Decisions, Decisions

This topic was created in the Libra forum by houstonpeach74 on Tuesday, December 12, 2006 and has 155 replies.
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I have been going back on forth on how to pursue the Libra in my life. He acts as if he is interested in me, but he has lousy follow through with showing that he is.
You could blame my way of thinking on being naturally suspicious of people, but some things just don't add up with this guy. Even though he's really sweet and attentive when we are together (maybe 2-3 hours a week, which IS NOT a lot), he is almost always unavailable the rest of the time. He claims his family is dependent on him, but he's been gone for 1 and 2 weeks at a time and his family did just fine without him. He is off this week and next for vacation and he mentioned yesterday when I called him that his family had no idea he was off this week...this I found odd, especially since it would seem that his family would jump at the chance knowing his days off. When I called him last night, he said he was at his brother's house (they live less than a mile away) and he said he hadn't been there in over a month. I didn't say anything, but two weekends ago, he used his brother as an excuse. He said he had to take his dad to his brother's house and pick him up when he was ready. To me, that IS going to his brother's house.
He supposedly went to a Holiday party this past Saturday. He accepted this invitation after he and I talked about spending time together on the weekends. Not only did he not tell me about the party until the last minute, he didn't invite me...I am positive I wouldn't have gone, but it's the courtesy of asking and lack thereof for not asking me.
He doesn't keep his promises to call me. He said 4 days he'd call me, but instead text messaged me. He knows I get SO VERY TIRED of text messages, yet he did it when he said he'd call me. Then last night when he was at his "brother's" house, he said he'd call when he got to his house. Instead, what did I get? A text message. I replied "are you uncomfortable talking to me over the phone or do you just prefer text?" His reply was "VOice is best, but text is easier when talking on the phone is not possible (as people next to you talking at the same time)"
I'm sorry...I love my family dearly, but I've decided I can't pursue or be allegedly pursued by someone who can't cut the cord and who doesn't appear to be very truthful.
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HP, as we know, they are wishy washy and per your advice go with the flow for now or as long as you can, because they can test your patience.
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That was my rant to inform you all and myself that I'm walking away. I've thought about telling the Libra about a few other men who are vying for my attention to see if that makes him take notice, but the truth of the matter is, he should be pursuing me with more force without him knowing there's others in the running...
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HP
When you spell it out this way ... it seems suspicious to me too.
I don't think he is making you happy. Dump him and date the other guys.
sorry it didn't work out. I suspect he is seeing others.
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I could be wrong about that .... it just seems like he is causing more pain than joy at this point.
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you're right. i've had my doubts for several weeks, but just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. i'm tired of trying.
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awww Houston. I am sorry.
When it gets to that point, it is hardly worth it.
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the sad thing is that I really tried with this guy. all the advice i was giving out about Libra men, I was doing myself. but i can only be patient and understanding to some degree. if he calls me tonight, i am going to just tell him to lose my number...it's not worth getting attached to this guy if it's not going to be returned. i got attached to him but now it's time to say goodbye. but i do think i should tell him about the other 2 guys vying for my attention.
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You can tell him about the others but I really don't see the point. I would just dump him then call next boy. Best revenge is living well as they say.
I want you to keep me in the loop re: the new guys!
I am going to miss all you guys here in libraland. It is such a quite board.
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I'm not leaving. One of the guys pursuing me is (OH NO) another Libra.
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YAY!!!
lol!
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I wish I knew more about Libramen. I don't know much about em.
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HP, you cannot give up...
Libra needs his time to go through the thinking side of relationships and fall in love. Your new Libra man will give you the same stuff.
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Libra, the thing is I tried and you can only try so much. Plus, his stories just don't add up and are rather suspicious.
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Not necessarily. They are different men. Maybe Libra#1 is not available emotionally at this time. Libra#2 may be.
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If he isn't making her happy, he isn't making her happy. I don't think she owes him anything.
Pursue your happiness HP.
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Just lay low and don't be too available.
He is Oct 10?
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yes oct 10th
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That's me. Give us a chance...???
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OK, you guys seem like sisters to me now. Funny how the four of us wind up on the same posts. HP, I agree with you and LS. Libras are great, but there is only so much you can take... I don't think it is necessary to tell him about the other guys, he may feel you are threatening him. Let him wonder. Also, watch and see as soon as you give up, he is going to come a runnin!!!!
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not every Libra is the same. his stories don't add up.
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Mine may not. Don't know now, but I make them sound good!
Does not mean I am not serious. I just want you to ONLY see my BEST side...
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And what am I seeing of you? What are you revealing about your feelings?
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He is me basically, same birthday and venus in virgo.
We are very suspicious and trust is everything...
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That is the thing with Libras, while trying to show the good side instead of the true side, they may miss out. I know a couple who feel like they have and I was one of the ones they (one of the Libras) thought they missed out on.
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lol!
Libra .... it aint you ... it is him.
smile
BTW ... you are a birthday sister! I am the 11th. (I think we have had this conversation before though. smile )
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But Libra, that's the thing. His stories sound sooo good to be true. Like the whole Good Samaritan story. I'm sorry, but his time was commited to me. He even admitted that this person was a friend of a friend and that he didn't even know her that well. If this was a friend of a friend, chances are that friend had closer friends or family whom could come to the aid. He made it sound like he comes to aid of not only his family but his friends, too. When I needed him 2 weekends ago, did he come to my aid? NO, he had an excuse of having to do something with his dad and asked if my friend could help me instead. Point being, if he can turn me down and ask if another friend of mine can help, he could have asked the other person whom he helped out the same question when he had plans with me.
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For me it is very important that you make up your own mind as to whether you want to be with me or not. I don't want or try to influence you by being sticky, drewling all over you etc. I stay on my own territory and do a little bit of witch craft. But that's it.
AND, I am also very reactive - I behave the way I think YOU want me to behave. Which may not always be right but it cannot be helped. And I have very strong principles in how love should be, perfect as per my rules.
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"Message posted by: Libra on 12/12/2006 3:36:58 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.5
And what am I seeing of you? What are you revealing about your feelings? "
What do you mean?
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*** Let him wonder. Also, watch and see as soon as you give up, he is going to come a runnin!!!!
No kidding! Damn men and their guydar.
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Libra, I have told him quite bluntly that I want to spend more time with him. I have asked him "Do you want me to walk away?" and "Do you want me to stick around?" He turned both of those questions around instead of answering them directly. Instead of answering, he asked "Do you want to walk away" and "Do you want to stick around?"
How is that communicating how HE feels? It only tells him how I feel, which I've made quite clear. Either way, I get the impression he is OK with either decision I make. If I walk, he'll be fine. If I give him yet another chance, he'll keep milking.
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*** AND, I am also very reactive - I behave the way I think YOU want me to behave. Which may not always be right but it cannot be helped. And I have very strong principles in how love should be, perfect as per my rules.
Libras in a nutshell.
I also tend to think we pick up on people's expectation of us and just serve it to them, straight up. It is almost subconcious.
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I mean that I am very reactive. So you also have to look at yourself and then check his responses. (Am not saying you've got it wrong - just spend half an hour thinking about it - to rule it out.)
I am TERRIFIED of getting the boot - when I care a lot. As long as I can somehow maintain the status quo there is little reason for you to want to be rid of me.
You must have a talk - but a NICE TALK. Sweet, puppy talk...
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Houston.... That was my ex... Family and friends first. I think if they feel you are strong and can handle your situation (scorps have strong spirits - Taurus too as far as I know) they will help the weaker per-say that aren't that strong. Libras truly go out of their way to help people believe me, sometimes not who they should be helping the most. The strong sometimes get weak.
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I just called him and talked to him for about 15 minutes. He could tell I had something on my mind, but I told him it was just personal stuff. He asked if I wanted to talk about the personal stuff and I told him I wasn't ready to talk about it. Since he's off today, I asked him what he had planned, and he rattled off something, then I asked "then what?" then he said something else, then I asked "then what?" and did that until he said "After all that, probably nothing". He either did get the hint that I wanted to see him or he got the hint and he was just dodging it. So I finally said "well it would be ok if I don't see you tonight, but I would like to talk to you"...I get the impression that he understands my hints and knew that the talk had to do with him, basically because when he asked if i wanted to talk about the personal stuff i could sense he knew it was about him.
so we'll see if he calls. he supposedly has more errands to run for himself and his dad.
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*** Libras truly go out of their way to help people believe me
Troooo!
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"Either way, I get the impression he is OK with either decision I make."
Yesterday I wrote you that I can turn stone cold in the face of (potential) rejection!!
You will not see me vulnerable - unless I have to rescue the situation.
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Libra, so you're saying that at this point, I need to prepare myself for a cold person when I tell him it's not working out?
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I would be surprised if he calls tonight. He might call tomorrow or a couple days later after he thinks you have cooled off or had a chance to simmer (running from conflict)
By the way, my Libra friend asked me to go to a party of a friend of his with him. I declined and said, maybe next time. I hope I din't offend him. What say you LS, Libra?
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no, i'm sure he'll call tonight. he knows i'm stressing out about my biopsy and upcoming surgery and i myself have some family issues going on (my family lives out of town though). I did stress to him that I although I don't have to see him tonight, I would want to talk to him. he knows i'm having problems dealing with his situation, but I have not been emotional, just communicative.
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He probably won't call to avoid the confrontation.
I would just pretend the conversation didn't happen and avoid, avoid, avoid.
Seriously call the other boys. You told him what would make you happy ... and well ... he hasn't stepped up. NeXt!!!!
(((Libra)))
It is him .. not you honey.
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Urggghhhh!!! That is so a typical Libra, getting them to tell you exactly how they feel is like pulling teeth if you are involved. If you are a close friend not involved they can gossip about it like a woman and spill all the beans.
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If he wanted to avoid confrontation why did he even bother asking me if I wanted to talk about things I've been talking about?
Let's see if I can remember what I told him.
"Don't you just hate Murphy's Law? When one thing falls out of place, you begin to wonder about other things that aren't going right and how you can fix it. With all the things going on with my health right now, it makes me think about other things that just don't make sense and I begin to analyze them and just want to fix everything to make them right".
That's when he said "Not sure if I am part of it, but do you want to talk about it?" I told him "I won't lie and say you're not part of what i've been thinking about but there's other things of course on my mind. I'm at work and can't talk in detail about them...maybe tonight". He said OK.
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Message posted by: Queenscorpio on 12/12/2006 3:51:19 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.240
I would be surprised if he calls tonight. He might call tomorrow or a couple days later after he thinks you have cooled off or had a chance to simmer (running from conflict)

That's just it: I am calm about all of this...no need to cool off or simmer. I've been very patient and even toned with him.
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It can go a number of ways, HP. However, if he turns cold then know that he is protecting himself and inside actually hurting.
See, we always see it (getting dumped, fired, told off etc) coming because I always think I am getting that boot. So if I have thought about it, I am sort of prepared and can think of some things to say, beforehand. In this scenario I will be nice and understanding - because I am also saying clever things and can show my very best self. Go out in style , so to speak.
But usually I don't prepare e.g. the not knowing what our actual opinion is until the moment of the conversation - it is not rehearsed. So I think the first response is to pull up the wall and protect (= stone cold).
Also, you must think about this one: what kind of pressures is he getting from his family. Saying no is VERY difficult.
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I can't see him being offended Queenie.
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Remember they want to say and do what they think you want them to say and do. He wouldn't just not be sympathetic while he is on the phone with you or sound (maybe even be) sincere. He definitely got that it was about him, but they seem to take the easy way out. If he does call tonight, I would be surprised. We shall see.
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I didn't think a person would be either until my friend "friend" not boyfriend got offended and asked if I was thratening him when I told him "Everyone wants a little of my time but you." That was shocking and made me realize he took it offensive instead of sarcasim.
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HP, I know and everyone on this post knows you are. He just knows it is about him and they hate anything conflicting and avoid at all costs. They also sincerely hate to feel like they have done someone any type of injustice or hurt someone's feelings. That really gets to them. Trust me they are more extreme than we think.
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I don't think we are very good at being put on the spot.
You have to guide us a bit e.g. don't complain, and see the unsolicited love you get...
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