How not to disappear
This topic was created in the Libra forum by ANRivas on Tuesday, June 11, 2013 and has 9 replies.
Have any libras here effectively gotten over/worked on the need to disappear when relationships of all kinds aren't going well? How did you do so? I try not to but rationalize my disappearing every time and can't figure out when it is worth it to stay and fight through it. Real, honest answers, not the "it's not us it's them" nonsense we are known for on here would be greatly appreciated!
But if you know you have a negative trait, why not work on it? Always room for self-improvement right? Besides, it's something i DO, not something i AM, imo
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by ANRivas
But if you know you have a negative trait, why not work on it? Always room for self-improvement right? Besides, it's something i DO, not something i AM, imo
Good for you. Because some here condone being a dick because they think it's their nature, when it's just a bad habit/tendency to have. To acknowledge it and want to do something about it is a way of evolving to become a better person.
I do it when I feel like my feelings or concerns are being ignored or when I feel highly disrespected. A lot of the times I feel like I'm either forced to be a bitch or forced to flee. People, that even know me well, don't seem to take my limits seriously. I try to be very respectful and accommodating to those I love. I only ever want that in return. I am very capable of seeing another's side, when mine is disregarded is when I have problems.
How am I curbing this behavior? For starters, I am trying to detox from negativity. As Libras I think we sometimes get a bad rap. Most of us will tolerate shit well beyond what the average person will. I'm not saying that in a "it's them, not us" way. I'm saying that I think we allow people to stay in our space for a lot longer than is warranted. I try to find the good in people, constantly weigh-out and justify peoples behavior. I think that given the right people in our lives this tendency to hide away will diminish because that is fundamentally not what we are about to begin with. We love relationships of all kinds. We thrive off it. Which is why we take so much to make them work. Instead of dealing with the ugly mess of it all, we deny it, internalize it and run off to lick our wounds and be pissed at the disappointment. This behavior will only stop once we learn to be assertive in our "standards". Once we stop internalizing and justifying so damn much.
How am I curbing this behavior? For starters, I am trying to detox from negativity. As Libras I think we sometimes get a bad rap. Most of us will tolerate shit well beyond what the average person will. I'm not saying that in a "it's them, not us" way. I'm saying that I think we allow people to stay in our space for a lot longer than is warranted. I try to find the good in people, constantly weigh-out and justify peoples behavior. I think that given the right people in our lives this tendency to hide away will diminish because that is fundamentally not what we are about to begin with. We love relationships of all kinds. We thrive off it. Which is why we take so much to make them work. Instead of dealing with the ugly mess of it all, we deny it, internalize it and run off to lick our wounds and be pissed at the disappointment. This behavior will only stop once we learn to be assertive in our "standards". Once we stop internalizing and justifying so damn much.
I absolutely agree! We take a lot of shit and have good reasons to leave but have trouble actually voicing those reasons. Really, no one can fix a problem if they don't know there is one. Disrespect and total lack of empathy will always be deal-breakers for me though, and i can't say i feel bad about disappearing on those people!
Libras know when they know. If it doesn't feel right to them, they will back out slowly but surely. I think we all need some time to ourselves every once in awhile, and we don't always want to be bothered by our lover, but at the same time we expect them to talk to us and pleasure us all the time. I can see how it is very confusing to them because we want our space, but we need reassurance at the same time. Sometimes we are sure we want something, and then the next day we change our mind. This is because Libras are very indecisive.
I have to agree with most of what people have said here. I never flee till I hit my breaking point and my tolerance for it is insanely high. As others have said we have that distinct disadvantage of never appearing to be upset by anything (on the outside). But inside the emotions build up like a volcano and eventually we explode. I had to "disappear" for two weeks before the person figured out it was something she had done. The whole world new this Libra was on a warpath. It's tactical and should be used to your advantage plain and simple. We bend for people till we break and somehow they don't take notice. But suddenly when we're gone they realize something wasn't right.
As helium said, this isn't an "it's them, not us" thing. I tend to think most people don't realize that we are hurting and if they knew (by us saying something or showing it more quickly) they'd correct the issue. Plus yeah sometimes you just need to disappear. I had a friend ask if I was mad at her because I kept not coming out during the week. I've just had stuff to do and just wasn't in the mood. I let her know that it had nothing to do with her and left it at that.
As helium said, this isn't an "it's them, not us" thing. I tend to think most people don't realize that we are hurting and if they knew (by us saying something or showing it more quickly) they'd correct the issue. Plus yeah sometimes you just need to disappear. I had a friend ask if I was mad at her because I kept not coming out during the week. I've just had stuff to do and just wasn't in the mood. I let her know that it had nothing to do with her and left it at that.
A Libra , I think, never disappearing thinking negative way only. My Libra disappear every time after we meet, then appear again after 1-2 weeks and appear every time more hot like last time when I met him.. with more "hot" express to say like this. I think he diaappear to take time to feel he miss me more and more, because if he really wish to disappear in a negative way, then he will not come back more hot, he would come back probably more cold saying a simple " how are you" or something like this letting me feel he is not really interested in me like before, but he does not do this, he always appear more hot as before and I love this to him. Is like in this timne, he is working hard to make the feelings more strong. But I must accept, I am afraid every time he disappear, I am worried and in my mind is always the question " why???" ... I think is normal.
You really do need to take a step back from time to time, nothing wrong with that. We're so social that sometimes I just need to unplug and recharge my batteries for awhile. After that I come back a full strength ready to party! I'm actually close to another disappearing act I believe. Seems every weekend I planned to be a "just do nothing weekend" has turned into come here or there. This month alone I have something every weekend and the same next month as well. Plus I'm in the process of maybe getting a new job so I have to play with that as well.
Maria, I wouldn't worry too much. I often disappear because sometimes I'm not entirely sure why someone would be so interested in me. I suspect that's why your Libra comes back hot because for a period of time it dawns on him. We're all about balance and sometimes we get so out of whack we take that step back. Keep in contact with him and you'll have no need to worry!
Maria, I wouldn't worry too much. I often disappear because sometimes I'm not entirely sure why someone would be so interested in me. I suspect that's why your Libra comes back hot because for a period of time it dawns on him. We're all about balance and sometimes we get so out of whack we take that step back. Keep in contact with him and you'll have no need to worry!
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