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Nov 30, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 3480 · Topics: 90
OK you wonderful Librans, you know the story about me and my man, well I've known this guy for 3&1/2 months - yup not that long, however, in that time, we've shared quite a bit and had some wonderful times.
As I've written before, I told him casually that I would like to see him more and that I was getting a little attached (this was 4 weeks ago), to which he replied "Im not ready for a r/ship at the moment and don't know when I will be"....I've seen him twice since (yesterday being the last time) and honestly I thought I'd not see or hear from him again after the last time which is after I told him the above - its just the feeling I had but during the 11 days I'd not heard from him he must have done a whole lot of thinking because he's come back even stronger than before.
He's opened up and let me in on a great deal of his life, particularly in regard to his previous relationships (he was previously married - he married young), and 2 years ago ended a 7 year r/ship of which they share a daughter...he is quite bitter about the last r/ship and has since only had brief and casual r/ships.
What I want to know (if it is at all possible to understand) is how do I help him move on from this as he said to me yesterday that he misses the intimacy and the cuddles every night the most about being in a r/ship....he's not confident in himself and won't pursue a r/ship with a woman yada yada yada and that he is "happy with his lot in life" but looking into his eyes at times I can see he's not and fears a great deal and from what he says I gather he feels he is not good enough to be a partner which is sad as I can see so much potential
When we are together he gives 100% attention, he shares everything that he's been up to with me, there are no lies, he's loving, sincere and just wonderful to be around...for the first time I caught him just tightening up his grip, kissing my shoulder or my head during the night when he thought I was asleep and would give out little sighs and that was just so sweet. His cynicism has died down, he will give out compliments (which til now have been rare LOL...he likes to lap them up though), and he remembers the little things about me and notices things I've done around my home which others probably wouldn't...he cares, he remembers how long we've been together, how we got together and the innuendos we went through to get where we are and when we're together its a playful time and I've not met anybody like this.
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Nov 30, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 3480 · Topics: 90
I guess what Im asking is do you guys think there is a possibility that he may overcome that bitterness of his ex and be open about a r/ship again or am I flogging a dead horse? After 2 years of being single I would imagine there'd be hope but how does one get into his head and help him to not continue haunting his future with the past? I have been single after a 6 year r/ship for 6 months now and Im more than ready LOL.
He's a great guy with a lot of potential and he's very caring, sensual etc but he seems to pull back as soon as he realises he's slipped!!
Together we have a lot of fun and its always a struggle to leave one another when we do get together - that kinda gives me hope as he's never in a hurry to leave!! He says Im "such a nice girl" and "I love seeing you, you're so much fun and Im always relaxed around you" and all that but then I don't hear from him for between 2 and 7 days...it scares me that Im putting myself out there and perhaps he's just in a place where I can't ever get him??? To be honest Im not really sure how he sees things with us....he would have spent a considerable amount of time thinking after I told him I would like to spend more time with him, etc....and he did say that he didn't want to hurt me...if it were me though, and I was in his position, I probably would have discontinued seeing the other person....because I am sure to be hurt in the long run if he doesnt share the same feelings as me.
What do you guys recommend I do?? Oh and I am happy to enjoy my own time during the downtime and give him space...I think he appreciates that and the fact I didn't go psycho when he told me he wasn't ready for a r/ship LOL....I can only imagine if I had - he wouldn't be seeing me anymore hehehe...I have learnt a lot from this site already - in previous years I may have done so LOL.
Ok anyway...how does a Libran overcome a broken heart - because this one looks like he's broken in a lot of places!!! I do have all the time in the world as he is worth it and he seems to enjoy my friendship a great deal, but Im a little lost now as to what to do....continue the way we have and keep my secret that Im crazy about him and pretend I've detached emotions? do I keep asking about his past? he seems to get some sort of relief out of if and goes deep, real deep.....and will I become just the shoulder for the time being until he finds THE ONE and breaks my heart?
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Nov 06, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 2221 · Topics: 14
"I guess what Im asking is do you guys think there is a possibility that he may overcome that bitterness of his ex and be open about a r/ship again..."
It is possible but you have to be gentle. we are overly sensitive about being pushed into dealing with things. Our automatic reaction is "You don't know me." and we close up. The best thing to do is be empathetic, sympathetic. When he does talk about his past and his feelings, respond with sympathy. Stuff like "That sounds really hard. I can't imagine having to go through that." It may seem like you are coddling him, and in reality you will be a little bit. We only respond well to positive reinforcement, anything else pushes him away. A lot of other people see us as really strong, because this is what we show everyone. In reality we are, I mean it may seem opposite but I would put money on it that he put up with a lot in his past relationship that was not in any way ideal for the hope of things turning around. That takes a different kind of strength.
He is doing what I told Aqua about, he is telling you the bad, showing you the dark side so he can see what your reaction is. Personally, every relationship I have been in I have been the "strong one" that always has a cool head and keeps his wits, really, I want to be with someone I don't HAVE to be strong with all of the time. If his experiences are similar, you being a Leo is actually a really good thing.
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Nov 06, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 2221 · Topics: 14
I said it before but our strongest desire is to be desired....keep this in the back of your mind when dealing with this. Don't let yourself come accross as needy, there is a fine line there, just let him know that having him around makes your life a little sweeter. Subtlety, as always, is key.
Talk about your past pain, I know it isn't the easiest thing to do for a Leo, one of your more admirable qualities is your ability to just move on, but dig inside yourself a little bit and if you share these things with him, he will respond with sharing for you. It becomes a back and forth exchange of the introverted side of each other and we really, really like that.
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Nov 30, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 3480 · Topics: 90
ohhhhhhhhhhh *smacks herself*....thick as a brick sometimes.....hmmmmmm well I'll have to make mention of the perfume next time as he said the smell drives him crazy - that'll impress him and yeah ewwwwwww@licking off perfume....icky!!! LOL. Hope you're right anyway - can't hurt for me to mention it and I might even go out and try it...God help me for having to work so hard - sheesh
I like subtle too and I love a man who smells nice!!!
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Nov 30, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 3480 · Topics: 90
oh and if he wanted on me, perhaps that could inspire him to buy a little of it for Valentines Day!!! woooohooo now wouldn't that be amazing??? LOL
Like that'd happen - gets off that fantasy cloud and giggles!!
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Mar 01, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 1158 · Topics: 16
Chatz
Be a little aloof for a little while. See if he comes your way. If he cares for you he will not be able to stay away.
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Nov 30, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 3480 · Topics: 90
Libra, I do that and he always does come back which shows me he does care - that's not the problem but hmmmmmm is all I can say. Guess he has his reasons to go on there everyday...I couldn't find anything more mundane and unexciting....he knows how I feel so the ball is in his court and it only makes me realise he meant it when he wasn't ready for a r/ship but then again, why keep me hanging....
Yes the more aloof I get, the stronger he comes on next time.....I get that (took me a while to understand but Im there LOL)
Again, just writing down my concerns...he's open about it though - that's another thing I don't understand, he doesnt worry about me knowing....sheesh!!!
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Mar 01, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 1158 · Topics: 16
Why don't you gently tell him that you don't like it?
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Nov 30, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 3480 · Topics: 90
Can't really do that...I've already told him I wanted to spend more time with him and that I was getting a little attached to him....he came back and said he wasn't ready to be in a r/ship at this time - it wasn't the right time and he didn't even know when it would be.
He doesn't owe me anything, nor I him but he keeps coming back even after I have made my feelings known....that's the part I don't understand and if it were me, I'd probably have purposely stayed away so not to mess with the other persons' feelings even more.
Dunno but he shows all the signs he's interested, yet pulls away when he knows he's slipped up a bit.
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Mar 01, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 1158 · Topics: 16
If I were you I'd put myself first, for a while, and not him.
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Aug 11, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 5176 · Topics: 77
Chatz, as hard as I know it is. Cut him off for a little while. Don't be so accessable when he comes back... For awhile. Miss a couple of his calls without returning them... Don't respond to email for awhile then after a couple times. Just out of the blue call and ask lightly "What's up how have you been?"
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Nov 06, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 2221 · Topics: 14
"Guess he has his reasons to go on there everyday...I couldn't find anything more mundane and unexciting..."
Well, regardless of weather or not it is exciting to him at this point, it has simply become a part of the rutine he fell into likely from being lonely and fearful of in person human contact at the same time. It is a part of his wall right now, it allows him to interract with other girls on his terms, it is safe because it is likely to lead to nothing. In my experience Libra guys only really do the dating sight thing to get that safe female attention, it builds our confidence back up when were not feeling to hot about ourselves. It rarely leads to anything actually happening. We know we could go out and get it if we really wanted to, he just wants to sit back and be who he wants without being questioned and analyzed the way everyone is when interracting with someone else in person.
Don't let him fool you, it isn't that he wants to not be in a relationship, it is that he doesn't know what he wants. I guarantee this, he is saying he doesn't want a relationship because it is the safest possible decleration in this situation. It's not that his head isn't in the right place so much, truth be told we can pretty much handle a relationship at any time, it is that he doesn't know where his head is at. If he jumped into things he would later probably panick and back out. So all of this back and forth is actually a good sign, as it shows he does care enough, and is interrested enough to put his neck out at least a little bit.
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Nov 06, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 2221 · Topics: 14
"they are friends he's chatted to for a long time now...guess it could be harmless stuff and they might help eachother out r/ship wise (advice, yada yada)"
Well weather I am right or not one thing is for sure, this sentence right here shows that you have the perfect attitude about what is going on. You are obviously really mature about this just from everything you have talked about so far but this goes above and beyond. Having that kind of atitude is a virtue and it might be exactly what he needs. I must say I am impressed.
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Nov 06, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 2221 · Topics: 14
Well that is good, especially seeing as how the underlying motive for the Libra male is to enlighten the world and those around him. Kinda makes sense now huh?
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Nov 30, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 3480 · Topics: 90
yeah clear as mud LOL....nah its all good - Im a very keen learner too!!
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Nov 30, 2006Comments: 0 · Posts: 3480 · Topics: 90
beer and chocolate Huh?? hmmmm not sure about that but I'll take your word for it LOL.