Hello new Leo female here

This topic was created in the Libra forum by lola1 on Tuesday, October 16, 2007 and has 63 replies.
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I posted this in the Leo forumn too
First A little about me. Im a Leo female and I was married to Leo for 11 years (its a miricle- how we didnt kill each other-lol ) Ouside of the home we got along great , inside the home, forget it -we were always fighting.
I was seeing a Sagitarrius for about a year and a half but he decided towards the end he wanted to see a multitude of woman at the same time as well as me and I wasnt for that.. Im pretty old school in wanting to date one person at a time.
Currently I am interested in a Goregous Libra man that I have been talking to seriuosly for about 5 months but we havent moved anywhere pass the friend stage (yet?). We live about an hour and a half away from each other which kind of puts a little bit of a damper on the time we could spend together but in the 5 months time We only met for lunch once and had a great time together..
We have this weird friendship/relationship where he kind of acts like my boyfriend and tells me how interested he is in me and wants me but when it comes time to getting together , something ALWAYS comes up on his part. This pisses me off and I let him know about it and in return he gets angry at me for getting mad at him. I tell him if he dosnt want to be anything more than friends to just let me know and I will be fine with that but he insists hes into me but his actions dont show it and Im getting fed up with it. (I care about him alot but I care about me too).. He is a very confusing animal and from reading all the posts on this board I can tell I am not alone on trying to figure these confusing guys out .. sighhh.. If I only knew what he really wanted just friends or more. I ask him and he seems to say what he knows I want to hear. Its so frustrating.
anyway - I just wanted to say hi and give you a little bit of a background.
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Howdy, Ms. Leo! Welcome to the bewildering world of the Libran Folk. I'm an Aries, as everyone here knows, so you have another Fire Sign in your corner. Hmmmm, he's not giving you a straight answer. Nothing new there. He may be thinking and thinking and thinking as Libra tends to do. He may want you just as a friend but doesn't want to tell you that in risk of losing you as a friend (I can really relate to that one). Five months is WAY too early to figure out what kind of relationship you have with this guy---but others on this Board would disagree and say that Libra KNOWS the moment they see you if they want to get serious. Anyway, it's nice to have another Puddy Cat on Board.
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Ahh, another one has fallen for the libran muse. He is probably afraid. If he said he interested in being in a relationship with you. That is a big step. By reading your posts it doesn't sound like he mentioned when. LOL!! Chatz would probably be good at explaining how this combo works out (she is the other leo who was smitten by a libra). If he isn't ready now, he won't be until HE wants to or feel like he can. If he is keeping things light, do the same or move on. I know these guys trust me.
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QS' advice is golden.
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QS' advice is golden.
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Hi and thank you for the welcome. I have read this board for a few wks now but just now joining so i kind of know everyones backgrounds from reading.
LOl- Yes,QueenScorpio - he told me he "wants me" but he didnt tell me when is correct. I decided to just go with the flow and see what happens. He dosnt return phone calls or available when he says he will be andit really frustrating but then he says "im sorry baby blah blah blah" and Im instantly not mad anymore. sheeesh!
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*He may want you just as a friend but doesn't want to tell you that in risk of losing you as a friend
I told him I was fine with being just friends but he says he "wants me"?? Whatever that means. I think he dosnt know what he wants-lol
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Well, that will be a first: Libras not knowing what they want! (Just kidding).
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***LOl- Yes,QueenScorpio - he told me he "wants me" but he didnt tell me when is correct. I decided to just go with the flow and see what happens. He dosnt return phone calls or available when he says he will be andit really frustrating but then he says "im sorry baby " and Im instantly not mad anymore. sheeeshStars**
Yup!! That is them, sometimes he may really be busy and sometimes he just doesn't answer because he is pondering this thing in his head. Depends on the mood he is in. They can be emotionally wrapped up into you one day (okay, others say they don't get emotional with them, but all the ones I have been involved with had no problem expressing their emotional side to me from time to time - Oh yeah,, my fellow libra male friends say it is because I am a scorp and they get that way with scorps... Weird) and the next day be very self-involved. This is who they are - love it or leave it. Don't try and change it. It won't work.
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When they know what they want, they let you know right off the bat. When they don't they want to keep their options open, so they never want to end any kind of "relationship" whatever it may be, friend, lover, mate, ex wife. LOL!!!
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LOL Leebra!!!! You all knew it...I can't resist!!!
"Ahh, another one has fallen for the libran muse. He is probably afraid. If he said he interested in being in a relationship with you. That is a big step. By reading your posts it doesn't sound like he mentioned when. LOL!! Chatz would probably be good at explaining how this combo works out (she is the other leo who was smitten by a libra). If he isn't ready now, he won't be until HE wants to or feel like he can. If he is keeping things light, do the same or move on. I know these guys trust me"
Uh huh....well yes been there, done that. I had a great time with him. Ok well I had the same thing as you are describing..."Im into you, I want a r/ship, want to be exclusive", etc....then go cold for 5 days, come back real strong for another 2 and so on and so forth for a year damnit!!! Us Leos are way too loyal for our own good LOL....I would suggest that before you get totally hooked on him to start dating others...if he hasn't come through with wanting to be together (and no, 1&1/2 hours apart is not an excuse) after this time, its time to keep YOUR options open smile Trust me, it will save you a LOT of pain.
Perhaps in time he will be ready to take up a r/ship with you but at the moment it sounds like he's just not ready and you shouldn't wait coz there are a load of great guys out there....I've taken to doing that myself...I gave it a year and tried to analyze, tried to read between the lines, tried to believe all the things he said but have found that these guys say things to suit them at the time....its no wonder they have so many females waiting around for them...their charm is well, you know!!
There is no point getting angry at him (they hate confrontation/anger/problems)...let him be, don't chase, get on with your life and see where that takes you - dont wait around for a Libra....if/when he's ready and done his great thinking thing?? maybe he'll let you know but you might already be 2 years into a new r/ship with somebody who isn't so wishy washy.
I have been told that when they meet somebody they already know whether or not they want to get serious....I was told this very early on too but did I listen?? nup, thought I knew best and hence a year later I've found I finally had to just walk away...said nothing, no dramas, not a word, I've just basically disappeared. He hasn't figured it out yet LOL...you know why?? coz that is how he treated me for the past year
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He'll figure it out and come searching again - THATS what he always does!!
I am seeing somebody else now just casually...maybe in another lifetime Libra and I would have made it and who knows? maybe in time, he'll pull his head out of his ass and I will be single too....time has a strange way of working everything out sometimes but I am not sitting and waiting and nor should you smile
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OMG this one really has me going LOL......"If I only knew what he really wanted just friends or more. I ask him and he seems to say what he knows I want to hear. Its so frustrating"
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!! exactly, they say what YOU WANT to hear!!!!! THAT is what keeps us hanging on and they honestly don't see the carnage it leaves in our hearts!! Especially being a Leo, we take what they say at face value as we appreciate honesty and loyalty at all times....
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hello everyone. I too am new to your board and have been reading for a week. I am a Pisces dating a Libra male. We first dated for a year but it ended 2.5 years ago and then separated due to his career demands. (he's a guitarist and he got a recording contract with Sony and went on tour with the band). We parted as friends because I couldn't understand or even begin to comprehend that his disappearances was typical to how Librans behaved. I just could not wrap my brain around the committed/exclusive relationship and have the guy disappear and not call or want to see me for EPIC amounts of time. Sure, he had an endless convincing excuses of how busy his schedule and demands were and I bought into it for a year. But then finally we both agreed to call it quits and just be friends. He said he loved me in the past and I doubted it because "even the busiest person in the world" has time for someone they love. During that 2.5 year absence we haven't seen each other yet we exchanged a few emails but strictly platonic and sporadic. Then around November of last year he started sending me emails in which he was expressing and hinting around he wanted to get back together. I thanked him for the emails but didn't respond to them the way he expected. (something he often did to me.)Just kept the comments platonic. Now here we are, a year later, and we recently ran into each other for the first time during our 2.5 year separation. A long intense hug and a kiss when we met. To my shock he actually came out and said he wanted to date me again. I reminded him we were FRIENDS and I don't do FWB. He said he knew that but he still wanted to date by just going out and doing fun things together and see where it goes. So, I agreed. (Darn that libra charm). On our first "date" he anxiously and quickly said, "I know I said I wanted to date you but what I really meant to say is that I want an exclusive/committed relationship with you again, I still love you." I thought about it and told him it would only work if I laid down some rules and standards that I would and would not accept and all seemed fine and he accepted. Then.......he starts the vanishing act and....I don't see him for 2 weeks. (arrrgggg). Then I came across this site and was so grateful for the things you all shared. What an enlightening experience to find this site. Thank you one and all.
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But I have to take a side step and give special thanks to your most recent post Chatz. Your situations have been nearly identical to what I have been going thru. Uncannily the same. But what you just stated really sums it all up for me and has been the best advise I could have ever received. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. Just when I was starting to fall right back into the drama of the past again YOU gave me the wake up call I needed. Thank you Chatz again for telling it like it is so I can snap out of it and realize it all for what it really is and where it REALLY is going to go and NOT where I hope it will, or where I wish it will, or where I want it to go. It's a fantasy in my head. I really Love and adore him but I deserve someone who will treat me better. I prefer now to let him know that I want to just keep him as my friend because I truly do value the friendship. That way we can both be happy and things will be harmonious and fair. (just what Libras like) That might not please HIM right now but it makes more sense for the long haul. Thanks again !
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Oh, and Lola....I too started out my relationship with my Libra with a long distance drive (4 hours away) in the past. He did the same thing to me that your guy is doing to you now. ALWAYS busy when I was in town and only 1 time came to visit me. I drove the 4 hours to his city in the past because I also had business and friends there. But ALWAYS something would come up at the last minute or....when I tried to insist a time or a day.......he just could not manage it. And he would get angry with me for insisting. And most of the time I would always get his voice mail when I called him and he didn't usually respond promptly to email either, if at all. Everyone on this site will tell you to have patience. Puh-lenty of it Lola cuz you're going to need it if you choose to stay involved!!!!! More then anything just enjoy the time with him whenever you are fortunate enough that he will make rare time for you. And by all means KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN while you're waiting. Certainly read this site again and again if you're still not sure it should bring things more clearly into focus for you in a very short amount of time.
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Hello everyone!!!!, thank you so much for the advice you shared. This board has helped me tremendously and Chatz your post have helped me the most-lol.. Being you are a Leo and know how I feel. I wear my heart on my sleave and I am very loyal and caring and I just dont get how someone can tell you they care about you but then their actions speak differently.. I decided already to keep my options open, I have a few dates coming up and Im not sitting around for the Libra to make up his mind. Hopefully if or when the day comes he decides he really"wants me" lol I will still be available but Im not keeping my fingers crossed.
QS- you were married to a Libra?
How did that go?
Thanks again everyone smile
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templeofjaguar - are you sure we werent dating the same person?? lol
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My pleasure....well it hasn't all been a pleasure but you know what I mean Tongue Its actually been a hellish ride over the past year but at the end of the day I did it to myself...I was warned and even he said he "wasnt' ready" but he kept wanting to see me, and unlike yours he answered texts/emails/calls straight away, he only once said he'd do something with me and then backed out (he did make up for it though)....THAT is what kept me so confused...he tried, he truly tried to do all the right things but his love of other women kept him from committing in any way, shape or form, oh and the ex factor...whom I think he still cannot get over...yup 2&1/2 years later.
I've gained a great amount of advice from this site myself from some wonderful people here who have only ever tried to help me so its only fair (yes the Libran fairness comes into play here LOL) that I give back in return.
I dont think ALL Librans are like the ones we've somehow managed to become insanely in love with but those of us who have sought this site out have obviously been entwined with the broken or immature ones, some would even say PLAYERS!!
Temple, from reading your last post, it confirms that these guys are lazy and want the woman to put in ALL the effort (hence you driving the 4 hours it took) yet giving very little in return...from what I understand, the unbroken ones, the true ones will make loads of effort....we just lucked out on this ocassion but there are plenty more great guys out there - I still have faith smile
I have learnt a LOT from my LIbran friend though and I am grateful...I used to jump into things head first, thinking after...now I have learnt the art of thinking first and not regretting too much...I do have him to thank for this, oh and such calmness!!! The first guy who wasn't stressed out (well not on the outside anyway)...he still claims he is like a duck (life looks great on the outside but underneath they're paddling like crazy to stay alive). If you can remain friends that's awesome as they make spectacular friends, but as a r/ship or lovers go? that's your own choice if you can handle the FWB situation..I can't..most women aren't wired to be like that anyway...if you want to be friends, I'd suggest distancing yourself for a few weeks at least, then take it as it comes...calm your own heart first smile That's the most important thing
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Lola, not only was I married to one (going through a divorce now) for 6 years and together for 8. 85% of my relationships and involvements have been with libras. After him these were the guys who would constantly approach me. It is like I have "Libra written on my forehead."
With the marriage we both assisted with bringing that to an end. We grew apart and wanted different things and I being a scorp faught to save it alone, it felt like. So I left and filed for divorce. He cried and begged for me to come back for months, but he finally gets that I am not. He is actually in another relationship now. I still think Libras are one of my favorite people. I just get them on so many levels.
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Chatz you said you just left and went away. Does he have a clue you are gone yet??
The Libra I am intersted in told me "I upset him with my nasty ways" ( i hurt his feelings by getting mad that he blew me off for the 15th time-thats what my nasty ways are?? ) I am one of the kindest people who has a good heart and I would never hurt anyone on purpose but he has no clue how he hurts me when he ignores my messages or calls etc. and blows me off...Then he said we need to talk and not to make the trip to see him yet until "we" figure out where we are at?? What does that mean? this all happened a week ago today and i havent heard anything from him to "talk" so i dont know where we are at at the moment.... (I know where I am and where I have always been and where I would like to go with him.) I guess he just cant make up his mind.
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Oh I must admit the first 6 years out of the 8 were wonderful. We were inseperable. Some of our mutual friends still can't beleive we aren't together after 2 1/2 years.
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*He cried and begged for me to come back for months, but he finally gets that I am not.
You seem like a very strong woman and im sure it took alot for you to finally give up and walk away.
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Lola, as long as you let them continue to do this, they will. My ex husband was like a typical libra, as we started as just casual friends, then I told him I liked him and wanted a serious relationship, he disappeared for awhile and so did I (btw, in my 20's I had quite a few guys who were asking to take me out constantly, almost daily) so, I went on a couple dates, never got involved with anyone else. After a week or so, he called I remained busy. Then he asked to talk. I told him I wanted more and if he wasn't ready or willing I understood and would move on. He said "Okay, then lets do this". Shocked me. I wasn't ready for that. He asked me to move in 4 months later. Loved the ground I walked on from that day on.
At some point you have to state your claim. NO drama, they don't like that. Be tactful and in control, even when upset.
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It took every bit of my soul. I couldn't have done if I wasn't confident I did all in my power to save our marriage. Also, by the time I left I was already gone emotionally. We have a beautiful 4 year old daughter, which makes it much harder. So yes we will be in eachothers life for a very long time to an extent. She is a daddy's girl too. They have a very special relationship.
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*Lola, as long as you let them continue to do this, they will.
Im not going to let it continue.. I will say something when we do talk. It will be direct.
**It took every bit of my soul. I couldn't have done if I wasn't confident I did all in my power to save our marriage. Also, by the time I left I was already gone emotionally. We have a beautiful 4 year old daughter, which makes it much harder. So yes we will be in eachothers life for a very long time to an extent. She is a daddy's girl too. They have a very special relationship.
At least you are civil to each other -are you friends? I know how you feel I left my marriage after 20 years all together. I just couldnt do it anymore.
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LOL I just disappeared, like I said, no dramas, no huge discussion (did that in the past...he blew me off and gave me the its not you, its me thing), so this time?? I have deleted him from my msn (he loves chat), I have even deleted his number from my phone (no, I dont remember it off by heart - yes, I relied on technology LOL), I have not called, text or emailed for the past 1&1/2 weeks. He's noticed Im sure, but like I said before, he did this for a year, leaving for a week or so, then coming back so it wouldn't really hit home yet.
I have left it to him now...Im not chasing (I did all that before), Im not instigating (I did all that before), Im not making first contact (I did all that before too)....we have not had a fight, no argument, no nothing, and the last time I saw him and spoke to him? we had a lot of fun, laughed and had a great time but I have simply disappeared...I have not left him in the lurch, I have not upset him nor should he be hurt in any way shape or form....if he does not miss me enough to see where I got to in due course? so be it...I am simply living my life now and as I said, casually dating another guy - an Aries and yes he's doing his 50% towards the "r/ship" although he is also quite aware I am unable to be serious with him at this point in time....I have to admit I am feeling somewhat jaded but still confident that love should NOT be as hard as it has been over the last year.
QS has great advice...she knows these guys pretty well.
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"The Libra I am intersted in told me "I upset him with my nasty ways" ( i hurt his feelings by getting mad that he blew me off for the 15th time-thats what my nasty ways are?? ) I am one of the kindest people who has a good heart and I would never hurt anyone on purpose"
Lola, Leos by nature would never hurt anybody on purpose...and that loyalty thing comes out again (THATS the beautiful part about Libra/Leo...we get eachother there)....I can understand the frustration he caused by him blowing you off so many times....we can indeed get irritated with this kind of thing but hey, you've seen so much of his bad side now and it is only so early on in the "r/ship"....do you think you could tolerate that and so much more over time?? Personally I chose to take the rose coloured glasses off only recently and in doing that, I saw a few things that really worried me about his behaviour and some habits that I previously ignored...I think he just got way too comfortable with me. We all have them (bad habits) but he was showing me a pretty ugly side for a while there.....I dunno what the future holds for me and my own situation but in a way, Im glad its over for now anyway....who knows what time will show us smile
The best thing you can do is not make a big deal with/to him about disappearing/ending the r/ship/whatever it is....just be happy, enjoy your free time, live your life...NEVER show them you are angry - its not worth it, they'll just run further anyway LOL
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we know...that's the thing, we know!!! That is why we love you all so much. Sometimes though, love just isn't enough so we have to hate at some stage so we can just be friends down the track....Im there....us Fire Signs will never understand but again, that's also what makes you so intriguing!!
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I simply cannot resist to input here. I am also a fire involved with a Libra guy. It seems that when they know you're the one, they show it, no doubt about it. Mine was allways available, even at work (he's an emergency doctor), always walked 50% of the distance and more, said he loved me, he wants to grow old with me, he wants children with me from the very begining, he said he fell in love with me the minute he laid eyes on me. He did a lot of sacrifices (left his family to be with me) and I did the same. He's still thinking about when he should start his divorce (and I should say i'm running out of patience but i try to stay cool), but he never broke a promise to me so i don't find any reasoun to be worried. I admit that in the beginning I thought he's a big player as his words and actions were somehow increddible, but I just decided to go with the flow and live an have fun as long as it lasts...And when I felt it I just pulled my heart out and said it: I want you to leave your previous life and be with me and only with me. I promise I will make you happy. And that's what it happens now: we make each other the happiest persons in the world.
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I have a few questions for the Libra's. Where's the common courtesy in all of this? You know..... the common courtesy of returning phone calls or emails in a "reasonable time and manner" we extend to others. WANTING to see the person you care about and being in touch with them just to know and show you care? I doubt that Libras put the same lack of inconsideration into their work or career or they probably wouldn't hold a job long. Why can't the common courtesy of concern for the person you're "allegedly" so in love with or interested in get that same attention and consideration? Certainly you must know that it not only hurtful it is disrespectful among other similar words and actions I could continue to list. How can Libra's be "fair" and "balanced" and yet be so "unbalanced" and "unfair" about something so important as this common courtesy and consideration we extend to others? Another question: Do you somehow miraculously change when you do make up your mind that the person who has been waiting and waiting and putting up with all the crap for so long isn't going to take it anymore and finally speaks up? And when they do,....the libra becomes defensive and angry for being confronted about it. Does this behavior ever change or is that a forever thing? Because as I said before, I am in LOVE with my Libra deeply but like Chatz.....eventually enough is enough. It makes much more sense to just disappear and walk away. The Libra won't even notice. I am truly in envy of those of you who have found Libras that don't play these thoughtless games. How lucky for you! Too bad Libra's don't come with a warning-label like "Grade A"-ok "Grade B"-warning- -may be defective.
That's where I'd have to say a site like this helps tremendously. You can asses the circumstances of your relationship through others knowledge, experience, and input and decide BEFORE you invest too much into your Libra and determine if he/she is displaying the Grade A quality or the Grade B tendencies. and what you're likely to expect down the road and what you'll have to put up with if you do.
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Lola your comment: "Then he said we need to talk and not to make the trip to see him yet until "we" figure out where we are at?? What does that mean?"
When my Libra did that to me in the past I realized (at the end of the relationship) that it was code for, "I'm still dating and you should too". Of course, he will NEVER come out and tell you that.....you have to read between the lines my dear.
Even now I am twisted inside because when I read from previous posts that Libra's will tell you right up front what they want. I'm more confused than ever.
Case in point: So now, after 2.5 years, we recently met up again and had our first date. On the date he immediately began telling me in the first 20 minute how much he still loves me after all this time and how he knows he originally said (when we met) he wanted to "date" but that's not what he really meant....what he really wanted was an exclusive committed relationship with me where eventually we could see where it goes and maybe move in together and he's not promising marriage but said let's see where it goes. I almost fell out of my chair. I was of course shocked, elated, stunned, happy, reeling from the shock, but over joyed too that after all this time had passed he professed all this to me without all the months and months of waiting to see where it would progress to. Was he just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear? I'm torn in wanting to believe him and doubting it to be true.
And now after the first date (1 month ago) the first signs begin to appear. 5 days go by and I don't hear from him. Then a call. Still no plans to get together. Another 5 or 6 days and then nothing. When he finally got around to asking to see me I had made other plans and refused to cancel them and he was OK with that. But then 10 days go by and nuthin. Sure in between the silence I'll send a brief email (always expecting a response but not always getting one) but the heartache has started all over again. It's been 1 month since the 1st date. So is the man sincere in his love for me? I have no idea. I would love for it to be true but I don't understand his actions for saying it then disappearing without a trace for days at a time. Until I read Chatz's post I was starting to buy into all that he said but I quickly came to my senses and figure it's just a line and he doesn't really mean it because his actions don't match his words. My brain (and my heart) hurt from trying to understand why Libra say what they don
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....don't mean or if they do mean it.......WHEN can you be sure?
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awww- (((hugs))))templeofjaguar.. Im so sorry you are so hurt over your Libra.
I am lucky in a way because I have only been interested in mine for about 5 months now and I was seeing someone up until a month ago so I havent invested too much of my heart into him and I have been reading up on Libras ever since I started being interested in mine. I read enough about them to know not to put all my eggs in the basket, so to speak.
His uncertainty has now made me uncertain so if I dont hear from him again I will not try to contact him. As a matter of fact I am on Day 3 of hearing nothin from him since he said we need to talk.
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*** He's still thinking about when he should start his divorce (and I should say i'm running out of patience but i try to stay cool)***
You might be waiting a very long time. THEY HATE ENDING THINGS... LOL!!! You were his saviour in an unhappy marriage so you kind of were there when he needed someone, so yes he loves you and probably feels you were sent to save him. LOL!!!
They do know right off the bat at times. The ones that are ready. Some aren't ready and don't.
LOla, we are actually getting along better now. LOL!!!
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***Does this behavior ever change or is that a forever thing?***
It changes when they are truly in love with you and sure about it. The first time my ex husband met me, he told a friend I would be his wife some day. So when they are sure, they are sure. Not to say I didn't go through what you guys are going through for a very short time until I told him I wanted more.
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When they are sure. It can be so great! They give you just enough space not to smother you and enough personal and intimate time to make you feel like the luckiest person in the world. When things go bad, it goes bad though.
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TF, never in my experience with Libra men, have they confessed they loved me and we weren't in contact constantly. It is other things down the line that didn't work out for me in the relationship and I left. However, I find it so strange that if they SAY, they want to be in a relationship you still experience these things... Now in casual relationships with them. I have experienced the same experience, but it wasn't a serious relationship so I never took it personal.
I think in this case, like chatz, he might truly love you and WANT to be in a relationship, but he isn't ready so he can't.
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My Libra is the one who told me we were in a relationship, I couldnt understand how cause we never see each other and dont have much communication but I guess he "feels" we are connected in some way.
QS- do they stay mad long when they are upset?
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I think bending spoons with my mind would be easier then trying to know and figure out if he truly meant it or not. The only thing that is for sure is that HE is probably still unsure and thinks that his.... "enough" .....is enough. Arrrrrrrrgghghghgh!!! Even when I have told him I want more bonding between absences via phone calls or emails on occasion he always says he understands but distances himself even more (probably because I asked). Is there an easier way to get him to respond then asking directly and getting the opposite of what I ask for or dropping hints he'll ignore and never pick up on? Is the choice of walking away the only thing he'll understand when I do?
BTW: Thanks too QueenS for your great input !!! Very helpful indeed.
Lola, Chatz, and to all it may concern, you can look at your Libra, or anyone for that matter, (the same as I am trying to do now) as someone that happened to come into your life at a time when you needed to learn something. Whether about yourself, about them, or people and life in general. What you learn...will make YOU a better person. Don't be angry or bitter at him or yourself when things don't turn out the way we "dream" that we want it to. Just appreciate the fact that this person was put into your life to make YOU a better person from the experience. ((((many hugs in return)))))
And above all else, think of the person as your friend. The only reason we have such deep disappointment is our expectations continually don't get fulfilled romantically on the scale that we are used to from other relationships. Is that their fault or ours for keeping it going? Start learning to have no expectations and you won't be disappointed and the anger and the resentment start to subside too. Reflect on how different you are now then before you met them. Truly you will have learned much about yourself and them in the process.
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* He dosnt return phone calls or available when he says he will be andit really frustrating but then he says "im sorry baby "
You have to change the way you are looking at this. The only question you really need to ask is: do I like being treated this way? If you want someone who is reliable, dependable, does what they say ... this guy isn't it.
You can't make him. You can't change him to be other than he is.
* love should NOT be as hard as it has been over the last year.
Nope. It shouldn't be.
Just go where it is easy. After a two years of dating ... it is so much nicer when they want to be there and make it clear without any effort on your part. It is soooo much better.
Don't do this to yourself and put yourself through it. As my best friend would say, "Make the easy friends."
Find the person who likes you and is okay with you liking them. In the end ... this will bring you happiness. Promise.
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* The only reason we have such deep disappointment is our expectations continually don't get fulfilled romantically on the scale that we are used to from other relationships. Is that their fault or ours for keeping it going? Start learning to have no expectations and you won't be disappointed and the anger and the resentment start to subside too.
I agree and disagree all at the same time. I don't think lowering your expectations is the answer. I think honouring your expectations is the answer. I believe this person is your friend but they may not be compatible with what you need in a long-term romantic partner. No one is to fault for this. Not everyone we love and desire is compatible with what we need. It is okay.
Just honour those feelings. It is okay for you to have needs in a relationship. Everyone does. Honour those needs by honouring your feelings and yourself.
If this situation is not one that supports and brings joy to your heart, you need to honour yourself enough to end it. There are worse things than being on your own. Being on your own in a relationship comes to mind.
"One is the loneliest number that you'll be ever do
Two can be as bad as one,
it's the lonilest number since the number one ...."
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Lola This is the SAME thing. My Libra is telling me he wants a committed/exclusive relationship and a future together. Ok,I'll agree to all of that I told him but......how is that working if we don't see each other or talk to each other? I am baffled by how these Libras define the difference of what it means to be IN a relationship. The story changed but the scenery remains the same. I think QueenS is right:

There is something always holding the Libra back from the balance and harmony they seek. They create this horrible imbalance (and I know that they know that it's wrong) but they keep doing it. It's senseless. But waiting for him to attain the certainty to be ready to behave like a guy who is in love is instead substituted by a guy being rude to me with an abundance of neglect just for me. And I also have to agree with you QueenS that it doesn't seem normal for anyone to profess to be in love with someone and NOT want to spend time with them or make contact with them on some kind of "regular" basis. He always has a list of believable excuses that I cannot prove or disprove. I'm always on the outside of his real life (whatever his real life is). Unfortunately, I never had the privilege of getting a glimpse of his private life outside of us together, even after all this time. I feel more like an addendum to his life than any level of a priority part of it. I used to suspect that he was either married or lived with someone but he does spend a lot of time working, in the studio, taking classes to get his masters degree, taking care of his elderly parents, his 5 yr old child on varying weekends, etc, etc, And yet, he says these profound things about how he feels about me and what he wants with me and then vanishes. what is he uncertain OF? What is he trying to be "ready" for? He was married twice before and I have never been married. I am in no rush to do so and have told him that. I feel lost in my own sea of despair at times with him because I love him so much and the wait and uncertainty is out weighing the love I have for him. Tipping the scales unfavorably to be sure for both of us.
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The tragedy in all of that is by the time you get sick-and-tired of being sick-and-tired you're heart and your head have already begun to move on. The only thing to follow is the physical part. And once YOU vanish.......it's doubtful your Libra will even notice you're gone. Sure he may come looking for you but he'll act and believe nothing is wrong.
Just don't let anger be your motivator in the end. If you remove the romantic hurt you are feeling right about now and just look at him as any other friendship relationship you have.....it doesn't hurt AS MUCH anymore.
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***QS- do they stay mad long when they are upset?***
I don't think they are capable of being angry long at all. I always held the grudge the longest, but I am a scorp. LOL!!! They always find a way to make up for it if they are "in love" with you there is a difference from loving someone and being in love with someone. Librans love on several levels this is where the confusion is. You should be sure which level he loves you on....
Tell him what you are telling us. Like LS said, it is all up to you to accept this or walk away. It isn't his fault it is yours. Men do change when they want to (humans in general that is) you can't force what isn't.
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***Is there an easier way to get him to respond then asking directly and getting the opposite of what I ask for or dropping hints he'll ignore and never pick up on? Is the choice of walking away the only thing he'll understand when I do?***
Yup, waiting until he is ready or changes or leaving it alone.
Also, know that Libras love inside there head too. He might really feel the way he says TF, you have to find a way to get him to show it, if he can. If he can't than he can't.
About the continuing to excel their life. Very true about some, one in particular I have in mind. They can get very busy and self involved. Very busy. However, if you are theirs, they ALWAYS make time for you. Funny, even in a casual relationship, I can remember talking to one every single day until things were getting deep (for him at the time).
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Good insight! Thanks again. I'll be giving him the "gift of missing me" for an epic amount of time in return as the days go by without hearing from him again. And then.........when he does surface eventually....I'll tell him that all that time I hadn't heard from him it got ME to thinking and re-prioritizing. And what eventually resulted while he was away "busy" was my need to make OTHER choices that are better for me to be fulfilled and happy, where I don't get the feeling of being the only one or the lonely one in the relationship. What he does with the information will be any body's guess.
I imagine this scenario gets played out a lot with Libra's. They're accustomed to it I would think. Do they ever seem surprised when the object of their affection eventually informs them that someone new came along and captured their interest while they were not maintaining their part of the relationship. Or that that specific behavior is the pattern that ruined their other previous relationships as well?
Where do they place the value in their romantic relationships? Since there seems to be a consensus that there are many levels they have about love.
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QueenS. in this situation
"Funny, even in a casual relationship, I can remember talking to one every single day until things were getting deep (for him at the time)."
What was the rest of the situation there? What happened when things got deep for him? Did he pull the disappearing thing and go off to be "in his head" for weeks at a time? How did you deal with it in addressing him about it? Or did you just let it him be and let him go off to be alone?
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*****Don't do this to yourself and put yourself through it. As my best friend would say, "Make the easy friends."
Find the person who likes you and is okay with you liking them. In the end ... this will bring you happiness. Promise.*****
Thank you Little Sparrow - your words are so true, no matter what sign the guy is. Relationships shouldnt be hard and Im happy with being just friends with My guy.
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***Tell him what you are telling us.****
I have tried but it goes in one ear and out the other.. I think-lol
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