Disappearing Libra Man
This topic was created in the Libra forum by AllyCat34 on Friday, May 10, 2013 and has 18 replies.
Hi All,
I'm an Aries. I met a Libra man online about 2 months ago. We had an immediate connection, like nothing I've experienced before. He seemed completely into me. We talked everyday, and hung out as much as our schedules allowed. He bought me flowers for no reason. And even though we'd only been dating a couple of weeks, he bought me balloons, a cake and a card for my birthday. He constantly told me how beautiful I was, and how much he missed me. AND THEN (within 2 days) ....His life went into chaos. Work was insane because they were short staffed. He was having issues with his roommate. And he needed to plan his mom's 60th birthday (he's an only child and his father isn't in the picture). Basically, he'd go to work and hate his life, and then come home and have to deal with more shit. I should mention he is a recovered/recovering alcoholic (sober for 3 years), so being off balance may be tougher for him than others. As all this was happening, he started pulling away from me. He cancelled a date, saying that he would call and explain but never called. After leaving him a concerned voice message and a concerned text, as well as messaging that if he needed a break to work through things that I would understand, he finally called and explained everything - that his life was crazy, and that he was sorry. We discussed possibly getting together the next night for an hour - I was leaving for Paris the following day, and I mentioned it would be great to see him if only for a short time. He texted me the following day saying that he wasn't able to get together because he had to work super early the next day. I told him I understood and that I would see him when I returned from Paris. I didn't hear from him while I was away in Paris. I messaged him to tell him I was having a great time, but that I missed him. He ignored my text. When I returned from Paris, I messaged him to tell him I was back. I sent a cute message indicating that I had a sweet (chocolate) and sexy (lingerie) surprise for him, and that we should get together. He responded, coldly, that he was happy I made it back safely and that he would call me the next day. He never called. In response, I sent him a kind, understanding but direct message. I was empathetic about all the crap he'd been going through, and told him how wonderfully I thought he was handling things. I told him how awesome he is and the reasons why I like and respect him....
I'm an Aries. I met a Libra man online about 2 months ago. We had an immediate connection, like nothing I've experienced before. He seemed completely into me. We talked everyday, and hung out as much as our schedules allowed. He bought me flowers for no reason. And even though we'd only been dating a couple of weeks, he bought me balloons, a cake and a card for my birthday. He constantly told me how beautiful I was, and how much he missed me. AND THEN (within 2 days) ....His life went into chaos. Work was insane because they were short staffed. He was having issues with his roommate. And he needed to plan his mom's 60th birthday (he's an only child and his father isn't in the picture). Basically, he'd go to work and hate his life, and then come home and have to deal with more shit. I should mention he is a recovered/recovering alcoholic (sober for 3 years), so being off balance may be tougher for him than others. As all this was happening, he started pulling away from me. He cancelled a date, saying that he would call and explain but never called. After leaving him a concerned voice message and a concerned text, as well as messaging that if he needed a break to work through things that I would understand, he finally called and explained everything - that his life was crazy, and that he was sorry. We discussed possibly getting together the next night for an hour - I was leaving for Paris the following day, and I mentioned it would be great to see him if only for a short time. He texted me the following day saying that he wasn't able to get together because he had to work super early the next day. I told him I understood and that I would see him when I returned from Paris. I didn't hear from him while I was away in Paris. I messaged him to tell him I was having a great time, but that I missed him. He ignored my text. When I returned from Paris, I messaged him to tell him I was back. I sent a cute message indicating that I had a sweet (chocolate) and sexy (lingerie) surprise for him, and that we should get together. He responded, coldly, that he was happy I made it back safely and that he would call me the next day. He never called. In response, I sent him a kind, understanding but direct message. I was empathetic about all the crap he'd been going through, and told him how wonderfully I thought he was handling things. I told him how awesome he is and the reasons why I like and respect him....
Continued....
I expressed that I have tried to be patient and understanding as he worked through the crap, but that I was starting to feel that he was distancing himself from me. I asked him directly if he was still interested in a romantic relationship, and I hinted that he owed it to each other to be honest and upfront. This received a reply. He told me that I deserved his response and that he had been anything but kind in his inability to communicate with me. He provided the same justifications as before, noting that they had become tiresome excuses and that I deserved better. He noted that he wanted to call and have an honest conversation with me, and that he's been trying to find the time. He mentioned that if I still wanted to speak with him, he would do his best to find a half hour or so when he could devote his entire attention to me. He apologized. And told me that I am an amazing person and that I deserve better.
I responded by, once again, expressing empathy for what he was going through, and wishing him well. I once again told him all the reason I think he is amazing. Since he hinted at the fact that I deserved better, I told him that he deserves a healthy, stable relationship (he'd never had one of these before) and that I felt we were working towards that together. I asked that we continue our journey and see where things lead us. I then suggested we meet this week to discuss us. I gave a couple of dates and a proposed time. I chose a location close to him so he wouldn't have to travel far.... I received no response.... it's been nearly 5 days.
My Questions: Should I give up? Am I wasting my time hoping that he will come around and see how great we are/were together? Is there anything else I can say? Does he just need more time?
ANY advice would be wonderful!!
Thanks!! AllyCat34
I expressed that I have tried to be patient and understanding as he worked through the crap, but that I was starting to feel that he was distancing himself from me. I asked him directly if he was still interested in a romantic relationship, and I hinted that he owed it to each other to be honest and upfront. This received a reply. He told me that I deserved his response and that he had been anything but kind in his inability to communicate with me. He provided the same justifications as before, noting that they had become tiresome excuses and that I deserved better. He noted that he wanted to call and have an honest conversation with me, and that he's been trying to find the time. He mentioned that if I still wanted to speak with him, he would do his best to find a half hour or so when he could devote his entire attention to me. He apologized. And told me that I am an amazing person and that I deserve better.
I responded by, once again, expressing empathy for what he was going through, and wishing him well. I once again told him all the reason I think he is amazing. Since he hinted at the fact that I deserved better, I told him that he deserves a healthy, stable relationship (he'd never had one of these before) and that I felt we were working towards that together. I asked that we continue our journey and see where things lead us. I then suggested we meet this week to discuss us. I gave a couple of dates and a proposed time. I chose a location close to him so he wouldn't have to travel far.... I received no response.... it's been nearly 5 days.
My Questions: Should I give up? Am I wasting my time hoping that he will come around and see how great we are/were together? Is there anything else I can say? Does he just need more time?
ANY advice would be wonderful!!
Thanks!! AllyCat34
I could be wrong, but it seems as though he can not juggle or may be does not want to. It has been 5 days. I am not an expert on Libras, but in my opinion that is a long time. I would back off. Leave some room. Maybe even date others. Should he ever be ready to see you again or make that time to at least talk to you I think he will do this on his own. On a general level men like to chase. Let him do the chasing not you. I understand he made quite an impression on you and the connection was awesome. I am experiencing this myself. Let go for now. If he happens to surface. Allow him to do all the talking and you just listen you may hear something more that can give you more clarity. I hope this is helpful to you. I am sure some insightful Libras will also come to give you some advice as well.
Thanks for your response! I should also mention that my father, who is a Libra, thinks that his lack of response to my question about whether or not he still wants a relationship is because he doesn't have an answer at the moment. My father also thinks that he doesn't feel he deserves me, and therefore may walk away because of this...
One other thing to mention: He (not my father) kept thanking me for being so great with everything (and for being supportive)...
One other thing to mention: He (not my father) kept thanking me for being so great with everything (and for being supportive)...
I am by no means an expert on Libra men but from my experience with 2 Libra boyfriends, one past and one present, you should really take more than a step back -- maybe two giant leaps and a hurdle back would be suitable. You're being a bit too empathetic here for so early on in the "relationship". The "you deserve better" is sometimes sincere and sometimes men use it to preempt criticism. Perhaps he is being sincere, only you know but I would observe this situation with a more critical eye.
Thank you both for your responses! As much as I was hoping that my father wasn't correct, hearing the same from unbiased/uninvolved third parties is very helpful!! I guess I just have to chalk it up to "bad timing" and move on. Thank you 
Posted by tiziani
I agree with Curious. He has issues to deal with and a romantic relationship isn't going to be a priority. If a man is feeling useless about his life, there's no way he's going to feel useful to someone else romantically. Your father is spot on.
+10000 Yes your father is spot on!
Posted by fingirl31
I am by no means an expert on Libra men but from my experience with 2 Libra boyfriends, one past and one present, you should really take more than a step back -- maybe two giant leaps and a hurdle back would be suitable. You're being a bit too empathetic here for so early on in the "relationship". The "you deserve better" is sometimes sincere and sometimes men use it to preempt criticism. Perhaps he is being sincere, only you know but I would observe this situation with a more critical eye.
"maybe two giant leaps and a hurdle back would be suitable. You're being a bit too empathetic here for so early on in the "relationship". The "you deserve better" is sometimes sincere and sometimes men use it to preempt criticism. Perhaps he is being sincere, only you know but I would observe this situation with a more critical eye."
Totally agree!
Thanks! Taking all your advice and moving on (or "two giant leaps and a hurdle back" 
). I realize that I may have become too involved with him too early... I'm not the typical Aries... and I tend to give all of myself and fall hard, often too soon. Thanks again!
). I realize that I may have become too involved with him too early... I'm not the typical Aries... and I tend to give all of myself and fall hard, often too soon. Thanks again!Posted by AllyCat34
Thanks for your response! I should also mention that my father, who is a Libra, thinks that his lack of response to my question about whether or not he still wants a relationship is because he doesn't have an answer at the moment. My father also thinks that he doesn't feel he deserves me, and therefore may walk away because of this...
One other thing to mention: He (not my father) kept thanking me for being so great with everything (and for being supportive)...
I have not been on DXP since my Libra relationship ended. Yours sounds EXACTLY like what I had experienced. I do believe that my Libra chose to walk away because he felt he did not deserve me. I too got all the apologies for being distant, saying I deserved someone better, etc. It ended up where he stopped texting me and would not answer mine or my calls. I finally gave up and told him so. I have to say that I was (and still am after 3-4 months) very hurt by him.
I hope that it does not end like this for you. There is a lot of advice about Libra men here on the board..I hope some of it helps you understand his behavior.
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
HAHA.
Story of my life with the one I was seeing for awhile.
Libra guys are freaking idiots when it comes to juggling life's stresses. If they attempt to date (not ltr) when this happens, you are going to always be on the backburner. Relationships = too much responsibility, therefore you will not be a priority until they feel they can handle both.
Basically, they turn into full blown jackasses when life happens. Libras seriously have issues when life throws shit their way. I've seen it my entire life with a few, and I've witnessed the younger ones become total idiots. When Libras are unbalanced, they are not people you want to be around. You'll either want to kill them or admit them to a psych ward.
I was empathetic with mine for awhile. I just graduated last year with the same major. I know how crazy senior year can be.
But then some of the excuses became kinda bs. I can understand to an extent. HOWEVER, if the guy wants you, he'll manage somehow. None of this silence shit. None of you being a convenience factor to him. This one couldn't find time to see me anymore, was oh so busy, but he could find time for other shit. Oh, okay. Well fuck you. Go be crazy with someone else.
So I backed the hell off. He still acts like an idiot, but I still hear from him semi consistently. Once in awhile I may initiate, but for the most part, I just leave it up to him now. I'm not opposed to hearing from him/talking to him, but until he SHOWS me some better behavior, I'm not doing shit anymore, tbh. I was actually surprised last night when I misunderstood him and thought he was going to bed- Me- "Okay, night." Him- "We can still talk!" He's even made a few comments in passing in what a flaky tard he's been. *gasp*
But in all seriousness, stop giving a shit. Go do you. Let the retard miss you. As an Aries, it'll just drive you nuts.
Story of my life with the one I was seeing for awhile.
Libra guys are freaking idiots when it comes to juggling life's stresses. If they attempt to date (not ltr) when this happens, you are going to always be on the backburner. Relationships = too much responsibility, therefore you will not be a priority until they feel they can handle both.
Basically, they turn into full blown jackasses when life happens. Libras seriously have issues when life throws shit their way. I've seen it my entire life with a few, and I've witnessed the younger ones become total idiots. When Libras are unbalanced, they are not people you want to be around. You'll either want to kill them or admit them to a psych ward.
I was empathetic with mine for awhile. I just graduated last year with the same major. I know how crazy senior year can be.
But then some of the excuses became kinda bs. I can understand to an extent. HOWEVER, if the guy wants you, he'll manage somehow. None of this silence shit. None of you being a convenience factor to him. This one couldn't find time to see me anymore, was oh so busy, but he could find time for other shit. Oh, okay. Well fuck you. Go be crazy with someone else.
So I backed the hell off. He still acts like an idiot, but I still hear from him semi consistently. Once in awhile I may initiate, but for the most part, I just leave it up to him now. I'm not opposed to hearing from him/talking to him, but until he SHOWS me some better behavior, I'm not doing shit anymore, tbh. I was actually surprised last night when I misunderstood him and thought he was going to bed- Me- "Okay, night." Him- "We can still talk!" He's even made a few comments in passing in what a flaky tard he's been. *gasp*
But in all seriousness, stop giving a shit. Go do you. Let the retard miss you. As an Aries, it'll just drive you nuts.
I'm glad I checked the forum this morning. I ALMOST gave in and messaged him (it's been nearly a week). Need to keep telling myself to: MOVE ON MOVE ON MOVE ON, he's not worth this lol
Ugh! I gave in and messaged... stupid, I know :/ Of course I received no response. At this point, should I just delete all contact points (i.e., phone, IM, FB)? I figured if he didn't want to speak to me anymore, he'd remove me from FB... (I realize how ridiculous I am being...)
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by AllyCat34
Ugh! I gave in and messaged... stupid, I know :/ Of course I received no response. At this point, should I just delete all contact points (i.e., phone, IM, FB)? I figured if he didn't want to speak to me anymore, he'd remove me from FB... (I realize how ridiculous I am being...)
Don't delete. Just don't bother communicating first.
Libras won't remove you from Facebook. It's not indicative of anything. They're just too lazy to bother.
He responded. It's over. Says he his priorities are out of whack and he needs to focus on his recovery... blah blah blah
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Boo. At least he had the balls to say so.
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by tizianiPosted by rockyroadicecreamPosted by AllyCat34
Ugh! I gave in and messaged... stupid, I know :/ Of course I received no response. At this point, should I just delete all contact points (i.e., phone, IM, FB)? I figured if he didn't want to speak to me anymore, he'd remove me from FB... (I realize how ridiculous I am being...)
Don't delete. Just don't bother communicating first.
Libras won't remove you from Facebook. It's not indicative of anything. They're just too lazy to bother.
At this point Rocky might as well be a Libra. Force is strong in this one.click to expand
My ex actually had pretty much shared that sentiment. Not about me per se, but we were talking about Facebook generally and his whole thing is that he's just too lazy to bother. But I've also noticed that Libras aren't full blown into social networking. They may have it, but they also don't interact as much as most people do.
This Libra LOVES Facebook. He's constantly online.
Thank you all for your insight. I think once I've had time to reflect, I will realize this is all for the best. As awesome as he was, I'm not sure he's ready (and may never be ready) for a stable, healthy relationship -- he has a lot of demons and challenges.
Thank you all for your insight. I think once I've had time to reflect, I will realize this is all for the best. As awesome as he was, I'm not sure he's ready (and may never be ready) for a stable, healthy relationship -- he has a lot of demons and challenges.
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