Hmmm well this is interesting ...

This topic was created in the Libra forum by little_sparrow on Thursday, May 24, 2007 and has 31 replies.
So you know I was going to go and crash my friend's gallery opening tonight? He just emailed me and said he has been really busy, just moved into his new house with his ladyfriend but asked if he could give me a private viewing of his show next week.
I am not sure what to do now.
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which part? lol!
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well that is the thing ... it is in a gallery so there will be other people around. I did kind of call him on it already.
I don't want to be with him. I want him to face me so he gets over his obsession.
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I don't think he really cares about her (or me for that matter. I am just a point of obsession/fixation not a real person to him) otherwise he wouldn't have proposed to me while being with her. Which I told him was crazy.
We were best friends for several years before he became obsessed with me. It wasn't until he was moving away that the obsession started. He said he had been in love with me all along but I don't think that is true. I think I am just a thought he uses to distract himself from his unhappiness.
I would like him to get over it because I truly miss our friendship.
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LS, I still don't understand the logic of someone seeing someone to get over an obsession. It usually works the opposite. (Triggering the obsession again or being more obsessive than before).
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LS, you know sometimes people don't know how to separate the two, like he may not be able to go back to just being your friend...
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I haven't seen him in four years. It has gotten worse over time, not better. My theory is it is all in his head. I have become a fantasy and not a real person.
I think if he sees me, it will be a crushing moment for him because he will realize what he loves and imagines isn't real but illusions he fed himself.
He wrote me back. Apparently his girlfriend knows about me. (I have no doubt in this scenario I am the villain who is obsessed with him. That is usually what men say in these situations. lol!) So he doesn't want me to come tonight. So I won't.
QS
You might very well be right. If that is true, that is fine. But his attachment to me is unhealthy for both of us. I would like him to face me so I can help him let go and look at why he has done this to himself. If he cannot face me, he needs to let me go for good.
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BTW ... we never shagged or anything. We messed around a little (kissing) before he moved away. He is still fixated on it four years later. What can I say? I am a fabulous kisser. smile
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I dunno.
It has been so weird. Over the years, I have been his friend, his muse, his confessor. But HE doesn't know ME. I don't think he knows much about who I am, what I believe, what I value. I have changed so much and so has he. What was there doesn't exist anymore.
How can you love someone who you haven't seen in four years? Who you have barely communicated with? To me there are just the shreads of a wonderful friendship left. Nothing more.
I don't know him anymore and he doesn't know me anymore. If he is ever to be at peace, he needs to come to terms with that truth.
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He wants me to say it is okay but I am sad and don't want too.
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what happened irish?
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* i didnt feel the same way about him...too differnt from me..he was talking about living together, buying me a horse, etc.(becaseu he knows i like them
WOW! This is what this scorp did.
How did you handle it?
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Wow!
How did you end it?
I can see this Scorp doing something crazy like that. I would love to hear the whole story Irish if you feel like sharing it. If you would rather PM me, that is fine too.
This whole thing makes me sad.
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or if you don't want to share that is cool too.
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No worries! When you have time. This situation isn't going to be solved today anyway.
thanks Irish.
smile
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LS....sorry to see you're in a bit of a bother there....have you heard from your Leo friend of late?
Men!!!!!!
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These are the reasons i am kinda glad things didnt work out with any of my Scorps...they are so difficult, and Libra?s just take on their problems as their own. Its totally unhealthy for our minds and our general health...they should come with a medical warning!
"He shot himself"...talk about extreme...!
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I am sure he will be okay. Just got himself into a knot. Hopefully, it will all fix itself in the end.
Chatz
Nope.
I think he is doing the if I just ignore the problem it will go away thing. I also think he is really busy promoting his film.
I think of him often.
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Yeah, i would say dont see him at all, but i know you are going to anyway..we?re totally suckers for punishment. I tried to "get" the Scorps all the time, and i tell you, a few months after not seeing any of them, i still dont have a clue what they were all about (but thankfully im past caring about all that). Phew, they made me sick in the head is all i know for sure, the anguish of it all, them never knowing what they want, lack of communiction and then attacking you with calls and texts like they hadn?t seen you in years. Whatever, i like a challenge, but the Scorp is just to much for me, i admit it!! Sad
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They are indeed, but my main concern for you is that he isnt really iinterested in winning you back, its more of a pride thing, to prove to hiself that he CAN win you back. Therefore you are at an advantage because you lready know what is game is, and its one that he cant win. Sounds like you know yourself tat he isnt good for you, we never admit it to ourselves though because we always want people to love us and we want to believe that people have changed and its all going to be happy ever after. Im not trying to burst your bubble IL, but give yourself a break. Other men are waiting for you!! Back soon x
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"They are indeed, but my main concern for you is that he isnt really iinterested in winning you back, its more of a pride thing, to prove to hiself that he CAN win you back."
I do that when rejected by the other party...
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Me too Libra, i couldnt give a shit about you, i just want to confirm that im powerful, heehee.
IL, yeah i know that certain point too well!!
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IL - I do that too. It's a switch that only flicks one way, the way out. Which is probably why I am so careful not to burn bridges when in love - because once the flick gets switched there is no way back.
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Which is of course linked to the fact that we love with our heads and not our hearts.
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I say go and crash the opening. Bring it all out into the light. He doesnt want you there becuz he is telling some lies to the new girl and still trying to be with you. If you go, it will blow his cover, and then it will all be over.
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I say crash- but the only agenda for a proper crash is to PARTE.
That will of course attract the scorp. Remember there are objectives and outcomes. The objective is rarely the outcome. The objective is only a consolation prize. Many scorps know this rule. Many libras do not.
So go to party but keep a quick escape plan like somthing else to do for the night. Most libras know how to do that little trick
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I like Val's idea and I also do this, when I'm asked to show up, I will show up but I bail out after 35 minutes, have a reliable friend call with distress and leave. It works for me (:
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Well the opening has come and gone. I didn't go to the opening. I respected his wishes and his relationship. (Even though he does not.)
I don't want to play games with this guy and make the situation worse! I want him to simply face me and see the truth.
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If thats the case little sparrow, your going about it all wrong. I know how libra's are. You are very polite and want a happy ending so everyone can be all smiles and he will still be your friend.
Its not gonna happen. Not with a Scorp. We cannot stand that crap. Just cut your losses. Dont talk to him anymore at all. At first he will be angry, hurt, depressed. He will try and contact you. But if you just have no contact, it will eventually die out. He will move on with his life, and soon enough, he will be like "dude, what did I ever see in that girl anyway?" and then he will be ready to be friends again.
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I agree with SS. If he lacks the ability to step away to rationally see that you don't want a relationship with him (which an obsession would indicate), then you need to force him to do that. It hurts him in the short term, but is the best for him in the long run... Tough love is a concept that can apply to friends, too.
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LS, it's better off this way.
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