Denial

This topic was created in the Libra forum by templeofjaguar on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 and has 6 replies.
OK, I finally got a response from the Letter I wrote to Libra after telling him things were not going to work for me and that it was over. After the posts I got from the "to call..or not to call" I also called (but got his voice mail)and left a message informing him I sent him an email that he should read and added that I hope he is alright and although that wasn't in the content of my letter I would like to know that I have worried needlessly during the many weeks of his absence to put my mind at rest.
I didn't receive a response from either after a few days. In an effort to detach from the situation and my feelings I went out on a date and wouldn't you know it.....he called while I was out on the date! I didn't answer, of course but he left a message saying he had not read the email but that he was really stressed out taking care of his mother and making arrangements for her care and his work load was overwhelming him. He said he missed me and loved me and hoped we could talk soon and that he would try to get to the email. I did not respond to his call. Just let things ride the way they were.
The following week (last Friday) he called again while I was preparing to go out on another date. I didn't answer because I didn't want to be talking with him when my date arrived to pick me up. He left a message saying he got the email and read it and he said he knows he's been absent for too long and how sorry he was. More Libra charm at attempting to smooth things over about how happy he was to get my phone call & email and assured me he was ok and not to worry about him. (done) He wants to see me and misses me and will try to catch up with me soon. (not holding my breath or expecting it)
The problem I have with all of this is he never once acknowledged that the email was telling him I don't want the relationship anymore the way that it was and that I felt he used our friendship and me and I was moving on & I hope that he would find happines.
Seriously, he completely ignored the fact that I broke up with him and carried on with his messages as if he had only been guilty of a mild case of neglect. I am going to guess that he is trying to pretend/deny that the relationship is over and trying to salvage it but this was the very thing I was trying to avoid. The painful back and forth thing of hurting and letting go. I accept and believe he is truly sorry but I don't understand why we need to drag my heart thru this further and pretend it's all ok when i
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pretend it's all ok when it isn't.
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*** Seriously, he completely ignored the fact that I broke up with him and carried on with his messages as if he had only been guilty of a mild case of neglect.***
They like keeping their options open. He hates conflict and would rather talk/charm you into reconsidering AGAIN...
***The painful back and forth thing of hurting and letting go. I accept and believe he is truly sorry but I don't understand why we need to drag my heart thru this further and pretend it's all ok when i***
You don't. If You are doing all the giving and you aren't happy and he can't/won't give you what you need then it isn't right for you.
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Just tell him the truth. Call him and tell him, he isn't in a position to have a relationship right now. He has other important things that need his time and attention. And although you understand his situation, the timing isn't working out and you aren't interested in continuing a relationship with him. Wish him the best of luck but restate that you aren't interested in continuing a relationship with him.
He probably thinks he can save this. Let him know that it isn't personal and that you wish him the best but the situation cannot work at this time.
He will probably be upset but when he stops to think about it will realize you are correct.
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Ok, I'll give it one more time to calmly explain to him how this is not going to work for me and why I have chosen to move on and that he needs to let me do that. Good advise. I think you are right LS i too think he's in denial in an effort to try to turn it all around. Dead on target QS I know he's trying to get another chance. It's a bit hard to tell him it's not "personal" ...in matters of the heart. I don't want to hurt him any more then he has been hurting me but it must stop and I've not had the courage in the past to just cut someone out of my life when I have spent a great deal of time caring for them and loving them for so long. He was never abusive or mean. Just couldn't have my needs and expectations met and therefore I have been unhappy. I don't want to remain in a relationship where I am unhappy and I tried to convey that to him and he just didn't seem to get that. Anyway, I'll be giving it another shot at letting him down "gently".
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***He was never abusive or mean. Just couldn't have my needs and expectations met and therefore I have been unhappy. ***
They never are.
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