Getting over getting hurt?

OK, so knowing that getting hurt in a relationship affects all of us in different ways, I'm just wondering how in particular Libras might respond. For instance, if you were with someone for a few years - in love, etc, and they just pulled the carpet out from under your feet, how would that play out in future relationships?

For me, I tend to take my time to get over it, then forget about it and move on. I don't go into a new relationship with a huge armor of protection around me, I don't put up walls or distance, etc., but I think that is a Gemini trait - very adaptable.

Any thoughts or experiences with this?

I delve a little into the dark side, or have the few times I have been really hurt by the loss of a relationship. In the first stage I try and reason the other person into understanding that it is still workable, but make a good effort to do so without seeming desperate or weak. Kind of a double edged expression of desire to still be with that person while still standing my ground on the things I think important. It might be the time I have the most spine historically in a relationship.

After that phase I tend to reclude a bit, maybe drink a bit, write a bit and generally feel a need to get the emotions I had for the person out of me. Unfortunately, in the past and though I have recognized it and am making efforts to curb it....I keep my charm and charisma but it takes a bit of a dark, philisophical and condescending spin. I then tend to use this to hook other girls and have been known to deploy this sucesfully to "f*** the pain away". Bad, I know. During all of this I minimize if not cut all contact from the person I have recently seperated from, and once the dark firey bits are out of the way I start to look at the entire situation objectively. Like a puzzle I seek to put all of the pieces together so that I can explain what aspects of the relationship were good, what were bad, and what where neither here nor there. I also take the traits of the girl and shift her traits into "good" or "bad" columns in my mind and then compare those with every other relationship I have been with. In the end the bigger picture of what I wan in a relationship gets a little more complete, and the scope of girls I am interrested in from this point shifts narrowing, or expanding (rarely) for future reference.

Then I try to stay away from girls and sex for a little while, couple of weeks or months depending on how much I feel I need to take from anaylzing the situation, of course part of it is circumstancial. I then start talking to them again as firends, and usually they remain close friends for a really long time, most of them still are.

Right after "being hurt by someone" the famous Libra Author's quote "I can resist anything as long as it's not temptation" becomes doubly true.

Libras fight and fight and fight for those they really love. It has taken about three years to get over my last heartbreak. I am over him now.

Now that I am free of this romantic complication I am going a little wild. I am trying on new personalities and style s. I am playing with who I might become.

I have completely changed who I am, where I am going, and the type of person I want to go with me.

I think Libras tend to take on their partners expectations and identities. Actually, this is pretty well understood. We limit our choices to the choices our partner is willing to accept. This is why we have such a hard time letting go. Our whole identity gets wrapped around the other person.

Once we get free, we go through an identity crisis and try on new personalities till we find one we like.

So, if someone decided to break up with you and you respond by continuing to try to convince that person to stay, does that mean you are in love? If someone decides to leave and you say "ok," you're not?

I'm sure it's probably more complex than this, but any insight again is helpful.

Nope, it means you?re being desperate. I know that sounds harsh, but you?ll be leaving with dignity, rather than the memories of being foolish.

* does that mean you are in love? If someone decides to leave and you say "ok," you're not?

Pretty much.

** it means you?re being desperate.

Au contraire! I have never been desperate a day in my life. When I am in love, I am in love and VERY, VERY loyal. I don't let go easily because I do not fall in love easily.

Yes, but you should never beg a person to stay..like ever!

Exactly, then they?d only be with you out of .pity

Exactly, then they?d only be with you out of pity.

Hence the weird mood swings we go through when it is over. We KNOW we have to let go but our emotions don't always follow our logic.

Sola - Depends on what you have invested.

I invested 7 years with a Virgo. The last year together was pretty bad, and he told me in the street he was leaving. I got home to the flat we shared and his stuff had gone..i never saw him again. If i would have known, i?d probably have begged him to stay..obviously i was destroyed and have never loved since, or will again (based on my feelings since then). In a way im glad it turned out that way..i saved myself extra pain.

I only ask this b/c I did decide to break up w/ my Libra maybe about 7 months ago. At that point I thought his pulling back showed that he didn't have serious feelings for me and I didn't want to invest more if there wasn't more there. It was a very drawn out breakup, and during the actual break up itself, he explained his feelings, apologized for not showing them more, apologized for hurting me if he had and basically trying to convince me that I should stay, he would give me what I was asking for.

At that point I was confused, so I told him I would need some time to think. As I was thinking, I had gotten to the point of shutting him out of mind (I really truly fell for him pretty hard, pretty fast and was TERRIFIED of getting hurt. Never really fell this hard before). Well, he would call me about twice or three times a week, to check in. He wanted to know if I was still thinking about us having a chance or if I had written it off, because if I had written it off, he needed to start working on writing me off. It's interesting what you say, nic, about closing yourself off from sex, dating, etc. for a while, b/c that's exactly what he said he would do if we broke up. Then he would say he just wanted me to be happy whatever I decided, and then tell me that whenever I felt ok seeing him, he'd love to see me so we could talk more about it.

Each time he called, he was fresh on my mind again and I realized that I was running away out of fear rather than making a wise decision for myself. So, I decided to give it another shot and we spent a lot of time talking about us and the relationship during that period (which was only 3 months in). I had no intentions of getting heavy on emotions at that point, and he didn't either, but that was the way it started with us....very intense.

Sola

How long ago was it? My first heartbreak toook YEARS to recover from. I didn't know you had a big long Virgo affair. My two longest relationships were with Virgos.

Ammo

Where do you guys stand now?

We are in an exclusive relationship. Besides the few weeks apart, we've been together since the end of March 06. I feel like we keep getting closer to one another, although he does his pulling back every now and then (usually, that just makes us closer in the end). We have a lot of fun together and we've been through some of each other's hard times as well. I really have no complaints.

It took me a while to understand that he expresses emotions and feelings in a much more subtle way than I do. I am very direct about how I feel and he has more of a way of showing how he feels. Now that we speak each other's languages, we seem to get on pretty well.

The whole reason I started this post is because he has told me about his ex, who he is now friends with, and his explanation pretty much mirrors what nic wrote. Just kind of wondering if that was a Libra pattern or something he went through. Then I realized, I had experienced the same phenomenon with him (I just tend to forget, though I'm sure he doesn't).

BTW - LS, whatever happened with your Leo? Did I miss something?

Ammo, Sola

Sometimes I will try and convince the other person. We don't do this out of despiration necissarily, remember we are really smart creatures and we see through peoples emotions really well. We can tell if someone is just frustrated and "lost" and they need to be reminded of what is possible with us, that is when the convincing is necissary. People don't always try and leave because they are sure it is over, a lot of times relaitonships end because one or both parties is confused or going through an identity crisis of their own. This is when we act that way.

Other times it is really clear that the other person is done. Their mind and heart aren't in it anymore. If I love the other person I just want them to be happy, and I will let go if I BELIEVE that there desire to leave is real. I would rather someone I love be happy and without me, than misearable with me. Neither do I want to be with someone who is doing it for me, I want them to be doing it for them. So, it isn't really that cut and dry.

In both situaitons given an amount of time I remain good friends with the people. It was really hard with the scorp though, for the entirety of the relationship we struggled with small things. We loved each other to death but there were cirtain things about her that I was not comfortable with and vice versa. We had broken up or taken breaks several times in our 5 years which were instigated by me, then in the end she left me. I fought for her, but I was not going to have her stay out of despiration. Sometimes in the end we become the emotionally expressive people our partners wanted all along, and this can really confuse them. The friendship was really rocky afterwards, she called me one morning about a week and a half after we broke up and she had already moved out, I was in another girls bed. She was devistated. "Five years together and in one week you can sleep with someone else?!!!"

"You left, I'm sorry but if this bothers you, I can't help you."

Being a scorpio this hurt her a lot, but hell, she could have stayed and tried to work things out. I had no sympathy for her. Also knowing it was a girl I work with there was no way I could convince her I hadn't done anything with her while we were together. That very jelous, suspicious streak was hell to our relationship.

It ended with my Virgo in September 2005. I mean i was gutted, but i couldnt even cry. How weird..i tried to but i couldnt. I hate him now, there was nothing to get over. He was a selfish, lying, critical little b****** so i now think of it as a lucky escape.

I think that most failed relationships wind up being lucky escapes for the people who get hurt. It sure doesn't feel like it at the time, but eventually you might realize you are better off without that person.

Exactly!

Ammo

Nothing.

His phone cut out and he tried to call back but his phone wasn't working. He figured it was no big deal. He has been out of the country since.

As a result, nothing has happened.

I met a nice Aqua-guy.

Tell all!! What?s he like and stuff?

Im pining for an aqua (remember the one we spoke about once). It still hurts too much..i cant bear it.

I met aquaman at a pub I frequent.

He is very creative and artistic. He is quite attractive about 6'3. Has beautiful lines to his body. He has a beard which I love although I know most women hate facial hair. He seems very attentive and doting.

He says and does a lot of nice things. He does have an issue with his ex-gf so I am not holding my breath yet trying to remain cautiously optimistic.

I really wish I could meet a guy that didn't have ex issues.

It is WAY too early to know what he is like and where it will go. We shall see.

What happened with your Aquaguy Sola? I can't remember.

You do, i messaged you about it but it was last year sometimes. It has to be discussed privately! He?s on my mind 24/7, i cant get a grip at all. Despite meeting and dating other guys, this one is stuck in my head like an itch i cant scratch. He?s totally gone forever though , so i guess its a case of times a healer? (wish it would hurry up though)!

Your Aqua..damn exes!

OH! I know now. Thanks for the hint. When did that end?

The last aqua I dated had me ripped apart for years and years and years. I am very warry of them.

LS - I think everyone has ex issues. The question for me would be whether those issues have run their course enough to make him into a stronger and better lover or if he's still holding the bag.