told him I like spending time with him, and how important he was to me, but it was bothering me that I always felt i needed to watch what I say around him. this happened because everyone teased me constantly that I like this guy.
That lasted 2 years, until I told him how this bothered me. He didn't really say much just that I should be forward and say what I want to say when I want to say it. I was scared what would happen after that, but he actually started coming closer to me spending even more time with me, etc. This fluctuated back and forth for the next couple months. He went on vacation recently, and he contacted me a few times which I didn't expect. THe following week I went on vacation, and he called and called and texted. I felt like he was trying to come up with excuses to talk to me- which was fine, on Day 4 of my vacation I text him since we had been communicating regularly, he seemed surprised almost a if why was I texting him. So I left it alone thinking well I must have misunderstood and just went about my business. Then the next several days again he texts, emails me and keeps communicating with me. Then finally day 6 of my vacation, I again initiate contact, we text back and forth and he doesn't respond at all. He always responds even with a simple OK just to let me know he got my message. But today nothing. I am so confused what does this guy want from me. I leave him alone he calls and calls,but if I do anything he shuts down. I really have strong feelings for this person, and though I would be hurt if it wasn't reciprocated, I would rather he just act normal than give me mixed signs all the time. I don't get it. Any interpretation is appreciated.
That lasted 2 years, until I told him how this bothered me. He didn't really say much just that I should be forward and say what I want to say when I want to say it. I was scared what would happen after that, but he actually started coming closer to me spending even more time with me, etc. This fluctuated back and forth for the next couple months. He went on vacation recently, and he contacted me a few times which I didn't expect. THe following week I went on vacation, and he called and called and texted. I felt like he was trying to come up with excuses to talk to me- which was fine, on Day 4 of my vacation I text him since we had been communicating regularly, he seemed surprised almost a if why was I texting him. So I left it alone thinking well I must have misunderstood and just went about my business. Then the next several days again he texts, emails me and keeps communicating with me. Then finally day 6 of my vacation, I again initiate contact, we text back and forth and he doesn't respond at all. He always responds even with a simple OK just to let me know he got my message. But today nothing. I am so confused what does this guy want from me. I leave him alone he calls and calls,but if I do anything he shuts down. I really have strong feelings for this person, and though I would be hurt if it wasn't reciprocated, I would rather he just act normal than give me mixed signs all the time. I don't get it. Any interpretation is appreciated.
Advice anyone?
Posted by schweppes1474
Greetings, I have posted a few times about this guy I like. We have been friends for several years and while I was certain there was something between us before, now I am not so sure. We have never crossed the friend line, and are now currently working together and planning to open our own business this summer. Recently I told him, I did not like that I was sanitizing how I spoke to him because I always thought he was thinking I want more than just friendship. I told him I like spending time with him, and how important he was to me, but it was bothering me that I always felt i needed to watch what I say around him. this happened because everyone teased me constantly that I like this guy.
That lasted 2 years, until I told him how this bothered me. He didn't really say much just that I should be forward and say what I want to say when I want to say it. I was scared what would happen after that, but he actually started coming closer to me spending even more time with me, etc. This fluctuated back and forth for the next couple months. He went on vacation recently, and he contacted me a few times which I didn't expect. THe following week I went on vacation, and he called and called and texted. I felt like he was trying to come up with excuses to talk to me- which was fine, on Day 4 of my vacation I text him since we had been communicating regularly, he seemed surprised almost a if why was I texting him. So I left it alone thinking well I must have misunderstood and just went about my business. Then the next several days again he texts, emails me and keeps communicating with me. Then finally day 6 of my vacation, I again initiate contact, we text back and forth and he doesn't respond at all. He always responds even with a simple OK just to let me know he got my message. But today nothing. I am so confused what does this guy want from me. I leave him alone he calls and calls,but if I do anything he shuts down. I really have strong feelings for this person, and though I would be hurt if it wasn't reciprocated, I would rather he just act normal than give me mixed signs all the time. I don't get it. Any interpretation is appreciated.
PREPARE FOR A NEFER RANT! lol ~_^
Okay, well.. you answered your own question, don't you think? You guys aren't anything past friends yet... and you can clearly see that when you chase and initiate, you don't get the results you were hoping for.. and that things go better when you allow HIM to lead and initiate, and you just reciprocate and stay warm and open and appreciative. Fiery Leo chicks kinda like to chase.. I get it. But it's CLEARLY to your detriment when trying to get a relationship sparking.
Mind you, it's quite common for Libra men to blow a bit hot and cold.. lots of threads about it... but the universal male truth is that when a man IS interested, a man WILL make sure you know it. None of this "hurt, shy, burned, scared" bs excuses we women make for men. If a man wants you, a man WILL make time to see you, talk to you, pursue you. (This is also leaving out the possibility that he doesn't feel any more than friendship for you. That's possible too, you know. He may genuinely LIKE you, like talking to you, but have ZERO romantic interst in you - even if he seems to flirt his Libra ass off!!) So take a deep breath, slow down, relax.. let a relationship develop if there's to be one, and stop trying to CONTROL the outcome, the pace.. let go and let this MAN decide if he wants something more with you. Or, be TRULY bold.. stop pretending you're good with "friends" and acting like you don't have deep feelings for him. Ooh, scary! Yeah, I know.
But I'm struck how you're getting all twisted up and weirded out if he stops texting you (and honey, eventually a conversation HAS to stop.. and you might be on vacation, but HE isn't, right? lol) even for ONE DAY. Wow. As gently as possible, get a grip. That's waaaayyy too needy and clingy.. and a lot to put on a guy who ISN'T your man. And you know what? Men aren't dumb.. they can FEEL when a woman's getting all twisted up and tries to "pretend" she's cool when she's not, or "pretend" everything's fine when it isn't. THAT comes across totally PHONY to a guy, and DOESN'T make him want to be around her more. He might not know WHY something feels "off" to him, cuz guys rarely analyze it that much.. all he knows is that he DOES or he DOES NOT want to be around her more, and reacts accordingly. Then he gets blamed, cuz SHE doesn't realize that HER phony vibe is turning him off and pushing him away!
Mind you, it's quite common for Libra men to blow a bit hot and cold.. lots of threads about it... but the universal male truth is that when a man IS interested, a man WILL make sure you know it. None of this "hurt, shy, burned, scared" bs excuses we women make for men. If a man wants you, a man WILL make time to see you, talk to you, pursue you. (This is also leaving out the possibility that he doesn't feel any more than friendship for you. That's possible too, you know. He may genuinely LIKE you, like talking to you, but have ZERO romantic interst in you - even if he seems to flirt his Libra ass off!!) So take a deep breath, slow down, relax.. let a relationship develop if there's to be one, and stop trying to CONTROL the outcome, the pace.. let go and let this MAN decide if he wants something more with you. Or, be TRULY bold.. stop pretending you're good with "friends" and acting like you don't have deep feelings for him. Ooh, scary! Yeah, I know.
But I'm struck how you're getting all twisted up and weirded out if he stops texting you (and honey, eventually a conversation HAS to stop.. and you might be on vacation, but HE isn't, right? lol) even for ONE DAY. Wow. As gently as possible, get a grip. That's waaaayyy too needy and clingy.. and a lot to put on a guy who ISN'T your man. And you know what? Men aren't dumb.. they can FEEL when a woman's getting all twisted up and tries to "pretend" she's cool when she's not, or "pretend" everything's fine when it isn't. THAT comes across totally PHONY to a guy, and DOESN'T make him want to be around her more. He might not know WHY something feels "off" to him, cuz guys rarely analyze it that much.. all he knows is that he DOES or he DOES NOT want to be around her more, and reacts accordingly. Then he gets blamed, cuz SHE doesn't realize that HER phony vibe is turning him off and pushing him away!
I'm also struck by how you seem to decide how HE feels about your texts, even if HE never said any such thing -- you just over analyze it to death and come up with your OWN interpretation of everything he does/doesn't say/do, and it's making you FEEL and ACT crazy.. you're assuming he's surprised/annoyed when you talk to him, and that makes you pull back, which makes you come across fearful and needy again, like you're solely dependent on him giving you the perfect answers and perfect amount of attention to make you feel good. And I'm sure your texts that he stops responding to would show why.. I'm willing to bet those texts come across like you have all these expectations for HIM to respond in a way that makes you feel okay with your own emotions (comes across needy, and low-esteem, and desperate) -- YOUR emotional well-being is YOUR job, not HIS!
Yes, men find it attractive when a woman can be REAL, SECURE in her emotions, OPEN, GENUINE, and VULNERABLE.. aka -- say what you really want to say, when you want to say it. But you CAN'T be attached to the outcome, you can't be waiting for HIM to respond in a certain way to keep you from feeling bad (and getting all hurts and upset and pulling away when he DOESN'T!).. cuz when we're attached to the outcome, all a guy FEELS is PRESSURE to behave and respond in a certain way.. and who wants that?
I'm sure he's messing up plenty, but he's not here and I'm talking to YOU... YOU are the ONLY person you have any control over... so do what YOU can to not contribute to the mess, and SEE if he is willing and able to step up and be a worthwhile addition to your life. And in the meantime.. DO YOU. Cuz really.. WHY are you all flipping out about this guy and if he does or doesn't text you.. instead of ENJOYING your vacation, and living a full and happy life he just MIGHT want to be a part of?
*sigh* I better stop there.. my posts about this already get too long. Look at some other threads here in Libra, read and absorb, and don't sabotage your possibilities with this guy by inadvertently closing off and pushing him away.
Yes, men find it attractive when a woman can be REAL, SECURE in her emotions, OPEN, GENUINE, and VULNERABLE.. aka -- say what you really want to say, when you want to say it. But you CAN'T be attached to the outcome, you can't be waiting for HIM to respond in a certain way to keep you from feeling bad (and getting all hurts and upset and pulling away when he DOESN'T!).. cuz when we're attached to the outcome, all a guy FEELS is PRESSURE to behave and respond in a certain way.. and who wants that?
I'm sure he's messing up plenty, but he's not here and I'm talking to YOU... YOU are the ONLY person you have any control over... so do what YOU can to not contribute to the mess, and SEE if he is willing and able to step up and be a worthwhile addition to your life. And in the meantime.. DO YOU. Cuz really.. WHY are you all flipping out about this guy and if he does or doesn't text you.. instead of ENJOYING your vacation, and living a full and happy life he just MIGHT want to be a part of?
*sigh* I better stop there.. my posts about this already get too long. Look at some other threads here in Libra, read and absorb, and don't sabotage your possibilities with this guy by inadvertently closing off and pushing him away.
well? where is the rant? 
Posted by Strider
Nefer your patience for the female species of my kind is astounding . I have read several of these Leo chick posts and have cringed every time !
To the OP: Please step back from your situation and try to look at things objectively . Also please read Nefer's posts very carefully and completely . she gives excellent advice and is also generous enough to do this time and time again .
Try not to take offense to her wording though...she means well .
Strider, thank you. Truly.. you don't even know. *curtsy*
Oh my.. I read this and thought, "Really? Why would he warn her to not take offense? I'm a sweetheart and I'm trying to HELP!".. and so I re-read my words.. and remembered.. I'm talking to a LEO chick.. oh man.. and most of my life, I GRATE on Leo chicks, including BOTH of my sisters... including SEVERAL Leos here on DXP. So I know it's ME, not THEM! I know that something about me and the way I present my ideas keeps rubbing them wrong. They have to get to KNOW me enough to KNOW I'm not intentionally coming across badly. I do not COMPETE with my fellow women, I do not try to sabotage them or steer them wrong, I find no pleasure in their struggles and pain and confusion.
And I feel SO sorrowful about that... I struggle to say everything I want to say, and forget that with certain types (ahem.. Leo women? lol)... my tone, my words, my stance.. is probably going to be misconstrued. I always forget that, I swear! :c
schweppes.. please, honey... don't take offense. I've got nothing but love for you, and that's the honest truth... I'm ALL ABOUT self-love, ALL ABOUT helping you find YOUR true happiness, whatever that looks like. I'm ALL ABOUT lifting you up and showing you the amazing, incredible woman in the mirror, and helping you find your peaceful center, and find your power to manifest your own destiny. I'm not bitter or condescending, and I judge people as little as I possibly can... I can IMAGINE being in your place and be empathetic, yet still know I can never ACTUALLY walk your path. So... I'm content to maybe hold the flashlight for you and help you find your way. ♥
schweppes.. please, honey... don't take offense. I've got nothing but love for you, and that's the honest truth... I'm ALL ABOUT self-love, ALL ABOUT helping you find YOUR true happiness, whatever that looks like. I'm ALL ABOUT lifting you up and showing you the amazing, incredible woman in the mirror, and helping you find your peaceful center, and find your power to manifest your own destiny. I'm not bitter or condescending, and I judge people as little as I possibly can... I can IMAGINE being in your place and be empathetic, yet still know I can never ACTUALLY walk your path. So... I'm content to maybe hold the flashlight for you and help you find your way. ???
That was nice
That was nice
Posted by StriderPosted by aquagirl24
maybe even because she gave up on the male gender ages ago... so her only hope is the female gender...
I doubt the male gender would give up on her though ! she seems like one hot lady .click to expand
Oh goodness, no. I haven't given up on the male gender. Interestingly, last night I accessed three old HDs from my past PC's by adapting them into external HDs.. on one from 10+ yrs ago, was a long talk with a Scorpio ex I was close friends with still.. I was asking him about Male Mentality on a guy who bailed, disappeared (I too used to seek closure, not realizing it's a myth!).. and even *I* could see by the end.. I'd closed off, erected the walls again, allowed myself to become bitter and convinced that men sucked - and *I* sucked even worse and would stay alone! I cringed to read my OWN words - I was really, really bitter and beaten down and ACTING like I didn't care, thinking that made me strong! HIDING my feelings, pretending to feel something I didn't feel or not feel at all, feeling too afraid and insecure to be VULNERABLE.. WOW! It's no wonder the relationships were almost all off-balance and drama-filled.. it wasn't entirely their faults, though they did hurtful things.. I wasn't even showing guys the real me, cuz the real me was injured and damaged and nearly out of control, and letting her out probably WOULD be a disaster.. I was a wreck, and my perceptions were skewed, my emotions ruled OVER me instead of WITH me, the Nasty Voices controlled me with lies. I had to heal ME from the inside out, change the way I look at things, find REAL inner strength that comes from knowing I DESERVE everything I WANT and refusing to accept less, turn those NVs into my cheering section, and having strong boundaries, and showing my own worth by NOT accepting bad/poor/indifferent treatment. I found true strength.. strong INSIDE and soft and inviting outside... instead of hard, brittle, controlled outside and mush and insecurity hiding inside!
Men are as fabulous as women, truly. Sure there are "bad" ones, same as there are "bad" women.. but in general men want loving relationships as much as women do. And I'd gladly help any man try to understand something from a woman's pov (and I've done that too, esp on the Pisces board).. but I'm not exactly a "typical" woman, and hardly think I know it all. But not as many MEN come here with their "help me" posts.. so mostly I talk to the women. Cuz I've been there.. I've been hurt and confused and even tried to make a bad relationship work. I've stayed too long, I've allowed bad treatment. I've been stuck before, tangled up, borderline-obsessed, beaten down, frustrated, lost.. I can see MYSELF in the women who post here, and I want to show them a way that might work better for them too. And it ALL starts with altering your perception and with SELF-LOVE. I became the confident SELECTOR, instead of the desperate SELECTEE hoping he'd choose me and turning myself inside out to show him why he should want me! Men do NOT fall in love with our looks, brains, money, sex, jobs, possessions, any of that.. they fall in love with our FEMININE ESSENCE that triggers his emotional connection.
Dating games set us up for failure. As does trying to convince, cajole, coerce, control... or warn, advise, suggest, or LEAD a man. Let THEM be men who can't help but want to be around we amazing, feeling, emotional, peaceful, and secure women unafraid of feeling/showing her emotions, good OR bad. Let those MEN step up and show us what they're worth.. or let them step out and make room for one who can.
What I gave up on was trying to control or change men. I'm the ONLY one I have any control over. If a man doesn't feel I "fit" him or want to be with me for any reason, it's not a personal failure on me.. no more than it's a personal failure on every really great guy I never fell in love with!
And if I help just ONE MORE woman find her inner light and learn to shine it.. all the time I've spent, every word I've typed.. so worth it.
Dating games set us up for failure. As does trying to convince, cajole, coerce, control... or warn, advise, suggest, or LEAD a man. Let THEM be men who can't help but want to be around we amazing, feeling, emotional, peaceful, and secure women unafraid of feeling/showing her emotions, good OR bad. Let those MEN step up and show us what they're worth.. or let them step out and make room for one who can.
What I gave up on was trying to control or change men. I'm the ONLY one I have any control over. If a man doesn't feel I "fit" him or want to be with me for any reason, it's not a personal failure on me.. no more than it's a personal failure on every really great guy I never fell in love with!
And if I help just ONE MORE woman find her inner light and learn to shine it.. all the time I've spent, every word I've typed.. so worth it.
LOL Pisces males would tend to not mix well with Aqua females.. not impossible, of course. Astrology is sooo much more than Sun Signs. I myself probably have too much Aqua influence for most Pisces men.. I can't mesh with them romantically, in my experience LOL
About 8 or so years ago, I had two online friends "Ra" (Scorp) and "Isis" (Gem).. they are the ones that gave me the name "Nefer" originally. They wanted an Egyptian name for me too, but I vetoed every suggestion (have you ever HEARD some of those names?? Bast? Set?) I also objected to "Nefer" because it means "beautiful" but they got everyone calling me that until I finally gave in and accepted it as my new nickname.
Before that, my nicknames were Ginsu (like the knife! No kidding! And that was around the time I had that self-bittering convo with my Scorp ex!) and then, during my work with my self-healing and self-improvement, I softened it to "Ginsugar".. but then "Nefer" happened and it's stuck lol
About 8 or so years ago, I had two online friends "Ra" (Scorp) and "Isis" (Gem).. they are the ones that gave me the name "Nefer" originally. They wanted an Egyptian name for me too, but I vetoed every suggestion (have you ever HEARD some of those names?? Bast? Set?) I also objected to "Nefer" because it means "beautiful" but they got everyone calling me that until I finally gave in and accepted it as my new nickname.
Before that, my nicknames were Ginsu (like the knife! No kidding! And that was around the time I had that self-bittering convo with my Scorp ex!) and then, during my work with my self-healing and self-improvement, I softened it to "Ginsugar".. but then "Nefer" happened and it's stuck lol
I'll look into that, Strider.. I'm very open-minded and quite spiritual..
But what you said that made me feel REALLY smiley.. was about the chivalry and the femininity of old being so absent today.. it's SOOO true, and I've discussed it here before.. feminism was good, in that it got women out of the kitchen and into the world.. but not so good when it contributed to shifting a whole generation of women OUT of their traditional, warm, feminine selves and into these hardened creatures trying so hard to "make it in a man's world" that they end up so unhappy and dissatisfied with themselves and their relationships nowadays... all those power struggles.. all this stuffing down our beautiful, womanly selves. The media, society.. 60's and 70's free love/sex, women shutting their gentleness down and trying to be like men, work like men, have meaningless sex like men.. well, like we THINK most men are, cuz we no longer LET them be chivalrous, hard-working, protective, loving men - cuz WE can do it all ourselves, tyvm! When we treat men as unnecessary.. they become unnecessary! A lot of our mothers did it too, and so most of us never had role models for being womanly, and most of us never even saw what a healthy relationship looked like. "Old fashioned" has such a bad connotation.. but it shouldn't. It's a lovely thing.. I embraced my femininity and find myself to be a bit old-fashioned too.. I'm not saying let's go back to women being helpless property with no rights, seen and not heard.. only there to serve her father and then her husband and children... but I AM saying we need to realize we ARE different from men.. not better or worse.. just different, with different NATURAL roles.. and we need to stop killing or hiding all those amazing womanly qualities we have inside us.. cuz it's detrimental to our personal relationships most of the time! Love is EASY, it FLOWS.. we MAKE it feel hard when we struggle against what we truly are and truly want deep down!
You and I feel very similarly about how society and relationships have changed in recent generations... and not for the better!
But what you said that made me feel REALLY smiley.. was about the chivalry and the femininity of old being so absent today.. it's SOOO true, and I've discussed it here before.. feminism was good, in that it got women out of the kitchen and into the world.. but not so good when it contributed to shifting a whole generation of women OUT of their traditional, warm, feminine selves and into these hardened creatures trying so hard to "make it in a man's world" that they end up so unhappy and dissatisfied with themselves and their relationships nowadays... all those power struggles.. all this stuffing down our beautiful, womanly selves. The media, society.. 60's and 70's free love/sex, women shutting their gentleness down and trying to be like men, work like men, have meaningless sex like men.. well, like we THINK most men are, cuz we no longer LET them be chivalrous, hard-working, protective, loving men - cuz WE can do it all ourselves, tyvm! When we treat men as unnecessary.. they become unnecessary! A lot of our mothers did it too, and so most of us never had role models for being womanly, and most of us never even saw what a healthy relationship looked like. "Old fashioned" has such a bad connotation.. but it shouldn't. It's a lovely thing.. I embraced my femininity and find myself to be a bit old-fashioned too.. I'm not saying let's go back to women being helpless property with no rights, seen and not heard.. only there to serve her father and then her husband and children... but I AM saying we need to realize we ARE different from men.. not better or worse.. just different, with different NATURAL roles.. and we need to stop killing or hiding all those amazing womanly qualities we have inside us.. cuz it's detrimental to our personal relationships most of the time! Love is EASY, it FLOWS.. we MAKE it feel hard when we struggle against what we truly are and truly want deep down!
You and I feel very similarly about how society and relationships have changed in recent generations... and not for the better!
A.
I also said:
"They don't need to act more like men, per se. But what they need to do is act like real women! Women forgot how to be feminine, open, vulnerable, HONEST about their feelings and emotions. June Cleaver started fucking up a whole generation of women, turning them into Stepford Wives - and women who were miserable because they could not conform! June Cleaver isn't REAL... just like today's media images of women aren't real - and women are striving to be this "perfect" thing, and failing, because failure was inevitable when you look to a false image as an ideal. And women forgot how to LET and TRIGGER men to be men, masculine and manly. Feminism is great in that it at least changed womens' status to that of more than the family cow (chattel) and equality is a good thing - but it went too far! Women are not men, and should not strive to be like men!
I'm all for sexual freedom - MY choices should not be your concern, and vice versa. HOWEVER - SO many "Modern Women" going around saying, "I can just fuck like a man, and walk away. Sex is sex. Woo!" or even, "Oh sure... he doesn't want a relationship with me, but wants to still sleep with me? No problem. I can handle it, just like a man!"... then, "Well, I'm developing strong feelings for him, so if I keep giving him what he wants (sex) he'll fall in love with me too!".. then, "FUCKIN' JERK! He USED me for months! What a pig! I hate men!!"
Women stopped being HONEST and REAL and WOMANLY... and a whole generation of us never learned how to have a healthy relationship.. so few of our parents had one, that's when it all started snowballing. Yes, there are jerks out there, liars and users... but most men are trying to get by in this fucked up dating/relationship scene just like women are. Regular men, confused by how things AREN'T working... and we women blame the men. Really? Are ALL the men assholes? Maybe some of us keep PICKING assholes, cuz we don't know a better way. And some of us take a decent man, lie to him and herself about what she feels and thinks and wants... and sets herself up for failure by accepting bad behavior and having no boundaries or limits cuz she's "scared" of losing him. Setting boundaries won't LOSE a man, it DRAWS HIM IN. Being happy with YOURSELF, loving YOU, knowing what you WILL NOT tolerate, insisting on being treated with respect... MAGNETIC to men. Women forgot this, forgot how to be women. Now so many are just breathing blow up dolls, like that's okay."
"They don't need to act more like men, per se. But what they need to do is act like real women! Women forgot how to be feminine, open, vulnerable, HONEST about their feelings and emotions. June Cleaver started fucking up a whole generation of women, turning them into Stepford Wives - and women who were miserable because they could not conform! June Cleaver isn't REAL... just like today's media images of women aren't real - and women are striving to be this "perfect" thing, and failing, because failure was inevitable when you look to a false image as an ideal. And women forgot how to LET and TRIGGER men to be men, masculine and manly. Feminism is great in that it at least changed womens' status to that of more than the family cow (chattel) and equality is a good thing - but it went too far! Women are not men, and should not strive to be like men!
I'm all for sexual freedom - MY choices should not be your concern, and vice versa. HOWEVER - SO many "Modern Women" going around saying, "I can just fuck like a man, and walk away. Sex is sex. Woo!" or even, "Oh sure... he doesn't want a relationship with me, but wants to still sleep with me? No problem. I can handle it, just like a man!"... then, "Well, I'm developing strong feelings for him, so if I keep giving him what he wants (sex) he'll fall in love with me too!".. then, "FUCKIN' JERK! He USED me for months! What a pig! I hate men!!"
Women stopped being HONEST and REAL and WOMANLY... and a whole generation of us never learned how to have a healthy relationship.. so few of our parents had one, that's when it all started snowballing. Yes, there are jerks out there, liars and users... but most men are trying to get by in this fucked up dating/relationship scene just like women are. Regular men, confused by how things AREN'T working... and we women blame the men. Really? Are ALL the men assholes? Maybe some of us keep PICKING assholes, cuz we don't know a better way. And some of us take a decent man, lie to him and herself about what she feels and thinks and wants... and sets herself up for failure by accepting bad behavior and having no boundaries or limits cuz she's "scared" of losing him. Setting boundaries won't LOSE a man, it DRAWS HIM IN. Being happy with YOURSELF, loving YOU, knowing what you WILL NOT tolerate, insisting on being treated with respect... MAGNETIC to men. Women forgot this, forgot how to be women. Now so many are just breathing blow up dolls, like that's okay."
Aaaaand.. we've sort of derailed schweppes' thread.. sorry :}
It's good stuff though!
It's good stuff though!
Wow! didn't expect so many replies (guess my little bump worked)
Yes I am firey Leo, with Venus and Moon in Cancer, Scorpio Rising... so the controlling/needy balance is always something I have to work with..lol..probably why I am comfortable flying solo most of the time. Liking people/dating, etc. takes so mych energy.. but i am giving it a shot..anyways this is truly new for me.. but thanks for the advice.. I'll scurry through these responses and be back later.. ciao
Yes I am firey Leo, with Venus and Moon in Cancer, Scorpio Rising... so the controlling/needy balance is always something I have to work with..lol..probably why I am comfortable flying solo most of the time. Liking people/dating, etc. takes so mych energy.. but i am giving it a shot..anyways this is truly new for me.. but thanks for the advice.. I'll scurry through these responses and be back later.. ciao
Posted by Nefer
Aaaaand.. we've sort of derailed schweppes' thread.. sorry :}
It's good stuff though!
Hey its all good, you can't tell from my post, but I studied Femenist Philosophy, so a lot of the comments here make sense. Guess I needed a not so subtle reminder..lol
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