Susheetah
@Susheetah
8 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 1
HELP !!! Breakup damage control
it sounds like you have given up on you.
you feel that it's important to follow your parents wishes. that might be true. you didn't mention if you are financially beholden to them or feel the pressure to do as they say.
either way, this means you're going to get married shortly.
he doesn't want that. you're living in another country, he has problems of his own and he is not ready for the changes that marriage will bring to his life.
i think you should do whatever makes life easier for you. probably no contact for you is best, especially as it will focus you on finding a person to marry. if you love him, let him go.
you feel that it's important to follow your parents wishes. that might be true. you didn't mention if you are financially beholden to them or feel the pressure to do as they say.
either way, this means you're going to get married shortly.
he doesn't want that. you're living in another country, he has problems of his own and he is not ready for the changes that marriage will bring to his life.
i think you should do whatever makes life easier for you. probably no contact for you is best, especially as it will focus you on finding a person to marry. if you love him, let him go.
Libra men hate pressure and ultimatums. Even if he wants to marry you, he won't because he feels like you are forcing him. Let it be his decision, not your parents.
Posted by tiziani
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
Hi, that could be the case, though I didn't make any decision on my own. He knew I had to leave the country for education because I was home for a year unemployed and I had tried my hand at everything around and things were just not working out for me.
With marriage it's a decision my parents made because there are financial and health constraints. I am happy to fight for time. Initially he said things like given 4-5 years j would like to be with you. I want you to fight for time. And I did I got over 4 months of extension for myself by creating drama at home, then I asked him how much time would you want 3-4 years ? I wasn't asking him to marry me but it was a question of commitment. He would give me flaky replies. And he would say tell your parents about me. I did. And he began to back out on things he would say. I never held him responsible for my situation , but I had certain demands to act by because my dad is about to lose his job and heir health isn't so great and I am still dependant on them. I'm Australian but of Indian origin. My boyfriend being Indian and staying in India starts telling me things like you need to be independent run away from home if you have to. Extremely immature stuff. I did what I could like tell my parents. But didn't seem like he was willing to even fight for me. Not from a marriage point of view but when I told him that he haan made up his mind about being with me even forget marriage. He began backing off. So I said okay I don't want to force you against your instincts but if he is unsure about marriage and a relationship with me I have only one choice left. We had to stop talking because of the painful circumstances. I never asked him to fight for marriage but after a while it seemed like he didn't even care that I won't be with him. I would keep saying omg this might be the last time and he wouldn't care.
Yesterday we spoke again and j asked him if he has given up on me. And just said I would like a more independent person who doesn't give in. J think we have had lots of compatibility issues and it's better we don't be together. And I said so compatibility issues since the marriage topic ? And he's like no I guess in general. Which is not true. Maybe it's true for him but if it is it's extremely surprising because last week he messaged me telling me how I was then most perfect thing that happened. He went onto say a lot of things like oh last Sunday I told myself we won't be talking anymore and st that point we were in a proper relationship. I feel like the last month when he was withdrawn ( and mind you j never forced him and gave him his space) he was already mourning the relationship while I was in it. He told me he went to parties got drunk and when his friends spoke about me he would ask" oh you mean my ex girlfriend " and he said then, that he said it because he was so upset that things would be ending soon. But it seems more like he had made up Hua mind and was preparing himself for it without telling me.
And we can do something about it. All he needs to tell me is that he wants to be with me and he wants to fight it. I can't go around fighting my parents when j don't have his permission or now that I look at it involvement( and j mean fighting parents in a relationship capacity) he said quite a few horrible things yesterday about what I am not and cannot be which never seemed to be issues in the past. I left him some nice messages and said bye to which he said " you can't do this to me I'm just not in a frame of mind to think about it in this way this is not good for you or me" I said see you've had an internal dialogue with yourself to help you come to terms with this. For me you were the best telationship. There maybe iffffs and buttttts but I want to acknowledge that in my last message. You don't have to hold onto it.
On one end he seems to have made up his mjnd and has said horrible things about everything I have done. Which was painful for me to hear. And on the other he isn't ready to hear the nice things I have to say? Whatever it is, it doesn't matter I guess
You can't force someone to marry you. The fact that he's hesitant makes me think he doesn't see a future with you. or perhaps he's just very cautious. Ask him how much more time he needs before he will consider marriage.
I hate to be THAT person, but there's 2 years in between 2014/2016...not one.
Posted by Astrology101Yup this is exactly and precisely the concern. He would say in 4 or 5 years, we can be together I said cool how long tentatively. I am human too I don't expect him to accurate and give me the precise moment he will be ready to marry. But there was some mismatch between him saying he wants me to be with him forever to him guiding me with what I can do to help you situation best together.Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.click to expand
Flaky responses and uncertainty is all I got. And I know as much as I may seem like the one in control of the situation I'm not. I kept everything aside and sat with him and asked him what do YOUUU want in life. Fuck marriage. Just in YOUR life what do you want?
Hearing all the bad stuff he has to say about me now is the worst that could happen. It was such a great relationship, I didn't even know he could think of me poorly and if he did atleast he could've told me. Why tell me about your father or your problems and then withdraw then literally pour out to me if we aren't compatible. I'm so angry but I also really like him and respect what he feels so I guess it's just better for me to back off.
I don't know what else to do at this point.
Posted by tizianiI agree. Deadlines are never all that effective imo. There was a way to go about this and giving an ultimatum was not the right one.Posted by Astrology101Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Just an ego thing imo. Putting a deadline on it makes it clear that marrying anyone who's ready (and obviously compatible, supportive, etc) is top priority over being with him.
And even if that's tough to handle at first, it's fair game. She has her priorities and she's got to pursue them if that's what she wants. He's not ready then someone will be.
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Posted by SusheetahIt sounds like your clinging to a ghost of memories when it was good. Was he your first relationship?Posted by Astrology101Yup this is exactly and precisely the concern. He would say in 4 or 5 years, we can be together I said cool how long tentatively. I am human too I don't expect him to accurate and give me the precise moment he will be ready to marry. But there was some mismatch between him saying he wants me to be with him forever to him guiding me with what I can do to help you situation best together.Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Flaky responses and uncertainty is all I got. And I know as much as I may seem like the one in control of the situation I'm not. I kept everything aside and sat with him and asked him what do YOUUU want in life. Fuck marriage. Just in YOUR life what do you want?
Hearing all the bad stuff he has to say about me now is the worst that could happen. It was such a great relationship, I didn't even know he could think of me poorly and if he did atleast he could've told me. Why tell me about your father or your problems and then withdraw then literally pour out to me if we aren't compatible. I'm so angry but I also really like him and respect what he feels so I guess it's just better for me to back off.
I don't know what else to do at this point.
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Posted by LadyNeptuneI noticed that after posting 😛 I meant to write 2015. Haha. But I had edited the post way too many times to fix it. Dw you aren't " that person"
I hate to be THAT person, but there's 2 years in between 2014/2016...not one.
Posted by tizianiI find that women seem hesitant to lay it all out there at the beginning. It's like their worried they will scare him off if they tell him their end game.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by tizianiI agree. Deadlines are never all that effective imo. There was a way to go about this and giving an ultimatum was not the right one.Posted by Astrology101Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Just an ego thing imo. Putting a deadline on it makes it clear that marrying anyone who's ready (and obviously compatible, supportive, etc) is top priority over being with him.
And even if that's tough to handle at first, it's fair game. She has her priorities and she's got to pursue them if that's what she wants. He's not ready then someone will be.
Yep, I've personally been through it twice now and there's just something about the ego that kicks in and says let her fly free.
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But then 2/3 years later it's like a freight train of 'marry me or we're over'.
Posted by SusheetahIt's too late, I am! —Posted by LadyNeptuneI noticed that after posting 😛 I meant to write 2015. Haha. But I had edited the post way too many times to fix it. Dw you aren't " that person"
I hate to be THAT person, but there's 2 years in between 2014/2016...not one.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by SusheetahIt sounds like your clinging to a ghost of memories when it was good. Was he your first relationship?Posted by Astrology101Yup this is exactly and precisely the concern. He would say in 4 or 5 years, we can be together I said cool how long tentatively. I am human too I don't expect him to accurate and give me the precise moment he will be ready to marry. But there was some mismatch between him saying he wants me to be with him forever to him guiding me with what I can do to help you situation best together.Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Flaky responses and uncertainty is all I got. And I know as much as I may seem like the one in control of the situation I'm not. I kept everything aside and sat with him and asked him what do YOUUU want in life. Fuck marriage. Just in YOUR life what do you want?
Hearing all the bad stuff he has to say about me now is the worst that could happen. It was such a great relationship, I didn't even know he could think of me poorly and if he did atleast he could've told me. Why tell me about your father or your problems and then withdraw then literally pour out to me if we aren't compatible. I'm so angry but I also really like him and respect what he feels so I guess it's just better for me to back off.
I don't know what else to do at this point.
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Nope 4th. And I got dumped in literally the same ways in the past with people pointing out things that I had never done. I can imagine what it must look like to you guys right now, that here's a girl who doesn't want to accept her downfalls and is blaming the guys for calling it off. But I'm an ambivert and I don't make too many relationships with respect to friends. So when I get a chance to be affectionate and intimate I give it my best. I check with the person time and again. I give them time. I encourage them taking time. And I admit to have gone wrong in the past. But here apart from me asking him how I can tailor my situation to suit him I don't know what I did wrong. And maybe that in itself was too nuch clinging for him to handle since he must have been emotionally out.
Posted by SusheetahLong distance doesn't really work, ime.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by SusheetahIt sounds like your clinging to a ghost of memories when it was good. Was he your first relationship?Posted by Astrology101Yup this is exactly and precisely the concern. He would say in 4 or 5 years, we can be together I said cool how long tentatively. I am human too I don't expect him to accurate and give me the precise moment he will be ready to marry. But there was some mismatch between him saying he wants me to be with him forever to him guiding me with what I can do to help you situation best together.Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Flaky responses and uncertainty is all I got. And I know as much as I may seem like the one in control of the situation I'm not. I kept everything aside and sat with him and asked him what do YOUUU want in life. Fuck marriage. Just in YOUR life what do you want?
Hearing all the bad stuff he has to say about me now is the worst that could happen. It was such a great relationship, I didn't even know he could think of me poorly and if he did atleast he could've told me. Why tell me about your father or your problems and then withdraw then literally pour out to me if we aren't compatible. I'm so angry but I also really like him and respect what he feels so I guess it's just better for me to back off.
I don't know what else to do at this point.
Nope 4th. And I got dumped in literally the same ways in the past with people pointing out things that I had never done. I can imagine what it must look like to you guys right now, that here's a girl who doesn't want to accept her downfalls and is blaming the guys for calling it off. But I'm an ambivert and I don't make too many relationships with respect to friends. So when I get a chance to be affectionate and intimate I give it my best. I check with the person time and again. I give them time. I encourage them taking time. And I admit to have gone wrong in the past. But here apart from me asking him how I can tailor my situation to suit him I don't know what I did wrong. And maybe that in itself was too nuch clinging for him to handle since he must have been emotionally out.
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And you shouldn't have to twist a guys arm to commit with you. If he's serious about locking you down he'll come on strong until your his.
Start dating other dudes. Preferably ones that are local to you.
Posted by LadyNeptuneI beg to differ the topic came up in our first year and he tossed it over saying we have literally been together for couple of months and I laughed it off. But subtlety reminded him that u turn 27 soon and it will come up. And he said we'll cross the bridge when we get to it.Posted by tizianiI find that women seem hesitant to lay it all out there at the beginning. It's like their worried they will scare him off if they tell him their end game.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by tizianiI agree. Deadlines are never all that effective imo. There was a way to go about this and giving an ultimatum was not the right one.Posted by Astrology101Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Just an ego thing imo. Putting a deadline on it makes it clear that marrying anyone who's ready (and obviously compatible, supportive, etc) is top priority over being with him.
And even if that's tough to handle at first, it's fair game. She has her priorities and she's got to pursue them if that's what she wants. He's not ready then someone will be.
Yep, I've personally been through it twice now and there's just something about the ego that kicks in and says let her fly free.
But then 2/3 years later it's like a freight train of 'marry me or we're over'.
click to expand
Since I have witnessed not being prioritised or Briggs left for other things it was a concern I would try to speak about it. But I guess it's just that bridge I have to cross on my own.
Posted by SusheetahYou should've stood your ground and told him your timeline. His blasé attitude should've been a red flag that your priorities weren't aligned.Posted by LadyNeptuneI beg to differ the topic came up in our first year and he tossed it over saying we have literally been together for couple of months and I laughed it off. But subtlety reminded him that u turn 27 soon and it will come up. And he said we'll cross the bridge when we get to it.Posted by tizianiI find that women seem hesitant to lay it all out there at the beginning. It's like their worried they will scare him off if they tell him their end game.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by tizianiI agree. Deadlines are never all that effective imo. There was a way to go about this and giving an ultimatum was not the right one.Posted by Astrology101Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Just an ego thing imo. Putting a deadline on it makes it clear that marrying anyone who's ready (and obviously compatible, supportive, etc) is top priority over being with him.
And even if that's tough to handle at first, it's fair game. She has her priorities and she's got to pursue them if that's what she wants. He's not ready then someone will be.
Yep, I've personally been through it twice now and there's just something about the ego that kicks in and says let her fly free.
But then 2/3 years later it's like a freight train of 'marry me or we're over'.
Since I have witnessed not being prioritised or Briggs left for other things it was a concern I would try to speak about it. But I guess it's just that bridge I have to cross on my own.
click to expand
Posted by Astrology101Posted by tizianiBut the fact that she hasn't given in to her parents wishes and married just anyone. Instead she is trying to push her parents to wait ... is a huge indicator .. that she wants to be with him..Posted by Astrology101Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Just an ego thing imo. Putting a deadline on it makes it clear that marrying anyone who's ready (and obviously compatible, supportive, etc) is top priority over being with him.
And even if that's tough to handle at first, it's fair game. She has her priorities and she's got to pursue them if that's what she wants. He's not ready then someone will be.
In which case him being honest is the best way forward... I guess. I guess he's not ready for whatever reason... and it is what it is?click to expand
Thank you for putting out for me. This is exactly my point. I guess he's is indeed not ready :/ and the only way to deal with his readiness is for us to call it off , and that's what hurts the most. Now even if j say oh you don't have to be ready we can still date, it doesn't seem like he wants that. So just doing my own thing seems to be the best way out as painful as it is
Posted by tizianiIt's a win win. You won't spend time and energy and emotion connecting with someone who isn't interested in marriage.
I think LadyNeptune is right, in your next relationship (if this one is over) you'll most likely be clear from the very beginning that your priority is to get married. And you'll attract a man who has no problem with that because key difference: you didn't bump him down your list of priorities. He always knew the score.
I've always been upfront with men and it's served me well.
Posted by Astrology101Posted by SusheetahDoes he have a job? How old are you both? Is he younger than you?Posted by Astrology101Yup this is exactly and precisely the concern. He would say in 4 or 5 years, we can be together I said cool how long tentatively. I am human too I don't expect him to accurate and give me the precise moment he will be ready to marry. But there was some mismatch between him saying he wants me to be with him forever to him guiding me with what I can do to help you situation best together.Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Flaky responses and uncertainty is all I got. And I know as much as I may seem like the one in control of the situation I'm not. I kept everything aside and sat with him and asked him what do YOUUU want in life. Fuck marriage. Just in YOUR life what do you want?
Hearing all the bad stuff he has to say about me now is the worst that could happen. It was such a great relationship, I didn't even know he could think of me poorly and if he did atleast he could've told me. Why tell me about your father or your problems and then withdraw then literally pour out to me if we aren't compatible. I'm so angry but I also really like him and respect what he feels so I guess it's just better for me to back off.
I don't know what else to do at this point.
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Younger. Has his own business that was passed down to him by his father.
Posted by SusheetahHe could've said I'm not ready RIGHT NOW but I am committed to you I'm committed to our relationship and I see my future with you.Posted by Astrology101Posted by tizianiBut the fact that she hasn't given in to her parents wishes and married just anyone. Instead she is trying to push her parents to wait ... is a huge indicator .. that she wants to be with him..Posted by Astrology101Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Just an ego thing imo. Putting a deadline on it makes it clear that marrying anyone who's ready (and obviously compatible, supportive, etc) is top priority over being with him.
And even if that's tough to handle at first, it's fair game. She has her priorities and she's got to pursue them if that's what she wants. He's not ready then someone will be.
In which case him being honest is the best way forward... I guess. I guess he's not ready for whatever reason... and it is what it is?
Thank you for putting out for me. This is exactly my point. I guess he's is indeed not ready :/ and the only way to deal with his readiness is for us to call it off , and that's what hurts the most. Now even if j say oh you don't have to be ready we can still date, it doesn't seem like he wants that. So just doing my own thing seems to be the best way out as painful as it is
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He could've got you a promise ring or something as a symbol of his commitment to placate your parents and culture. But he's not even trying to reassure you verbally. He's checked out.
I think it's over, over.
Posted by Astrology101Thank you @Astrology101 I think the same. I tried to have that one conversation with him yesterday he kept cutting me off and said he'd call me back but didn't. I don't think he cares enough or maybe it's just something he doesn't want to deal with and prefers to do it his way. I've said what I had to and have explained to myself that I shouldn't need more reason to leave.
I'm sorry to say this @Susheetah but I think he blindsided you.
If it means a lot to you.. you can talk to him properly about it once. Just ask.him if there is something that he has in mind concerning the two of you.
If he has nothing.. keep your head up high and move forward. There are lots of guys and I think anyone would be lucky to have you.
Good luck.
Posted by pinkbird03So you really think anyone can answer 'may 2019' or something like that?
You can't force someone to marry you. The fact that he's hesitant makes me think he doesn't see a future with you. or perhaps he's just very cautious. Ask him how much more time he needs before he will consider marriage.
He might be ready tomorrow or never...
Asking when are we getting married is kind of not intelligent.
I DONT KNOW!!! That what I would say...
?
Ok. Are we talking about arranged marriages like 'we know you have a boyfriend you love but...if he isn't marrying you in 5 months we going to have to go 'traditional way' and make you married someone you don't know' kind of pressure?
If you willing to live in a dark ages - say yes to your parents.
If you are modern woman - tell them I love you but back off!!!
It is reminding me of a Muslim woman I saw every morning at train station all draped in black with veil covering her face and she smoked lifting her veil for each puff...
I was like...should I come up and offer to hold her veil so it wouldn't get burnt because her father or husband would kill her if they saw it burnt...?
Ancient in XXI Century is too confusing...
If you willing to live in a dark ages - say yes to your parents.
If you are modern woman - tell them I love you but back off!!!
It is reminding me of a Muslim woman I saw every morning at train station all draped in black with veil covering her face and she smoked lifting her veil for each puff...
I was like...should I come up and offer to hold her veil so it wouldn't get burnt because her father or husband would kill her if they saw it burnt...?
Ancient in XXI Century is too confusing...
"... me getting married before next year
because of a family situation."
This is pertinent, and you're not elaborating.
Could you, please?
I'm trying to imagine what on earth it could be
that would necessitate you marrying ANYONE
to fix the problem.
An inheritance?
I'm baffled.
because of a family situation."
This is pertinent, and you're not elaborating.
Could you, please?
I'm trying to imagine what on earth it could be
that would necessitate you marrying ANYONE
to fix the problem.
An inheritance?
I'm baffled.
Posted by GemitatiNot to ask for an exact date. He could say at least a couple of years from now and then she could decide if she wants to wait that long. It's just a rough idea of where his head is at.Posted by pinkbird03So you really think anyone can answer 'may 2019' or something like that?
You can't force someone to marry you. The fact that he's hesitant makes me think he doesn't see a future with you. or perhaps he's just very cautious. Ask him how much more time he needs before he will consider marriage.
He might be ready tomorrow or never...
Asking when are we getting married is kind of not intelligent.
I DONT KNOW!!! That what I would say...
?click to expand
Posted by pinkbird03But how one supposed to know when he will be ready— If he isn't now...Posted by GemitatiNot to ask for an exact date. He could say at least a couple of years from now and then she could decide if she wants to wait that long. It's just a rough idea of where his head is at.Posted by pinkbird03So you really think anyone can answer 'may 2019' or something like that?
You can't force someone to marry you. The fact that he's hesitant makes me think he doesn't see a future with you. or perhaps he's just very cautious. Ask him how much more time he needs before he will consider marriage.
He might be ready tomorrow or never...
Asking when are we getting married is kind of not intelligent.
I DONT KNOW!!! That what I would say...
?
click to expand
I come from an Indian origin family. This is how it works. They're willing to be flexible and are really trying but my. My boyfriend has walked out on me too. My parents want to know if there's someone but I can't give a name if he doesn't want me.
We are very community oriented. And I grew up around the world. I get both sides but I don't feel like either is trying to get my side. Hence the desperation. It's hard to understand when I explain it like this.
But my dad is retiring and he worked for a private firm, he will have no savings after this. I'm in a different country living. I have a younger sister. My parents are keeping Tok well and hope to settle us before things get worse ( this is how it works in our culture) we do have the option of marrying someone of our choice and my parents are giving me that option and I can fight for time. But for who?
We are very community oriented. And I grew up around the world. I get both sides but I don't feel like either is trying to get my side. Hence the desperation. It's hard to understand when I explain it like this.
But my dad is retiring and he worked for a private firm, he will have no savings after this. I'm in a different country living. I have a younger sister. My parents are keeping Tok well and hope to settle us before things get worse ( this is how it works in our culture) we do have the option of marrying someone of our choice and my parents are giving me that option and I can fight for time. But for who?
Posted by Susheetah
I come from an Indian origin family. This is how it works. They're willing to be flexible and are really trying but my. My boyfriend has walked out on me too. My parents want to know if there's someone but I can't give a name if he doesn't want me.
We are very community oriented. And I grew up around the world. I get both sides but I don't feel like either is trying to get my side. Hence the desperation. It's hard to understand when I explain it like this.
But my dad is retiring and he worked for a private firm, he will have no savings after this. I'm in a different country living. I have a younger sister. My parents are keeping Tok well and hope to settle us before things get worse ( this is how it works in our culture) we do have the option of marrying someone of our choice and my parents are giving me that option and I can fight for time. But for who?
Sorry for the typos I'm not typing too mindfully and am pretty frail right now.
*i meant I'm living in a different country.
Posted by Rozaeon
Hmm first thing you need to know, if a Libra tells you he's not ready, it's the case and there is nothing you can do to change his mind. And, shocker, there's some Libras that will not tell you what you want to hear either
The more you will push him etc the more he'll back off, that's simple. And that's why he replied " ok " instead of fighting, there is too much going on right now, why add more useless drama ?
And he end the relationship even if it hurts him because, yeah, it's too much
I'll be honest, if i were in his shoes, and i learned that my dad need a heart surgery, i will not give a single fuck about everyone else and i'll find completely disrespectful that my SO come talk to me about our relationships during that time, i would cut that off really quick, even if it hurts, i wouldn't care. There is priority in life
I believe in marriage, i want that too, but what's the point of rushing things ? Do you want a successful marriage or like everyone else, rush everything because of pressure, or whatever, and end up with a big failure and regret the choice you made ?
It's time to move on in my opinion
You may have gotten the order wrong. I found out about the heart surgery only yesterday. And since then I didn't bring up anything about the relationship. Whatever's happened happened before yesterday. The only thing that happened after finding about surgery is telling we are over. I never pushed him. He flew down here in his own to be with me. He wanted to be friends I was the one that said there will be unnecessary drama.
I don't believing in convincing a person to stay or fight for you. My question only remains if he is going to come back once the stressors die down. But going by what everyone has said so far it seems like a No. so I will just take that.
Posted by GemitatiAsk him what his five year plan isPosted by pinkbird03But how one supposed to know when he will be ready— If he isn't now...Posted by GemitatiNot to ask for an exact date. He could say at least a couple of years from now and then she could decide if she wants to wait that long. It's just a rough idea of where his head is at.Posted by pinkbird03So you really think anyone can answer 'may 2019' or something like that?
You can't force someone to marry you. The fact that he's hesitant makes me think he doesn't see a future with you. or perhaps he's just very cautious. Ask him how much more time he needs before he will consider marriage.
He might be ready tomorrow or never...
Asking when are we getting married is kind of not intelligent.
I DONT KNOW!!! That what I would say...
?
click to expand
Posted by Astrology101The weirdest thing happened so after our last conversation where he said he think I'm not compatible with him and stuff, to which I left him a nice sweet reply saying for me you were the best there may have been ifs and buts but it doesn't overweight he rest. He messaged saying I can't think about this right now, to which I said you don't need to and just left a long as message which was very general. He got back to me on that just now and said I don't know what to reply, I said you don't have to, you have a lot on your hands like your dads health and work, you need to focus on what's important to you and you'll do fine.Posted by SusheetahThat explains some things. Younger guys.. are well younger.Posted by Astrology101Posted by SusheetahDoes he have a job? How old are you both? Is he younger than you?Posted by Astrology101Yup this is exactly and precisely the concern. He would say in 4 or 5 years, we can be together I said cool how long tentatively. I am human too I don't expect him to accurate and give me the precise moment he will be ready to marry. But there was some mismatch between him saying he wants me to be with him forever to him guiding me with what I can do to help you situation best together.Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Flaky responses and uncertainty is all I got. And I know as much as I may seem like the one in control of the situation I'm not. I kept everything aside and sat with him and asked him what do YOUUU want in life. Fuck marriage. Just in YOUR life what do you want?
Hearing all the bad stuff he has to say about me now is the worst that could happen. It was such a great relationship, I didn't even know he could think of me poorly and if he did atleast he could've told me. Why tell me about your father or your problems and then withdraw then literally pour out to me if we aren't compatible. I'm so angry but I also really like him and respect what he feels so I guess it's just better for me to back off.
I don't know what else to do at this point.
Younger. Has his own business that was passed down to him by his father.
click to expand
Randomly I receive a video of him from his childhood. So I reply or let it be? My friends are like if he decides to be on your team he needs to say more than that. But I don't want to play mind games and take advantage of the situation. I want to reply only if it can be of more than temporary solace. And don't want it to start unnecessary conversations which can make things toxic.
What would you suggest ?
Posted by tizianiWhy would anyone want to rent a Taurus—Posted by SusheetahSure but there were moments where you left, especially leaving the country.
I don't believing in convincing a person to stay or fight for you.
You hold him to a standard you wouldn't even expect of yourself. So just be honest about that and it won't hurt as much as before.click to expand
Posted by tizianiNo, I had just realized after your comment that this 'problem' is waste of time.Posted by GemitatiDifferent thread.Posted by tizianiWhy would anyone want to rent a Taurus—Posted by SusheetahSure but there were moments where you left, especially leaving the country.
I don't believing in convincing a person to stay or fight for you.
You hold him to a standard you wouldn't even expect of yourself. So just be honest about that and it won't hurt as much as before.
click to expand
So I've looked at your 'thing' and was like 'WAIT! That's much more interesting than OP! Taurus for rent...'
Why Taurus?
Posted by GemitatiPosted by tizianiNo, I had just realized after your comment that this 'problem' is waste of time.Posted by GemitatiDifferent thread.Posted by tizianiWhy would anyone want to rent a Taurus—Posted by SusheetahSure but there were moments where you left, especially leaving the country.
I don't believing in convincing a person to stay or fight for you.
You hold him to a standard you wouldn't even expect of yourself. So just be honest about that and it won't hurt as much as before.
So I've looked at your 'thing' and was like 'WAIT! That's much more interesting than OP! Taurus for rent...'
Why Taurus?click to expand
Okay so listen. A few comments ago you spoke about arranged marriage and some Muslim women you encountered. Now you are calling me out on my problem and saying it's a waste of time. Who are you to decide anything really ? There are better ways of putting your opinion or there without being so ridiculously rude. Sure I'm looking for opinions but I'm not sitting around to have people like you pass comments. If you don't have anything constructive to say don't say anything at all. But yoy are being outright hurtful. And I don't know what difficulties you've encountered and where such rudeness is coming from, but damn! Get a hold of yourself .
Posted by SusheetahWhy do you think that whatever you just posted even matters?Posted by GemitatiPosted by tizianiNo, I had just realized after your comment that this 'problem' is waste of time.Posted by GemitatiDifferent thread.Posted by tizianiWhy would anyone want to rent a Taurus—Posted by SusheetahSure but there were moments where you left, especially leaving the country.
I don't believing in convincing a person to stay or fight for you.
You hold him to a standard you wouldn't even expect of yourself. So just be honest about that and it won't hurt as much as before.
So I've looked at your 'thing' and was like 'WAIT! That's much more interesting than OP! Taurus for rent...'
Why Taurus?
Okay so listen. A few comments ago you spoke about arranged marriage and some Muslim women you encountered. Now you are calling me out on my problem and saying it's a waste of time. Who are you to decide anything really ? There are better ways of putting your opinion or there without being so ridiculously rude. Sure I'm looking for opinions but I'm not sitting around to have people like you pass comments. If you don't have anything constructive to say don't say anything at all. But yoy are being outright hurtful. And I don't know what difficulties you've encountered and where such rudeness is coming from, but damn! Get a hold of yourself .
click to expand
I don't give a damn about your rampage and if you don't want to sit around and read my comments...how should I put it so you understand better...?
I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!
Posted by Astrology101Posted by SusheetahWhat was his reply to your long message saying he doesn't need to think about it right now?Posted by Astrology101The weirdest thing happened so after our last conversation where he said he think I'm not compatible with him and stuff, to which I left him a nice sweet reply saying for me you were the best there may have been ifs and buts but it doesn't overweight he rest. He messaged saying I can't think about this right now, to which I said you don't need to and just left a long as message which was very general. He got back to me on that just now and said I don't know what to reply, I said you don't have to, you have a lot on your hands like your dads health and work, you need to focus on what's important to you and you'll do fine.Posted by SusheetahThat explains some things. Younger guys.. are well younger.Posted by Astrology101Posted by SusheetahDoes he have a job? How old are you both? Is he younger than you?Posted by Astrology101Yup this is exactly and precisely the concern. He would say in 4 or 5 years, we can be together I said cool how long tentatively. I am human too I don't expect him to accurate and give me the precise moment he will be ready to marry. But there was some mismatch between him saying he wants me to be with him forever to him guiding me with what I can do to help you situation best together.Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Flaky responses and uncertainty is all I got. And I know as much as I may seem like the one in control of the situation I'm not. I kept everything aside and sat with him and asked him what do YOUUU want in life. Fuck marriage. Just in YOUR life what do you want?
Hearing all the bad stuff he has to say about me now is the worst that could happen. It was such a great relationship, I didn't even know he could think of me poorly and if he did atleast he could've told me. Why tell me about your father or your problems and then withdraw then literally pour out to me if we aren't compatible. I'm so angry but I also really like him and respect what he feels so I guess it's just better for me to back off.
I don't know what else to do at this point.
Younger. Has his own business that was passed down to him by his father.
Randomly I receive a video of him from his childhood. So I reply or let it be? My friends are like if he decides to be on your team he needs to say more than that. But I don't want to play mind games and take advantage of the situation. I want to reply only if it can be of more than temporary solace. And don't want it to start unnecessary conversations which can make things toxic.
What would you suggest ?
Was it "I don't know what to reply?"
If it is the above^
Then write to him.. saying..
That you need to talk to him. To let you know when would be a good time to do so. Tell him you will make a skype call. To let you know when would it be good to call.
Then talk to him properly either on voice or video call. Ask him if he's giving up on the relationship for some reason other than of marriage.
Tell him you have invested a lot into this relationship and do not want to throw it away for something that can be fixed.
Then based on what he says.. take an action.click to expand
I didn't end up asking him that since I had already replied to focus on his situation and current stressors. I received a childhood video to which I just said haha because I don't want to give myself hope and I feel like it might be insensitive of me to bring up my concerns in this situation. Sure they are important but I think my issue is more latent and will be a couple of
Linrhsnir year before it fully manifests versus his current difficulties with respect to his father's health.
I slept keeping this in mind and he just video called ms, when I sent him a contact of a cardiologist my friend passed on. He could have just normally called but he video called me. And shared his apprehensions then told me he has been having dreams about me and I was very happy to see him in the dream and he had driven down to give me some coins. I said do you feel like you owe me something ? Is that what the dream is about ? ( I am a psychologist) he said I don't know but it felt good, you were so happy and it felt so good to dream and feel like you were just a drive away. I said hmmm. And he's like okay before you get sad, I'll hang up. And I just said I'm not sad, just engrossed in what you said.
He smiled and said bye and hung up.
Trying not to overthink. And trying to be very sensitive of his situation at the moment.
Posted by Astrology101I see what you mean. Yeah I want to be able to work through my situation as well. In time, obviously but I see how it is an important conversation for the both of us and it's much needed.Posted by SusheetahI guess if you can give him time.. do that. But you need to have that conversation with him. Otherwise you are just dragging something.. which should be ended now.Posted by Astrology101Posted by SusheetahWhat was his reply to your long message saying he doesn't need to think about it right now?Posted by Astrology101The weirdest thing happened so after our last conversation where he said he think I'm not compatible with him and stuff, to which I left him a nice sweet reply saying for me you were the best there may have been ifs and buts but it doesn't overweight he rest. He messaged saying I can't think about this right now, to which I said you don't need to and just left a long as message which was very general. He got back to me on that just now and said I don't know what to reply, I said you don't have to, you have a lot on your hands like your dads health and work, you need to focus on what's important to you and you'll do fine.Posted by SusheetahThat explains some things. Younger guys.. are well younger.Posted by Astrology101Posted by SusheetahDoes he have a job? How old are you both? Is he younger than you?Posted by Astrology101Yup this is exactly and precisely the concern. He would say in 4 or 5 years, we can be together I said cool how long tentatively. I am human too I don't expect him to accurate and give me the precise moment he will be ready to marry. But there was some mismatch between him saying he wants me to be with him forever to him guiding me with what I can do to help you situation best together.Posted by tizianiBut marriage means being together. I don't see the logic.
I think his ego has probably just taken too many blows to want much more of the same.
You left the country + told him marriage is more important than being together + said you cannot speak anymore. How many kicks can one person take to the head really?
That's what I got from your story but I didn't really understand it fully.
The only real problem I see is them not being together in the same place. I guess parents being pushy is a problem.. but he could atleast have tried to say.. I'll marry you in a year.. or something a little more conclusive.
His personal problems may have taken a toll on him OP.. but you need to talk this through with him properly.
If he says its over.. I guess it is. In which case he may have made up his mind a lot before.
Flaky responses and uncertainty is all I got. And I know as much as I may seem like the one in control of the situation I'm not. I kept everything aside and sat with him and asked him what do YOUUU want in life. Fuck marriage. Just in YOUR life what do you want?
Hearing all the bad stuff he has to say about me now is the worst that could happen. It was such a great relationship, I didn't even know he could think of me poorly and if he did atleast he could've told me. Why tell me about your father or your problems and then withdraw then literally pour out to me if we aren't compatible. I'm so angry but I also really like him and respect what he feels so I guess it's just better for me to back off.
I don't know what else to do at this point.
Younger. Has his own business that was passed down to him by his father.
Randomly I receive a video of him from his childhood. So I reply or let it be? My friends are like if he decides to be on your team he needs to say more than that. But I don't want to play mind games and take advantage of the situation. I want to reply only if it can be of more than temporary solace. And don't want it to start unnecessary conversations which can make things toxic.
What would you suggest ?
Was it "I don't know what to reply?"
If it is the above^
Then write to him.. saying..
That you need to talk to him. To let you know when would be a good time to do so. Tell him you will make a skype call. To let you know when would it be good to call.
Then talk to him properly either on voice or video call. Ask him if he's giving up on the relationship for some reason other than of marriage.
Tell him you have invested a lot into this relationship and do not want to throw it away for something that can be fixed.
Then based on what he says.. take an action.
I didn't end up asking him that since I had already replied to focus on his situation and current stressors. I received a childhood video to which I just said haha because I don't want to give myself hope and I feel like it might be insensitive of me to bring up my concerns in this situation. Sure they are important but I think my issue is more latent and will be a couple of
Linrhsnir year before it fully manifests versus his current difficulties with respect to his father's health.
I slept keeping this in mind and he just video called ms, when I sent him a contact of a cardiologist my friend passed on. He could have just normally called but he video called me. And shared his apprehensions then told me he has been having dreams about me and I was very happy to see him in the dream and he had driven down to give me some coins. I said do you feel like you owe me something ? Is that what the dream is about ? ( I am a psychologist) he said I don't know but it felt good, you were so happy and it felt so good to dream and feel like you were just a drive away. I said hmmm. And he's like okay before you get sad, I'll hang up. And I just said I'm not sad, just engrossed in what you said.
He smiled and said bye and hung up.
Trying not to overthink. And trying to be very sensitive of his situation at the moment.
You have been giving him lots of time to not respond (1 year). If you want to continue making excuses for him do so.. but I said what you have to do already.
Have that convo... respect his decision.. and follow through.
Decide when you want to have that convo.. and just go for it. Otherwise this will be just a dragged out break-up.
He won't change his mind suddenly. If he thinks you two won't work out.. he will say the same thing 2 months from now as well.
And the fact that he mentioned you being away from him was hurting him was an opportunity for you to talk about the issue.
So maybe bring that up. Ask him if you being away is hurting him. Just generally. And depending on his answers you willunderstand what he is thinking.
Maybe after that you can have that marriage convo. That depends on you... you decide for yourself when and if you want to have it. It's your choice.
But you need to ask him if the distance is hurting him.. cos he mentioned it.
click to expand
Thank you. I will keep this in mind.
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I finally gave up because I kept getting extensions from my parents and tried to talk things through with him. But found him to be careless. I have never been the pushy sorts and have always been able to understand his views, which he acknowledged but he said " i began to come to terms with the situation, and hopes that something miraculous happens" but he feels like since I left to study abroad ( which he was very unhappy about ) I have been snatched away from him and now things just keep happening to that take me further away.
We didn't want to leave each other but we figured that was the only way. Last week I abruptly stopped talking to him because my parents were setting me up to speak to other guys ( which ultimately didn't happen). I left a message saying "we can't speak anymore" to which he replied saying " ok" and didn't even fight it. For the first few days he would stalk my instagram and Facebook, but that stopped too since the last 2 days.
Today I Pocket dialled him and cut the call before he could respond and just sent a message saying " sorry". To which he replied saying " I'm sorry too but this relationship can't work" I clarified that " I apologised for calling but thank you for letting me know "
To which he immediately responded by saying " do you know any cardiologist". I could be wrong but he almost brought it up in a way where I could ask more about him. And so I did. I found out his dad has been unwell and needs a heart surgery.
I called him and spoke about his dad then I asked why he wrote what he wrote and that I'd rather just be in disbelief. To which he responded " you'll be upset today and t might hurt now but it won't eventually"
I asked have you made up your mind and he said " I thinkkkk..."
As you can see it's a pretty tumultuous situation. I don't know about him as of today, he may have given up on us because of all the stress he is dealing with but I'm still hung up on him.
As of 5 days ago things were absolutely fine between us.
Can I expect him to come around ? What can I do in this situation should I be there for him ( I know he won't and can't be there for me and it feels bad but that's a nasty thing to expect ) or should I go no contact on him?
How do libra men work in such matters ? Has he given up on us ?