Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
My Leeb is going through some emotional issues right now. Something that was expected to happen with his ex but of course knocks you around a little when it does. Not sure whether I should be suggesting he take some time out to deal with it on his own or stick around and help him see it through. Problem with that is that he is striking out at me as he deals with his emotions which are a little roller coaster atm.
He might need to cry in a dark room for a few days , your a Libra too arent you ? It's part of the purging/cleansing process we go thru when something really tips us off balance . Libra men cry too
It's possible he might need to do it (cry) alone , so give im some space if you can. Seeing a grown man cry can be disturbing , and embarrassing for him...
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
Yeah I'm a Leeb but wasn't sure whether male/female deal with things the same. I'm not telling him to take time out but rather waiting for him to suggest it himself. Although if he keeps striking out at me then I will make sure he understands that this particular issue I can't help him with. In saying that, I don't want to appear as if I'm pushing him away and not having his back.
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
The thing with emotional issues is that they can't be cured with one walk in the park... Do you men dwell for a long time? This has been a wake up call to how much of a fool that he was with his ex...so it stings and he is still coping with the end of that relationship. I know personally that I go over and over and over in my head ally he differing senario's of what could have been, what is and what I'd like to see and this can haunt me for months. But not normally if I am with someone else...
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012 Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
They tend to run and hide. I think it's a red flag if this is affecting him this badly while he's in a relationship with someone else. It makes one wonder why he's still caught up on her... Either that or his ego took a blow over something he didn't think would happen.
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
Yes his ego took a huge blow...she was having an affair and it has bought to light that she had been as suspected for some time. They were trying for another child before they split so it's understandable that even after over a year when she gets pregnant it will rock you. I understand that and that isn't what bothers me. I am just not sure how to support him.
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012 Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Yeah, I get that to an extent, but to be handling it like he is, that's kind of weird. Like you, I'd think that any of that residual stuff wouldn't matter since you're in another relationship. It's always interesting to see what's going on with people of your past, but to let it effect you that much to where you're taking it out on your current partner? No. Ain't right. Maybe sit him down and talk to him about why it's bothering him that much and see if opening up will help. You'd have a better idea where he's coming from and how to support him. If he lashes out/closes up, then tell him to figure that ish out because it's really not fair to you to have to be the emotional punching bag and that you may have to step back a bit until he gets a grip. Finding out new information like that isn't always easy, but how he's handling it isn't right nor fair to you.
Signed Up: Jun 08, 2010 Comments: 0 · Posts: 4581 · Topics: 75
I know when I am having a 'bad day' and I try to give myself more space on those days. I know I can get really damn grumpy and don't want to be a jerk for no reason. I will take time and be alone. I'll smoke a little smoke, put on some music, and sit back and sort through my mind. I keep it to myself most of the time though. If it is something I can't sort out on my own I have a couple friends I can talk to about anything.
Posted by ALibra Im lost. What exactly IS he going through?? He having a nervous breakdown or something wassup. All I read was it had something to do with his ex??_.
I *think*.. what I got from that.. a year later, Libra dude finds out that his (cheating) ex is now pregnant.. something they were trying to do together, once upon a time. Now he's having some sort of.. issue.. maybe with dealing with his confusing emotions bubbling up unexpectedly from some secret place.. confusing because she was a cheater, and he "should" be over it.. confusing because he's with Sweethearts now and in a good relationship, and he "should" be over it... confusing because he probably "thought" he'd moved on completely and is "fine" with everything... confusing because he "knows" he didn't ACTUALLY want to have another child with a cheater, but for some reason the news of her pregnancy has rocked him back. (Does this Libra dude have any personal planets in Scorpio? If so, sorting through this inner emotional turmoil may take longer..)
Dunno if it's similar enough to be relevant... My Libra was dumped practically at the altar by a woman after nearly 7 years together. Within a month, she'd moved in with her "just a friend" coworker whom she'd repeatedly denied rumors that she was sleeping with.. it totally wrecked Libra.. mentally, emotionally, financially, physically.. he lost his house, went bankrupt, moved back in with his (recently widowed at the time) mother... he crawled into a bottle and nearly failed to come back out. He almost died (literally) in a bad drunken wreck. He somehow found the strength to pull himself up from the pit he was wallowing in, got his life back on track, dated others, thought he "dealt with" everything surrounding that situation. Time marches on.. a couple years or so pass... A little over a year into his relationship with ME.. we get the news (grapevine, cuz THEY don't speak at all) that she and the guy got married. I asked Libra how he was taking the news, he said flippantly, "Fine. Doesn't matter, she's in the past. I only ever wanted her to be happy. Good for them, I wish them the best."... and then he promptly turned into a surly, snippy, distant asshole. For a couple, three weeks it was like I was living with some other guy -- a guy who didn't really want to be there, and was setting my teeth on edge and driving me fruit loops. I gently pointed out
I gently pointed out that he was taking his inner struggle out on me, and that it wasn't fair - and that I would gladly give him the time and space to work things out in his head, but to remember I'm in this too and would help/support him in any way he needed. He thanked me, apologized, and made an effort to not be so snotty with me. (It improved, but not much.. it was like he truly couldn't help what was going on inside him.) I just dug deep for my legendary patience and left him to it. He didn't actually WANT or NEED my help.. there was nothing I could do for him except just be there, steady and strong and letting him work his own shit out (without losing my own shit or piling more shit on him in the meantime!) But I didn't walk on eggshells around him, I kept everything as "normal" as I possibly could, kind of letting him know that I wouldn't stop MY/OUR life or put it on hold because he was having a personal issue. Like I said, it took a few weeks for him to work it out, for him to TRULY lay the past to rest.. the past he only THOUGHT he'd dealt with - but as it turned out, he'd just tucked it away, out of sight. Until he was FORCED to have to REALLY deal with it. He's been with me three years now, and I can confidently say he's actually dealt with it, not just buried it. There's no dodging the subject, wincing, avoiding, or unexpected moodiness surrounding that situation. But he had to get there on his own.
Posted by sweethearts Yes his ego took a huge blow...she was having an affair and it has bought to light that she had been as suspected for some time. They were trying for another child before they split so it's understandable that even after over a year when she gets pregnant it will rock you. I understand that and that isn't what bothers me. I am just not sure how to support him.
I wish I knew the answer to this question as the Libra i'm seeing is going through the same thing - 1 year separated and still being affected by something his ex just did, she also had an affair towards the end of their marriage and in fact found out she was pregnant 3 weeks after he moved out - she didn't have the baby. We're only at the beginning of a relationship though so I have to weigh up his reaction carefully and how I deal with it or handle it - do I stay around or not, is this the way he will react to crises in the future, I need to protect myself but we get on so well and I like him a lot - he also seems to be easily manipulated by her, he recognises that but allows it to keep the peace. I'm on the verge of calling him and demanding an answer. I keep thinking of my Libra cousin who is separated 6 years and is still not over the fact that her relationship broke down, not the man himself, but the relationship, we've talked about it a lot, she is very over him but keeps saying its the unfairness of it, marriage should be for life and she can't come to terms that, bad and all as it was, it should be over - so is this a Libra trait, to mourn for a long long time over the break down of a relationship rather than the person who they were in the relationship with.
Signed Up: Dec 02, 2011 Comments: 0 · Posts: 410 · Topics: 13
Ohhhhh!! Damn. Thanks Nefer, yea that??s a tuffie Sweethearts. The best thing you can do is be his support system where ever he will allow it. Don??t crowd him and just be sweet. Sort of be his diary on legs he will sometimes just want a listening ear. So just listen attentively and assure him that no matter what happens when its all said and done he will have you by his side. That??s what I would do.
My Libra was dumped practically at the altar by a woman after nearly 7 years together. Within a month, she'd moved in with her "just a friend" coworker whom she'd repeatedly denied rumors that she was sleeping with.. it totally wrecked Libra.. mentally, emotionally, financially, physically.. he lost his house, went bankrupt, moved back in with his (recently widowed at the time) mother... he crawled into a bottle and nearly failed to come back out. He almost died (literally) in a bad drunken wreck. He somehow found the strength to pull himself up from the pit he was wallowing in, got his life back on track, dated others, thought he "dealt with" everything surrounding that situation. Time marches on.. a couple years or so pass... A little over a year into his relationship with ME.. we get the news (grapevine, cuz THEY don't speak at all) that she and the guy got married. I asked Libra how he was taking the news, he said flippantly, "Fine. Doesn't matter, she's in the past. I only ever wanted her to be happy. Good for them, I wish them the best."... and then he promptly turned into a surly, snippy, distant asshole. For a couple, three weeks it was like I was living with some other guy -- a guy who didn't really want to be there, and was setting my teeth on edge and driving me fruit loops. I gently pointed out
Ironically this is almost spot on!! I keep my opinions to myself about her because they are so strong and I feel he walked away without a fight and I believe it was because she basically crushed him. He feels karma will pay back but to watch from afar with her life going so wonderfully pisses ME off so it must be crushing him!! There's a world of insight there Nef in just your experience and I shall continue on without creating any further drama, because my first natural instinct is to feel hurt and want to shake him as he is focusing on something that he has lost that was a waste of his energy as apposed to what we have which does not even compare. They lived a turmoil life, she cheated a lot and was demanding and bossy and greedy...why would he still want that? We have a very easy time together, and he has said that he can't believe how comfortable he is with/around me as he can be the person that he is. And Enjoy doing why he likes, simple things like watchi
Posted by sweethearts Yes his ego took a huge blow...she was having an affair and it has bought to light that she had been as suspected for some time. They were trying for another child before they split so it's understandable that even after over a year when she gets pregnant it will rock you. I understand that and that isn't what bothers me. I am just not sure how to support him.
I wish I knew the answer to this question as the Libra i'm seeing is going through the same thing - 1 year separated and still being affected by something his ex just did, she also had an affair towards the end of their marriage and in fact found out she was pregnant 3 weeks after he moved out - she didn't have the baby. We're only at the beginning of a relationship though so I have to weigh up his reaction carefully and how I deal with it or handle it - do I stay around or not, is this the way he will react to crises in the future, I need to protect myself but we get on so well and I like him a lot - he also seems to be easily manipulated by her, he recognises that but allows it to keep the peace. I'm on the verge of calling him and demanding an answer. I keep thinking of my Libra cousin who is separated 6 years and is still not over the fact that her relationship broke down, not the man himself, but the relationship, we've talked about it a lot, she is very over him but keeps saying its the unfairness of it, marriage should be for life and she can't come to terms that, bad and all as it was, it should be over - so is this a Libra trait, to mourn for a long long time over the break down of a relationship rather than the person who they were in the relationship with.
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One thing that helps me get through this is understanding that she is his past (can't change that) and there will be times when he reflects back because the emotions were still strong and he was forced to leave. (ever left someone that you were still in love with?) Maybe he jumped into it before he was ready, my Leeb probably did but we are here now and you can't hold things back. We fell in love so now we just have to deal with the issues on hand. I know my man is worth doing some time for, ask yourself is yours? Do you see a future with him, is he worth a little pain. It's hard to not feel it when his pain is ca
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
caused by another woman. But if you see a future with this man then he is worth it. Libran men are beautiful. So charming, affectionate and loving. I've never been with anyone that can make me feel so special and loved 90% the time. They are a breathe of fresh air
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
Perfect advice LS and eee, giving him time to sit in his mancave He stayed home last night, something he hasn't done in a while. And it was good for me too, I chilled out and just relaxed. Didn't have to walk around on eggshells wondering what is going through his mind or take care of him (he's sick with the flu) I think it'll be good for him to take time off and sort through this himself alone or with his friends and then realise what he has waiting for him.
My Libra was forced to leave too. And no I haven't left someone I was "in love" with, but I've left someone that I loved to protect my daughter from his passive/aggressive behaviour which was beginning to manifest itself in their relationship. he did jump into us too quickly, and admitted it tonight. I had walls up and I was starting to let them down, but he appears to be able to hold things back so I can't roll with that, I've to think of my children, if I'm not happy then they will lose something, so I've got to stay happy and cut this off before I get too hurt in the process. My pisces husband taught me that lesson in a big way - with years of hurt, which i can't go through again. I began to see a future with him but the future included his ex and his reactions to me based on his past with her - i'm loyal and trustworthy, she wasn't, slapper, and I was starting to be tarred with the brush for no reason. I definitely felt the pain he felt that was caused by his ex and in my Leo way became very protective of him, which made it more difficult for me when he excused her behaviour, she seemed to gloat in telling him about her string of new boyfriends and the hurt on his face was too much for me, i wanted to just take him and squeeze the hurt out of him, but he wouldn't let me - I don't understand how she couldn't see how her tales would hurt him. We finished things tonight, well I did and he accepted it. I'm sad, he is such a very nice man and we had a lovely connection, but it wasn't enough, after years of loving I know now I need to be loved back, fully. Good luck with your lovely Libra man, they are worth it if you have the strength for those that are hurting.
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
Wasn't it convenient that we had the kids this weekend and Mrs Doubtfire came on!! Arrr Struggling now with the man cave situation and the few brief texts but hanging on in there and keeping occupied...
Hey Sweethearts, just saw on another thread that your Libra has same placements as mine, Sun Libra, Venus Virgo. And both are going through this stuff with their ex's and the timeline of their separations etc. seems to be the same. how strange is that!
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
That's Weird!! How's yours coping? Mine came out of his cave last night but there is distance and he mentioned his ex twice which he doesn't often do by name. Just confirms he's dealing with it so think it is a good thing. He was loving but a far cry from his former self with me...kisses and a few cuddles but no mention of love or having missed me...guess time will tell. Going to do my own thing Good Friday as I have heaps going on give him more space and to sit on a boat with his mate. Hope they catch something
Posted by sweethearts That's Weird!! How's yours coping? Mine came out of his cave last night but there is distance and he mentioned his ex twice which he doesn't often do by name. Just confirms he's dealing with it so think it is a good thing. He was loving but a far cry from his former self with me...kisses and a few cuddles but no mention of love or having missed me...guess time will tell. Going to do my own thing Good Friday as I have heaps going on give him more space and to sit on a boat with his mate. Hope they catch something
I don't know, we ended things on Sunday night, well I did and he accepted - he wanted us to be friends but I can't do that. We usually saw each other on Wednesday nights so this is difficult for me tonight He had become less loving and cuddly in the last couple of weeks, he saw her on Sunday, stuff happened (don't know what) she manipulated him into having the children for the easter weekend, which is great for him, but she will be off with her man, which is hard for him - I can't cope with him being upset about that - you are a stronger woman that I am. I shouln't have let him back in, ah well - bootstraps up!
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
I think I've learnt if you love someone let them go, if they come back they are yours if not they never were... Life is too short to miss out on opportunities, what we have is mostly great and I have confidence that after he gets through this he will see clearly once again. Like Nefer's man but I know he has to deal with it. Yes it hurts to feel 2nd best even for a moment but worth it in the long run. He will be stronger and able to cope more when he has to face other things like the birth and the kids talking about their new sibling. All of that will happen by Christmas. Unfortunately these are the things you have to deal with when you are in your 2nd stage in life and get with someone that has had a family. We have managed to merged our 5 children together without any problems. And I do believe that his kids are happier when they are with us. Give your man some space and time to miss you and appreciate what you were to him. Let him come back to you, he really does need to sort through things in his head and probably better for both of you if you aren't around. Just be a little patient and the rewards can be great!
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
Oh one thing I have learnt from My leeb...he really is a thinking man! I can tell by his actions and his words. If they have the same placements, your man will have this wonderful quality too
Thanks sweethearts - I do miss him but I'll leave him to it and as you say if he comes back he was meant to come back and if not well that's what was meant to happen too - as you say unfortunately at our stage in life we have to deal with men scarred by these slappers.
Posted by sweethearts Oh one thing I have learnt from My leeb...he really is a thinking man! I can tell by his actions and his words. If they have the same placements, your man will have this wonderful quality too
Yes I think he is, he goes walking and thinking a lot. They are lovely men, never realised it before Such gents!
Yes it hurts to feel 2nd best even for a moment but worth it in the long run. He will be stronger and able to cope more when he has to face other things like the birth and the kids talking about their new sibling. All of that will happen by Christmas. Unfortunately these are the things you have to deal with when you are in your 2nd stage in life and get with someone that has had a family. We have managed to merged our 5 children together without any problems. And I do believe that his kids are happier when they are with us.
He's lucky to have you, I hope everything works out for you both
Yes it hurts to feel 2nd best even for a moment but worth it in the long run. He will be stronger and able to cope more when he has to face other things like the birth and the kids talking about their new sibling. All of that will happen by Christmas. Unfortunately these are the things you have to deal with when you are in your 2nd stage in life and get with someone that has had a family. We have managed to merged our 5 children together without any problems. And I do believe that his kids are happier when they are with us.
He's lucky to have you, I hope everything works out for you both
Signed Up: Jun 08, 2010 Comments: 0 · Posts: 4581 · Topics: 75
watch your mouth there are kids around here... Oh, and just because he is having a few bad days dealing with the past does not mean you left his #1 spot.
Posted by sweethearts I'd like to believe that and all around these threads you get told and I've said it myself that "Actions speak louder than words" .
Oh honey, this is true. However, it's more about actions consistently and over time. Remember: This ISN'T his normal mode, and while it's crazy-making and frustrating, remember that it's temporary. He's going through an inner struggle and acting out of character. It's only been a few days, and it's not like you can see this is a permanent change (and it's not fair to think it is, so soon!), or that this is how he's going to be from now on. Give it some time. Like I said originally, my Libra fell and bumped his hard head for two or three weeks, but then he went back to his normal self.. just in time to not get a frying pan upside his head *wink*
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
I have been scared because tbh I wasn't expecting to love this man and now I realise now how much I do. His actions of late have failed but prior to that he has always been a very loving person that has always treated me like a queen, his queen. I think I just feel scared and desperate because I feel like I am losing him. Rori has already made me feel more confident in her first newsletter, what an eye opener. *winks back*
Signed Up: Jun 08, 2010 Comments: 0 · Posts: 4581 · Topics: 75
Posted by sweethearts Looks like he is out of his cave and back to normal Hopefully for good!
Glad to hear it!
It was also encouraging to see everyone didn't try to crucify this guy. I can relate to way too much of the stories told here and know that I will have some bad days dealing with some of it down the road. Somewhere in my head I've started to think that people just aren't willing to work on relationships and will run at the first bad signs. Like I said, it's encouraging to read this.
That's great, Sweethearts! But no less than I expected, truly.
Posted by LibraSid It was also encouraging to see everyone didn't try to crucify this guy. I can relate to way too much of the stories told here and know that I will have some bad days dealing with some of it down the road. Somewhere in my head I've started to think that people just aren't willing to work on relationships and will run at the first bad signs. Like I said, it's encouraging to read this.
Relationships take work. After that initial new fire burns down and shit gets real.. you either work at it, or you let it fall apart. There are good days and bad days, and you have to ask yourself which one outnumbers the other... and if you don't like the answer, do something to change it -- cuz it won't change itself. Love takes patience, and some humor. Most days I want to kiss him. But some days.. I'm pondering the frying pans to decide which one will leave the appropriate dent in his skull! The trick is to get back to the Kiss Days, and not let the Pan Days convince me that this love isn't worth working for. Because it absolutely is, for both of us... and yes, I've seen him checking out the frying pans with a thoughtful, considering expression. *wink*
Signed Up: Mar 24, 2006 Comments: 163 · Posts: 6615 · Topics: 326
In my mind I knew that he had to sort through this shit and his feelings of the wounds that had suddenly been opened up again when he thought he had put it to rest (and I know it's not completely over yet) he needed space and mates to help him through it, not me. My heart was taking it all soooo personally, it felt like he was rejecting me and us because he was focused on what he lost...but he wasn't The most difficult thing was to give him the space and not attack him for the way it was making me feel...I only managed to get through this with the help of a few good friends...strangers here on the net. Kudos