Friendship with Libra

This topic was created in the Libra forum by BlueAries23 on Monday, March 31, 2014 and has 25 replies.
I have noticed that I am always the one to reach out to this friend. It's been this way for years, and it makes me resentful. I thought Libra was all about what's fair and balanced. Shouldn't that mean that we "take turns" reaching out to each other?
She's a Libra sun, Taurus moon - they're supposed to be exceptionally sociable, delightful people. I mean, that's true... when I go out of my way to continue a friendship with her!
Thoughts? Advice?
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Posted by tiziani
Libras are about what's fair for them, not what's fair for everyone.

Maybe she has Virgo placements? Virgos never reach out first, from what I've seen. But they're always there when you need them.


Once you mentioned it, I referenced her chart: she has Virgo in Mercury. That could make a lot of sense!
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This is one area I know I am bad at and try to be better with. I'm terrible at keeping in touch. It is no negative reflection on how I feel about the friendship, it's just how I am. I'm sure I've lost friendships because of this too.
I vote not to be upset by it.
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Posted by tiziani
Libras are about what's fair for them, not what's fair for everyone.
Maybe she has Virgo placements? Virgos never reach out first, from what I've seen. But they're always there when you need them.


Not True....Libra's are very fair. We may not communicate like everyone else does, but please do not think they we don't care about our relationships or friendships because we do and we take them very seriously. I have those same issues with some of my closest friends and associates, but I learned to tell them very early on that I'm not too communicative, so don't take it personally if I don't call you all the time. Libra's do a whooooole lot of thinking a whoooole lot of the time, but we are always happy to hear from the people we are close too. I can guarantee that when you do contact your Libra friend, she's always elated to hear from you...right? Now, I don't know about the Virgo thing, but my brother is a Virgo and we're extremely close, so I'm almost inclined to say that Virgo's and Libra's kinda share the same traits when it comes to communication. We may not call a lot, but we're always happy to talk when we do conversate, and we're definitely always there when and if you ever need us.
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Posted by LibraSid
This is one area I know I am bad at and try to be better with. I'm terrible at keeping in touch. It is no negative reflection on how I feel about the friendship, it's just how I am. I'm sure I've lost friendships because of this too.
I vote not to be upset by it.


Exactly!!! "LibraSid" hit the nail on the head...you can't take it personally if we don't call all the time. We mean nothing by it. Trust me, you will know if a Libra isn't interested in a relationship or friendship real fast.
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Posted by LibraSid
This is one area I know I am bad at and try to be better with. I'm terrible at keeping in touch. It is no negative reflection on how I feel about the friendship, it's just how I am. I'm sure I've lost friendships because of this too.
I vote not to be upset by it.


I also think that is one of the biggest myth's about Libra's. Everyone thinks they we have a lot of friends, but it couldn't be further from the truth. We are very friendly and SOME of us are even very sociable, and may have a lot of associates, but we have VERY few friends. Libra's are made up of two types of traits. We're either OVER emotional or we don't show enough emotion. Personally, I'm told that I don't show enough emotion.....guess is that's balance thing again...lol
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Posted by tiziani
People's expectations of Libra "fairness" and equity are just too extreme. There'll always be certain situations where we stand up for the underdog, but that doesn't mean 50/50 split on absolutely everything in life.



LOL...Luv it..Too Funny!!!!
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Posted by LIb4Life
Posted by tiziani
Libras are about what's fair for them, not what's fair for everyone.
Maybe she has Virgo placements? Virgos never reach out first, from what I've seen. But they're always there when you need them.


Not True....Libra's are very fair. We may not communicate like everyone else does, but please do not think they we don't care about our relationships or friendships because we do and we take them very seriously. I have those same issues with some of my closest friends and associates, but I learned to tell them very early on that I'm not too communicative, so don't take it personally if I don't call you all the time. Libra's do a whooooole lot of thinking a whoooole lot of the time, but we are always happy to hear from the people we are close too. I can guarantee that when you do contact your Libra friend, she's always elated to hear from you...right? Now, I don't know about the Virgo thing, but my brother is a Virgo and we're extremely close, so I'm almost inclined to say that Virgo's and Libra's kinda share the same traits when it comes to communication. We may not call a lot, but we're always happy to talk when we do conversate, and we're definitely always there when and if you ever need us.
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I agree with lib4life
I want to add : we don't want to seem needy .
we don't want to disturb you. this applies to really submissive libras.
making the first move can be hard for us ... lets say smile
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Posted by LibraSid
This is one area I know I am bad at and try to be better with. I'm terrible at keeping in touch. It is no negative reflection on how I feel about the friendship, it's just how I am. I'm sure I've lost friendships because of this too.
I vote not to be upset by it.



I am like this too ..
I am working on this thing
smile
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Libras = rulers of flakiness.
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
Libras = rulers of flakiness.


We do have the reputation but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm not flaky at all, if I say I'll do something, I do it. I may not be calling to schedule things but I'm in for whatever and don't leave people hanging... I just don't take take the lead.
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
Libras = rulers of flakiness.


Call it flaky or whatever else you please, but at least most Libra's THINK before we SPEAK unlike most Aries, who end up being whiny azzholes when the script is flipped and they don't get the attention they crave. I call it acting like a spoiled selfish azz infant.
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Thank you all for the insight! I think I just had some misconceptions about the fairness and sociability of your sign. I reached out my friend like you suggested and she said it would be helpful if I "hounded" her.
P.S. - Lib4Life, we're not ALL awful. smile
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Yeah, most of mine had told me the same thing. If you're into babysitting your friendships because the other is flaky, and yes, Sid, I consider lack of initiation as flaky, that's how it's gonna roll with these folks.
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Posted by BlueAries23
Thank you all for the insight! I think I just had some misconceptions about the fairness and sociability of your sign. I reached out my friend like you suggested and she said it would be helpful if I "hounded" her.
P.S. - Lib4Life, we're not ALL awful. smile


I know..that's why I said most, and that's from personal experience with family members that are Aries, and a few friends. As far as your Libra friend goes, I wouldn't hound her...if she can't be considerate after you explained that too her, then let her be. If you have to chase someone for their friendship..Libra or not, then it's not worth it in the end. No one should be that inconsiderate.
That's why I use the disclaimer "most" because no two signs are the same.
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Posted by size zero superhero
Posted by BlueAries23
I have noticed that I am always the one to reach out to this friend. It's been this way for years, and it makes me resentful. I thought Libra was all about what's fair and balanced. Shouldn't that mean that we "take turns" reaching out to each other?
She's a Libra sun, Taurus moon - they're supposed to be exceptionally sociable, delightful people. I mean, that's true... when I go out of my way to continue a friendship with her!
Thoughts? Advice?


I've been in your shoes before, in which case; once I noticed I was the one always initiating outings & the contact was one-sided on my end...I left the ball in their court for a change.
Sometimes the lack of communication from the friend(s)in reference was temporary & due to their being swamped and in other instances, perhaps they just couldn't be bothered.
Either way, I find those friends & acquaintances will protest "why don't you CALL ME ANYMORE?! What happened? I miss you!" the next time you run into each other, as if they didn't have the means to contact me. To which I politely pointed out that I'm only a call/text message away, and even if I couldn't chill, I'd still respond.
You can't have it both ways! ROFL. Man, some people.
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Right? One sided friendships are teh suck.
I've done the same that you did - once I noticed a trend and just left it up to them and it was sad how many just disappeared after awhile. Good riddance...
I can usually overlook it when they're solid with any plans created after contact is initiated, like the example Sid gave. But unfortunately, in my experience, most of the time, half assed communication also meant half assed toward the friendship in all areas.
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I was thinking about it again this morning and said to myself, "Wait a minute... she wants me to 'hound' her? That's a little selfish!" What does she think, I have no life? I live 2000 miles away from my family and friends, so keeping in touch with people between time zones and work schedules is hard enough without having to "hound" someone.
Maybe I just needed to hear from everyone that one-sided friendships aren't worth the effort.
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Posted by BlueAries23
I was thinking about it again this morning and said to myself, "Wait a minute... she wants me to 'hound' her? That's a little selfish!" What does she think, I have no life? I live 2000 miles away from my family and friends, so keeping in touch with people between time zones and work schedules is hard enough without having to "hound" someone.
Maybe I just needed to hear from everyone that one-sided friendships aren't worth the effort.


They aren't. It means you have to do all the work while they continue on their merry way of avoiding any sort of responsibility in the matter.
I had a Libra friend tell me last night that my expecting consistency wasn't a part of their "vocabulary."
The whole "yeah, well, I'm an absolutely irresponsible flake and I want you to hover over me to make sure I do my part in this friendship" bit is pretty immature. One person shouldn't have to do all the legwork in a friendship and if the other person expects this "hounding" to keep things going, it's not a very well balanced friendship.
COMING FROM THE SIGN OF THE SCALES WHO LIKES TO BALANCE SHIT lol.
But I get where you're coming from. You don't have to necessarily drop her, but you should either recategorize your friendship or just stop bothering.
One sided friendships are not worth the effort. They usually are one sided because the one putting in the less effort is only sticking around half assed because there's something they're getting from the situation.
Her response alone is very telling of what she thinks of you, tbh. Being a dingbat and forgetful is one thing, but tack on little regard for others' time and emotions and it's just a bunch of useless shit to keep in your life.
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I don't think it's fair to categorize a relationship as one-sided simply because you call me more than I call you. Someone mentioned passive libra's not wanting to be a bother...I wouldn't quite go that far, but yeah. I know it's no bother, and that's not really the right word. While other people would probably call more, if I call you my friend, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who will stick by you through more...even if you have to call and let me know.
I would consider myself a giver in a friendship, that's part of why I don't have many. I don't call because I am not needy. If I am planning something, I'll invite you, even for kinda small stuff.
Part of my problem is still not being settled. I've had two cross country moves in the last 10 years. Just about the time I start hanging out with people I move 1000 miles away.
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Posted by LibraSid
I don't think it's fair to categorize a relationship as one-sided simply because you call me more than I call you. Someone mentioned passive libra's not wanting to be a bother...I wouldn't quite go that far, but yeah. I know it's no bother, and that's not really the right word. While other people would probably call more, if I call you my friend, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who will stick by you through more...even if you have to call and let me know.


She NEVER calls me, or texts me. When I talked to her about it the other day, she said she just gets so busy with her daughter that it doesn't happen. The reason I call this friendship one-sided is that it's always about her. For example, I was there for her when she got engaged and married, but where was she when I did? During her engagement, we always talked about her wedding. I went to appointments with her and offered to help with any projects she was working on. When I was engaged, she didn't show any interest at all and left our wedding early.
I won't drop her, because she's not only someone I considered a friend, she's an in-law too. I don't want to create bad blood with someone who could be in my life for the REST of my life. I think the reason I keep trying to be friendly is that I don't ever want it to be awkward, and I don't want to risk not being able to have a relationship with her daughter (my niece).
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The fact that you're her friend only thru marriage says alot. Maybe you should redefine your relationship and manage your expectations with her a little differently? I do agree that you shouldn't be hounding her azz tho. That doesn't seem reasonable at all.


You're right. I think I was just expecting more than what was really there. It didn't help when she kept saying how excited she was that we were going to be "sisters." When someone says that to me, I expect more friendship from them... alas, I've known for a long time I need to change my expectations, I just have so much trouble doing it because I'm so disappointed!
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Posted by tiziani
I don't really understand the need to compare like-for-like categories as Sid said, that would drive me nuts keeping score like that...


I think it's the Aries in me!
Seriously though, I only notice when someone is NOT pulling their share of the weight. I don't find myself keeping score with other friends because I know they have my back... if that makes sense!
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Posted by BlueAries23

She NEVER calls me, or texts me. When I talked to her about it the other day, she said she just gets so busy with her daughter that it doesn't happen. The reason I call this friendship one-sided is that it's always about her. For example, I was there for her when she got engaged and married, but where was she when I did? During her engagement, we always talked about her wedding. I went to appointments with her and offered to help with any projects she was working on. When I was engaged, she didn't show any interest at all and left our wedding early.
I won't drop her, because she's not only someone I considered a friend, she's an in-law too. I don't want to create bad blood with someone who could be in my life for the REST of my life. I think the reason I keep trying to be friendly is that I don't ever want it to be awkward, and I don't want to risk not being able to have a relationship with her daughter (my niece).


See, that's a good example of how much you should recatagorize. Lack of contact is one thing, but her actions are telling you A LOT of where she really stands with you. She's nothing but a user. ...and she sounds really immature.
And she's your sister in law? Pfft, I think you can manage to cut contact and still not have any issues since she'll be around. If she starts whining about not hearing from you, oh well. Nobody likes to be friends with someone so self absorbed.
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Also, I can relate to feeling disappointed by their big talk. I've had a few females do that to me. They swear up and down that I'm their best friend, they think all this great and wonderful stuff about me.
...then they disappear at some point and act like I don't exist anymore. I usually shrug it off, but people do this a lot anymore and it really is wtf worthy.
Someone tells you something like that, and you're inclined to believe them just a little, and when it happens, you're just left rather stumped.
With those mentioned above, I wasn't TOO surprised, since they were making such sweeping declarations really early on in the friendship. I was surprised that they wanted to include me in such a grand gesture when I felt it hadn't been long enough to determine such important friend status. That said, I was more irritated with the blatant insincerity of their words than their actions.
I think we Aries fall into that crap because we're about being friendly and including everyone and yay good times ahead! You know? When we say things like that, we MEAN it. When we say we want x,y,z out of friendships, we mean it. We're just straightforward in that and have a hard time being fake or stupidly delusional with words.
So we go into it with that mindset, and don't even think how these silly bitches are just full of shit. I learned about a lot of this fake behavior when I was younger. Whenever I've seen it, my gut tells me that they're full of shit, but I go with it just to see what happens. I've yet to be wrong, so far. It's disappointing, but I've learned to just drop their immature asses in the long run.
It's all still very irritating to deal with, though.
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
With those mentioned above, I wasn't TOO surprised, since they were making such sweeping declarations really early on in the friendship. I was surprised that they wanted to include me in such a grand gesture when I felt it hadn't been long enough to determine such important friend status.


Wow, you hit the nail on the head there! She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I remember thinking, "Really? A bridesmaid? Are you sure? Well, OK..." Then my emotions were all wound up! We Aries definitely get a little too optimistic about people sometimes. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
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