How much attention is too much?

When I met him (a Libra), we had a near-instant connection, and by the second date were talking deep into the night about highly philosophical subjects (totally not date-night material!). But I was just SO DRAWN to being able to do this with another human being IN PERSON, and he's been attracted to me... physically. He compliments my appearance a lot, which bothers me somewhat but that's another story. I think he likes my mind too, but is more facially surprised than verbally complimentary. Personally I'd prefer these two responses switched but hey I AM a girl and he IS a guy, and that IS where we tend to differ in gender, ha!

So by the second week or so we'd spend hours and hours (when apart) on the phone and on the 'net chatting up storms. I'd wake up to "good morning sunshine" on my phone. He even showed up at my work once to surprise me (in the parking lot, didn't come inside). He'd invite me places and wouldn't let me pay for anything. That bit made me uncomfortable but I LOVED the attention!! And I had no problems giving attention (and fairness) back! I bought him things when he wasn't expecting. I'd spend a lot of time at his house just hanging out, because at first he invited me, and then I'd invite myself, because he made me feel so welcome there. When I hadn't been over in awhile he'd invite me again. I'd invite him places and he'd come and have a good time too.

Somewhere along the line, he became very comfortable with me always being available, and stopped reaching out. It became me initiating phone conversations. He'd invite me places, and after I'd already taken the time off work and it was about time to go, say it costs and would I cover. I was fine with 50/50 costs from the start but this turn-around was unexpected... and timed out alongside the less conversation time.

I keep itching to pull back and give him space, but when I do, nothing happens. He'll go days (a week?) without contacting me then all of a sudden hit me up like no time has gone by, and hey how's it going. According to these forums, it's so TYPICAL for a Scorpio to retreat and bide time while the Libra sits there and wonders where he/she has gone. I don't want to pull back too much and be doing that (yay me scorp-girl) and having the usual aftermath. But I also don't want to smother him. Fine line, much?

I also sort of see the opposite happening to us right now. Yesterday he invited me over and we watched movies and had a great time. Today a few friends suggested I wait for him to call first today, and I've waited, and... it's almost bedtime.

The thing is, I know he has projects he works on and gets very engrossed in them. I wonder is it more... he's comfortable with me and trusts that he doesn't have to 'play it up' to keep me interested... or could he be losing interest?

I know that each person is their own person and unique and such. But here we are, an astrology forum talking about astrology and generalized traits. Is there something about this that is typical? Good or bad. Both.

I will not answer in their place because I can't, but since I'm interested in one too,I've spent a lot of time on this particular forum in hopes that I can learn more. I've noticed a lot of people asking about this, and most Libras tend to respond that they leave for some time and then when you don't cling to them, if they actually care, they will contact you, but until that happens, keep your distance. This is also one of the things I most often saw when reading about the sign at other sites.

I would agree with this. They do have a tendency to reach out when you pull back. I did read that too much space they fall off, but I think if there is genuine interest they will contact you. Most veterans might tell you to just focus on your own thing. They will come around when they notice this.

Very interesting. From the sounds of it you didn't make him mad or did anything, so I don't think the retreating was that type of issue. My first instinct is to say he's testing the water. It sounds to me like you guys connected and got very close very fast. That, at least to me, scares us. I know people groan when I say this, but it comes down to that idea of love we have in our heads. He might have found that match and now wants to know if it really is so. The fact that after say a week without talking he comes back seems to support this theory.

While we love attention and love to be with our companion, we still like to know we can do our thing and you can do yours. I know I like to know my partner can hold their own and if not then there could be issues. Relationships are as much about space as they are about being together. I know that one of the things that attracted me to the Scorp I pursued is that she was always doing stuff. Most of it didn't include me, but I liked knowing she was out and about living life. We like to balance everything and sometimes that means making sure we aren't the center of the universe (if that makes sense). It's that duality of wanting it and not wanting it (we're confusing I know).

As for the paying for everything, then not. Did I read that right? He did pay for everything, then after awhile he asked you to pay for something for both of you (this isn't a judgement on you or him, just want to get it clear)? I know my Scorp almost utterly despised when I would pay for things. I'm me, so I got my way, but she'd have this look that let me know she wasn't happy. Scorps like to take care of themselves and know that they can so anyone trying to do that gets "the look." I suspect, even if unconsciously, he got the look one too many times and finally said "I'll stop." My Scorp took me out for a birthday lunch and I told her before leaving and at the place that it was ok she didn't need to pay. One look told me it was in my best decision to just say thanks.

Overall, I'd say I wouldn't worry too much. Tons of contact, to little contact is just the scales balancing. He should find that happy medium and then things will be good once again. I went ten days without contacting my Scorp when she left because I had it in my head if she wanted to talk to me she'd contact me. She did and now we talka few times a week (sometimes something as simple as saying "heard this tune, thought you'd enjoy it"). Do yo

Do your thing and maybe just ask him if everything is alright. We like to talk through our issues so I suspect he'll tell you what's up. Might have nothing to do with you 🙂

Posted by tiziani
Communication.

...or the lack thereof. The first time, I completely missed any hints and he was downright annoyed with me; ended up blowing up and picking on little traits of mine that were probably easier to say or focus on than just "I need space (and maybe don't even know why)." One of those is my communication style is rather... scatter-brained, to him (yet he never said that in the beginning!). I've got some ideas I want to try and we need some talking time (literally) to test them out -- am I still too scatter-brained, or not? I want to KNOW, from him.

The second time (I hadn't yet come up with the possibly very good ideas by that point; was still struggling with his brand new change in attitude) he wanted space, I just backed off almost completely. We barely said much of anything for the week, except for maybe a couple goodnight's, and that being toward the end of the week. Then he came back with seemingly mixed feelings which appeared to grow stronger and better and then, boom.

Several days in a row of him inviting himself places where I am and inviting me to places where he is, the feelings seem great and mutual, and now today it's cold-time again (and unfortunately none of these places were good for testing new less-scatterbrained-techniques... not much talking while watching movies and fireworks). I left a message late Monday night, inviting him somewhere for this Friday, and he went cold. It's a nice event at a nice place with nice weather... which won't repeat until next month. Bad timing for cold-time. It's very HARD for me to fully understand this. And me being that astro-scorp-type, ha! I am probably not a good representative of scorp in THIS area lol. But I do match in a lot of other areas. He almost seems to be doing what 'my side' might normally doing in a libra/scorp match. I'm clinging to this astrology idea right now because it makes it a little less confusing, the potential to blame all this on a balancing thing.

I wonder if it can be smoothed out somehow.

Posted by theGrinch
Do your thing and maybe just ask him if everything is alright. We like to talk through our issues so I suspect he'll tell you what's up. Might have nothing to do with you 🙂

I did ask, a few days ago. 🙂 He wouldn't say, just that a lot is on his mind, but after that is when he started inviting himself to me and me to him. Well, that was pretty cool. He even seemed to be getting happier. Now today with no-contact I'm just pondering myself into a corner! xD

The place this Friday should be a nice mood booster. Hmm... will probably lightly poke, digitally, tomorrow.

100% with tiz on this one, gotta talk to him. Poke him enough and you'll get an answer. As we discussed previously, things seem to get better when you guys talk. Relationships are about compromise, push and pull, and talking. The Scorp/Libra relationship is exceptionally difficult to make work, but if you can it is usually really good. I think most people will agree that older Scorps and Libras work the best as they've gotten the petty stuff they both do out of their systems. But yes, softly poke about Friday...he's a Libra we like to go out and do things. I always find when I feel like I don't want to go out, but do, I have the best times.

Posted by tiziani
I think the best way to understand someone is to ask them. After all, people change, relationships change and go through phases. If something bothers you, clarify it with him rather than biting your tongue. If you want more of something from the relationship, make that clear and ask for it with a view to looking forward. It's a risk but it's a simpler way of getting the answers you want from one another. Astrology-wise there doesn't seem anything alarming about what you're saying. Just relationship ups and downs. What saves a relationship (and respect) is communication.

+ a billion!

Nail on head Tizi!

I usually feel bad because people will (rightfully so) keep poking and prodding me till I give in and go. Then of course I'm my normal self and have a great time, usually with people asking "I thought you were in a bad mood?" Damn Libras!

Posted by tiziani

Posted by theGrinch
I usually feel bad because people will (rightfully so) keep poking and prodding me till I give in and go. Then of course I'm my normal self and have a great time, usually with people asking "I thought you were in a bad mood?" Damn Libras!

Yeah I think we can be pretty idiotic in that sense. If something is proposed to us and it doesn't seem like it's our idea to begin with, we resist. Whereas if it's proposed in a way that makes it seem like we're in charge, we're all for it. Subtle ways to go about manipulating a Libra in those nuances.

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You guys are hilarious. But in a good way. ^_^ Thanks a billion. And more irony to boot, you're not really in charge of anything if 99.9% of the time you're asking your partner, "So what do YOU want to do?"

But

LOL that's the point. We don't want to decide, we want you to, but we still want the credit. I mean come on, we made you decide if it wasn't for that then nothing would have happened 🙂 oh aren't us Libras so much fun? hahaha

Soooo date night is off. Prior obligations. Dang!

Dag nabit!

But I did get more blunt and say WHY being utterly ignored makes me rather agitated. Because I don't like wondering if I did something wrong. I said it very nicely (not with "utterly ignored" or "agitated"). And that "even if [he] need[s] a day of space, just shoot me a hi and let me know."

That last bit came from time reading these forums and learning a smidgeon more about astrology/psychology. Ironically more from reading scorp than from reading libra. But it was good. 😄

Anything worthwhile in these two links... experts?
http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/monthly/scorpio_full.php<BR> http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/monthly/libra_full.php<BR>
It's saying we should rrrrreally get together either at the end of this week or the end of next week, but not the actual weekend. And the same goes for all of you Libras. Depending on actual dates feels hokey to me, but I'm also more open to it now than I was a few months ago.

What was his response when you said it "agitated" you? So shoot for next Friday? I don't know if I buy the dates of things so just see him when you can.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by theGrinch
LOL that's the point. We don't want to decide, we want you to, but we still want the credit. I mean come on, we made you decide if it wasn't for that then nothing would have happened 🙂 oh aren't us Libras so much fun? hahaha

LOL I couldn't have said it better.

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Omg Whatever

Posted by Draumstafir
I said it very nicely (not with "utterly ignored" or "agitated"). And that "even if [he] need[s] a day of space, just shoot me a hi and let me know."

Posted by theGrinch
What was his response when you said it "agitated" you? So shoot for next Friday? I don't know if I buy the dates of things so just see him when you can.

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He basically started saying sorry a lot and I had to tell him to quit saying sorry. xD Unfortunately with distance it's just over the 'net. Will see how it goes, mostly optimistic though.

My reasoning (and introduction) to the dates of things is this mercury retrograde thing people keep bringing up on these forums. Mostly the scorp one, and how it's supposedly buggering folks. Google led me to lot's of new and somewhat interesting articles. Apparently, for those who buy into it, it can start to affect you up to 2 weeks in advance, and that DOES time out to about when our communication 'difficulties' arose. And that mercury retrogrades can fudge with your rational side. Mmmmmm yuck.

You guys rock. Thanks for letting us newbies vent. 😄 For now, for me, it's just wait, but with a better outlook.

TaurusNikki - Oh come on, it's what we do. Do you really want someone who is going to consider every person who's going taste to plan something? Besides where ever I am is the place to be anyway 🙂 I made a broken down train with no air fun for just about everyone in my car haha

Ah yeah we apologize a lot. It stems from not understanding ourselves, so how would anyone else be able too? The big thing is, usually, we'll stop doing whatever we kept apologizing for so you know we learned. As always, keep those communication lines open and do your thing. Seems to me the Scorp/Libra situations are usually one sided and you have to work with that as best you can.

It's both adorable and sad that most of what he used to apologize for were things that drew me to him in the first place. He literally expected me to be upset for much of it. Like being analytical, very goofy, having "boring" chores to do, having some rather strong OCD, etc. I

As I always tell people, happy Libra = happy environment. The mood swings suck, but at least they're quick hahahahaha

That's what happen to me and this scorpio girl I used to talk to too... in my case I got dump afterward lol