Hi! I've been dating a Libra man for a year and a motnh now. Well, we've actually been living together now for the last month. I am Aqua woman. He drives me crazy rather often recently and I already regret we moved in together.. He talks a lot about himself and his days, but he barely asks me about my stuff. I have asked about this issue already in the beginning (why won't he ask much), he said he doesn't know hot and what to ask and he doesn't want to put the person in aa uncomfortable position (maybe the person does not want to talk about it) etcetc. But I find it tiring to listen to him every evening fist and then make myself to talk about my stuff. Especially that he barely asks any additional info. Secondly, he has basically no friends and he has zero hobbies. He used have a few friends and he has played sports and stuff for years when he was younger. I guess he could be a bit depressed and he has unsolved childhood experiences (bullying) etc, but he refuses to seek any help, he won't listen to my support etc. He says he has no issues or worries, he is happy and alright. However, I have a few friends I occasionally meet and I have a hobby, which involves dancinf classes twice per week, some additional rehearsing at home (hour-two per week altogether) and some performances (once per two months or so, sometimes more, sometimes less) which also involves additional rehearsal once ot twice before. I do not think it is a lot - I love-love-love my hobby, been doing it for 5 years already, it is part of who I am. I also meet my friends maybe once or maximum twice per month. But he seems jeaolus and possessive and clingy. He allows me to go and do my stuff, but it always involves expressed sadness or "Fine, go, but I will be very devasted"-attitude. It's never like - ok, good, go, see you later at the evening, have fun - attitude. He never goes anywhere. During the year, he has met his friends I guess..two or three times? I would love to hame some me-time alone at home as well, just to be in silence and do my own stuff. But I do not have the heart to ask for it. I have tood him from the beginning that sometimes I need my space, we talked about it also when we were planning to move in together and during the living together also. I also told him, that I would prefer if he suggested himself that he would leave me alone for an evening or so. But at least, he again said that yes, he can do it if I ask. But I can hear and see that he absolutely does not understand my need and he would again be devasted and confused. I just feel like his entire happinness depends on me! He also sees the entire world so black and ugly, everyone are stupid, you must expect the worst from any situation, there is no point in hoping anything etc. He talks mostly about day news in media and his work (cause he has no friends and hobbies..) and most of the times he starts with the negative stuff. I have talked to him about it. Everytime I mention that he is being too negative again, he manages to keep the negativity in minimum fr some time, but then it starts again. Other people and things irritate him so often - like long queus in the store or if someone accidently touches him in public transport or whatever. Pointless small things irritate him so much and it tires me. I have talked to him about it too, he just doesn't seem to understand. He says "but they should look what thei are doing etc, they should consider other people around them, it is not so easy to just not be irritated!". He gets irritated by me too sometimes, when I do not understand what he explains or so. It does not happen often, but sometimes. When I arrive home from my firends or hobby and I am happy and energised and I talk happily about all the stuff that happened etc, he just sits and is grumpy and feels like he is insulted or something.
He does have so many positive traits as well. If he could just crawl out of his negative, black hole. I have tried so many times - suggesting hobbies, meeting with friends, encouraging him, being nice etcetc, suggested therapy and so on. But nothing seems to be working and I feel like I', slowly suffocating. I do not know what to do.
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Jun 18, 2017Comments: 3657 · Posts: 5507 · Topics: 76
Sounds depressed and over stressed
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Feb 03, 2018Comments: 314 · Posts: 1443 · Topics: 31
Ew, sounds like my ex sag a bit.
Tbh, one day it's going to drain all your energy inside of you that you no longer could take it anymore. You're going want to get away and at a point itll get abusive to the point he's making you feel guilty.
Just focus on your goals, and your own needs and what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Trying to help somebody like that who doesnt want to get help, is actually someone who really cant be helped.
I just told this to another woman dating a libra man: He’ll get through it. He should go to the gym. It helps me clear my mind and see everything in a clearer light, it’s strange but it works. Also tell him to go get a haircut. Not because he needs it but those things literally clear my head and it’s like the sun can come through again.
Hi. I'm the OP, I had some trouble with my previous account.
Anyway. We had a discussion a few days ago. I almost broke up with him, but somehow I couldn't. We alsdo discussed the issue of me wanting to do things alone (my dance classes, seeing friends) etc. He said that he has said that several times, that it is ok and I can do those things. I then explained him again that his actions do not express his words. Basically, he promised to not express those things to me. He has done a rather good job during the past days in this regard. However, I still haven't asked him for me-time alone at home, so I would have to kick him out for a couple of hours.. I guess I will try it someday. But still. I feel that it so forced - I feel that we just need a different amount of time spent together. He needs or wants much more than I do. He wants and needs some to physically be close to him, while I just need to know that someone is just present in my life, but he does not have to be physcially in the same room or close to me.
I do not know what to do. He has very positive characteristiks that I would love to spend my life with. And I keep thinking that if we rub the corners smooth it will work out. But I'm tired. I hate that I have to ask me-time, I hate that he is always there, available, waiting for me, expecting we do everything together. As he has no hobbies or friends, he also like takes over my friends and hobby - he encourages my hobby yes, he always comes to my performances, he also by default expects that if I go visit my sister, he would come along, if my friend asks me to go to a trip - he would come along. Etc. But he does not offer me any new friends for example.
My issue is that I keep thinking that things would change. Horrible part is that I know I do not want to change. I want him to change! This is so ugly of me. And I have seen him improving a bit sometimes, but I do not know how long it lasts. I keep hoping that if I communicate him all the time my needs for alone-time etc, he would get used to it and we would get into a nice routine. But is it worth it? It feels forced. Moreover, I hate that I am not willing to change and he just does or tries to do whatever I need. I soon do not see him as an equal partner, but rather as a pet or child who does what I need and just waits for me. I think we just are so different, that he is smothering me with his needs and affection, but if I ask him to change and accept my independece, he would be in the hearst lonely and disapointted. So I guess there is no point.. Although I would so much want it to be ok and I am so full of fear that maybe I will give up the best I could have had.
I thought qabout it more. Maybe I have some issues I need to resolve to be able to be in a relationship? Maybe I have issues that I feel hard to ask for me-time and I feel guilty or something? I get a feeling that I love wrongly or I do not love or care enough if I want to do my own things or be alone or whatever, as he always says that he just wants to be near me and do stuff with me because he loves and cares. Do I give him too less?
Our typical week:
Morning: we get up together, eat, go to public transport, I send him to his bus (although I could get a shorter and more direct way to work). Since waking up, it all takes time arounf 1.5 hours.
After work: On Mondays and Thursdays I go to my dancing class or my rehearsal room I just rented. I arrive home around 10 p.m. He sits at home. Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday we meet up after work around 6 pm, go to store and home, eat together, watch tv or talk or go for a walk or he watches videos and I practice my dances or do my nails or whatever. This is all in one-room apartment, we have no seprate rooms, it is a tiny flat, so everything we do, we always are like max 5-10 steps away from each other. We hit the bed around 12 at night every day.
On weekends: we wake up late, we eat, watch tv, go to shopping or an event or just for a walk or do something at home like cleaning or whatever.
Around once during two months I have a performance which is usually on saturday or sunday and which takes about half the day - makeup and stuff, arriving to the place, performing. I do make up at home, he is there, he comes with me to the performance place, he watches me performing. Usually, an additional rehearsel takes place with our group usually the previous day a couple of hours.
Around once during a month (sometimes less, sometimes more) I meet with my friends or my sister - sometimes together with him, but sometimes without (with my sister, he expects that we go together, with a group of ex-colleagues he does not expect we go together as there are all women).
I would LOVE to hame some alone time at home as well. Is it too much? Like if he would hit the gym once per week for couple of hours or he would meet up some friends sometimes or.. he would go shopping by himself during the weekend or.. is it too much? Do I want to spend too much time by myself?
OR - perhaps he is just not that sort of person for whom I would like to give up my hobby and personal space?
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Oct 11, 2017Comments: 3 · Posts: 3193 · Topics: 7
Neither of you should or could change. You two are simply not compatible. This isn't going to change so you either have to accept this is the way it's going to be or move on to someone else.
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Feb 05, 2016Comments: 99 · Posts: 1598 · Topics: 53
Libra and Aquarius don't work.Libras like to be all touchy feely all the time! We are different.I tried something with a Libra everything was too fast too soon,we argued all the time! He throws tentrums like a child then I end up feeling guilty